Dark Fascinations of Light
by KiyaNamiel
Summary: And with two words, the enemy of all free folk, my enemy, my master, my object of hate, the one I was in servitude to- turned my world upside down and shattered my life for the infinitive time. I was tired of picking them up and gluing them back together, so many times, with so many cracks. I, the ex-human, have made the wrong wish.
1. Chapter 1

**yeah, so err, this plot bunny has been nagging at me for the last month so I finally caved. Please tell me if it's worthy of more or not! Thanks to DeLacus for allowing me to use her dragon/human idea for future chapters. Ayyo!**

Chapter 1

"What!?"

"Atto has commanded it, Nàmo."

"But where are we to search? And for what purpose is it?"

"He has not told me the purpose, Nàmo. We are to search anywhere and everywhere."

There was a silence for a moment, troubled and thoughtful.

"I will try my best, Manwë. When I find the proper candidates I will come to you for the final choice."

"Of course."

And so Nàmo went looking. Far and wide he searched, in the circles of Eä and everywhere, making notes and watching until he had a list of names.

Then he narrowed the list farther until there were five left. Until finally, it was brought before Manwë.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion_ _**

It was just a normal day for me. School, homework, yadda yadda all the rest- and finally the day's work was over. And of course, I buried myself in a book. As always. The Silmarillion, as I thought to myself, is absolutely amazing.

Who wouldn't want to go there? To Middle Earth? And Valinor? And see dragons and elves and men and dark lords- err, that is, the Valar. Ahem. What can I say? I have an utter fascination for Sauron. He is such an enigma. Even Tolkien says that during the second age he was 'indeed not completely evil...' But I digress.

As I was trying to say, sitting on my bed reading the Quenta Silmarillion, eating a bowl of ice cream, and just chillaxing on a nice afternoon is the life. Oh, and listening to my LOTR soundtrack while we're at it. Nope, nothing could possibly be better-

"Celine! I'm home! I brought the Hobbit Battle of the Five Armies with me!" My mom called out from the stairwell below. Erm, I take that back. There is one thing better.

I leaped out of my bed with a squeal, promptly tripped on my flute case, stumbled out the door, and managed to fall on my face right at the landing by the stair case. I yelped. "Kriffing Sith-spit chizzk Nine Corellian Karking Sith-spawned hells!" I picked myself up, staggering down the staircase on one foot.

"For a fifteen-year-old, you have long breath." Mom noted dryly, watching me hop into the living room.

"Hi mom. Nice to see you too. Dumb flute case." I muttered. She laughed at me.

"There's a bag of chips in the pantry if you want any." She added, sliding the movie into the DVD slot. I plopped onto the couch.

"No thanks! I already had a bowl of ice." I replied, grabbing the remote.

We finally got down to the movie and I watched, enraptured. "SMAUG!" I yelled. "Nooooo!" I blubbered as he fell into the lake, dead.

Mom sighed and rolled her eyes. "You're not supposed to cry for the antagonist, Celine!" She said, exasperated.

"Moom! Smaug is the awesome dragon! He needs to be properly mourned!" I whined, turning back to the screen. And then came the confrontation at Dol Guldur.

"Oh. My. Melkor. Sauron is baaaack! Awesome! Er, wait, I mean I wish he were good." I corrected myself with a sulk. Mom threw up her hands and gave up on me. I guess I'm bound to remain a nutcase for all eternity when it comes to dark lords. Oh well.

When the movie was over, I leaned back in my chair and wiped away tears from seeing Fili's death. He never gets enough love. Thorin I could care less. Kili's too loved. I'm not mourning Tauriel, uh uh no. Legolas? I needed a box of Kleenex.

"My new most favorite line." I sobbed. "'Your mother loved you, Legolas. More than life itself.'" And I burst into another fit of sobs. Mom sighed.

"Oh Celine. It's just a movie." She reasoned with me.

I stared at her, horrified. "But mom, you can't be serious! You're not crying!? It's so saaaad!" I wailed. She shook her head with a good-natured smile.

"Yes, it was." She conceded, and left me to recover.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion_ _**

"I have chosen these five, Manwë."

There was another silence as the King of the Valar looked over the list and Nàmo showed him the subjects who bore the names. And Manwë's eyes landed on one.

"That one."

"As you wish. Shall I bring her?"

"Of course."

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion_ _**

I expected mom to come back with a snack. I didn't expect for the window to come crashing into the living room, or to see a dark, hooded and cloaked figure grab me and smack his hand across my mouth. Nope. I never saw that one coming.

He- by his voice- whispered into my ear words I couldn't understand. Everything started to whirl, and for some reason I had the distinct feeling that this person was calling me for some reason. Away, somewhere, where I could rest, have peace... Eru, it sounded like a wonderful place.

I think my last thought, because I can't quite think properly at the moment, is that this is just like a lot of fanfictions I've read about people getting abducted and taken somewhere.. Or murdered and falling into another world... And that I wished I could go to another world. Then everything went completely hazy and I fell into blankness. I think I managed to squeeze in the thought 'that's so cliché' in there somewhere before I went into the stars, though.

_Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion_

"Must you have done it in such a way, Nàmo?"

"You asked me to being her, Manwë. You didn't say how. I can't send any Maiar down, and neither will she hear my voice unless I am there corporally."

"Yes, well, what if she didn't heed your call?"

"I doubt it. I made sure it was irresistible."

Sigh. "Nàmo..."

"Oh don't 'Nàmo' me, Vairë does it enough as it is, I don't need more people doing it."

"Always you were the most incorrigible of us all."

"Oh don't be such a spoil sport Manwë, you know that someone has to be to keep us all sane." There was a snicker.

"Is her condition stable?"

"Smooth, Manwë."

"Nàmo!"

"Yes, yes, she is. She's just fine. Her hroä should be ready to undergo changes in a few hours, and her feä is ready."

"Is she alert?"

"No. She's still asleep."

"Good. I will take her to Atto."

"Just be careful. She is strong, but not enough to handle it if she wakes up during the process."

"Atto knows all things, I am sure."

"I wasn't talking about Eru, Manwë. I was talking about when you carry her to the timeless halls."

Another sigh. "I'm not daft."

"Good. Sometimes I wonder."

"Nàmo, one day your mouth is going to get you into a lot of trouble, you know that?"

"Of course! Why else do you think I haven't gotten into trouble in a long time? Because I know when to shut it!"

"Give her to me already."

"Yes, lord." Sarcasm was thick.

"Hush, Nàmo."

And so Manwë gathered into his arms the soul of a fifteen-year-old Tolkien fan and carried her carefully away, leaving behind a smirking judge of the dead, who bent over the body of the feä that had just been taken away.


	2. Chapter 2

**thank you to DeLacus for following, favoriting, reviewing, and to llcyyxx for following! Hope you enjoy. Ayyo!**

Chapter 2

When I finally opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was the blurry face of someone above me.

"Sedate her!"

I fell into a state of murky unconsciousness again, but this time I could still hear somewhat of what was going on.

"The process went well. Her feä is now adjusting to being in the new hroä."

I felt like I was floating in a liquid, just lazily drifting around. It was warm and comforting, kind of reminding me of what it could be like to be a baby in a womb. I vaguely wondered if that was what was happening to me, but then remembered the words that I had just heard.

Sedate me? Was I in a hospital? Had I been rescued? Where was I? Wait wait, feä and hroä? Those words are only used in Tolkien's world! Process? What process?

"Her thoughts are going so fast I can't keep up with them."

My thoughts? Wait, you know what I'm thinking? Freaky psycho! There was a snicker.

"She'll survive well down there with her snark."

Down there? Survive? Down where? Who in the name of the Valar are you?

There was riotous laughter. "Name of the Valar indeed! Manwë, you hear?"

"Nàmo, only you would find that hilarious." Was the dry answer.

Nàmo!? Manwë!? Wai- Wha-? No no no, this is all something in my mind. Hallucinations. No no no no no someone get me off these drugs, I don't care if I'm gonna be in a lot of pain, get me conscious again!

Sigh. "I thought she would be one of the more reasonable ones."

"Well you can't blame her. We are nothing more than book characters to her. We concern ourselves more about Arda then any other planet in the circles of Eä."

Ooohhhh, so earth is just another planet in the galaxy of Eä? That's cool. So Middle Earth IS real- wait, no, why am I accepting this? Must. Keep. My. Head.

"Child, you might as well accept that you're not going back to Earth. You're stuck here. Stop deluding yourself."

Hello Nàmo or whoever you are, can't you see that's exactly what I'm trying what to do!? Stop deluding myself indeed!

"Well we'll see what she thinks when she wakes up on Arda." Manwë said drily.

If I do, then I'll believe it, peeps. Vala. Whatever. Whoever.

"How ever is she going to survive with her- new feature?" Nàmo seemed to be doubtful. "She's going to be pulled apart. Quite literally."

"Nàmo, just because it's there doesn't mean that it shows all the time."

"Oh. That's convenient."

New feature? It's rude to talk about secrets when the person in question is there to hear you, you know.

"Good advice coming from a child. You should listen to her, Nàmo."

"I won't deign to answer that, Manwë." He sounded offended.

I giggled. Sardonic, sarcastic, incorrigible, morbid, sadistic judge of the dead. Yep, it made perfect sense.

"See? She agrees."

"She's just an elfling. It doesn't count." But Manwë's voice was amused nonetheless.

"Spoil sport."

Valar bickering? The high King bantering? Really? The Feänturi brothers must make all of Eä shake in terror when they get into it.

"They used to."

"We did not. Don't exaggerate Manwë, it isn't fitting for the high King of the Valar."

"I never exaggerate."

"If you say so."

Can you please go away? You're making my head hurt. I feel so sleepy... Can I sleep? I thought I WAS asleep.

"Sleep, child. When you wake up, you will not be in my halls any longer..."

Not- be- in the halls of- Mandos any longer? I yawned, or, I think I did. It's hard to tell. Where else would I be, considering if this is real?

I was never answered as I fell asleep promptly, to dream of nothing at all. Meh. And here I was hoping for some nice dreams of food...

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion_ _**

I have no idea for how long I was asleep. My sense of time was out of whack ever since I- wait, what did I really do actually? Did I die, or did I just transport somewhere?

I didn't even realize that I was listening for an answer until I didn't get one. With a snort to myself, I wondered if I was really awake or not. I mean, last time I wasn't. Or I was. My mind is more unbalanced then I thought it was.

Okay, if I'm awake, then I should be able to open my eyes, right? Senses came rushing back to me all of a sudden, and I could feel my body again. Funny. I feel a lot more- lighter. And smaller. Maybe it's just the new environment.

I struggle to open my eyes. They snapped up like window shades yanked open, and I immediately slammed them shut again with a groan at the bright light that crashed against my eyeballs. Seriously, too bright much?

Wait a minute, where am I? I was in Mandos' halls, and then the Valar, well two anyways, and they said I would wake up 'down there'- where the Carcaroch am I? I bolted up and with a grimace, peeled my eyelids open again.

River? The sound of water rushing by reached my ears again and sent me reeling. Water. I'm thirsty. I hope that water's clean. Arda. Eä. Am I really in middle earth? Cause if I am, I'm in biiiig trouble. It's not like this is some crazy fanfic where a nice elf or man comes across me soon.

If it does happen I'm gonna seriously kill whatever random author is doing this to me. Assuming I am in middle earth. I looked down at myself to see exactly what position I'm in- and gasped.

"Oh. My. Eru. What the- why am I so small!?" I clapped a hand over my mouth, eyes popping. Oh for the love of Smaug, I sound like a toddler! I AM a child! Er, or am I an elfling? Or am I still a human? Water. Reflection.

Scrambling to my feet and nearly pitching forwards in imbalance, I finally found my center of gravity and staggered forwards towards the faint sound of water. When I finally found the river, I was so relieved that I flopped forwards and drank, not caring about whether or not to check or worry if it was clean.

When I was finally full, I scooted forwards to see myself- and promptly shrieked. I looked- unnaturally- I don't know if I can call it beautiful. More like exotic. I mean, really, who had a look like I do!?

I have on a simple shirt and pants, both of them made of red silk. Odd color.

My skin is pale and milky, but almost eerily so, like I'm too delicate or sickly. My hair is white too. Pure white. I mean like cloudy white, milk white... You get the point. But my eyes were what really freaked my out. And my eyelashes. My eyelashes are white! Seriously?

And my eyes are fiery blue. I'm not trying to be poetic either, I'm being serious. They're exactly like the blue fire of a Bunsen burner; they even flicker the same way. Incredible. And I feel weird, like I have some kind of strange bright thing inside of me.

I mean it's really warm in my chest, and I have the odd feeling that if I were to look down I would see myself looking like a lamp, my body the transparent globe to the flame inside.

But when I actually look down, there's nothing there. Except for my unnaturally natural glow. But my ears explain that. They're pointy. I'm a kriffing elfling. So that's what Nàmo meant by changes- or feature. Or whatever he said. I leaned back and started to laugh hysterically.

And then broke down into tears. Oh raich on this elfling form, it's making me blubber like a baby. Don't remind me that I really am one. I can't take it right now.

After a full five minutes of crying, I jacked myself up, and sniffling, staggered in a random direction. I have no idea where to go. I have no idea where I am. What am I supposed to do, just sit there like an idiot and starve or something?

When I looked up, I froze. Okay, never mind, I'm an complete idiot. Pae-channas. Baka. Whatever language you prefer. Really. How do you miss a fortress and tower that size!? Wait a minute. Fortress. Tower. River. Valley. All check.

Straining my ears, I listened with elvish hearing to the places near the walls. Coarse black speech. Yep. I'm a goner. This is Tol-in-Gaurth, and by the looks of it Sauron is still master of it. I'm in the Silmarillion. I. Am. So. Dead.

I sat down with a pout, crossing my arms, even as I heard footsteps approach my way. A what if I die? I'll just go to Mandos' halls- unless I'm used for sport instead... Okay, never mind, scratch that, I think its time to panic. No! Be a man- er-elf! I refuse to cry!

As the footsteps approached, I couldn't help but cringe though. There were many. And they were loud. Then I looked up at the sound of a shout. An orc company stood in front of me, headed by a- werewolf? Oh right, Draugluin. I think. Or one of his minions. Spawn.

"Elfling sport." The orc jeered gleefully.

The werewolf approached and sniffed me. I scowled at it. "No. I'm taking it to the master." It snarled in reply. "It has a strange smell."

The orcs grumbled, but started their march on again. I trembled. The werewolf picked me up in its teeth gingerly by the back of my shirt and began to haul me off towards the tower.

"You're awfully quiet." It gritted out through its death-clamp on my shirt.

"What is there to say? I'm gonna die soon anyway." I retorted sourly, dangling from his maw.

"Who says? Master might keep you for his own sport." He answered.

"Be tortured you mean? I wish I could just die now and be done with it." I growled.

"Bold. Why are you out alone?" It asked me. It must get bored a lot, just hanging around with stupid orcs who can barely make nice conversation.

"I don't know. I just woke up on the river shore. I don't have any parents." I answered wearily.

He just grunted, and we began the long trek up the stairway. "Are you Draugluin?" I asked, unable to stop myself.

"Yes." Was his only answer before we reached the top. I hung my head and refused to look up. I mean really, who wants to look at Sauron? Although here I am pot calling the kettle black, since actually I really do. Even in death my fascination has not lessened for dark lords, I guess.

"What have we here, Draugluin?" A voice called interestedly from in front of me somewhere. What a voice. It was actually a very... pretty voice, if I can say that without making it sound like a female. Light and airy, but at the same time very masculine.

I felt myself fall to the floor as the werewolf released me. "I found her on the shore, master. She has a strange scent so I brought her to you." He answered.

"Bring her here." Sauron commanded. So I was picked up again and dumped before the throne. My hair, coming up to my waist, acted as a veil of sorts.

I felt myself being picked up by a pair of extremely warm hands. Almost scaldingly so, but not quite. A finger tipped my chin up, and I looked wide-eyed into the face of the lieutenant of Angband.

He was actually very handsome, I admitted grudgingly. He had pale skin, hair like lava, and literally glowing golden amber eyes. Quite disconcerting but captivating at the same time. His eyes narrowed as he studied me.

"Where do you come from." He demanded.

"Somewhere in Eä." I replied promptly, crossing my arms with a sulk. He raised an eyebrow.

"You don't seem too afraid." He noted.

"Because I just want to get it over with." I muttered.

"And where is your- family?" He curled a lip in a sneer.

"I don't have one." I retorted.

"Oh? How can you not? You are an elfling, are you not?" He asked, amused.

"I don't know where they are. They won't be looking for me either." I answered.

"Your name, assuming you have one?" He questioned lazily.

"Celine." I squiggled. "Let me down. You're hurting me." I complained.

"You are my prisoner now, and you do not order me." He said, sounding exasperated. But he set me down in his lap, which made me yelp loudly at the sudden heat.

"Celine. A strange name for an elfling." He noted, making me stare at him with a blink.

"You're one to talk! You're the one named 'Sauron.'" I protested, crossing my arms with a pout. He stared at me like he didn't know what to think of me.

"Your eyes are unusual. Who are you, I wonder? You do not look like any elf I have seen." He mused to himself.

"It's rude to talk about people like they're not there when they are." I quipped. Then I reached up. "Your hair is cool!" Man, that came out at the worst time.

He grabbed my hand before I touched his hair and instead placed a finger under my chin again. His fingers had iron nail clamps on them that were like claws, they were so sharp. His eyes bored into mine and I shivered slightly.

"Hmmm. They are like some kind of flame..." He murmured under his breath, studying me like a lab specimen. I huffed.

"Well what are you going to do with me then?" I asked, frowning.

"Do with you? Keep you of course. You're much too fascinating for mere orc sport." He replied in an intrigued tone, taking my hair in his hands.

"You mean you're gonna adopt me?" I asked curiously.

"Adopt you? I don't adopt anything or anyone. You will be my personal treasure, of course." He huffed, tracing an iron claw down my arm.

Okay, let me get this straight. I just got abducted by the Valar Nàmo, met both him and Manwë, was changed into an elfling, and now they dumped me on Sauron's doorstep to be made into his treasure!? What kind of plan is this? If I ever see them again I'm going to be murderous.

"You look angry." Sauron sounded pleased.

"If you don't want an extremely mad Celine on your hands, then I suggest you hush up, Mairon." I snarled. He chuckled.

"Feisty. I like those kinds. I have to congratulate you for finding me this one, Draugluin." He smirked at the werewolf, who flopped down at his feet with a pant in reply. "And don't call me that. I am Sauron." He added.

"You act much too old for an elfling." He said, twirling my hair in his fingers, head propped up on his hand, elbow on the armrests of the black throne. I looked up at him sourly.

"I am human age fifteen in mind." I answered, glaring at his crown. He had a black crown, with three triangles in the front, and the large one in the middle had an orange topaz set in it as well.

"Strange. How does that happen?" He asked, this time brushing a thumb on my cheek.

"Ask someone else. I don't know." I said smartly. Then I reached out and grabbed a lock of his lava-like hair that utterly fascinated me. It was so cool- err, warm, rather?

"What is it with people and my hair?" He growled.

"It's sooo fascinating!" I answered, awed, climbing up higher on his lap until my face was level with his as I studied his crown. He pushed me back down.

"Breathing space." He said as I rolled my eyes.

"You were cross-eyed." I said with a grin. Draugluin choked.

"Hmm?" He asked noncommittally, fingering the silk of my shirt.

"Smooth avoidance." I noted smugly.

"I avoided nothing." He retorted haughtily.

"Stand on your head if you believe that!" I said gleefully. Draugluin grunted and did nothing. "See?" I asked Sauron.

"No one would do such a foolish thing." He scoffed.

"Really? You mean you've never stood on your head? That's sad. It's fun." I said pityingly. He sighed.

"For a treasure, you are talkative." He muttered.

"Better then talking to orcs though, isn't it?" I pointed out.

"They don't talk. They grunt. And make strange noises." He retorted.

"That's funny, I could have sworn one of them said 'elf sport' about me before Draugluin brought me here." I said thoughtfully staring into his glowing amber eyes.

"It was exaggeration." He said dryly.

"I know. It was sarcasm." I answered wryly. Just then, there was a knock on the doors. I jumped and clutched his shirt, wide-eyed.

"Come in." Sauron pried my fingers off of his shirt. I stubbornly latched my arms around his waist. He grimaced and pulled me off, setting me in his lap so that I faced the door.

The door opened and a group of orcs came in, headed by a larger orc. "They didn't stop to report." He sneered.

Sauron flicked a hand and the leader scuttled off, closing the doors. "Now, what caused you not to report as master has commanded?" Sauron asked the group smoothly.

The orc in the front stepped forwards and opened his mouth. And my eyes widened. Oh my Eru. They didn't report. That means only one thing can happen now... And it inevitably did.


	3. Chapter 3

**thank you for all of the faves and follows! This is my own version of girl-falls-into-Middle-Earth cliche, and I hope that you will like this version of it. I haven't seen anyone with this idea yet, so if you had I would love to read it if you would be so kind as to tell me the title!**

**Pip. The Dark Lord Of. All: thank you!**

**guest: thank you! Yes, I took it upon myself to do this big job... XD and it doesn't help that I love Sauron. *grins sheepishly***

Chapter 3

Orcs cannot sing that well, I know that much. So when this seeming orc opened his mouth and began to sing loud and clear with a beautiful voice radiating of power, I knew that this was indeed Finrod Felagund.

And despite that I had been expecting that, I still tumbled off of Sauron's lap and onto Draugluin, who let out a muffled yelp as I squeaked. And the orc-Finrod kept singing.

Sauron suddenly gave a smile that had me staring and stood, raising his own voice in a song of power as well. My eyes widened as the tower began to vibrate. I clutched the poor werewolf's fur and plugged my ears.

Draugluin snarled until I loosened my grip ever-so-slightly until I was no longer pinching, and I let out a whimper as Sauron's voice finally rose above Finrod's. There was one last burst before everything went silent.

A group of elves, one man, and a very exhausted blonde elf stood in front of us, wide-eyed and frightened. Some of the elves stared at me like I was a ghost, eyes nearly popping out of their heads. I huddled next to Draugluin, a bit frightened.

"Hmmm. This is interesting. Tell me, what are your names, fair strangers?" Sauron asked smoothly, walking in front of them and circling their group. The man was trying to tend to the elf who had collapsed.

None of them answered, instead still staring at me oddly, varying emotions on their faces. I suddenly felt the crushing need to be held, and tried to fight it off. I'm fifteen years old, for the Valar's sake! But then, my body is an elfling. I sighed and gave up.

"Answer." Sauron growled. I stood to my feet and cautiously edged closer to the group, whose attentions were riveted on me. The man was staring at me as well, although, Finrod, recovering, hadn't seen me yet.

Skittering around them, I made my way to Sauron and latched onto his pant leg, studying them with wide eyes. At first he stiffened, but then paused as though he had an idea. Then he suddenly picked me up and settled me in his arms.

The elves looked pale, as though they were afraid for me, and I wondered if they knew how warm his hands were, almost to the point of making me feel sleepy. "Tell me, my little treasure, have you seen these elves before?" He asked.

I looked up at him and blinked. In pictures- yeah? I turned to look back at the elves, then to Sauron's face. And blinked again. And opened my mouth. "No."

Not in real life. Out of the corner of my eyes, the elves looked marginally relieved. "Heard of them?" Sauron pressed. I shrugged.

"If I knew their names I could tell you." I replied sarcastically. He rolled his eyes at me.

"Well then, it seems that you leave me with no choice." He snapped his fingers and a platoon of orcs appeared. I unconsciously stuck a thumb in my mouth and grabbed his shirt with my other hand. "Take them down to the pits." He ordered.

"You may tell me what I want to know at any time!" He said cheerfully, waving them away. I almost panicked. No, I just can't let Finrod, one of my favorite characters DIE! No way is that happening on my watch. But what can I do?

As they left, Finrod sent me one startled glance before being ushered away. "Thauron?" I lisped, thumb still in my mouth.

"What?" He asked, sitting back down and running his hands through my hair, fascinated. He was distracting me rather successfully. No matter what people say, he has pretty good petting skills! It's too bad he's not Mairon anymore.

"I wanna go see the elves." I whined, tugging his shirt. He shot me a glare.

"You are not going anywhere near them. I will not have you sullied by their touch." He retorted sourly. I pouted.

"But I wanna seeee them." I whined. "I haven't seen any other elves but them that I can remember." I pleaded. "Pleeeasseeee? I might be able to get their names." I added hastily as he looked like he was about to adamantly refuse.

His face took on a calculating look. Then he suddenly smiled. "They will no doubt think you either an innocent captive or a creation of Morgoth." He chuckled. "Yes, go and bring me their names, my treasure." He said setting me down. "Draugluin, take her there." He ordered lazily.

The werewolf jacked himself up and Sauron deposited me on his back. I squealed as we trotted off, me bouncing slightly up and down. "Don't fail." He warned me, dumping me off at the edge of the pit and then nudging me up.

"Thanks for the ride!" I answered happily, hugging him. He stiffened, and with a crick of his tail he loped off. I slid down the side of the pit and found myself in the midst of a multitude of elves. I shivered. It was so cold here... Not temperature-wise either, but the atmosphere was.

"Who are you?" He human suddenly asked suspiciously.

"My name is Celine." I replied promptly. "Am I right in assuming that you are Beren?" I asked. A hand clamped over my mouth.

"Do not speak that name here where his spies can hear you!" He hissed. I rolled my eyes and pried his hand off.

"I am his only spy here." I snarked back. "And I'm not intending to give him anything anyway." I muttered.

"How do you know his name and why are you here? Who are you?" Finrod asked warily, obviously weary. I frowned and crawled over to him. My glow as an elf was different from the elves around me. It was more- I don't know, like more golden, so to speak.

"I know who you are. I am here because- well, I'm supposed to be here, though I don't know why. The Valar just dumped me on this doorstep and now I'm the personal treasure of Sauron." I grumbled.

"If I ever see Nàmo and Manwë again I'm going to give them a talk." I muttered rebelliously. The elves blinked, obviously not knowing what to make of this odd situation, and I shrugged.

"Anyways, I'm cold and tired." I sighed, crawling into Finrod's lap. He stared down at me, a shocked look on his face, and then decided to hug me.

"You have no parents?" He asked worriedly. I shook my head.

"Not any more." I replied with a sigh.

There was a troubled silence for a moment. "What happened to them, young one?" Beren asked me. I frowned.

"I do not know. But I know I will not see them again." I replied heavily, plonking my head against Finrod.

"Who are you?" He asked again, reaching up and touching my snow-white hair wonderingly.

"I don't know." I answered, eyes closing sleepily. His hand was smoothing my hair, and it was making me sleepy. For some reason, though, I still felt cold, despite his warmth.

"My lord, there are-" a growl cut the elf off and finished his statement. I stiffened. Oh yeah, I'd almost forgotten about that...

"G'way, werewolf! Draugluin, call your spawn off!" I complained in a whiny voice. "How do you think Sauron will act once he finds out you hurt me instead of one of them?" I demanded. There was a silence for a moment, then the sound of scuffling which grew fainter.

"How do you have control over them?" Beren asked suspiciously.

"I don't. Sauron does." I retorted. "But then, I'm Sauron's 'treasure' so they don't dare touch me." I shrugged. "Through why he wants me to be his treasure I don't know." I added in a grumble.

"I think your looks are enough to explain that." An elf snorted. I blinked.

"Yeah, but I was under the impression that Sauron doesn't really do things like that on a whim." I answered, confused.

"Who knows what goes on in the mind of Gorathaur?" Finrod said cryptically.

"Meh. I don't know. But anyway, what are you doing here anyway?" I asked.

There was uncomfortable silence. "I should have known you would have wanted to keep that a secret." I scolded myself. "Never mind then, I guess I'll see you there when you do get there." I shrugged and stood, heading for the edge of the pit. There was a shocked pause.

"I'm a seer- don't be so surprised." I added, then called up the pit. "Draugluin!" There was a growl from above me a moment later as Draugluin leaped down, picked me up in his teeth, and then leaped back up and trotted off.

"Hey! Let me down, you're choking me!" I shrieked. "And tell your minions not to eat the golden haired elf or the man." I added, making him drop me.

"What did you find out?" He demanded, lowering himself so I could clamber onto his back.

"Nothing much. But those two I mentioned are the ones that hold the secret to their presence, that much is obvious." I answered, just as we entered the throne room again. I leaped off and climbed into Sauron's lap, burying myself into him with a shiver.

"I'm cold Saurie." I whined, shivering. He stared down at me, obviously shocked at my impertinence in actually climbing into his lap. I finally started to warm up from his scalding body heat and sighed, relaxing. His hands latched onto me, pulling me away to look at me.

"What did you find out?" He demanded, like Draugluin had.

"Nothing much, but the blonde elf and the man obviously are most important." I replied, reaching out for his hair again. He let me play with it as he fell into thought.

"The two, hmm? Do not touch them, Draugluin. I must- ouch!" He yelped as I yanked out a strand of his hair, holding it up. "What are you doing!?"

"You'll see!" I exclaimed happily, yanking out a strand of my own hair. He glared and went back to his thought train, muttering to himself.

I began to wind his piece of long hair around my wrist, tying it tightly and then making it into a sort of decorative bracelet. I then took his wrist and began to tie my own piece of hair around it, and then finally finishing it off with a last knot. He hadn't paid any attention to me, still muttering to himself.

"What're we doing next?" I asked, looking up at him and squirming comfortably in his lap. He stared down at me absently, and then noticed his wrist.

"What is this?" He lifted it up with a scowl.

"It's a piece of my hair, of course. See?" I lifted up my own wrist cheerfully. He stared.

"For whatever purpose?" He asked incredulously. I wrinkled my nose.

"It means I belong to you." I answered with a shrug. I had actually just done it out of boredom, but hey, it made a good excuse!

"Very well." He conceded. I tumbled off his lap and next to Draugluin. I immediately buried my hands into his fur. It was prickly, but felt kind of good at the same time. He growled as I raked my fingers through his fur.

"Can I go exploring, Sauron?" I pleaded, turning to him with the puppy dog look. He took one unimpressed look and rolled his eyes.

"Don't get lost and do NOT leave this fortress." He growled. I rolled my eyes.

"I know, I know." I grumbled, getting up. "Thanks Saurie!" I called gleefully, heading down the hall with Draugluin at my heels.

"And don't call me that!" He roared after me. I giggled maniacally and headed back down to the pits, sliding in along with Draugluin. He snarled and began to tussle with me while I shrieked and laughed in delight. He growled and poked his nose into my stomach as the elves gave startled yelps.

"Ai! Get off me!" I squealed, making him give one final grumble and stalk away haughtily, tail in the air. I stuck out my tongue after him and made a rude noise, then crossed my arms with a sulk at his returning huff.

"Draugluin is stuck-up." I complained as the poor elves stared, unable to grasp the previous scene. I crawled back into Finrod's lap. "So what're you gonna do now?" I asked, looking up at him. He stared back down at me with a weary sigh.

"There is nothing I can do now, Celine." He replied wearily, and I frowned.

"Oh." I said quietly, and began to feel overwhelmingly sleepy. "I think- I'm sleepy." I whispered, and then fell asleep to the sound of Finrod humming under his breath.

_Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion_

The ceiling was shaking. The ground was shaking. Dear Valar, the walls were shaking too. I woke up with a start and clutched Finrod's shirt, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, wondering what was going on.

"Ummm, what's happening?" I squeaked, making Finrod wrap his arms around me comfortingly.

"I do not know. Someone sang a song of power and then it started. Listen." He answered. When I strained my ears, the sound of howling, barking, and snapping teeth came into focus. I let out a whine.

"Oh come on! I never even got to say good-bye to Draugluin." I whined. "And the one who sang is probably Lady Luthien, I think." I muttered, making Beren turn to me with a start.

I continued to listen, until finally there was a final, long yelp of pain and then silence. I clung to Finrod tightly. "Promise never to forget me?" I asked, looking up at him. He looked back down at me, startled.

"I will take you with me, little one, when we escape." He replied determinedly, but I shook my head.

"Can't. Sauron won't let me go. He'll find me. But promise never forget me?" I pleaded. He gave me a sad look.

"I promise. You saved us from being eaten by the werewolves. We will never forget. It is not right for an elfling to be here." He agonized. I suddenly yelped as something tumbled into the pit. I scrambled over to the heap of fur.

I was met by the yellow-eyed gaze of Draugluin, whose breath was coming in rasps. "Draugluin!" I cried, hugging his fur. He wheezed.

"He went out. Huan is here. Celine." He choked, and then went still. Despite myself, tears streaked down my cheeks. It didn't matter to me if he was a werewolf, he had been my friend of sorts. I buried my face into his chilling fur.

"Goodbye, my friend." I choked, wetness dripping onto his poky fur. "I will miss you." I said wistfully.

There was a sudden howl that made my hair stand on end. I leaped up and threw myself back into Finrod's arms, who clamped them around me and began to stroke my hair soothingly. I suddenly let out a yelp as the piece of hair around my wrist began to burn hotter, making Finrod look down.

"What is it?" He asked, concerned. I shook my head and hid my wrist. The earth began to shake even more, and the elves were now dodging pieces of dirt that fell all around us. I looked up fearfully.

After what seemed like forever, there was deafening silence. Then after a moment, another werewolf came to the edge of the pit and slid down, heading straight for me. I looked at it, and a message gleamed in its yellow eyes. I sighed.

"Bye." I called softly to the elves, and allowed the beast to pick me up by me collar.

"Wait! Where are you-" Finrod reached out, but it was too late. We bounded out into the night sky, and I blinked at the sudden, bright moonlight. It set me down next to two figures on the ground and bounded away.

I looked to the side to see Sauron on the ground, teeth gritted as a humongous wolf had his jaws clamped around his neck. I winced, and looked to the lady standing nearby, whose face turned pale at the sight of me. Then in anger, she turned to Sauron.

"You would ask me for this elfling in exchange for the surrender of the fortress!?" She cried out, mien darkening. Sauron was in pain, I could tell, and it made me feel a little panicky. After all, he was my caretaker, so I naturally gravitated towards him.

"I will not allow you to take her as sport-"

"Please!" I called, shivering. The lady looked to me, startled. Huan watched carefully, as did Sauron, pain-filled glowing amber eyes turning to me. "Please let him go. I'll go with him. Please, please let him go." I begged, crawling over to him.

I clutched Sauron's torso underneath Huan and trembled, while Sauron grunted, hands on his neck. Luthien seemed shocked. I turned to her with tear-filled eyes.

"Please?" I asked weakly. "I'll go." I whispered. She seemed to be torn, not wanting to let me go but at the same time seeing the wisdom in my statement. After all, if she let him go, then she would get the fortress and Sauron would still be defeated. Even if she didn't, I would probably live the rest of my life in fear since Sauron obviously treasured me; and she saw this as well.

"Huan." She called reluctantly. The wolf let go. In a moment, Sauron had leaped up, grabbed me, and was flying across the treetops with blood dripping from his throat. I shivered violently in the wind, and with a muttered imprecation he clutched me tighter to himself.

"Why did you beg, you foolish child." He snarled. "I do not need an elfling begging for me!"

"A simple thank you would be nice!" I cried back. "I'm the one who saved you from being disembodied or having your throat ripped out and sent back to HIM in complete humiliation!" I protested, clutching his shirt in terror at our height.

Man, it was a faaaar way down to the ground. Sauron said nothing, but instead just clutched me tighter until I yelped as his iron claw clamps dug into my side. He loosened his grip somewhat but never looked down.

I watched as the terrain changed more and more, until two black, smoking towers came into view. Thangorodrim. We flew past them until Sauron finally landed, and began to make his way into Angband. Even reading about it doesn't do this place near enough justice. It's terrifying. Dark, black stone and decorated archways in the shape of guarding griffin-like creatures.

We finally arrived in a large room which I took to be a throne room, and began to head for the large, black stone chair at the head of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

**thank you for all of the faves and follows!**

**DeLacus: yes, Mairon is my fave Maia too! ;P Finrod! He's awesome, isn't he?**

**Osireia: thank you so much! Yes, it's sad Draugluin had to die. *sniffles* but I can't say that Tolkien didn't have an awesome imagination when it came to villans! Oohs, you caught the catch! Good job! XD I was hoping that Sauron wouldn't seem too OOC, so I'm glad I seem to have done so. I have read the Hematic, but I actually meant a fic where a girl is taken by the villains... ;)**

Chapter 4

I didn't want to look up. I didn't want to face Morgoth, or Melkor, depending on who you are. I have an odd feeling, this feeling of needing to stay away from him. Not the fact that he's evil, but something else. A strange, niggling feeling that I must hide myself from him- that he must not find out what I carry-

Wait, what I carry? What does that mean, what I carry? I don't own anything but the clothes on my back!

My hair fell over my face as a veil, and I could feel Sauron tense as we approached closer to the throne. I clutched his robes tightly, and I felt him stiffen in displeasure.

"Master." He said, presumably kneeling before the throne. There was an ominous silence.

"Why are you away from Tol-in-Gaurth?" A deep voice finally asked. Now that was a rhetorical question if I've ever heard one. Of course he knows, and of course he wants Sauron to admit his fault and grovel. Anger slowly grew in me, and I held it back with a struggle.

The voice, though, was what successfully held back my growing agitation. It was not what I expected it to sound like. I had subconsciously expected a deep, raspy voice, evil and haunting, but this voice was not like that at all. Instead, it was like the shifting, grinding ice of the Helcaraxë, ever changing in degrees of coldness or even warmth.

"Forgive me, my master. I attempted to bring Luthien to you, but I failed. Huan defeated me. I deserve your wrath." His head lowered even more in submission, and I heard a rustle of robes.

Between the chinks of my hair, I could vaguely see a black cloak enter my sight, trailing into slivers of lava that ran down the edges and disappeared with the quiet hiss of a snake as they hit the cold stone floors. A black armored foot appeared in my vision, and clinked deafeningly in the echoing halls.

"Perhaps you do. And then again, perhaps you do not." Answered the voice, growing slightly warmer. "But it seems as though you have found yourself something else. Another treasure to add to your dragon hoard?" He questioned his lieutenant in a deceptively mild tone.

Is possible, Sauron stiffened even more. "Yes, my master. I found her on the shores, an orphan by the name of Celine." He pried my fingers off of his red armor and set me down on the ground as I whimpered, deprived of his soothing heat.

"A very uncommon name." Melkor's voice was intrigued. "And such unusual hair." He added, and I felt myself being lifted up by two freezing cold hands, unconvered by any armor or gloves. They were corpse white hands, burnt black by the Silmarils. I let out a tiny cry at the icicles that shot through my whole being, leaving me gasping for breath and violently shivering.

"Strange." Melkor murmured, and sat down on his throne, setting me in his lap as Sauron had done. The hair on my wrist burned. I squirmed slightly.

"Cold." I whimpered, teeth chattering. I still refused to look up.

"Look at me." Power was laced in the tone, and despite my desperate struggles not to, I felt my head raising. Gritting my teeth, I shook my head and lowered it with difficulty. There was a surprised silence for a moment. Then a finger reached down and tipped my chin up. I stared, white-eyed and sheet white, into the face of Melkor.

Come to think of it, I never expected Melkor to look like that either. His face was pale, there were two jet-black eyes staring into mine, and two thick black eyebrows above them. He wore an iron crown that also seemed to serve as a helmet, with one metal strip coming down the middle of his forehead and ending at his nose, like one of those medieval helmets you see knights wear. The top of the crown was spiky, and three blindingly-bright, rainbow-shimmering gems were set in it proudly. The Silmarils.

I was a little too terrified to properly admire them, though, so instead I just stared back at Morgoth, feeling immensely disoriented. The thoughts foremost in my mind was: 1) oh no, he's found out, I'm in such big trouble- wait what? Why? And what do you mean, he's found out? 2) the Silmarils are pretty, but they're nothing more then gems really, even though they are important. And 3) I WANT SAURON!

"Show me." Melkor commanded, even more power laced in his tone then before. I couldn't ignore it this time.

"Show you what?" I asked, then immediately felt immensely stupid. Oh for the love of Nàmo, what's that supposed to convey as a first impression? I felt my cheeks heating up. Melkor arched an eyebrow.

"You have gall. A very good trait in a treasure, Sauron. Of that I must approve. Now come, my dear, show me what you're hiding inside." He voice became sickly sweet in the end, causing me to blink and my cheek to twitch. Meeeehhh?

"How?" I asked blankly, and he sighed long-sufferingly.

"You are hiding something inside of you, dear little one, and I must know what it is." He replied patiently with a condescending smile. Well, this is unexpected, although I will admit he does have a lot of patience when it comes to his schemes and such.

But his words had also opened up something inside of me, like released amnesia. I remembered vaguely the sensation of bottling up something, knowing that I must keep it hidden. And with that memory came the knowledge of how to control it. So, with no choice, I did. And immediately felt exposed.

When I looked down after searching inside myself and unlocking something within, I found myself shining blindingly with a bright blue-gold light like a type of flame. In a panic, I dimmed it to the point where my eyes didn't hurt, and looked back up at Melkor to see him greedily staring at me. I paled as Sauron let out a strangled gasp.

Then Melkor began to laugh, loud and hard and long, making me shake along with the whole room. "Yes Sauron, you are my beloved lieutenant indeed!" He laughed gleefully, while I shut away the light abruptly.

"You have brought to me a vessel for the secret fire of Eru." He said maniacally, smiling in a way that made me feel absolutely terrified. Wait, back up the truck. What did he just say? The secret fire- but that's in Eru himself! I remembered the words from the Silmarillion that described Melkor's search for the flame. Oh no.

So that's what Nàmo had meant by 'changes'! What had he said? 'She will be torn apart. Quite literally.' I began to hyperventilate when an idea popped into my head all of a sudden. I stilled and sat up. That idea had to have come from Eru himself, of that I am sure.

"She will be my treasure from now on." Melkor was saying, then I cut him off.

"No!" I shouted, my previous anger coming to the forefront, coupled with the new boldness that the idea had given me. Melkor raised an eyebrow.

"Oh?" He asked indulgently, a dangerous light in his eyes.

"No!" I reiterated firmly. "I am only Sauron's treasure!" Really, I don't want to be anyone's treasure, but among two evils, I'm taking the lesser. "He found me first!" I said, crossing my arms with a decided nod.

Melkor snickered. Yes, he actually snickered. "And what gives you the authority to say so, little flame?" He chuckled, raking a nail down my arm, which I batted away childishly.

"If I hold the flame of Eru Ilùvatàr himself-" I didn't miss the flinch both dark lords gave at the name- " then he must care for me. I can call on him and he will do something about my complaints." I finished triumphantly, staring at him with a challenging gleam in my eyes. Silence settled. Melkor looked a little pale.

"I hadn't thought of that." He murmured thoughtfully, looking down at me. "Fine." He finally said. "But on one condition." He warned, holding up a finger. I nearly sagged in relief. I was more than willing to bargain by this point. I never really thought of Morgoth as a pushover. Hmmm, maybe I can use that...

"You are mine for an hour every day." He said, giving me a piercing look. I thought it over. It made sense. What harm could it do?

"If in the meantime I can go anywhere I want." I demanded in return. He gave me a shrewd look.

"I am not that foolish." He retorted dryly.

"I meant anywhere as long as you can see me then. With a dragon or something." I grumbled with a pout. He raised an eyebrow.

"As long as you take one of my commanders with you." He agreed lazily, eyes sparking in glee again.

"Okay. Deal." I eyed him dubiously in return as he smiled in satisfaction.

"And my hour today will be now. Sauron, you have done well. Gothmog is waiting to report- go see to it." He dismissed his very confused and startled-looking lieutenant, who, after sending me a final look of bewilderment, bowed himself out. I already miss him.

Melkor turned back to me. "Show me." He said lazily, leaning back in his chair and tracing a finger down my side. I twitched away from it.

"That tickles." I complained, and then did as I was told. Only I let it out halfway instead of fully. Melkor didn't complain, though, so I guessed that it hurt his eyes too or something at full strength.

"Fascinating." He tipped my chin up again. "Your eyes hold the same flame." He spoke carelessly, moving his hand to my hair. I shivered. His hands were freezing, for all that his cloak was fiery.

Out of boredom, I looked up at his crown and the Silmarils in them with a blank look. I mean, yeah, I was fascinated by them since, after all, it was the Silmarils, but other than that they held really no interest in them.

"For all that they're pretty, they're not so special otherwise." I said, and then belatedly realized that I had said that aloud. Melkor raised an eyebrow at me.

"You are the first to think so." He noted.

I shrugged. "They're pretty." I reiterated. He smirked.

"Tell me, little flame, what does your name 'Celine' mean?" He asked, eyes half-hooded as he watched me.

"It means moonlight wisdom." I replied, looking up at the ceiling to see what was up there. A large, shadowy bundle huddled on a stone arch, and I blinked, wishing there was a light up there so I could see what it was.

As though summoned, my light- errr, Eru's light- began to shine upwards, hitting the shadow and illuminating it. With a high-pitched shriek, the thing fell down and then suddenly expanded, coming to a landing on the floor in front of the throne.

"Ah. It seems as though you have discovered Thuringwethil." Melkor said with a smirk.

The bat morphed into a female vampire, a black cape covering her whole body, her hair as black as midnight, her eyes a gleaming red, and fangs poking out from her upper lip. "Sauron's treasure you may be, but that does not give you the right to try to burn me to a crisp!" The bat-lady hissed venomously.

Melkor watched amusedly, saying nothing. "Well so-rry." I huffed, immediately taking a dislike to the creature. "I didn't mean to burn you at all, I was just wondering who you were. I didn't plan for the light to go up there." I grumbled.

She just huffed and stalked away after a bow to Melkor, who gave an unimpressed 'tch.' "You had better know how to defend yourself from the likes of her, Celine- you must have a new name." He added thoughtfully, studying me again.

I glared after the retreating figure in the doorway. "Light's good enough." I mumbled, and then turned back to him. My shivers had gone down with the releasing of my light, so I guessed that the 'inner flame' worked as heat too.

"Caladiel." He decided. I gazed at him blankly, and then suddenly realized that all this time, I had been speaking in Quenyä. Caladiel. That meant- "Daughter of light." Melkor declared, and then zoned out into a thought train, leaving me to decide whether I liked it or not.

Caladiel. It wasn't too bad of a name, and it made sense anyway. As long as he didn't mean his daughter of light I was fine with it. I said it out loud, trying the weight and taste and feel of it on my tongue. It felt right.

Just then, from the open doorway came a growl and a large figure stalked through, skulking up to the throne and plopping itself down comfortably at Melkor's feet. Melkor reached down and petted its head.

"Carcharoth, my pet, meet Caladiel, Sauron's treasure." Melkor said, making it lift its head and look at me interestedly.

"Never before has Sauron chosen live treasure." The huge werewolf said, looking at me. I stared.

He was ginormous. His fur was grey, tinged with some black, making me think of his ancestor Draugluin, the thought of whom made me feel a little sad. His eyes burned orange in his head, and from his huge, red-stained maw projected two particularly vicious fangs, dripping with saliva. He had a hungry air about him, but despite that and his disconcerting blood-stained jaws, looked rather impressive in a frightening way.

I let out a tiny squeak of shock. "Can it not speak?" The werewolf asked.

"Of course I can speak!" I sulked indignantly, crossing my arms with a pout. Carcharoth's chest rumbled with laughter.

"Now I see why he chose her." He snickered, and lay back down, obviously preferring to rest then talk. With a sigh, I suddenly felt very tired. My bare feet dangled off of Melkor's lap as he ran fingers up and down my spine, and I noticed that my feet were rather cut up and felt a little sore. I stared blankly at them and noticed a drop of blood drip off onto Carcharoth's fur. He stirred slightly and turned to look at my feet.

The blood wasn't from my feet, I realized, but from Sauron. I must have gotten some of it on me when I was begging Luthien to call off Huan.

"So fragile. You bleed." The werewolf said, swiping a tongue on my foot. I squirmed.

"It isn't my blood. It's Sauron's." I replied. "That tickles!" I whined, jerking in reflex and nearly hitting him on the nose. He ignored it and cleaned it off of my feet, leaving me with my feet pulled up onto Melkor's lap with a scowl. He grinned at me. I stuck out my tongue in retaliation, causing him to roll his eyes and lay back down.

Melkor said nothing, obviously lost in his scheming for elves and men and whatever else he had in mind to conquer. I was personally waiting for my hour to be up so that I could go find Sauron, who I had decided to trust.

Finally it was over. Melkor stirred himself and gave one last tug on my hair. "You may go." He said, setting me down on the floor and watching to see what I would do. I slid down next to Carcharoth and tugged on his ear, tucking away my glow.

"Can you show me 'round?" I begged, making him growl and flick his ear. With a sigh, he heaved himself up and picked me up by the scruff of my collar. "No, not that way!" I whined. He adjusted his grip to the back of my shirt so that I was hanging relatively comfortably a few feet off the ground. I rolled my eyes and gave up on the idea of having anything else better.

He began trotting down the hallways, and I felt warmth slowly creep back into my limbs, making them prickle after being numbed from the coldness for so long. We passed through a room filled with orcs that looked up from their tasks, only to scurry back to their work at the werewolf's warning snarl. Then, we finally arrived in a room that held but one thing- a pair of chains that hung from a wall.

Two figures were standing in the room, and I recognized one of them very well. The other- this was obviously Gothmog. A huge Balrog, holding a fiery whip and growling at a smirking Sauron.

"You're the one who lost the fortress to a female, Sauron." He said in a whispery, deep tone that made me shiver. Sauron's smirk dropped.

"And I'm the one who owns the most valuable thing besides the Silmarils." He said cooly in reply. Carcharoth snorted and dropped me on the floor.

"You mean this whelp of yours. Melkor sends her back." The werewolf said, causing both figures to whip towards us. Carcharoth dragged his sandpaper washcloth tongue across my face once and left, trotting away with his tail in the air. I looked hesitantly back to the two, who were blatantly staring.

"What did you do?" Sauron asked. "He never likes anyone that fast." He strode towards me.

"My feet bled." I whispered.

"Well that explains it." He noted, and stared down at me. His eyes flicked to the strand of hair around my wrist, and then to his own wrist. With a sigh, he bent down and picked me up. I immediately let out a moan of relief and curled into him, greedily sharing his heat.

"Elf blood is filling and sweet." He said absently, shifting me in his arms. I ignored the comment and sighed wearily, clutching a lock of his hair.

"I'm tired, Mairon." I whispered pleadingly, allowing a tiny bit of my glow to escape and show. Gothmog watched, clearly shocked. I continued to get drowsier and drowsier, falling into an exhausted sleep from the events of the past few days.

"Then sleep." He snapped in reply, clearly uncomfortable and confused.

"But- I want- don't leave me, please." I begged, unaccountable tears rising to my ears.

"Surely you don't expect me to cater to your every whim and carry you everywhere." He snorted incredulously. I struggled to keep my eyes unglazed in awareness.

"But I can help you." I rasped. "If you do, I can do anything you want. Please- don't leave me alone." I pleaded hoarsely. I couldn't help it. I was still an elfling, yes, but I had also been left alone for so long. What could I do but glomp onto the one person I trusted in a land of unfamiliarity and danger?

He stilled, obviously considering my request. "We shall see." He finally said decidedly.

"She calls you what?" Gothmog asked, clearly not believing what he was seeing.

"If you even try, Gothmog, lord of the Balrogs you may be but I will skin you and use you as a new flaming rug for my floors." Sauron snarled, and with a snap of his cape, turned around and smartly marched out.

I didn't care. I fell asleep, oddly comforted by the warm arms of Mairon.


	5. Chapter 5

**hiiii! Sorry I'm so late to update, but I had been traveling for the past week so I was really busy and hectic. Not to mention every spare chance I got to write my mind was so jam packed that I literally had a writers block just from sheer distraction. Anyways, enough with my excuses. Please accept my apologies and this chapter. *bows* Caladiel out!**

**Pip The Dark Lord oF All: thank you!**

**DeLacus: yes, she is! Sauron is hands down my favorite villain in the whole world. In the movies I can boo him all I want and cheer when the eye falls, but when it comes down to fanfiction... 0_0**

**Osireia: whenever I see a review from you, I wanna scream in joy. Thank you! Your long comments full of both hints of constructive criticism and praise totally make my day! Yes, it could be dangerous, couldn't it? And yes, you are totally right! As for your suspicions, you'll have to read on and find out soon... *winks* thank you for your compliment! If you want lots of heart-tugging moments and fluff, you should check out my story Silent Flower of Song. **

Chapter 5

When I woke up, it was to the feeling of being held in someone's arms. Warm arms. My eyes unglazed, and I found myself looking into the face of Sauron, whose face was blank and unimpressed.

"You've been asleep for an hour." He said, disapproval in his tone. I blinked.

"Only an hour? But shouldn't I have slept longer?" I asked, confused. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"You hold the flame, Celine. You are in every way a Maia, but for your form." He said, motioning to me. I registered that information slowly, and then turned to him.

"So I don't need to sleep much? Melkor renamed me Caladiel." I added absently.

"Yes. Caladiel. Fitting." He mused, looking ahead. That's when I realized that we were moving. He had been walking all this time. And then another thought hit me.

"You didn't leave me." I said, looking up at him and noticing that I still had a lock of his hair clutched in my hand. His face showed none of his thoughts.

"You said you would do anything for me." He replied in a monotone voice. "So I suppose it's only fair to give you what you want in return." He seemed to be itching to ask a question, though. Which he didn't.

"You want to ask me something." I pointed out. His lips thinned, but he lost his internal struggle.

"Why did you insist on being my treasure?" He finally asked, then immediately gritted his teeth in annoyance at himself. I paused. It was a simple question, and yet it was not. There was another meaning behind the question, of that I was sure by Sauron's reactions. I thought carefully.

"For many reasons." I replied slowly, twisting his hair in my fingers. He looked down, and raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"There are." I insisted. "Firstly, I don't want to be around HIM for more than strictly necessary. Secondly, I know I frankly have no choice anyway. And that leads me to the third reason-" I hesitated, then looked up at him cautiously. He was staring straight ahead, looking resigned.

"I trust you." I blurted, then looked back down. A nail clamp digging into my side alerted me to the fact that he had tensed. He gave a sudden, bitter laugh.

"Trust me!" He snorted. "No one trusts me, foolish child. I am a failure in every way according to them all. Morgoth is my master- and even he has never trusted me fully." He said dryly.

"Because he can't afford to." I said immediately, absently playing with his hair. "Trust is a fragile thing. It takes the strongest to trust, because when you do, then you are essentially giving them your life." I said automatically, remembering the words from the many books I had read. "He can't afford to trust."

There was a silence. "And you trust me why?" He asked neutrally, although there was a sneer in his voice.

"Because you found me. You took care of me. I wanna stay with you, cause you're warm. Inside and out." I said, patting his cheek. He scowled at me.

"I don't 'care,' Caladiel. I mutilate, deviate, twist, change, and deceive. It's all I do, or will ever do." He said with finality, sounding as though he was either reminding or pronouncing doom upon himself.

"Why do you believe that?" I asked in genuine curiosity. "You weren't made to do so, were you? And you cared enough to not hurt me and instead take me as a treasure, right?" I countered his statement. He gave me an unimpressed look.

"Don't go trying to 'redeem' me, Caladiel. And I did not 'care' about you; I took you as my treasure solely because you fascinate me." He drawled.

I sighed. "'M not trying to redeem you. I'm only pointing out that I trust you." I grumbled. He huffed.

"Well don't expect to for too much longer then." He said ominously, and I shrugged. I would always trust Sauron, because there was no way he was going to actually hurt me, not with the advantage I had. And even if I hadn't, I would still trust him for the simple reason that he was warm.

I can't describe what I mean all too well when I say 'warm.' The best way I know how to describe it is as the way he feels. He was warm physically, scalding even, but when I say inside I mean to say that I can see his aura. It has darkness seeping into it, corrupting it, yes, but there is something there, something that slows that thick, black tar. It is an amber light that glows, making his aura still look somewhat like the Maia it used to be.

After all, didn't Tolkien say about him in the second age that: 'indeed, Sauron was not completely evil...'?

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion_ _**

Sauron had made me use my light to help him in his forge making several devices that I wasn't really interested in. All I did really was to light the spots he pointed out to me so he could see better.

After he was finished with that, which seemed to be daaays, though it was probably only several hours, he had promptly taken the metal things to a storage room to place them away for the times they would be needed. Then he picked me up and headed who-knows-where.

"Where are we going?" I asked, clutching his armor and looking around curiously.

"To oversee the dragons." Was his matter-of-fact reply. I blinked.

"How many are there?" I queried, tugging his hair. He didn't blink.

"Twenty." Was the answer. I mulled it over. That made sense. There hadn't been that many dragons after all, and all of them were rather great. And after all, Glaurung and Ancalagon had been the greatest.

"Who's your favorite?" I asked- a bit peevishly, I admit.

"Most likely both Scatha and Ancalagon, if only for their amusing rows." Sauron replied with dark humor. I stared up at him thoughtfully, just as we arrived in a large room that was about three times the size of the throne room... Which had already been about a football field in size to begin with.

Instantly, the sound of roaring hit my ears, making me wince. "Scatha! Back off, your tail is in my way!" A highly annoyed and dragon-y, scaly voice met my ears.

"It's not my fault you're in my part of the room. If it bothers you then move somewhere else." Scatha, as I am assuming, hissed. He was a large dragon with flesh-colored scales. I wrinkled my nose. He was a rather- ugly dragon to be honest.

The other dragon, however, was absolutely magnificent. His scales were ebony, jet, obsidian black, and they looked so shiny like they had been polished with wax. I could have bet you anything that you could see your reflection in them. His eyes were ruby red, not creepily so like Thuringwethil, but rather more natural-looking.

"Rather breathtaking, is he not?" Sauron asked me, sounding amused at my reaction.

"Ancalagon the black, right?" I asked in reply wonderingly. He raised an eyebrow.

"And how did you ever hear of that name?" He asked suspiciously. I grinned.

"Did you forget what I am and what I hold?" I retorted. He snapped his mouth shut, not having a reply to that. Of course is I held Eru's secret fire then it could be assumed that I knew more than most.

"He is." Was his only answer. "Show me." He said absently, looking at the squabbling dragons. I cracked the light out a bit, enough to appease him, and turned to look at other dragons. There were brown, pale green, pure white, and all sorts of colored dragons- even dark blue and deep purple. But not a red scale in sight. I frowned. So Smaug wasn't here yet? Maybe he isn't born yet, I don't know.

Sauron's finger clamps dragged against my arm, leaving a slight white mark. "Scatha! Ancalagon!" He roared, suddenly holding a black mace in his hand and leaning against it. "You have no time to squabble!" He barked, making all of the dragons look to us. Or technically, me.

My light was already shut away completely before they had looked, though, so it was more the shock of seeing an elfling with Sauron of all people then anything else. Sauron set me down and I sat, sticking a thumb in my mouth and looking up at him, then to the dragons.

"What. Is that." Scatha demanded, moving forwards and peering at me closely.

"Ah ah ah, Scatha, I suggest if you don't want another scar to move away from my treasure." Sauron said with a dangerous smile. Scatha moved away lazily.

"Treasure? You never take live treasure. Mairon." Ancalagon sneered.

"Can I burn him, Dad?" I asked, looking up at Sauron expectantly, a gleeful look on my face. "Daaaad, pleaaaase? I wanna burn something. Particularly Thuringwethil." I grumbled. The dragons were as quiet as mice, eyes sticking out of their heads almost literally. Sauron stared at me, utterly flabbergasted.

"Daaaaad!" I whined, squirming. "I'm boreeeed." I sighed, pouting. Sauron finally stirred himself.

"As much as I'm tempted to let you, I'd prefer if you go burn Gothmog instead of Ancala here." He drawled.

"Really? I can go burn him? Shall I make good on your previous threat?" I asked with a grin. This was fun, absolutely stunning a roomful of dragons. It suddenly hit me that I was technically being raised to be a dangerous, insatiable psychopath, although it made me want to snicker insanely at the thought.

"Only if you want to risk the wrath of Melkor..." He replied offhandedly, trailing off. I shrugged.

"I could just use blackmail." I said. He rolled his eyes.

"That would not go well." He advised amusedly. The dragons gawped.

"Meh. Shut your mouths, will you? Your breath, for all that it may be fiery, stinks." I complained to the dragons, and Scatha in particular, who snapped his maw shut and sent me a death glare. Sauron began to roar with laughter, as did Ancalagon.

"Yes, I think I shall like your- daughter, Sauron." Ancalagon chortled, and suddenly began to shrink. I blinked, surprised and fascinated at the same time as he turned into an ellon.

His hair was jet black like his scales, coming past his waist, and his eyes were ruby red as always. His skin was as pale as the moon, and he was dressed in black leather knee-high boots, black silk trousers, and a ruby red silk shirt.

Striding forwards, he stopped in front of me. I tilted my head, looking up at him, and we locked gazes. I wondered if he could use his dragon magic like Glaurung, but I didn't say anything, just stared. Then I stood and latched onto his leg.

"I like you." I declared, making him stare down at me incredulously. I grinned up at him. "You're cool. Not like him." My nose wrinkled and I pointed to Scatha, who growled and turned away with a scoff.

"And how, exactly, did Sauron get a daughter?" He sneered in reply, as Sauron's grin was wiped off of his face.

"I am a treasure of the Earth, a gemstone of the deeps, second most valuable besides the Silmarils..." I made my voice sing-song-y as I skipped behind Sauron and peeked out from behind him mysteriously.

"And that is the only answer you shall get." Sauron informed Scatha, who began to study me more carefully. I ignored him pointedly.

"Dad, Thuringwethil doesn't like me." I complained, tugging Sauron's shirt. He rolled his eyes.

"And what has that got to do with me?" He demanded.

"Well Melkor said I should watch out for her." I groused, crossing my arms and sticking out my lip.

"She's a nuisance." Ancalagon agreed, leaning against a pillar so that his arms and ankles were crossed and his hair draped over one eye.

"Take it to Melkor, not me." Sauron retorted. "Have you been doing anything productive besides squabbling?" He turned to the dragon/human. I really need to ask how they do that.

So Ancalagon went into his long report while I looked around and tried to get over my boredom. It didn't work. Now, when I'm bored, I tend to have a penchant of getting into unintended mischief.

So I wandered around and looked at all of the other dragons while waiting for it to wrap up. And before I knew it, I was being held in the claws of one particular pure white dragon.

"What's your name?" I asked promptly as he stared at me.

"You should not wander among the dragons. They are prone to either step on or grab you." He warned. "My name is Kalarion." He added.

"Sorry. I didn't know. My name is Caladiel. I like your scales." I said abruptly, looking into his eyes. They were such a pale blue that they looked almost white with just a tinge of blue. Fascinating.

Just then, there was a call. "Caladiel! Come!" Sauron began to march away. Kalarion set me down, and I waved before running to Ancalagon and hugging his waist.

"Bye Ancala!' I yelled, and went off down the hallway after the rapidly-disappearing Sauron.

When we were far enough away, he abruptly turned to me as I began to shiver all over again. "What was that for?" He hissed. "What do you mean by calling me THAT!?"

I looked up at him, vaguely stung, tears welling in my eyes. "Because you ARE my Dad." I replied forlornly. He stared for a moment, then pressed a hand to his forehead with a sigh that I couldn't decipher.

"I'm cold, Dad." I whispered, hair falling over my face as it bowed. My tears dropped against the ground, splattering on the black stone and surprisingly (or unsurprisingly depending on your view) hissing as they hit the ground.

There was a silence for a moment as my breath came raggedly, and then I was being lifted up into someone's arms, warmth radiating from them. Sauron wilted slightly as I sniffled, and I felt him hesitate for a minute before raising my head up to look at him.

Tears stained my cheeks and blurred his face. Iron nail clamps raked away the drops of liquid, splattering them on the ground like drops of bloody rain as they hissed and turned black on the floors.

"Don't cry." He sounded both weary and wary. "I don't know what to do with tears." He said. His eyes suddenly glazed over. "I was only your age in the eyes of others when he took me..." And then a moment later he snapped back to, marching off, curiously absent his mace once more.

So I was left to wonder what he meant whilst enjoying the warmth that was Sauron Gorathur. It only just then occurred to me to wonder at the fact that I never felt completely warm unless I was in the arms of Mairon. Not even the heat of Ancalagon or Kalarion had been sufficient enough to sate my thirst for heat.

And even as I thought about it, it also occurred to my mind that whenever Sauron was not in at least a three-yard radius of me, I became consumed with an unquenchable hunger and lust for something just I could not define.


	6. Chapter 6

**hey., I'm sorry this chapter was late, but I had some problems with it, wondering where I was going to go with it, but now I've gotten it all straightened out. Thank you for sticking with me, and please tell me what you think of this chapter! More mysteries to be introduced... Muahaha.**

**Pip The Dark Lord Of All: thank you! Yes, I do like Kalarion and Ancalagon very much. **

**DeLacus: XD yes, she is, isn't she? I'm glad you liked it. More Ancalagon in here. *grins* here's the more part... To be honest I actually am planning to make this a bit of a darker fic, but also with comical relief. That's my preferred style of writing, so expect to see random humor but also a lot of darker themes. **

Chapter 6

It has officially been a day since I have been brought to Angband. To be honest, I quite like life here. It's a scary thought. But with every new day also comes a new hour in the presence of the freezing cold Morgoth... I'm telling you, my lips are turning blue. His lap is so cold. It's not comforting.

"I hear that Sauron has a new daughter." Melkor broached the subject lazily.

"I don't know. I think so. He hasn't decided to kill me for it yet, at any rate." I replied dully, looking up at his crown.

"Hmm. Tell me, is there anything you wish for, Caladiel?" He asked me. I blinked. What an odd question.

"Why?" I asked bluntly in reply. He smiled amusedly.

"Because the best of my treasures must always be treated well." Was his answer. I was always going to be called that, and as a result I had begun to hate the word. It made me feel insentient. Inanimate. Stupid. A mere trinket. But of course, I never SAID anything to the effect.

"Clothes." I suddenly answered. "I want clothes... I feel awful." I mumbled at the end, feeling rather girly and childish for saying so. But then, I was an elfling.

"As you wish. It shall be done. If you are dressed well perhaps you would look better..." He said almost to himself, raking my small form with his eyes. I looked away, not liking the feel of his gaze. It was too- greedy.

"And tell me, Caladiel, do you wish for anything in particular to do? There are many orcs for sport, spirits to corrupt, you name it." He went on, his voice falling into sadistic glee. I opened my mouth to reply something along the lines of 'No way in Utumno' when I snapped it shut again. Spirits. Now that was something to think about.

"Spirits? Is there a fire spirit?" I asked, intrigued. Now it was his turn to look at me with the intrigued expression.

"Yes." He answered.

"Can I have it- him, her?" I asked.

"As you wish." He answered. The only reason he didn't ask 'why' was because he knew everything that went on in his fortress. He would know what would happen to the spirit sooner or later.

Besides, he also knew that I wouldn't push the envelope too far. I was an elfling, which means I am corporeal and therefore subject to pain. There are many ways to torture someone without doing any lasting bodily damage, you know.

Carcharoth came slinking in as always, settling at the feet of his master and warming them. How he bore those icy feet I will never understand. A shiver wracked my frame. It was so unutterably cold.

"Play." Melkor suddenly told me. I blinked.

"With what?" I asked. Why in Arda would he want me to play? And how?

Melkor sighed. "Ancalagon!" He called, with a snap of his fingers. In a moment, Ancalagon was in the room, filling it with his black scales and his ruby eyes piercing the gloom.

"Revert to secondary form and play with this elfling." Was the somewhat irritated order. After a moment- of shock I presume- Ancala was an elf and standing in front of the throne obediently. Melkor unceremoniously dumped me off of his lap and pointed.

"Play." He snapped. Yeesh, such a mood swinger.

Ancalagon and I stared at each other, then shrugged. "What do I play?" I dared to ask meekly. He glared at me for a moment.

"Do elflings not play? Do you not know how?" He ground out.

"I usually have toys to play with, and others my age." I replied, and then turned to Ancalagon again. "But I can teach you a game." I offered. He glanced warily to the throne and nodded. Therefore, I officially taught a dragon to play patty-cake.

Hot cross buns is an interesting thing to do with an elf/dragon. Rather disarming. Maybe I can become a dragon-tamer now. Then again, I decided that I wouldn't want to try; I might be burnt to a crisp.

Thirty minutes passed as Ancalagon and I played tic-tac-toe and also chess with a bunch of stray, oddly-shaped pebbles and a board made of scratches on the floor. Forty minutes. I was really suffering now, my lips cracking, shivering increasing, and even my fingers becoming numb.

"Good. Come, Caladiel. Ancalagon, you may go." Melkor spoke up, sounding more benevolent then he had a while ago. I stood up shakily and made my way back to the throne as Ancalagon bowed and left.

Melkor pulled me back up, making me bite back a sob as icicles shot through my skin, stabbing and pricking me unbearably. I hated him. He was so cold. So cruelly freezing. I hate him.

Fifty minutes. Time ticked on as he experimented with me, ordering me to put light there and dim it or increase it; shut it away, pull it back out focus it on this, melt that, freeze this, do whatever to whatever unfortunate object that happened to be handy. It was tasking, although I admit that I probably never would have learned all the benefits of the light if Melkor hadn't made me try.

Feänor was said to have had the flame; so I wondered myself if I could make something as great as he did. Of course, he had skill and practiced for years, but if I had the flame, then surely it meant I could do something, no? As they say, it never hurt to try.

Time was up. "You may go. I expect to see you when I call." He told me, and set me down, promptly ignoring me from that point on. I was more than happy to stumble away on unfeeling feet, hands clasped around my arms and tears streaking down my cheeks. It hurt so much.

Even as I left the room, I didn't make it much farther down the hallway before I collapsed on the floors, eyes closed and nearly falling asleep. I struggled to stay awake, knowing that to fall asleep now could mean death- although I wouldn't consider that too bad... Would I?

Something was on my arms. Steam hissed from the contact, and I let out a small sob of pain as tears welled and feeling began to stab me, moving through my bloodstream and pricking me mercilessly.

I found myself blubbering. "Ada. I want Ada. Please Ada." I wanted Sauron so bad. I was so hungry. So unspeakably hungry. But not for food. For warmth. For heat. For something else...

"Caladiel? What are you doing? Why are you so cold?" Sauron's voice made my eyes snap open and I looked into his face. He grabbed me and pulled me into his arms, standing up and marching off before I could answer. My skin was literally hissing from the difference in temperature.

I stiffly latched onto his armor. "Ada." I said, voice muffled into his shirt. He stumbled, barely catching himself before walking off again. His footsteps thundered so loudly. So very loudly. I was set down on something, and then felt myself being covered. I kicked it off.

"Would you stop that? You are freezing. You need to warm up." Sauron snapped, but I ignored it, sitting up and reaching out.

"Ada." I reiterated, and clung to him like a leech. Warmth began to seep back into my limbs. "You're warm, Ada. He's so cold." I muttered sleepily.

"Do not sleep, Caladiel." His voice was testy. "If you sleep you will die." Such cruel reality. It slapped me in the face rudely, making me feel rather awake.

"Dad... I'm cold." I sighed again.

"I'm not your Dad!" He said exasperatedly.

"Why?" The question came to my lips, unbidden.

"Because I don't know how to be one!" Was the explosion, and then quiet suddenly fell. I peered up to see his lips pressed together firmly, nostrils flaring as his eyes glowed eerily.

"It's all because of you he's coming back." He said bitterly, looking everywhere except me. "I'm not just Sauron anymore. Mairon keeps coming back, and I don't like it." He snarled.

Then he suddenly looked down at me. "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?"

I blinked. Whaaaat? "Maybe my feelings. But otherwise, no." I replied.

"I'm sorry about that. The mean side scares me. I wish he wouldn't come back. You're so cold." He noted, rubbing my arm in concern. I couldn't think straight.

So he had dual personalities? There was a Mairon and a Sauron? I don't understand.

"Ada?" I whispered. Something snapped, and the hand stopped rubbing my arm.

"What?" He asked sharply. Sauron was back. My eyes drifted closed.

"I don't know who to like better." I mumbled, and fell asleep. If Sauron asked anything about my strange statement, I didn't hear it.

_**_Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion_ **_

I was dressed in a new gown that Melkor had made for me. I don't know how, but he did. And I don't know if I like it or not either.

It's- typical Angband style, I guess. It was a crimson color, with a black sash and also the sleeves made of black lace. Some kind of silvery material was threaded through the dress as well, making patterns on it. It wasn't necessarily pretty: 'elaborate' would be the more proper word for it. But it served its purpose nonetheless.

At the moment, I'm actually trying to talk to the new fire spirit that I acquired from Melkor. Or rather, trying to convince him that I'm not trying to mutilate, torture, or deviate him in any way. And it's not going overly well, unfortunately.

"No! I will never be turned to evil or to be used as a device of-" I'd had enough. This was the what, tenth minute of this?

"HUSH!" I all but shrieked. The spirit stopped, staring at me with wide eyes. He was literally flaming at the edges with red flames, and had a vague form that looked like a human of sorts.

"Alright, let me get this straight. I'm not going to any of those things to you. In fact, I'm trying to help you not become an experiment of Morgoth. My name is Caladiel. Will you tell me yours?" I asked, looking at him. He blinked.

"Esgalnoron." He said, bewildered.

"Alright then. If you don't want to be a device of evil will you be my friend? He won't try to make you something like that if I do it first. I'll make you a form and he'll leave you alone." I offered. He stared.

"Why would you do such a thing?" He finally asked.

I let out a chink of my light. His eyes widened. "I'm kept here as a treasure against my will too." I sighed, hiding it away again.

"I see now. Perhaps then we can benefit from one another." He nodded. I grinned.

"Oh goody. So can I try making you a form? I've been wanting to try this for a while..." I asked eagerly. He nodded.

"That would be nice, to have a fana. Thank you." He replied.

So I began to work the best I could. First I used a prototype, like I had seen Melkor do before. I had gotten a feather from a falcon and went from there. I used my light and began to think the shape into existence, going over in my mind's eye every single detail of the fana, from the shape to the size to the color to even the texture. Everything.

And finally, after my light was shut away safely and I was thoroughly exhausted, my first creation came into view. It wasn't too bad, I guess, for a first attempt. Esgalnorion studied it.

"I have never seen anything like it before." He said thoughtfully. "What does it do?"

"It is called a Phoenix." I replied somewhat weakly. "A fire-bird. It has the capacity to hold and bear flames, but is a bird nonetheless." I explained. His eyes lit up.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." And so saying he decided to clad himself in it.

The feathers were a burnt orange color, and out of my own imagination I had made them have a kind of sparkly quality that made them glitter in the lights. It was about the size of me, which meant that if I ever grew up it would be able to perch perfectly on my shoulder. I also had made it with very trailing tail feathers, and a yellow beak. His eyes, now that Esgalnoron was officially a Phoenix, were bright and alive, a piercing yellowish color that looked cool.

"Although I'm afraid that I have to remind you that you're never gonna be free. You'll have to stay with me." I reminded him. He flew in front of me and tilted his head.

~It's quite alright. I suppose its a small price to pay for being saved from becoming something worse. I will be your companion~ his voice spoke in my head, making me smile.

"Okay." Then I yawned. "It was rather tiring." I slurred. "I think I want to sleep a bit." I murmured, getting up and moving over to the metal cot that was one of the only things that occupied Sauron's room.

Angband ran 24/7, and he didn't really need sleep. The bed was for comfort, which, as you can readily imagine, wasn't really used. Except for by me.

So crawling up onto it, I conked out, Esgalnoron perching on the one chair in the room and watching me as I slept. If I didn't know any better, I would say that he's a stalker.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

"What in Melkor's name is this!? Caladiel!" Sauron woke me up by yelling. I sat up, rubbing my eyes, to see him glowering at a clearly nervous Esgalnoron. I held out my hands to my Phoenix and he flew over to the bed, nudging my hand.

"I made him, Ada. Melkor gave me a fire spirit, so I made a Phoenix for a companion. His name is Esgalnoron." I replied, waking up as I stroked the smooth, sparkling feathers.

"What is a Phoenix, and how exactly did you create it?" Sauron asked suspiciously. I suddenly felt starved.

"It's a fire bird. I made it using my light and a falcon feather. Melkor taught me how to do it." I answered. Hunger welled. A strange feeling was stirring, making me feel a little panicked. I was so, so very hungry, so much so that I almost thought I was going to attack someone or something for a reason I didn't know.

"Interesting. You must show me how you did it." He said, studying Esgalnoron thoughtfully, who shifted and ruffled his feathers which burst into orange flame under my fingers. My fingers were completely unaffected by the fire, no heat burning them. It felt funny, tendrils flicking my fingers hungrily when there was no other feeling, not even warmth.

I stared at it, feeling the hunger grow. I looked up and Sauron promptly stared at me, a mingled startled and gleeful look on his face. "Your eyes, Caladiel. They've changed." He all but purred.

I blinked. "What? How?" I asked, confused. He didn't answer, only picking me up and heading out the door. Esgalnoron flew behind us, staying with me. I was utterly still, almost in fear of moving. If I did, I was sure that I would attack Sauron out of sheer- hunger. Though why I would want to eat him I have no clue. It was just an unexplainable thirst.

His heat slowly began to seep into me, and the more it did, the more it began to slake my thirst. So I was hungry for heat? But why? And why did only his heat make me feel satisfied? Esgalnoron, a fire spirit, did not. Confused and choosing not to answer my questions, instead I just clutched a bunch of Sauron's hair and looked around the passageways as we passed through.

We finally arrived at a room where glass was stored. Probably for making whips, if I'm correct. Sauron took me to a large shard of it, and set me down. "Look." He said.

Blinking, I turned to the mirror- and gasped, beginning to hyperventilate. I looked so very different now. There were dark streaks appearing in my hair, mingled with red as well. White, black, and red. And my eyes were no longer pale blue. They were now violet. I was nearly panicking. What was this!? I didn't want to change!

"You see now? I do believe that Angband has begun its work on you, my dear." Sauron smiled smugly, looking pleased. A tear leaked down my cheek at the thought. Would I be corrupted?

And suddenly, Sauron's reflection changed. His face blanked, and then cleared into a slightly confused expression. He looked at my reflection, and then frowned. "Don't cry. I don't know what to do with tears. Don't be sad." He said, then began to hum, looking around. Mairon was back, and for how long it would last I didn't know.

"Why did you leave?" I asked him, still studying myself.

"I didn't have a choice, really. It was leave or be-" he was cut off abruptly in his most enlightening statement as his expression blanked.

He reached down and picked me up. "I rather like these changes. It makes you all the more interesting." Sauron declared, marching off again.

I was left to wonder what was happening to me and hope that Eru knew what he was doing. Esgalnoron flew behind us, clearly worried about me. And what was this Sauron/Mairon thing going on? Why am I so thirsty? And for what?


	7. Chapter 7

**next chapter! Enjoy, and thanks for all of the follows and faves! By that way, what pairing would you like to see in this story, if any at all? Because Caladiel WILL grow up sooner or later...**

**DeLacus: yay! Glad you liked it. ;) **

**WoodElfJedi: oh good. XD**

**Jesus' girl 4ever: I know! Sigh.**

**Lady Silverfrost: thank you! I'm so glad. ;)**

Chapter 7

My third day in Morgoth's Helcaraxë lap. It was like being in a snow bank with an air conditioner on full blast blowing on you. He had been rather intrigued by my creation of the Phoenix, and had spent a while studying poor Esgalnoron who was frightened, I could tell.

But he let him go after his curiosity had been quenched, and then had made his odd demand again. "Play."

So I gladly climbed off of his lap and sat on the floor, reaching for Esgalnoron, who flew to me and perched on my arm precariously. Melkor had made no comment on my changing looks. He obviously wasn't surprised.

~Are you alright, Esgalnoron?~ it seems as though since I created him we share a mind link.

~Yes. Frightened but alright~ he answered, flying around as I attempted to catch him.

I made a futile snatch and only got a single feather that fluttered into my fingers. I grinned and stuck it into my hair, sticking out a tongue at Esgalnoron.

"Mine now." I declared.

~Pah. I can grow more.~ he snorted in reply.

~Do you think he knows why I'm changing?~ I wondered. If birds could shrug, I'm sure he just did.

I turned. "Errm, Master?" I HATED calling him that, but what choice do I have?

"What is it?" He asked uninterestedly.

"Why am I changing?" I asked hesitantly.

He gave me a blank look. "You are being affected by the darkness. Sauron was the same when I first brought him- but he changed, as you can see. You also will change, though if you ever let out your light you will resume your original form again." He offered the brief explanation. I nodded thoughtfully.

"O-okay." I replied, and went back to chasing Esgalnoron. I was still cold. And so very hungry. It was growing, too, which worried me.

~Esgalnoron, I'm getting hungry again. I don't like it!~ I said, sounding a little panicked.

~Try to hold on, Caladiel, the hour's almost up.~ he answered, sounding a bit desperate. I tried. I really did. Even when I finally caught him, I was fighting. But I finally couldn't take it any more.

Melkor drew me back into his lap and made me show my light. "I'm so hungry." I gritted out, clenching my fists. Melkor took no notice. I stared at my arm, seeing the white, porcelain skin. It looked so tempting. I blinked. What does that mean!?

Again, Melkor experimented with me. By the time it was over, I was ravenous and barely able to understand anything. "Go." I was set down, and immediately bolted for the door, tripping over my own feet.

I crashed right into Sauron as I ran through the hallways, falling to the floor and almost writhing in my attempts to stop myself from finding something to tear in to. Anything. Just something. Something to sate my unnatural hunger. It was maddening.

Sauron deftly picked me up and headed down the hallways, Esgalnoron flying behind. Heat trickled into my limbs, scalding, burning, hissing, steaming warmth. I slumped, spent and strangely sated. I didn't understand. What does this hunger mean? My hair was now completely black, streaked with strands of red, and my eyes are a plum purple color.

He carried me into a room and set me down on the floor. "What was that?" He demanded.

"I don't know. I just felt so hungry." I whimpered, looking up at him pleadingly. He rolled his eyes.

"You are so helpless." He snarled, and then picked me up again. "In many ways you remind me of that fool Maedhros when he was hung on Thangorodrim." He muttered as he stalked off who-knows-where.

I caught a strange lilt in his voice, however. One of slight wistfulness. I paused. "Why?" I asked quietly, cringing away as though expecting a blow for asking.

Sauron abruptly stopped and looked at me, face expressionless. I flinched. "Sorry. I shouldn't have asked." I whispered.

"Why do you apologize?" There was a distinctly far-away quality to his voice, as though he weren't fully listening to me. I swallowed.

"It's none of my business." I replied meekly.

His gaze cleared and focused on me, hardening. "You never would have said that two days ago." He said sternly. "You are breaking." He growled.

I paused, confused. Was I? No, I wasn't! I was merely... I don't even know. Gah, this is so confusing! I don't understand what to think anymore! My thoughts keep wavering, almost as though there were two beings inside of me.

"No I'm not." I said adamantly, crossing my arms stubbornly. "But I do know when I have crossed a line." I retorted sourly.

"That's better. You are changing, Caladiel. Angband is bringing out the darker part in you, and you are finding it difficult to switch from one to the other." Sauron informed me, now sure that I was back to normality.

I frowned. So that's what was happening to me. I paused, thinking. I should be careful. If I could not prevent it, then surely I could control it. I would have to be careful and try to integrate both sides into one. As Caladiel, I was a goody-goody. As my other Angband-side, as I called it, I was a- well, I was darker. Not evil, but definitely more darkness-inclined.

Then I frowned even farther. "You avoided my question." I pointed out smugly. Sauron suddenly sighed.

"Do not test my patience, Caladiel." He said, almost wearily.

I sighed. "Yes Ada." I said meekly enough, subsiding. He stumbled to a halt, staring at me with a mingled puzzled and shocked look. Then he shook himself and went on. But I could tell that I had done something to confuse him.

As I lay down to take a nap in his room where he locked me in with Esgalnoron so that no one would come in, I heard his boots click off down the stone hallways. As I fell asleep, I suddenly began to feel so very lonely, tears welling in my eyes.

Esgalnoron landed next to me and curled up. I grabbed him and snuggled close, sniffling as tears streaked down my cheeks.

~What's wrong?~ he asked, nudging me with his beak. I closed my eyes tightly, sniffing.

"I- I miss my mom, Esgalnoron. I- I miss being hugged and loved." I finally broke down, sobbing, as the past few weeks caught up to me. Esgalnoron nudged me, not knowing what to say and feeling distraught at my grief. There was no one here to care for or love me.

I finally fell asleep, thoroughly exhausted and worn out, tears drying on my cheeks in the coldness of Angband.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

When I woke up, it was to the sound of faint roaring. With a blink, I jacked myself up and rubbed my eyes. I creeped to the door and pressed my ear against it, straining to hear what was going on. Words came faintly to my ears.

"Do not test my patience, Ancalagon! You shall not see her!" That was Sauron, obviously.

"Why not? If she is asleep I care not." Came the gravelly sniff. I blinked. Ancala? He wanted to see me? Why?

"No. That is final. And you are going to wake her up." Sauron snarled.

"I believe you are the one who is shouting, not me. My my, what a change a daughter can bring about in such a being." Ancalagon said.

"She is not my daughter, for the last time! She is my treasure. Mine alone. My precious gem, not something to add to your hoard." Sauron snapped back irritatedly.

I sank against the door. Oh Valar. His precious gem. Precious gem. His precious... I used my light and jammed it though the lock, fumbling with the doorknob as I unlocked it and staggered through, falling to the ground with a yelp.

"Caladiel?" In a moment Sauron was there, yanking me up to my feet. Pain shot through my arm as I whimpered.

"Ouch." I whispered. Abruptly he paused.

"Ah, Caladiel! I see we must have woken you up. Are you fine?" Ancalagon swaggered up to us, hands in his pockets. He was in secondary form.

"I- I'm f-fine." I replied, teeth chattering from emotion overload, cold, and hunger. "I'm h-hungry." I shivered, sitting down with a tear leaking down my cheek.

Sauron seemed to be confused. Ancalagon sighed and bent down, picking me up. "As I suspected. Sauron, you need to learn how to care for a child. She's not going to make it if you continue at this rate." The black dragon said dryly, stalking off with me.

Sauron followed after, seething. "What do you mean-"

"I mean that by the way you have been treating her its a miracle she's survived this long as it is." Ancalagon snapped. "Even dragons now better how to care for our young." He snarled.

"What do you care?" Sauron asked, sounding suspiciously as though he were jealous and dubious.

"Because she is a precious treasure and I am sure that Morgoth wouldn't want to see such a precious thing die too soon, don't you? Besides, she deserves better." Ancalagon added in a mutter.

I just clutched his shirt, wide-eyed and not knowing what to do. "Ancala?" I peeped. His hand stroked my hair.

"Hmm?" He asked easily. I stared up at him, feeling overwhelmed as his hand soothed me gently.

"I- I- I miss my family." I whispered, tears welling. He arrived at a room, sitting down in a chair as Sauron fumed in the doorway.

"I know, little one." Ancalagon replied, brushing my hair with his long nails. "I know. You'll be alright. I'll be here." He said. I heard a wistful note in his voice.

I was struggling not to break down. "They all left me." I whimpered. "All gone." My voice cracked. Surely it was too much to ask for to think that Ancalagon was being serious. He's a dragon. What am I compared to him?

"I know. But you are here now." Ancalagon said practically. "You can make new family here." He said.

"Who? No one wants me. I'm just a- a thing." I said forlornly. "No Ada, no Naneth, no body." I futilely wiped at my leaky eyes. Ancalagon hesitated, and then hugged me. I suddenly began to feel warmth begin to seep through me. I struggled against hope.

"I will be your big brother if you like." He offered gently. "I promise." He sounded uncertain.

"Why?" I whispered.

He sighed. "I had a sister, once. She... Died." He replied. "I did love her." He added quietly.

"Do I look like her?" I asked.

"No." He said bluntly. "But you remind me of her in some ways." He shrugged. I peered up at him.

"Promise you'll never leave me? You'll always be my big brother?" I asked meekly. He nodded firmly.

"I promise." He said gravely. I saw the truth of it in his eyes. And something around my heart broke. Warmth coursed through my body from Ancalagon. And the dam burst. I broke into bitter sobs, shaking in shame, humiliation, and renewed hope.

Ancalagon just rocked. Through my tears, I saw that Sauron had a queer look on his face, like he was simultaneously feeling awkward, sneering, confused, and shocked. And I cried. And Ancalagon just continued to rock, stroking my hair gently, nails raking across my scalp.

I didn't question it. I didn't dare. It was too good to be true, surely?

"I am here, little sister." Ancalagon reiterated quietly. And then I remembered his fate later. And that brought a brand-new wave of fresh tears. I can't let that happen to my new family member, can I?

Why me? I never asked for this. My best dream has become my worst nightmare. I wanted to see dark lords- well, now I'd got it. And it was far from what I had expected. What was I to do now?

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I had fallen asleep, I guess, because the next thing I new I was waking up in the arms of Sauron.

"Are you okay? Did I make you cry?"

No, apparently it's Mairon.

"No." I rasped. My eyes opened to see his face swimming in front of me with a confused look. And he looked different. He didn't look like Sauron. His face was softer, and he looked more like a child than Sauron. Ancalagon raised an eyebrow at me.

"No, you didn't." I said with a sigh.

"Than who? It wasn't very nice of them." Mairon scowled. But it was a nice scowl.

I smiled weakly. "No, it wasn't. But he doesn't really know how to be nice. You do." I said. He beamed.

"I try." He said shyly. My heart ached. If only Mairon could be there all the time.

Then he scowled. "I suppose I shall have to learn, Ancalagon." Sauron said gruffly. I blinked along with Ancala. Now that was neither Sauron nor Mairon. That was like a mixture of both. And I found that I instinctively liked it.

"Well good." Ancalagon looked at me curiously. Esgalnoron was at my side, chittering angrily.

~Liar! I don't trust him!~

~Hush, Esgalnoron. You're giving me a headache.~ I sighed. He grumbled but subsided. I rolled my eyes.

"Master calls. Keep her safe, Ancalagon, or else brother or not I will rip off your scales one by one." Sauron snarled, and stalked off. We stared until he had disappeared.

"What. Was that." Ancala almost sounded spooked.

"Mairon." I replied. "He says that because of me Mairon is coming back. He switches sometimes. So do I. My dark side and lighter side. I'm trying to integrate them both, but it's hard. I think he is trying too. Didn't you see it for a moment?" I asked.

He looked thoughtful. "I suppose so." He muttered. Then he looked to me. "I meant it when I said I'd be your brother, but I also had another thing to ask you." He said, staring at me with those ruby red eyes.

"Yeah?" I asked warily, feeling heart-sick.

"I have a feeling that you are going to be used by Melkor in some way or another one day when he deems you dark enough. But this is our chance. Many dragons hold no love for him, master and creator though he may be." Ancalagon stood.

"So will you help us try to somehow at least diminish his works? We must be careful, but it can be done. And if you can sway Sauron to our side..." He studied me carefully. He had done a thing that could be considered dangerous, since I could easily rat him out.

I blinked. But I hadn't expected that. The dragons, not liking Melkor? This could be my chance! I had kept Finrod from dying, I could maybe keep Anacalagon from dying! My eyes lit up.

"Yes. I will help. I'm small." I said with a grin. It may not have been my dream-come true, but I could still do something I had always wanted to, couldn't I? I smiled. Yes, I would help. I could try.

Ancalagon and I looked at each other. And we made a resolve. We would work together, dragons, Phoenix, and vessel of light, and we would try to add Sauron to our list of rebels and join the elves against Moringotto.

Now if only we had the Force we could call ourselves the Star Wars Rebels... Wouldn't that have been nice?


	8. Chapter 8

**a chapter is long overdue. My apologies. I had writers block, I had to go traveling... Life caught up. But here, in repayment for your patience! *shoves you all a chapter* thank you for all of the faves and follows. By the way, this is a dark chapter, be warned.**

**Jesus' girl 4ever: she would accept it, I'm sure. ;)**

**Lady Silverfrost: thank you as always. XP escape? Errm... No...**

**DeLacus: XD couldn't help myself, I had to do it. Muahahaha. Okay! I actually have three possible pairings in mind, but at the moment one in particular is holding sway... But we'll see. **

**Horseyyay: okay. Maybe, as I have said before. But as I told DeLacus, there are three possible pairings on my mind... We'll see which one wins... And by the way, one of them is a Khamûl pairing. *snickers* it's just too funny not to consider.**

**Corrina (Guest): thank you! Yes, there aren't too many of these out there, are there? I wish there were. :( sorry to make you wait so long...**

Chapter 8

I was thirsty again. But this time, something was terribly wrong. Melkor hadn't called for me yet, and this was about the time he would send Carcharoth to bring me by the scruff of my collar, Esgalnoron flying alongside. But the werewolf was not yet here.

And to be honest, it was worrying me. I didn't like it, at all. It meant that something was wrong, terribly wrong, if Melkor didn't call for me. He never missed a day, not one.

It wasn't as if Carcharoth couldn't find me, either, he always found me on time, wherever I was. When I asked him, he answered that it was because he could smell my blood. It smelled odd, so he said. Sweet and tangy, thick and rich. I wasn't too sure what to make of that.

Sauron was lazily overseeing the making of some kind of new device or whatever, I wasn't really paying attention. He watched me through half-lidded eyes as I paced the floor, trying not to clutch at my stomach, clawing my wrist instead to keep myself from gouging my innards out. I was thirsty, and the raspy ache in my throat wasn't leaving me alone.

And the strange thing was that water didn't work. It was too weak. I heaved every time I attempted to drink the clear, colorless, tasteless liquid. And it was scaring me to no end.

"Stop pacing, Caladiel. You are making me feel dizzy." Sauron complained, tapping his nail clamps against the arm of the stone chair he sat on. I sat down obediently, reaching up to clutch my throat. Esgalnoron was somewhere I know not, but nearby, that much was undoubtable.

A week. It had been a week since Anacala had asked me to help, and there had no message from him since then. Mairon hadn't come back yet, but there had been a few times when the two had integrated. And I was changing. At an alarming, unnatural rate.

If I had been the size of a toddler when I first got here, I was now the size of the fifteen-year old I was supposed to be. And my looks. Except for the hour that I spent with Melkor, I never let out my light. In fact, had it not been for the hour when I could resume my 'normal' form, I would have long forgotten what it even looked like.

My hair was jet black, tinged at the ends with the same reddish that Sauron's was. In fact, I had grown to look quite a bit like Sauron, to his pleasure and my secret relief. After all, it could have been worse. My eyes were purple, and I realized that red had been the predominant change in color on me. Red over my blue eyes had made them purple. My skin had still kept its sickly pale color, a splotch of milk in the dark halls of Angband.

And the thing that most worried me- I had grown a pair of fangs. Long, needle-point sharp, smooth, and cold. They showed up wonderfully against my blood red lips that bled into colorless skin. I looked horribly beautiful. I had stopped crying. It wasn't so much that there weren't any more to shed, rather it was because I was sincerely creeped out by my own tears. They were like glass, falling from my eyes as liquid only to shatter on the floor and scatter like broken shards of glass or diamond.

It made me most unhappy, which in turn was a miserable feeling because I couldn't cry. It was still hard to accept the fact that I was not ever going back home, and that the Valar- even Eru- had sent me here, to live like this. To most likely die like this. This wasn't a dream, not anymore. It was a living nightmare that I couldn't wake up from matter how much I wished or pinched myself black and blue and purple and red. And red. Always red. I was even beginning to see in shades of black and red.

All of these beings here in Morgoth's fortress, they were black. Black and wraith-like. And whenever one was killed, I would see their souls leave, falling to pieces and floating away into nothing like ashes. And whenever I saw it, the ache in my throat would grow so much it would almost choke me. But I never knew what to do to satisfy it.

"Caladiel!" Sauron's annoyed tone brought me out of my thoughts with a jerk. My head snapped up.

"Yes Ada?" I asked as he stood to his feet.

"Go already!" He said, waving me away, and turning to one of the orcs. I turned around to see Carcharoth behind me, looking somewhat annoyed.

"Come on. He's in a mood today." The werewolf growled, stalking off as I followed after clumsily. Not by human standards, but by elven standards very awkwardly. The rapid changes had left me reeling, trying to re-accustom myself to being in my fifteen-year old form.

"You're not very comforting, you know that?" I sighed to the werewolf, who merely snorted and led the way at a fast pace to the throne room. It didn't matter how large I grew, I always ended up in Melkor's lap one way or another. He was always that much bigger than I. Esgalnoron came and perched on my shoulder.

~Esgalnoron, I'm seriously considering making you a darker form.~ I said sourly. He was like a sore thumb in this place of darkness, always leaving a trail of orange fire behind him.

~You're my companion, friend, caretaker, and protector. If you think that's wise, go ahead. I have no objections, only that it be something fiery...~ Was his reply. I walked to the throne and curtsied awkwardly. I hated the dress.

"Come." Melkor's voice was as cold as the Helcaraxë today. It was seething in cool anger, the ice in his voice grinding against each other horribly in groans of slow fury. I walked up the steps that led to the throne, and he waved me onto the floor at his feet. I sat on his metal boots, allowing him to lift up my hair and study it as he always did. I hated his touch. It was so greedy and grasping, and his gaze was always lustful.

"Show me." His demand brooked no argument, which I didn't offer, as always. The light came out, and I was once more clean and pure, a being of purity and light.

"Thuringwethil, come here." Melkor snarled, and the female vampire came forwards, bowing to her master and then looking at me with her creepy red eyes. There was a sort of triumphant pity in them, as though she both loathed at what I had become and yet at the same time was glad that she was not the only one to have been corrupted beyond repair.

"Yes master?" Her voice was smooth like the black silk she wore, the same black as the lace that decorated my throat like a fancy collar.

"Caladiel. Give her your wrist." Melkor said. I stiffened. I knew what that meant. Oh no, no way in Mordor was I going to allow myself to become a meal for her. No. Absolutely not.

"No." I replied, although not without fear. A mailed hand clamped on my neck, forcing my head up as I fought the gag reflexes that his squeezing produced.

"It's your wrist or neck." He said calmly. "Hold it out." He ordered. I couldn't swallow the bile that was rising in my throat in disgust at myself.

I held out my wrist, and he let go of my throat. "Take no more than a bare sip, Thuringwethil." He snapped, and the vampire came forwards, grasping my arm and sinking her own fangs into my wrist. There was the sickening crack of breaking skin, and I gritted my teeth, hissing at the pain. The vampire gave me a quick glance, and I caught a wisp of apology in them.

I abruptly stopped hating her. It wasn't her fault that she was forced to become this being of darkness. Neither of us had a choice, no say in the matter. Melkor ordered, and we could not but comply. Warmth pooled on my skin.

Thuringwethil had barely taken a mouthful when she stopped and raised her mouth, still dripping with crimson paste. The broken skin on my wrist immediately closed, leaving not a scar.

"Well?" Morgoth asked impatiently drumming his fingers against the armrest of his black throne.

"Dark. It mixes readily in my veins." Was the clinically detached reply. I wondered what that meant. Melkor gave her a wintery smile of pleased dismissal. She bowed and left, giving me one last glance. But this time, it was hungry.

"Good. You are now dark enough to do my bidding, Caladiel." Melkor sounded darkly pleased with himself, and laughed, the sound bouncing off the walls and leering at me with horrific faces.

I closed my eyes, feeling my heart sink to the pit of my stomach. But there was also a small stirring in my soul that jolted me out of the looming spiral of depression that yawned in front of me. It snapped angrily as it was deprived of a meal, and my eyes opened.

I was not alone. Never completely alone. Eru was there inside of me, along with my light. I had a purpose, and it didn't matter of it seemed to be going badly. Eru had a plan for everything, down to my condition even now. If I had to be a killer for Morgoth, or even one of his pawns, I would be a white pawn in disguise. A light in the darkness, even if I was a hidden light.

Melkor seemed to be in a much better mood, playing with my light and obviously deep in thought, eyes glittering in cold glee whenever they landed on me. I huddled at his cold feet, Esgalnoron my only comfort as he allowed me to smooth his feathers.

~What do you think she meant, Esgalnoron?~ I asked, worried.

~All the blood she drinks mixes with hers. Melkor had her taste yours to determine if it would readily mix with hers. If it did, it would mean that you are now as dark as she is.~ Was his depressed reply. He looked miserable, his feathers bunched in clumps.

~But I'm not, Esgalnoron. I'm actually just as light as I am when I first came here, inside. Outwardly I am dark, but think! Thuringwethil was once a Maia! She still has some light in her. Of course my blood would mix with hers, it has touched the secret fire of the Creator, the Father of All. I am a hidden light in the darkness, a white pawn in disguise.~ I smiled at him slightly.

His feathers smoothed out. ~That makes me relieved.~ he sighed. I nodded.

~No matter what he makes me do, I will always tamper with it some way or another for the better. He may break our bodies, Esgalnoron, but he cannot touch our souls. They are ours and ours alone.~ I comforted, and my Phoenix let out a screech of agreement.

Melkor ignored it as always, instead fiddling with my hair. "Tell me, Caladiel, what do you see when you look at me?" He asked lazily, propping up his head in his hand and turning his obsidian eyes on me. I stared at him and his weird question.

"I see... You, master. The Silmarils... The crown..." I said, unsure what he meant. He rolled his eyes.

"Not physically, Caladiel, what do YOU see?" He asked again with condescending patience.

Oh. So that's what he meant. I thought about it. "My images change, master. I can't pin down one of you, there are- too many. They always change." I replied, staring at his face, unable to look away from his eyes.

"Then which ones are most predominant?" He pressed, lifting a lock of white hair into his hand.

I thought. "I see ice, master." I finally answered quietly. "I see the Helcaraxë. I see death, destruction... Coldness. But I also see..." I looked down at my feet, not wanting to say it.

"Hmm?" He sounded vaguely amused. "And?"

"I see someone else, someone beautiful." I whispered. Melkor didn't seem to be disturbed.

"Oh? And what does he look like?" Was his only intrigued reply.

"He has bright blonde hair and a fair face, with beautiful eyes." I said wistfully. "And his robe... It is made of all the colors I can think of. And it is speckled with stars and rainbows, sparkling brightly. And his eyes can SEE me." I murmured, and as I finished was suddenly aware of pain blooming in my scalp.

I bit back a yelp and looked up to see Melkor fisting my hair in his glove and glaring at nothing in particular. He let go of my hair and looked down at my face, his face expressionless but his eyes terrible. I shook.

"Oh, do you? Well then, never expect to see him again." He snarled, and then fell into dark musings as I shook in fear. If he had done something to me I could not have been more frightened. His face was so awfully frightening to see, that look in his eyes. It was so desperate, filled with hatred and loathing, and yet at the same time such terrible regret and soul-pain. And hate everywhere.

And so I realized for the first time that Morgoth hated himself, and that was why he hated everything else. He hated that he could not get rid of Melkor no matter how hard Morgoth kept trying to by killing and destroying, manipulating and mutilating and deviating. But the more he did so, the more Melkor screamed in horror, and the more Morgoth grew angry. And so the cycle went on and on.

And I allowed myself to cry. Quiet tears that shattered deafeningly on the floors as they broke and scattered everywhere. I cried for Melkor, and cried that he could not be set free. I cried for what Arda could have been. I cried at the pain that the secret fire caused me deep inside. Eru too, it seemed, mourned for the loss of his son.

My wrist burned. The ache in my throat flared up and clawed at my throat, roaring for sustenance. I clutched it, the saliva running down my throat only making it feel worse. I gagged, coughing and splattering red droplets all over Carcharoth's fur where he sat beside me. He turned and began to lick it off, unconcerned.

~Caladiel?~ Esgalnoron asked anxiously.

~Nothing, Esgalnoron. It's nothing.~ I rasped in reply. Although unconvinced, he chose to reluctantly take my word as my breath rattled in my lungs. The secret fire dimmed for a moment, flickering. Morgoth still said nothing, yanking his fingers through my hair in dark brooding.

"Go." He finally said, ripping his fingers from my hair and then promptly ignoring me. My light was bottled up and my fangs grew out onto my lips again. I stood, and then paused, turning back to Morgoth.

"Master?" I whispered hoarsely.

"What?" He asked, flicking a glance to me briefly.

"May I make myself some new clothes?" I asked.

"Yes." He replied, and then ignored me again. I walked off, trying not to stumble as the world seemed to shake underneath my feet. The floor tilted, and I staggered slightly, managing to make it to the doorway. I tripped into the long hall and leaned against the wall, shaking as the stone doors clapped shut behind me with a 'boom.' Esgalnoron chattered and hopped around my feet. "Be careful Esgalnoron, I don't trust myself not to trip on you." I rasped. He pecked my dress gingerly in reassuring reply.

The world righted itself again and I went down the hall again, vision melding into light shades of black and red. I could still see color, but there was also a new dimension to things that I could see. The unseen realm. The stone walls were rough under my fingers, a trail of blood marking my direction on the wall as the stone cut my fingers.

I made it to Sauron's quarters, falling to my knees on the floor and gasping for air. I felt dizzy, and the smell of rust wafted to my nose. Thirst grew as I stared down at the sticky redness that coated my fingers.

"Caladiel." Ancalagon's voice made me turn around. He was in secondary form, and I stared at him, teeth bared. His ruby eyes took in the sight of me as my own gaze riveted to his chest. I could see his soul, a blob of white, unlike the dark ones of orcs. I forced myself to look to his eyes instead.

"What? Where have you been this week?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"You are not in any condition to talk." He said calmly.

"Who would be after being an hour in Morgoth's presence?" I asked bitterly. "I'm not made for this, Ancala. I can't do this. I'm going to go mad!" I cried, and threw myself against his chest, clutching the silk underneath my hands and shaking. He didn't so much as budge, instead just wrapping his arms around me and raking his nails against my scalp.

My fangs caught against his shirt. With a growl, I lifted my head and opened my mouth, only to snap it shut with an audible click. Ancalagon didn't flinch. The fingernails continued their rake. Hunger abated as the heat from his hands and body seeped into me slowly. Agonizingly slowly. I scowled.

"So?" I asked. He pulled away.

"Better." He said, and then dropped his hands, leaning against the doorway and then shoving his hands into his pockets. "No, there's nothing yet. I was out on a small errand and managed to tamper with something small." He shrugged.

"Just a human, but it was something anyway. He won't know." Ancala went on.

"Where's Ada?" I asked warily.

"Railing at Scatha for something or another." Was the gleeful reply. I rolled my eyes.

"Scatha is too loyal to Morgoth." I muttered.

"True. So far only Kalarion, Glaurthag, and Jura have joined in. And only because I know that they are the Faithful." He said with a shrug.

"This is awful, Ancala." I said, wilting. "I'm right in the middle of integrating, and I can't seem to control it!" I exclaimed, frustrated, and then whipped around and smashed my fist against the wall. A hole formed in it. I stared.

"See?" I asked, and then sighed, slumping against said wall. All those who were on the side of Eru we had started to call the Faithful. To hear that there were four dragons that were Faithful was heartening. Plus me and Esgalnoron. But that was small, compared to all the evil that lurked in Angband.

"It will pass, Caladiel, do not worry. How has the persuasion been going?" He asked. It was so typical of him to brush off my worries like they were nothing but fleas.

"Fine. Well. Bad. I don't know." I said exhaustedly. "I don't know. I think he's been integrating, the mix has popped up several times."

"Good." Was his only reply. I was beginning to seriously wonder if he answers everything with monosyllables. "Well, I hear Sauron coming along in a snit. I will see you tomorrow." He said, and then sauntered off as I hurried myself into the room and sat on the bed next to Esgalnoron.

~I really need to get my mind off of things, Esgalnoron. I'm going to make you another form. Maybe I can even get you to be able to shift forms...~ and I began to try to distract myself.

Sauron stormed into the large room and slammed the door shut. The sound reverberated throughout the cavernous room. He marched up to the bed and sat down, grabbing me and dragging me into his lap in frustration. I sat in his lap meekly, petting Esgalnoron. Sauron was always larger than me. Even should I grow up to full size one day, I would always fit in his lap, of that I had no doubt.

"That stupid cold drake." He hissed venomously. "I could kill it with all joy." He snarled, beginning to brush the tangles out of my hair. I didn't complain at the yanking, even if tears threatened to well sometimes from pain. He finally got it to where he liked it and began to braid absently.

"So? What did master make you do today?" Sauron calmed somewhat as the meticulous movements of braiding absorbed his attention. So I told him. When I had finished he grunted.

"Oh so you saw Melkor, did you?" Was his only reply as he lifted up my wrist and studied it carefully. Then he dropped it negligently, satisfied that I hadn't been harmed any more than that.

"I guess." Was my wearied reply. I had long since lost track of time. I couldn't figure out what day it was, what time of day, anything. And I had long since given up. It had been a week and a half since I had seen daylight. And like a flower, I could feel myself withering.

"Hmm." He finished his braiding and studied it skeptically.

"I don't like my clothes. Master said I could change them." I said flatly.

"To what?" He asked disinterestedly.

"I don't know. I'll have to see." I replied absently. Conversation was always dull.

"Well. There." He finished.

"Thank you Ada." I said genuinely. Now my hair felt lighter and I felt a little better as his scorching heat seeped into me. I relaxed, curling into him. He absently fiddled with my hair, not paying attention.

"Ada?" I mumbled, feeling sleepy.

"What?" He replied shortly, though not unkindly.

"I'm glad you're my Ada." I said, and then yawned. If my body clock is correct, it must be dark out. Sauron didn't say anything, but I could feel him freeze in shock.

"Whatever for?" He finally asked gruffly. I clutched his torso, nuzzling my nose into his shirt front. He was warm and comfortable.

"Because you're nice, Ada. You take care of me." I replied honestly. "And you're warm." I tacked on the afterthought. After a tense moment, a hand landed on the top of my hair.

"Sleep." Was all he said, but the tone of his voice made me realize that it was both Sauron and Mairon speaking. Sauron never would have let that go, he would have picked it apart and laughed in my face. Mairon would have been bubbling over happily. But this was both and neither.

Maybe, just maybe, I could coax the integrated version of both to stay for good. And then convince him to be one of the Faithful. I smiled as I fell asleep. Things may be far from perfect, but I could try to make the best of it all.


	9. Chapter 9

**sorry this took so long, this one was a doozy! Y'all had better be grateful. *sighs* anyways! a quick note: the conversation between Melkor and Sauron does not belong to me. It belongs to the awesome artist on deviantart named Phobs'. I liked her comic strip The Stolen Silmaril so I used the dialogue in here. All credit to Phobs'! Hope you all like, please tell me if it was good or not. I'm a little skeptical.**

**Jesus' girl 4ever: glad you like!**

**Peregrin Took the Falcon: so glad you do! ;)**

**horseyyay: hehe. Yes, Khamûl... Glad you like!**

**Lady Silverfrost: aww! I'm so glad you like it. Thank you! And yes, we can only hope... **

**DeLacus: oh yeah, it's Phobs'. Her art is awesome! I LOVE her Melkor and Sauron. Squeee! So glad you liked the Melkor and Sauron parts. XD**

Chapter 9

It's official. I don't like sewing. But I wanted to do this one piece of sewing myself rather than using my light, so I did.

It had been easy enough to use my light and a scrap piece of cloth to make myself a whole new outfit that I greatly preferred to the dresses I had been wearing so far. They were all so scratchy, heavy, hot, ridiculously ornate and elaborate, and so Morgoth-ish. I didn't like them.

But the new one was much better, in my opinion. But then, I had made it with my own preferences in mind, so of course it would be nicer, to me. And I had made them to fit both myself and my position. I finished the embroidery and put them on, standing in front of the large piece of glass that stood in the room.

There was a pair of black silk leggings, veined with hairline-thin streaks of red. Over top of it went a robe. The sleeves were wide and loose, and the hem came down a little past my knees. It was slit up to the waist in the middle, providing an open front, and a red obi cinched it around my waist tightly. A hood completed the design of the robe, and if I pulled it up, there was a little extension on it that would come down to the bridge of my nose and covered my eyes.

Of course, the robe was black silk, with no other color except for the extension of the hood- that was red. And on the front of the robe was an emblem- of a red eye surrounded by small rays branching out from it. The collar was buttoned up with little golden buttons that I had made look like rings just for fun.

I smiled, and my fangs poked out creepily from my lips, making me grimace, which only made me look even spookier. With a sigh, I turned away from the cracked glass and turned back to Eagalnoron, who was perched on the back of the chair I had been sitting in.

He ruffled his feathers. ~I can't say I really like it, but it does look good.~ He commented. I snorted.

~I know and agree, so I thank you for your honest opinion.~ I replied and then sat on the bed. ~You know, I think I would have gone mad a long time ago if it hadn't been for you, Esgalnoron. You kept me sane by being there to listen to me and help me. If I didn't have someone to talk to who shares my opinions...~ I trailed off.

~And I'm sure I can say the same.~ Was his answering reply.

"Well. I need to ask Carcharoth for a piece of his fur today when Melkor calls for me. I'm going to try to give you another form that is a little less... Un-evil." I said dryly, making him chuckle in my mind.

~A funny way to put it. But as you wish.~ Was his answer.

"If you still like the Phoenix form, I'm pretty sure I can make you into a shape shifter." I offered thoughtfully, studying him.

~I would like that. Something tells me that I'll need it before long.~ He said thoughtfully.

"Then that's you and me both, Mellon nîn." I said grimly, and began to pester him for questions as to what to make him.

"... And dragons are out of the question!"

~Oh fine.~

"Esgalnoron!"

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I was about to tear my hair out in frustration. Every single time I arrive in Melkor's presence, I get so hungry. And I can never sate it, either. It is frustrating, and I don't like it, not one bit. But what can I do? I don't know how to fill it, and I'm not about to ask Morgoth. He'll most likely tell me to try something like orc-meat or something. Blergh.

"Hmmm. Not bad." Was Melkor's only comment when he saw my new outfit. So obviously he didn't disapprove. I don't see why there would be any reason for him to. The symbol of the eye represented Sauron, who had the device on his own robe, and there was nothing that smacked of rebellion or treason about it. As if I would do such a thing anyway. I'm not that stupid.

I was bade, as usual, to sit down by his feet, so I did, feeling empty. Hollow. I never ate food anymore. I'm sure I could if I had any, but I didn't really have a need to. The secret flame is more than enough to keep me filled, and I have a feeling that it wouldn't sate my odd hunger either.

His feet were always so cold. And the metal boots he wore only worsened it. Carcharoth slunk in and settled himself down at Morgoth's feet as well, head pillowed in my lap. His guard shift at the main gates were obviously over for the day, I'm guessing.

I studied his soul. It was, unsurprisingly, a sickly, jaundiced yellow color, and gave off a generally starved look. The spirit that had inhabited the wolfish body was indeed a consuming one, never satisfied and always hungry- reminding me uneasily of myself. Except, on the bright side, I could be sated. With heat. But that still didn't comfort me, because I felt hungry, not cold. One cannot eat heat. Or fire.

I almost reached out to touch the soul, and then realized what I was doing and, with difficulty, restrained myself. The ache in my throat flared, leaving it feeling dry and raspy as though I had been gargling sand. I was so hungry.

Secretly grinding my teeth, I reached out and instead touched the wolf's fur, tracing my fingers to his head and between his eyes down to the red-stained maw and jagged, sabertooth fangs that protruded from the black gums. His eye closest to me opened, the piercing orange orb gazing at me lazily.

"Can I have a piece of your fur, Carcharoth?" I asked. My voice sounded whispery and darkly smooth and suave. He snorted.

"Whatever for?" He demanded incredulously.

"A prototype." I answered automatically.

"Fine then." He answered, mollified, and I plucked out a single hair from his side. He didn't so much as flinch, eyes closing again. I tucked it into my robe as Melkor began to take the jet-black locks of my hair into his hands.

"Show me." He demanded absently, head propped in his hands, and I complied as usual. My hair became pure white again. The pressure of fangs against my lips disappeared. I felt clean and pure again. It was such a relief. For once, I was almost grateful to Melkor. At least he didn't forbid me from releasing it; that would have utterly destroyed me.

"Strange, Sauron seems to be rather occupied lately." Melkor noted. He never made any comment of the sort unless he wanted something from me. In this case, obviously he wanted a report on his lieutenant.

"I haven't seen anything unnatural, master. As always, he argues with Gothmog and Scatha, gathers the report from Ancalagon, kills an errant orc or two, oversees the new projects, and goes on carrying about your orders." I replied truthfully. Well, there was lessons he got from Ancala in parenting, but I'm not about to mention that. As long as there was nothing 'treasonous' about it Melkor wouldn't care anyway.

"Hmm. Good." He replied, mollified. A trail of lava from his robe hissed as it hit the cold floor. I watched as it slowly cooled, still moving sluggishly towards my foot. I stuck a finger in it, feeling the heat of it. But it wasn't satisfying. If anything, it only inflamed the thirst in my throat. I pulled my finger out, watching as the magma hardened around it.

My finger made a clacking sound as I tapped it against the floor. The stone glove cracked, and it fell to pieces, bouncing away on the floor and skittering to a halt in dark corners. I watched dully, feeling like the stones. I, too, had been brought here to an unnatural environment, cracked, shattered to pieces, dashed against the ground, and left to scrabble up the pieces of my ruined life from dark corners.

It was enough to make me want to laugh hysterically. With this hunger for heat, next I would be turned into a pyromaniac at this rate. Great. Just what I need.

Carcharoth suddenly let out a guttural snarl and jacked himself to his feet, and dragging his tongue over my cheek, began to make his way towards the doorway.

"Where are you going?" I asked, confused. He turned back to me.

"It's my turn for guard duty." Was his reply. "It is now night." A frisson of both premonition and fear ran through me, and I suppressed a shiver. Night. Guard duty. Thuringwethil had gone somewhere to do something for Melkor, and a day later had been reported dead. Draugluin was dead. Carcharoth was going out to lie by the gates.

"Then... Goodbye." I said quietly, remembering Draugluin. A pang of sorrow flashed through me. I had liked Draugluin. He had been a rather nice werewolf, evil though he may be born and bred. Now Carcharoth was leaving too. I suddenly wondered if I would fall asleep to Luthien's spelled cloak.

Carcharoth said nothing, only trotted away, tail giving one last haughty swish before disappearing out the door. I watched him go for the last time. I would never see him again, that much I knew. One by one, they would all fall away. Gothmog was next, and then Ancalagon- though not if I had anything to say about it. The day when Melkor would be thrown into the Void couldn't come fast enough.

Morgoth tugged on my hair, though not harshly. I suddenly missed Sauron. His nail-clamps fascinated me. They made me want to play with them, the sharp, pointy things. Kriff it, now I have a fascination for objects of mass destruction. I sighed heavily and tried to calculate how much time it would take for them to get here.

Well, the battle outside would last naught but a minute, beginning suspicion and small conversation included, and it would take them five minutes to actually make their way here.

I had always hated the throne room. It was always lit by the molten rock of his cloak and the green fire that burned all around the walls. But despite it all, Morgoth had always sucked the heat and life out of everything, and each inhalation you took was like breathing in tiny shards of ice, and every exhale caused a white mist to puff from your mouth. And as always, torture devices and weapons of mass destruction decorated the walls.

And then it would take but moments for Melkor to sense her disguise and strip her of it, and another few minutes for her to sing him to sleep, literally. If I could somehow converse with her and then pretend to be asleep when Melkor awoke again, perhaps...

I suddenly started as there was the sound of soft swishing, as robes on a surface. My ears could pick up the quiet pattering of padded feet as well. I abruptly shut away my light, and Melkor stirred from his rumination, giving Beren, in disguise of Draugluin, just enough time to slink under his throne- and another wolf? What?

"Ah. And what might we have here?" Morgoth's voice was cooly suave, the swishing of cool water lapping the sides of an iceberg. And the seeming Thuringwethil was suddenly no more, and in her place was Luthien, bright and beautiful, but small against the dark grandeur of the throne room. Her eyes flickered to me for a moment, but I gave no sign, hood over my head and still sitting at Melkor's feet.

And she offered her services to Melkor as a minstrel or bard, her sweet voice sounding out-of-place among the dark halls of Angband. I could have almost laughed at the very thought of Luthien staying here. She would assuredly break, the fragile thing. So very fragile, despite her powers. They would wear away here, eroded under the darkness.

And Melkor smiled, allowing her to sing and remain free, for a while. He pulled back my hood, stroking my hair in a pleased fashion, as a master would his pet dog. And as Luthien began to sing, distracting Melkor, I turned my head and looked under the throne, which was the level of my head anyways. The seeming Draugluin's yellow eyes caught mine and I could see him tense, as though expecting a fight. The other wolf also tensed.

But instead, all I did was place a finger to my lips and turn back to watch the 'show.' Luthien was nowhere to be seen, and her voice came from nowhere and everywhere, strong and clear. The fires abruptly went out. All of the orc-guards fell to the ground, their armor clattering against the floors. But the Silmarils on Melkor's crown suddenly blazed like three rainbow-colored fires, mingling until they were white-hot flames. The light soothed me.

I cracked out my light the barest bit so that her song wouldn't have the sleeping effect on me. Melkor's head bowed as he started to be weighed down by the crown. And suddenly, before I could even expect it, Luthien had sprang forwards and cast her cloak into his face as her song deepened to dark and dangerous pools of water under the cloudy skies that poured acidic water upon the land below.

I had just enough mind to curl myself into a ball and roll over to the side to avoid being crushed as Melkor suddenly fell from his throne onto the floor, unconscious as he lay there, flat upon his face.

There was sudden silence that was broken only by the deafening clanging of the iron crown that rolled from the dark head and lay there on the ground, the Silmarils still burning.

"Congratulations. I do believe you succeeded." I said dryly, standing up and brushing off my robe. "And do not try to use your cloak. I'm afraid it won't work on me." I added, turning to look at a pale-faced Luthien. I let out my light more until I had once more assumed my natural form.

Her eyes widened. "You-!" She exclaimed softly, ever aware of the Dark Lord asleep on the floor. I smiled.

"Yes, it is I." I replied just as softly. "Thank you for trying to save me- but you did well in granting my request. I assume Beren told you of me?" I asked amiably.

She nodded. "I see you have... Grown." She noted. I smiled.

"Indeed. Now are you going to wake him up and take a Silmaril or not?" I asked, nodding underneath the throne. She gave me a calculating look.

"He told me you seemed to know many things that were not possible to know." She ventured.

I smiled. "I am a seer of sorts." Was my vague answer. And I motioned a hand to the throne. "He won't stay asleep forever." I reminded her, and she moved over to the two wolves who lay there as dead. She roused them both at a touch, and they cast aside their disguises. And that is when I received a pleasant and yet not-so-pleasant shock as one of them proved to be Finrod.

Immediately I began to think of ramifications. Oh dear Eru, I hadn't thought of that. What if things went differently? The butterfly effect was bound to happen, surely... Both males turned to me in shock as they realized who I was.

I bowed. "Greetings. I would say welcome to Angband, but I'm afraid that you're not here to stay. Pity." I drawled, and despite themselves Beren and Finrod grinned wryly. I motioned to the crown.

"Help yourself." I smirked, and sat in front of the arm of the throne. Beren took out Angrist without a word as Finrod strode over to me, kneeling. I looked into his face and swallowed the tears at the sight of a friendly face.

"How do you fare, fair one?" He asked gently, brushing a hand against my cheek. I sighed.

"Well and not well." Was my quiet answer as I looked down at my hands. "It's not as though I'm treated harshly, but the darkness has had a toll on me." I admitted with a bitter smile. He sighed.

"Come with us." He whispered. "Come away from here." Oh, it was so tempting. But I knew it could not happen.

"I cannot. He treasures me highly, second only to the Silmarils- if not as much as them." I sighed, nodding to Melkor. He looked startled.

"Why?" He asked. I cracked out my light a bit wider. His eyes widened. "W-what is that?" He whispered, sounding awed. I smiled wryly.

"Apparently I was seen fit to become a vessel of the secret fire of Eru Ilùvatàr." I answered wearily. He goggled at it for a moment, then clenched his fists.

"I cannot bear to see you like this, all alone." He said harshly. I took his hands into mine.

"Go back to your people, my lord. Go back and remain their King." I said sadly. "There is nothing you can do for me- but I am not alone." I smiled slightly. He raised an eyebrow, but I cut him off before he could speak.

"I have those here who are still Faithful to the One as well. We are lone lights in the darkness. And yes, I know you and who you are." I gave him a wry smile. "If ever you see Huan, tell him hello for me, will you?" I asked. And patted his hands for comfort.

"You are brave." He sighed. I laughed softly.

"I try." I answered. "Oh- and- Lord Findárato.. My name is Caladiel." I said. He nodded and turned away sadly.

"Come! We must leave!" Luthien whispered frantically as Melkor suddenly stirred and groaned. She looked to me, but I shook my head, and bottling away my light, sank onto the floor and closed my eyes in pretense of sleep. It took all of my concentration, however, to not burst out crying as I heard them begin to run, and take with them my chance at freedom. But I had made my choice. And it was time I stick to it.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

To say the least, Melkor was not happy. He had stirred, got himself up, finally gathered what had happened, and then with a roar kicked me awake. And then hauling me into his lap, he had begun issuing orders and thrown Angband into a frenzy.

But all during that time, he never suspected me. Rather, I had been the one subjected to his rantings and ravings and general roars of rage. And I had been the one he had clutched possessively to himself as though to personally make sure that no one would steal me.

"SAURON!" Oh good grief, my ears are positively bleeding. And I'm freezing cold to the point where my lips are turning purple and blue.

Sauron came in a moment later in a hurry. "Master." He bowed.

"Why couldn't you kill that wretch." Melkor hissed, turned away from Sauron with me held in one arm and a large, black mace in the other.

"I- I apologize master... She wanted to turn me into a spirit... And I don't want to be a spirit!" Sauron sounded so pitiful at the end. Oh no, just when we need Mairon to start integrating again. Melkor didn't seem to care.

"And you think I can't do that?" He asked icily. His voice was a veritable Helcaraxë. I shivered violently, and Melkor made his mace disappear, beginning to stroke my hair like one would a cat's fur.

"Y-you would?" Sauron sounded faint.

Melkor whipped around, facing his lieutenant. "Hundreds of years I spent building an underground citadel, reinforcing walls for hundreds of leagues around, breeding innumerable orcs, dragons, Balrogs, trolls, werewolves, and vampires, creating a smoke curtain for the sun, and all of that just so that some wench, and some son of a wretch could just march in here through the grand entrance, rip a Silmaril from the crown, and march right back out!" He roared, making me flinch and yet at the same time muffle hysterical laughter.

Sauron covered his head with his hands as rocks fell from the ceiling and the walls began to shake with Melkor's wrath. If it weren't so dangerous, I would be howling with laughter at the way Melkor had made his complaint.

"PleasemasterI'msorryIcouldn'tdoanythingItriedIswear-" Sauron began to beg. The shaking stopped. Sauron peeked up. "I'll go retrieve the Silmaril." He offered tentatively.

Melkor sat back down and resumed his petting of me. I have a feeling he must have done this with the dragons when they were still growing. "Forget the Silmaril, I feel sorry for the fortress." He retorted sourly. It was getting hard to breathe from the mingled cold and attempt to repress my histrionics.

"I'm keeping Caladiel for another hour." Melkor growled. Neither I nor Sauron filed a complaint, and Sauron scuttled away as Melkor brooded. Just great. Another hour. I'm beginning to get a blue sheen on my skin.

"Master?" I whispered.

"What." He groused.

"I think... I think I'm getting frostbite." I pointed out. He looked down at my skin that was turning black in some spots.

"Use the light, foolish child." He snapped, and then ignored me. I let out the light of the flame even more and almost cried in mingled pain and relief as my skin began to warm back up to a tolerable temperature.

Esgalnoron perched on my lap precariously, digging his claws into my robes in an attempt to stabilize himself. I stroked his feathers as he settled down, ruffling them until they puffed up and made him look like a fuzzball.

~Well. This day has turned out interesting.~ He noted.

I huffed. ~Well duh. What a day- or rather- night.~ I said dryly. He let out a squawk of agreement.

~Another hour, Esgalnoron. A whole hour!~ I cried in his mind desperately. ~And I'm starving!~

~Just hang in there, Caladiel. It'll be alright.~ He tried to comfort me. ~After it's over we'll go find Sauron and he'll help...~ He went on. But it wasn't helping. Just the mention of him made my insides pinch with hunger.

~No! Don't say it, it makes me hungrier!~ I said in a panic.

~Think about Ancalagon then! Or someone!~ He tried a different tack. It worked somewhat. I could see his soul too. It was red and yellow, burning with a clean brilliance. It soothed me somewhat as well.

The green fires had been rekindled. The orc guards had been slain in Melkor's wrath, so new ones were brought to replace them. Everything was back to relative normality- except, of course, the fact that one Silmaril was missing from the center of the crown. The hour passed like watching a snail creep across the grass.

Finally, though, Melkor put me down, sending me off with a dismissive flick of the fingers and then ignoring me again. I pelted for the doors, head spinning from the sheer hunger. I gasped for air, unable to feel much of my body from the numbing effect of the cold I had been in for so long. Esgalnoron kept up with me, flying by my side down the halls.

I finally made it to the room where I stayed in, to find that Sauron was there with Gothmog, obviously receiving a report. Gothmog's soul was shades of black and red, with a tinge of blue as well. Hunger flared like a volcano erupting, and almost without conscious thought I lunged forwards, reaching out for it. Sauron caught me before I reached it, though, and immediately his heat made me stop in my tracks like a statue.

Esgalnoron perched on the back of the single iron chair in the room. My mind and vision slowly cleared as the heat seeped into me and the hunger abated. I let out a groan and suddenly realized with disgust that saliva had been dripping off of my fangs.

"Caladiel?" Sauron demanded. I propped myself against the wall and slid to the floor, putting a hand up to my temple.

"Hello Ada, Gothmog." I rasped, grimacing. "Apologies. I'm afraid I wasn't entirely myself." I closed my eyes and heaved a shaky breath, recovering.

Gothmog promptly ignored me and went on with his report, but I could feel Sauron's piercing eyes flicking to me once in a while. The Balrog finally left, and Sauron stood in front of me.

"If you want to rest you should do it on the bed, not the floor." He noted disapprovingly. I sighed. Neat freak.

"Ada, please! I just spent two hours in the presence of Morgoth Bauglir, let me recover!" I begged. He let out an irritated sigh and bending down, picked me up as though I were no more than a puppy and dumped me onto the bed.

"Children! They should be called pests instead!" He muttered as he turned back to his reports. It didn't bother me. That's what Sauron was always like, the comment was nothing new. If he had been concerned, then it would have been MY turn to be concerned.

"What are you dressed in?" Sauron suddenly sounded startled. I sat up, transferring a flapping Esgalnoron onto my shoulder and smoothing his ruffled feathers as he regained his balance. His long, beautiful tail feathers trailed behind my shoulder.

"I made it this morning." Was my answer, accompanied by a sigh. "And it took forever to get the eye just right." I added in a disgruntled tone.

"Whatever did you do it for, then?" He asked incredulously, though I caught a note of pride hidden in his voice. I suppressed a smile.

"To show that I'm your daughter, of course." I said as though it were obvious. "See?" I held up my wrist where the lock of his hair was still tied up. He glanced down at his own, where a lock of white hair was hidden by his sleeve, and then gave me another cursory glance.

"It's a good replica." Was his only comment, but I knew that was his way of giving his approval. I beamed happily. The integrated version of Sauron was popping out more and more, and I noticed that it was predominately when I did or said something that hinted of some form of affection or admiration of him on my part. Maybe I should do those things more.

I myself had started to stabilize in my integrations, finding my center of balance easily now. The only times when I couldn't seem to control it was when I was hungry. I only needed to find the answer to that, and I could be perfectly in control at all times.

I pulled out the piece of fur from my pocket and shook my head. ~Well, goodbye, Carcharoth.~ I said. ~Thank you for your final gift.~ I added a bit sadly.

~Are you going to create another version of him?~ Esgalnoron asked.

~In a way, yes. A wolf I will make, but not one that looks like him. His form reflected his soul, and I will make this one reflect yours somewhat.~ I answered, and then placed the piece of fur on the floor far enough away from any objects.

My light flared brightly in the darkness of the black stone lit by torches and a river of magma that ran around the walls and bathed the wall with a red glow. Sauron preferred to take lava baths, and I had learned to somewhat like them too. It felt funny, though, not to mention breaking the stone off of myself later. Annoying.

Sauron turned around from his desk. "What are you-" He cut himself off as the fur on the ground began to be used as a prototype. He had wanted to see me do it, well, now he had his chance.

I wasn't looking, my eyes closed and concentrating on my mental image of the form I wanted to create. When I had made sure I had every detail in place, I searched with my light for Esgalnoron, and when I found him, linked the two forms together. In a moment, the Phoenix form was gone and Esgalnoron was a wolf.

I had remembered what Huan had looked like and took my favorite aspects of both he and Carcharoth to create the form. As Esgslnoron stood, shaking his head and tottering in attempt to familiarize himself with the fana, I studied him carefully.

He was the same size as Carcharoth, which was a tiny bit larger than Huan, but not by much. But whereas Carcharoth may have had advantage in size, Huan had his advantage in strength. Esgalnoron's muscles rippled visibly underneath the thick fur as he shifted on his feet. I could have easily ridden on him without much trouble at all- and would be able to even were I full grown.

He looked much like a wolf back from Earth in shape. His ears flicked forwards gracefully as I continued to study him, my light once more bottled away. His tail whisked proudly. His claws were long and clicked against the stone floors. His fur made me smile slightly. It was a glistening, metallic blue, with tinges of deep red here and there as well as black streaks. There were white tufts on the tip of his ears.

And his eyes, as I finally looked into them, were the familiar, knowing orange that burned in his head like coals. He snorted and pranced, and I petted his head as he snuffled my hair. I smiled, fangs peeking out, and he returned it, his own fangs grinning at me. I snickered.

"Hmm. Very interesting." Sauron said in an intrigued tone of voice, circling Esgalnoron. "What is his name?" He queried.

"Esgalnoron." I replied.

"A fitting name." Was his amused reply. In agreement, my wolf took a step forwards, fire bursting from his paws and the tips of his ears. They vanished a moment later as I stuck out my tongue.

"Show off." I accused. He yawned and bumped me in reply.

~Look who's talking.~ He scoffed.

~Like when!?~ I whined.

~Like just now.~ He snickered as I glared at him.

~Oh you ungrateful thing.~ I said, shaking a finger at him, although it was good-natured. He snorted and leaped onto the bed, curling up comfortably.

"Ada?" I asked, climbing up next to my wolf.

"Hmmm?" He answered absently.

"Oh, nothing. I just like to say that." I said dreamily, petting Esgalnoron's fur.

"What?" He turned to face me with a confused look, and then suddenly waved it off. "Never mind. I forget you can be strange sometimes."

I merely smiled. "Thank you, Ada. I like being strange. It's interesting." I said affably, in a general good mood at my success.

Sauron snorted incredulously but said nothing. I just hummed under my breath and wondered when Ancala was going to drop by for a visit.

"Do you remember anything of your family?" The unexpected question shocked me so much at its abruptness and irrelevance and general... Un-Sauron-ish-ness, it made me actually fall off of the bed with a yelp as I landed on my backside. Esgslnoron shuffled to the edge of the bed a looked down at me with a surprised blink as Sauron sighed exasperatedly at me.

"Well?" He asked impatiently.

"Well- I- my mother was... Her name was Alassiel. And my father's name was Suiadan." I replied, baffled. "I had no siblings, I was an only child." I added.

"Hmm. You act as though you had siblings." He muttered to himself.

"What? How?" I asked.

"You're always acting as though you were used to taking orders, as though you were expected to take care of something or someone." He replied with professional interest. I blinked.

"Oh." Was all I managed to say.

"What happened to them?" He asked baldly without qualms. I blinked.

"Well... I'm not too sure... I got lost... And as far as I know they may have gone to the halls of Mandos by now... I'm not sure anymore. It's all going fuzzy." I said with a sigh, rubbing my head. It was honestly getting hazier, remembering life back at- Earth. It wasn't my home anymore, I had been forced to come to that painful realization a while ago.

"I see." Was his detached reply, and he went back to his work. I was left sitting there feeling generally disoriented as I climbed back onto the bed. I seriously wasn't expecting that conversation.

Now, what's taking Ancala so long?


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry this chapter is rather late! But I'm here now! *dodges flying books* apologies... Anyway, please enjoy!**

**Thank you for all of the reviews! Sorry I didn't reply, I promise to be better this time...**

Chapter 10

There was a bang at the door. I leaped up and ran to it, throwing the door open and throwing my arms around the being on the other side.

"Ancala! What took you so long!?" I cried. He patted my head in reply.

"Apologies, Caladiel. I was busy." He said, moving into the room and slamming the door shut, moving to the bed and flopping down on it. Then he noticed Esgalnoron.

"What in the name of- what is that?" He moved away as Esgalnoron snorted, blowing a huff of fire at the dragon.

"It's only Esgalnoron." I replied, and he looked at the wolf funnily, who gave him a fanged grin in reply as I snickered.

"What have you come for, Ancalagon?" Sauron asked sourly, not looking up from his desk.

"Just a visit to my favorite being in all of Angamando." Ancala replied, petting Esgalnoron's head absently. If a wolf could scowl, I'm sure he would have. I guess Ancala doesn't pet as well as I do.

"Which is?"

"Need you ask?" The dragon flicked his fingers in my direction, causing a fiery plume to waft my way, which morphed into a dragon that flew about my head until I waved it away in a puff of smoke.

"I'm honored." I said dryly, and then plopped down next to Esgalnoron. Ancala flicked a questioning glance to Sauron, to which I shook my head. He gave me a frown, and I scowled in reply. He sighed and rolled his eyes. So what if I hadn't gotten Ada over to our side yet? It's not that easy you know!

"Well. Caladiel, when are you going to come visit the rest of the dragons?" He asked lazily, settling himself so that his head was in my lap. I curled my lip at him incredulously.

"And put up with that miserable excuse of a wyrm, Scatha?" I snorted incredulously. "No way this side of Mandos, Ancala!" I retorted. He rolled his eyes at me, but I just shot him a look to show that I understood his hidden message. In other words, he had obviously something to tell me about the dragons that I needed to know.

"Fine. How about then I take you for a ride out to Thangorodrim and meet the dragons there?" He suggested. I shrugged.

"Alright. Why not? I haven't seen daylight in a long time." I agreed, and Sauron looked up.

"Just don't be late for your hour with master." And he looked back down again. I nodded.

"Yes Ada, I won't." I said, and Ancala jacked himself up, taking my hand and pulling me negligently towards the door. Something dug into my shoulder, and I looked back to see that it was Esgalnoron in his Phoenix form, perched on my shoulder.

The human/dragon pulled me through hallways and corridors, doors and archways, until we finally came to a large, empty spot outside the walls of Angband.

The sunlight was beautiful. It had been so long since I had seen it, and I now drank it in, the brightness, the warmth, the comfort. I closed my eyes in relief, feeling tears in my eyes from being able so enjoy just the simple happiness of seeing the sun. It was something I would never take for granted again.

Ancalagon, in the meantime, had morphed himself back into a dragon, and in a moment he had snatched me up in his claws and was taking a leap off of the ground. I let out a yell.

"Ancala! At least put me on your back!" I shrieked, squirming. The dragon let out a chuckle.

"As you wish." And so saying, he threw me up into the air, screaming, and maneuvered himself so that I landed on top of him. Esgalnoron just flew beside the dragon, but when I had situated myself relatively comfortably on Ancala's back, perched on my shoulder once more.

The view below was quite incredible, and inside I was fangirling like crazy. After all, this is Beleriand! I strained my eyes towards the horizon, and just barely managed to pick out the mountain we were headed for- Thangorodrim.

"So- tell me, Ancala, why are we going to Thangorodrim again?" I called over the wind.

"There are five now who are Faithful." Was his reply, his voice deep and sure. It was rather different from his human or elvish voice- in fact, the only way you'd know it was the same being was that both were just as egotistical. Seriously.

"And one of them has news as well, something that you should hear. Besides the few dragons, there is also a single Balrog who is Faithful as well. You know just as well as I do that Balrogs tend to hear everything that goes on in Angband." Ancalagon went on.

"Yeah." I answered.

"So we are going to the mountain so that there we can be free from fear of any spies." He finished.

"Alright. Where have you been lately?" I asked. The mountain was nearing quite swiftly now.

"Doing errands." Was his simple answer. "Spy work. It's degrading." He snorted, sending an indignant plume of flame towards the direction of the mountain. I patted his head.

"At least you aren't doing anything that would be detrimental to the Faithful." I reminded comfortingly, and he sighed.

"I suppose." Was his answer, and then we had arrived at the mountain. Ancalagon winged himself up near the top of the mountain to a large ledge that was there. There were already four dragons gathered, but no other beings were there.

I slid off of Ancala's scales and landed in a heap on the ground, groaning. I had grown again. Now I was the size of an eighteen year old. It was so frustrating, and I had difficulties trying to get used to the rapid changes in size. Esgalnoron nudged me, back in his wolf form. I reached up and patted his head gently in reassurance.

Then I stood, to see the dragons staring at me. "Mae Govannen." I said automatically, and they inclined their heads in a reply of greeting.

Ancala began to speak. "Caladiel, Esgalnoron, this is Kalarion, Glaurthag, Jura, and Amlugial. They are the Faithful." He introduced. I nodded.

"It is good to know that I am not the only one. It's good to see you again, Kalarion." I replied, and said white dragon nodded.

"Ancala says you have news." I ventured, and Amlugial stepped forwards slightly. He was a pure, golden colored dragon, with amber eyes set like jewels in his head. A very delicately beautiful dragon.

"Yes. The one Balrog who is Faithful- his name is Norgaladir- has heard news from Gothmog." He snorted to show what he thought of the leader of the Balrogs. "It has been heard that Morgoth is attempting to find Gondolin more than ever now, and Norgaladir has heard Gothmog and he going over plans to find the city and infiltrate it." He went on.

I felt a flash of panic. Oh no, no no no no no. Gondolin was my most favorite elven city of all time. So many of my favorite elves come from there. Glorfindel, Ecthelion, Maeglin, and some others... Although perhaps if I met him in real life then Maeglin would cease to be one of my favored elves. I just pity him so much...

I forced myself to latch back into what Amlugial had to say. "... To scout for the three with the Silmaril, but I didn't see them anywhere." He said, sounding rather nonplused.

"Because the eagles took them away." I said absent-mindedly, trying to determine a way to see if somehow I could stop the fall of Gondolin. History would not change- all I had to do was convince Turgon to listen to Tuor and then join lady Elwing...

"How could you know?" Glaurthag asked. He was a dark chocolate brown dragon with eyes of coal that shone with an inner fire.

Then I realized my mistake and inwardly scolded myself. "Ah- I believe I said before that I was a seer." I replied quickly. Ancala gave me a long look, but it was Jura, the pale green dragon, who spoke.

"Then can you tell what will happen in the future?" He asked. I sighed.

"I dare not. Even if I have seen the future, it is not set. Things may happen, and they may not- for visions show many things; things that were, things that are, things that have not yet come to pass, but might." I borrowed words from lady Galadriel.

There was a silence. "Well then." Ancalagon broke it. "We cannot do anything but wait, now." He said.

I pet Eagalnoron's head thoughtfully. "I'm sure you know that I've been trying to slowly get Sauron to our side." I said slowly. The dragons all paid me attention, and Ancala nodded for me to go on.

"I have not yet breached the subject of Eru or anything yet, because he is still too much Sauron. I don't know why, but somehow because of my presence, Mairon has been coming back. He pops up in the oddest of places, seemingly randomly, but now I begin to see a pattern." I went on. Esgalnoron's ears perked up, and I patted them down as he flicked them at me.

"Mairon and Sauron are very different, but now they have begun to integrate into each other. And it seems to happen predominately whenever I do or say something that indicates any form of fondness or wish to be associated with him." I said thoughtfully.

"Maybe if I am very careful so as not to alert him or anyone else, I can coax the integrated version to stay permanently. That's the only way we're gonna get him to be Faithful. But I don't know how long that will take, neither do I know how long I have..." I sighed as Esgalnoron nudged me with a whine.

"I don't think you have very long." Amlugial admitted. "Because if I'm right... Norgaladir mentioned one plan favored by Melkor that included you."

I turned white. "Oh no." I whispered. "Oh no, not good. Not good..." I muttered, beginning to feel the start of a panic attack.

"Calm down, Caladiel. There's no need for histrionics, think of what you can do to tamper with Melkor's plans if you do get sent." Ancalagon said ruthlessly, ignoring my panicking. But it worked.

"Snap." I muttered under my breath. "Fine. If I do then I'll think of something. Thank you for warning me." I sighed, and then turned to Esgalnoron. "I told you you would need that form sooner or later." I told him.

"You were right." Was his answer. I had forgotten that he could speak in wolf form.

"Well. We had better get back now. I think it's about time for your hour, Caladiel, isn't it?" Ancalagon asked, and I nodded.

"I think so." I replied. "I hate that one hour of the day." I grumbled, climbing back onto Ancalagon's scales as he took off back towards the fortress. Now if only I could somehow figure out a way to hurry up and get Sauron on our side...

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

Yes, I am back in Morgoth's lap, and yes, he is still seething in freezing cold anger. And yes, as always, I am attempting not to shiver and failing miserably. You know what? I really, truly hate him. I hate his deeds, I hate his thoughts, I hate his plans, and I hate him. I wish Melkor were back. But alas, that is not to be.

And I hate his touch. It makes me feel filthy. His hand even now is raking through my white locks of hair, untangling it, getting it snagged on his nails, running his cold fingers down my arm and sometimes down the side of my face.

Now I'm beginning to wish that I had taken Finrod's invitation and gone with him. I shook my head. No, I couldn't do that- Morgoth would rip all of Arda apart searching for me, of that I was sure. All I had to do was try to hang on until the War of Wrath, and then- and then I could be free again. I just need to convince Sauron to integrate with Mairon before that time. And I'm not sure how many years I have until then either.

I attempted to calculate it in my head. Beren and Luthien and Finrod had just taken the Silmarils two days ago. That meant that in the span of approximately 44 years Gondolin would fall, and after that another 77 years would pass until the Wars would happen and I could be free of Melkor forever more.

But even though I'm immortal, that seems like a long time to me to stay here. What I need to do is get Sauron turned, turn as many more Dragons and Balrogs as I can, get Gondolin saved, make Eärendil and Elwing meet, and then hightail it out of Angband with all of the Faithful and hide somewhere. Anywhere, so long as it created pandemonium so that Melkor would be too busy trying to sort things out to come after us.

But for the immortal life of me, I have no idea where to start. I placed my head in my hands, rubbing it to attempt to simultaneously get rid of the pounding headache that throbbed behind my temples and at the same time stimulate my brain to think of something. Anything. Even a semi-plausible idea would work, since then I could improvise from here.

But my mind was utterly blank. I so wish there were someone else here that knew my plight in knowing the future. I stifled the sigh that rose to my lips, utterly frustrated at myself, leaning my head back until it was resting against the front of Morgoth's armrest. His finger trailed down my cheek and I repressed a shudder at the intimate gesture that I so hated.

"Do you hate me, my pet?" Melkor's sudden question startled me so badly that I nearly shrieked. As it was, my eyes flew open as I looked at him with consternation and bewilderment. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Well?" But his face seemed mildly amused. I blinked, and then answered cautiously.

"It depends on who's asking, master." I replied, dancing around the issue.

"Oh?" He sent me an intrigued look. Where the Void did this come from?

"Yes. It depends if Melkor or Morgoth is asking." I replied blankly, keeping my tone matter-of-fact as I shrugged. Morgoth's face lost all expression as he looked at me.

"And who do you think is speaking?" He asked tonelessly. I gave him a cheeky grin.

"My master, of course." Was my clever answer. A smile twitched on his lips.

"Clever, my pet, but you still haven't answered the question. Now stop stalling." He said in an amused tone of voice.

I shrugged. "Yes and no, master. I fear you, yes, and your temper and anger, and yet for all that, you are cunning." I answered. Okay, so I was dodging the issue, but I had still technically answered his question. He seemed to be pondering my question, and I suddenly wondered if Melkor was trying to surface. Then he gave me an icy smile.

"Foolish child. And yet at the same time wise above your years." Was his only comment, and he began to resume his attention to my hair. I felt myself close my eyes in relief, though outwardly I nonchalantly resumed my former relaxed position.

No, there was no hope. Melkor was gone forever, and only Moringotto was left. Nothing could change that, now.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

"You said what!?" Sauron stared at me like I had gone mad. I blinked at him in reply.

"You didn't expect me to lie, surely?" I retorted. He rolled his eyes to the ceiling, choosing not to answer my question as though it were rhetorical.

"Foolish child." He hissed, grabbing my hand and yanking me forwards before shoving me into the river of lava. I came up gasping for air and clambered out, attempting to get the stuff off of my face before it hardened and I couldn't see.

"I cannot do anything more, Ada." I said in frustration, slamming my hand down on his table and sending chunks of rock flying everywhere. Esgalnoron was on the bed, hackles raised though he did nothing in response to the warning look I shot him to stay put.

"How hard is it to say no!" He shouted in reply, turning back to me with rage on his face. I paused, staring at him.

"Why do you care?" I asked, curiosity in my tone. He drew up, staring at me as though he suddenly just realized that I was there. Then snarling an oath, he turned back around and ignored me. I curled my lip.

Walking around him, I looked up into his face as he glowered at me. "Why do you care?" I reiterated. He continued to fume, saying nothing, clenching and unclenching his fists.

"Because you are going to get yourself killed if you are not careful and it would be a waste." He snarled. I shook my head with a disappointed look on my face. Stepping forwards, I wrapped my arms around his torso and leaned my head against his shirt.

"Why do you really care?" I asked, voice muffled in his shirt. I felt all of his muscles stiffen underneath my hands. Unable to help myself, I ran my hands up and down his back, feeling the flesh underneath the shirt, being comforted by his warmth and security.

His hands clenched on my shoulders, but they didn't wrench me away from him. His heavy breathing calmed, though he continued to simmer somewhat. I rubbed my nose against his shirt, peering up at him as he stared down at me.

"I love you, Ada." I said forlornly, knowing that I would perhaps never hear the sentiment returned. He stared down at me, and I saw something in his eyes change a little more. Mairon had integrated a little more than before now. Just a few more months, and he would be almost completely integrated.

"You should sleep." Sauron said roughly, pulling me away, albeit gently, and pushing me towards the bed. I obediently made my way back to the bed and lay down, curling up next to Esgalnoron who nudged me gently. Sauron stalked away to another chamber, boots clicking against the stone. A stone door slammed, and I buried myself into Esgalnoron's fur.

~Do you think-?~ He didn't need to finish.

I looked up into his eyes, and then sighed. ~Esgalnoron, I have something to tell you. I need to tell someone, and you must be the one. Promise me that you will tell absolutely no one.~ I pleaded. He nodded gravely.

~I promise.~ Was his solemn reply.

I paused to gather my thoughts. ~Do you remember I told you that I was a seer of sorts?~ I asked.

~Yes.~ He answered. I gave him a thin smile.

~Well that's one way to look at it. In truth, I'm not even from Arda or Aman. I am from another planet altogether in Eä.~ I said truthfully. He stared.

~How then did you get here?~ He asked incredulously, and it suddenly registered in my own mind that since he was technically a Maia, he would know of the existence of other planets.

~Well, lord Nàmo actually brought me here. He gave me a new hroä, made me into a vessel of light for the secret fire, and then tossed me onto the shores nearby Tol-in-Guarth. The rest you know.~ I said dryly, shooting him a look. He nodded slowly.

~But why? And what has that got to do with being a seer?~ He asked.

I sighed. ~In my world, this is all a story, Esgalnoron. Why was I brought here? I don't know. But I have a feeling it has something to do with the knowledge that I bear. Everything that has happened, everything that WILL happen- I have read it all.~ I answered flatly. He shot me an indiscernible look.

There was a silence as he digested that, then he answered. ~I think now I begin to see.~ He paused. ~It is a heavy burden on you.~ He realized. I sent him a pained smile.

~Yes. Imagine knowing everything that is to happen for the next several millennia.~ I said sarcastically, and he flinched at the thought.

~To know every war that will happen, every death... Will you not prevent things?~ He asked with some concern in his voice.

~Good Valar no! Many things I cannot in good conscience change, no matter if I am given a chance or not. Some things must happen for the better good. There are a few things I may change that were unnecessary, however, and I believe I can do that without causing anything too major to change for the worse. For example, Finrod. Technically, he shouldn't still be alive.~ I answered, and he nodded in relief.

~Good. It is wise, I deem, to leave well enough alone.~ He said. I nodded. ~Why did he turn? Melkor, I mean? Why does Eru allow these things to happen?~ He asked, sounding frustrated. I sighed.

~I don't have all of the answers, Esgalnoron. I don't think we'll ever know why Melkor turned. But as to why Eru allows it, I heard this saying once before: 'Nothing is truly free- even rebellion is chained.'~ I answered, leaving him to think about it.

I hadn't even realized how tired I was until I fell asleep to the sound of Esgalnoron's tail swishing against the bed.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

It has been three years. Three whole years. Three years of a total of 8,360 some odd hours in Morgoth's freezing cold presence, three years of not knowing the cause of my hunger, three years of trying to get Mairon to successfully integrate with Sauron, three years of trying to avoid Moringotto as much as possible and foil his plans, and three years of trying to figure out what to do with my knowledge.

Without Esgalnoron, I KNOW I would have most definitely gone mad by now. He has been my rock through it all, my help and my comfort. Ancalagon has been a help too, but no one more than Esgalnoron. He prefers his wolf form, it seems, though he does on occasion use his Phoenix form.

So far, Sauron has half-way integrated with Mairon. Right now he's stabilized a lot more than he had in the past, and I don't have to tiptoe around him anymore for fear of violent outbursts that used to end up with me sporting rocky clothes. But neither is he entirely integrated, which means that though he is more open now to the idea of anything Eru-related, he is certainly not going to say anything remotely near to 'I love you.' More the pity, in my opinion. Because to be honest, that's my goal. If I can hear Ada say it to me just one time, I'll die happy in any circumstance.

But that's off-topic. Getting back to the present reality- I'm currently back in Morgoth's hated, detested, despised presence. I scowled inwardly, leaning against Morgoth's armrest, feet propped up on Esgalnoron's back, fingers being tangled into my hair. Over the years, I had practiced keeping up a more evil front, trying to keep up the ruse of growing 'darker' as Morgoth had said. It seemed to have worked.

"I have a task for you, my pet." Morgoth suddenly spoke up. I stiffened slightly. Oh no. Every time I heard him say that to a dragon or whoever, it usually meant a mission for something or another. Oh dear Valar, save me.

"Yes master?" Was my only reply, detached of emotion and flat-sounding. Almost nonchalant. The fingers in my hair stopped tanking and instead began to rake soothingly against my scalp. If he expected me to accept that as a peace offering, he was hugely mistaken.

"Yes. You know, I've been trying to find something. Another treasure, one that your former kin has hidden from me. I want you to find it for me. Can you do that for me, my pet?" He purred, leaning down and trailing a finger down my spine. It took all of my self-control that I had gathered over the past years to keep from doing something rash to get away from that hand. Oh Valar, it was like cockroaches climbing all over me.

"What do you want me to find, master?" I asked instead, reaching up to lace my fingers into his cold, clammy ones burnt black, looking up at him with a feigned adoring look on my face. Oh how I hated doing this, treating him like a dog would his dearest master. He smiled down at me, and though it was not very nice, I suppose it was as nice as it could possibly get.

He was fond of me in his own way, always telling me that I was beautiful, always telling me that I was his most beloved treasure- AFTER the Silmarils. It disgusted me. But what choice do I have? I'm just surprised he hasn't formulated any plans for me in his head like he had for Lúthien. Thank the Valar for small mercies.

He chuckled, leaning over and then pulling me into his lap, running a nail down my cheek with an indulgent smirk. He leaned forwards until his face was close to mine and replied. "I want you to find Gondolin for me." He murmured, running his nose up my cheek. It took all I had not to shudder, swallowing back the bile that rose to my throat.

"Gondolin? How, master?" Was my only reply, desperately hoping I didn't sound strangled. He pulled back, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't care how, just as long as you find it and tell me where it is." He answered. Then he gave me a sickly smile. "You'll do it for me, won't you, dear pet?" He asked, honey dripping from every word. I swallowed.

"H-how long do I have?" I asked noncommittally. He smiled triumphantly.

"As long as you need, I don't care how long. I have forever, you know." He replied, running a nail down the front of my shirt. I looked down at his finger blankly. Great. Now I need to formulate a plan... I need to ask Ancala and Esgalnoron what to do!

"Yes master. I'll do it." I replied, taking his hand into mine and holding it to my cheek. He stroked it, a smugly pleased look on his face.

"Good, my pet. When you find it, I expect you to contact me somehow so that I can make a nice surprise for them." He said. I nodded.

"I'll tell Ada, master, and he can tell you." I said innocently, and he smiled at me.

"Good, Caladiel. Master is proud of his little pet." Melkor said, and then fell silent, obviously gloating at the thought of being able to destroy Gondolin. In the meantime, I was struggling to control myself from throwing up.

He finally let me go, and the first thing I did was swing myself onto Esgalnoron, who took off out the room down the hall and straight to our quarters, where Sauron was interrogating an orc. I was in a quandary, feeling miserable. I was feeling sick, scared, nervous, cold, and hungry since my light was put away again.

Sauron and the orc turned to look at me as I stumbled off of Esgalnoron, moving over the river of lava by the wall, bending over, and sicking up into it. I shook, standing back up and wiping my mouth, feeling miserable.

"Caladiel?" Sauron had a slight tinge of concern in his voice that warmed me. And made me hungrier. I turned around, facing them, and the orc looked sick as he looked at me. His soul was black, but it looked so... I don't know. But I was starving. I wanted to EAT.

"Are you going to dispose of him?" I asked, pointing to the orc. Sauron looked back to it and then shrugged.

"Oh, yes. I forgot." He made to kill it when I stopped him.

"Wait! C-can I have it?" I stammered. He raised an eyebrow.

"As you wish." He replied, his tone intrigued. Hunger exploded. The orc whimpered and cowered. I lunged forwards, unable to help it any more. The orc let put a shriek that was cut off as I reached out- and grabbed his soul. The body went limp, and Sauron kicked it into the lava.

The soul was cold in my hands, as I expected it to be. Such a black thing cannot be warm. It pulsed weakly, so sluggishly. Sauron eyed me curiously, and Esgalnoron whined.

~Calaldiel?~

"I think... I think because of the secret fire, I'm naturally drawn to the essence of living things... And then in this darkened form..." I replied, voice strained.

I lifted the cold orb to my lips. My mouth opened. My throat ached. The orb slipped into my mouth, and my lips closed over it. It was cold in my mouth too. I didn't chew it. I didn't need to. It melted in my mouth in a heap of flaky ashes, wafting down my throat in shards of ice. It tasted like dark, bitter chocolate.

The ache in my throat abruptly stopped.

~Do you... Feel better now?~

I groaned, sinking to the floor in a boneless heap. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." It was all I could find to say, shaking in misery and shame, in horror of what I had done.

Sauron picked me up, moving to the iron bed and sitting down on it. "Hush, Caladiel. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You ate, simple as that." He said curtly. I looked up.

"I ate!? I ate a soul, Ada! What kind of being does that make me!?" I cried in horror, and he sighed.

"Listen to me." He snapped. I hushed up. "It is a natural thing. Don't stare at me like I've gone deranged, I know what I'm talking about. The fire created things, Caladiel. Good things. Things of- of- of E-Eru." Mairon forced out the name. I perked up.

"It was not meant to create things such as orcs and Balrogs- therefore, whenever it senses such a thing, it attempts to make it right, to destroy it and recreate it the way it should have been. To do so, it must take the essence of the thing into itself so that it can recreate it. It just so happens to manifest itself in you as hunger. So stop being ridiculous and live with it!" Sauron came back at the end and punctuated his remark with a poke to my forehead with his nail clamp.

I blinked. "Oh." That made sense now. At least now I know it's not anything... Evil. Sort of. I sighed and plonked my head on Sauron's shirt front.

"Master asked me to find Gondolin for him, Ada. I'm supposed to go find it and then tell you where it is when I find it so you can tell him." I said without any further ado.

Sauron stiffened, and them suddenly began to mutter under his breath. "I hate him. I always have. He promised me this and that, and he never kept his promises. I could be a better dark lord than him. I would be known as Annatar, lord of gifts, and I would win them over one by one with fairness and beauty, not with fear and terror. I am the one who found you. You are my treasure. But he takes what he likes for himself!" He snarled.

"Ada?" I cut in.

"Hmm?" The integrated Sauron looked down at me, his hands raking through my hair, though his face only held cool interest.

"I don't like master either. Don't you think the Valar were nicer?" I asked innocently, wrapping my arms around him. "I think they are."

"They were." He admitted grudgingly, alerting me that this was an integrated Sauron and Mairon. "I wish that I could be free of him- start my own rule and kingdom. I would be a dark lord fair and wise, ruling my subjects with justice." His eyes grew almost maniac. "I could make myself a ring! A ring to rule all, and with nine wraiths as my head servants!" He cackled madly at the thought.

Despite myself, I felt pleased that he was showing some canonical traits. In fact, maybe I can use this opportunity...

"That would be nice. Maybe, Ada, do you think that somehow we could get some of the dragons and Balrogs on our side? And one day we can run away from Melkor? Who would you rule?" I asked.

He looked down at me, the maniacal glee still in his eyes. "Yes. Yes, we could. It will have to be done carefully, but we could. One day, we shall leave, and we will flee far away to create our own realm. You shall be my princess, Caladiel, and we shall rule over men." He declared. I did a double take. Princess!? I thought I was just a treasure-?

~Oh great. I hope this turns out okay... I was trying to see if I could use that for out own purposes but...~ I said to Esgalnoron.

~Oh don't worry, I think that's a good sign that he's no longer loyal to Melkor. Besides, didn't you hear him? He wants to rule over men, not elves. Not that I'm disparaging men, I'm just saying that maybe it's better that way. Easier, if you get my drift...~ He answered.

~Right.~

"Ada?" I asked meekly.

"What?" He asked.

"Well... The truth is... There is a group that Melkor doesn't know about made up of so far one Balrog and five dragons and Esgalnoron and me that are faithful to Eru and we call ourselves the Faithful and we want to do just that but we don't have a leader really so..." I blurted, then fidgeted. Sauron blinked as he registered what I had just said.

"Wait. You are... Faithful to Eru?" Mairon asked. I nodded.

"W-will you be... Our leader?" I asked my hands, not looking up at him.

There was a silence. Then a hand moved through my hair. "Yes. I will. We shall, all together, make an effort to escape the clutches of Melkor, no matter how long it takes." He wrapped an arm around me possessively. "And then you shall me mine and mine alone."

There was a pause. "Who did you say was in the group?"

I looked at Esgalnoron. We both grinned. "Ah. Esgalnoron, would you mind bringing Ancalagon?" I asked. He trotted out, tail whisking.

Sauron raised an eyebrow at me. "Ancalagon?"

"What? He's the one who founded the group." I defended. He rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Just remember I'm in it for escaping Melkor, not because I'm faithful to Eru." He groused. I merely smiled, hugging him.

"I know, Ada. I love you." I replied contentedly. And I was happy when he ran a hand through my hair gently.


	11. Chapter 11

**thank you for all of the reviews and sorry for taking so long! Here's the overdue update... Enjoy! XD**

Chapter 11

Ancalagon swaggered in. "My favorite thing in all of Angamando call me?" He asked silkily, turning to me with a smirk. I pointed to Sauron and gave him the look.

"Ah, so we have a leader now, do we?" He asked, sitting on the bed and crossing his legs, studying his fingernails with studied indifference. His black hair slid over his eye, and he looked through the smooth strands of it at us.

"I'm in this for escaping him. Not because I'm faithful to... The One." Sauron curled his lip, and Ancalagon shrugged.

"As you wish. So long as you help us get out of this Valar-forsaken place, I don't care why you're doing it." The dragon replied with a shrug. I squirmed, and Sauron clenched his hands around my waist.

"Stop squirming, Caladiel." He said in annoyance, and I obliged.

"Ancala, master wants me to find Gondolin for him." I blurted, and the dragon gave me a significant look.

"Hmm. I see. So, what are you going to do to tamper with it?" He asked, lifting his hand to study it in the light of a torch.

"I've been trying to figure it out ever since I was warned that it might happen, and I haven't figured it out ye-" I suddenly stopped as an idea popped into my head. My eyes lit up like one of the Silmarils.

"Genius. Absolute genius." I muttered to myself, and then smiled. "Never mind. Yes, I think I have an idea." I said smugly, and laughed, unable to help myself. I scared myself with my own laugh sometimes. It was so creepy in this darkened form, reminding me of the laugh of a witch or something.

~You have an idea?~ Eagalnoron queried, curling up at Sauron's feet.

~Nan Elmoth.~ I answered smugly. ~Oh yes, yes, it's absolutely perfect!~ I must have had a really creepy smile on my lips, because when Ancala looked at me, he raised an eyebrow. The door opened, and I leaped up, laughing, and walked over to the stream of lava by the door.

"Oh I can't wait to see what the souls of elves look like." I said, sticking my feet in and swirling them around with a mad sort of giggle.

"Excuse me?" Gothmog's voice asked, and I turned to smile up at the Balrog.

"Oh hi, fire ball." I snickered. Oh yes, I was in such a good mood. Gothmog huffed but walked forwards, deciding not to answer the taunt. I could feel Sauron's incredulity from where I was sitting, but I didn't reply to it, just humming to myself.

~What has Nan Elmoth got to do with anything?~ Esgalnoron asked, puzzled.

~Oh you'll see soon, don't worry, my dear, dear friend.~ I said happily in reply. ~Oh it's just genius.~ I said with another inward cackle.

~If you say so...~ My poor friend was absolutely baffled at me, but I didn't even have the wits to reassure him, I was so gleeful. It was just such a perfect plan that I couldn't believe that I hadn't thought of it earlier. Don't address the problem from the surface, get to the root of the issue. That's what I'd said so many times, so let me follow my own advice!

Now, I just need to get ready to go... I waited until Gothmog left before clacking over to Ancala and breaking my stone shoes.

"Ancala, I'm leaving tomorrow. I need to hurry up and get going if my... Tampering is going to work." I said, bending over with my rear in the air to both stretch and get that blasted lava off of my feet.

"Leave? Where?" Mairon demanded, and I blinked.

"Ah... Best you don't know, Ada." I said with a smile, and then slid to the floor in a boneless heap against Eagalnoron at his feet. He bent down to drag nail clamps through my hair. I nuzzled myself into his touch, and he gave me a thin smile. It was a rather obsessive smile, though. Then he pulled me into his lap.

"If you find Gondolin, my little princess, I expect you to tell me right away." He murmured. "I want to have some fun myself." He said, moving his nose into my hair. He laughed lowly, his mouth against the side of my face. His glowing amber eyes burned into me, and a smirk was on his lips. A hand tangled into my hair.

"You'll promise your Ada, won't you, my precious little treasure?" He asked silkily, humming against my cheek. I snuggled into him, smiling up at him.

"Yes Ada." I replied happily, and he laughed again.

"That's my princess. And remember, Caladiel, you are mine and mine alone." He breathed into my ear, and I shivered at the dark surety in his tone.

"Yes Ada." I answered, and then reached up to press my lips against his cheek. Hands tightened on my arms as he stiffened. I pulled away to look into his eyes, hoping that it had worked.

His eyes were soft. Oh my Valar, his eyes were soft. He smiled somewhat crookedly, and a hand cupped my face, running a nail clamp against it. "Ada loves his little flame, Caladiel." He murmured, and I felt my chest tighten. He'd said it. Oh Eru, thank you, he'd said it. He was integrated.

Then Sauron came back. "Well. Are you going?" He curled a lip, and shoved me off of his lap. I grinned up at him.

"I'm going, Ada. I love you." I threw him a kiss and then threw my arms blissfully around an utterly floored Ancala. I laughed. "Finally!"

Ancala pried me off, gingerly patting my head. "Good job." He winked, and then leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"Sorry to burst your little bubble of bliss, but you realize that he's only going to be Mairon around you now, and the rest of the time he'll be Sauron, right? And you are going to be his item of obsession you know." He warned. I sighed.

"Spoilsport." I complained, but shot him a weak smile to show that I knew. I just hadn't wanted to think about it... A new burden rested on my shoulders. This inevitably meant that I would have to stay next to him as often as possible. Which shouldn't be too hard, since he would probably make me anyway.

But in the meantime, I turned to go prepare myself. It would be easy enough. All I needed to do was tell Melkor in my hour that I spent in his presence, and leave the next day. I didn't need anything else, really. I was looking forwards to putting my plan into action. This was going to be fun... I hope... And then again, maybe not.

My only concern was being able to conceal from the elves that I was not all I seem to be. I'm not talking about the secret fire, I'm talking about my other form. Because it is a darker form, I naturally have a connection to Sauron through it. I can reach him through ósanwe, and if he wanted to, he could track my whereabouts with it as well. He tended to keep tabs on me at all times.

But I guess I'll worry about it later. It will be so nice to see the sun again, and to be able to feel clean again in my purer elvish form. My body is still the size of a fifteen year old, because I had managed to figure out how to shift sizes. I was the age of a twenty year old, but I could change my body to look like a baby or my true age. It was very handy, most of the time, since I actually preferred my fifteen-year-old form, and occasionally older. It was a blessing I didn't take for granted.

I can't wait till tomorrow so I can get out of here.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

Today I leave. That is, as soon as I can tell master and finish my hour with him. Then I'm outta here. Eagalnoron was in wolf form, lying at Melkor's feet as usual. I was sitting at his feet as well. He was in a good mood today, apparently.

"Master?" I asked softly, in my elvish form.

"Yes, my pet?" Melkor asked in a rare fit of cheerfulness. Usually he's sadistically gleeful, not cheerful. I really don't understand his mood swings, sometimes.

"I plan to start my mission today, master. I want to find Gondolin for you." I said, looking up at him shyly from underneath my white eyelashes, trying it make my eyes beg for attention. It was hard. Because I didn't want it at all. I just wanted to get away from him.

Melkor chuckled and pulled me into his lap, running a hand over my cheek and causing me to fight a gag. He smirked at me. "That's my pet." He said, pleased. "I am pleased with you, Caladiel. I heard from Sauron about your little preference in food choice- maybe I should give you something to eat?" He asked smugly, and I wrinkled my nose.

"I don't eat souls in this form, master." I answered bluntly. He didn't like it when his minions didn't give him a straight answer.

"Hmm. Well then, I'll wait until you resume it to give something to you." He answered, unfazed. He stroked my hair, smiling to himself.

"Thank you, master, you are so generous." I gave him a smile in return, inwardly sick at what I had to do to keep his suspicions down. I hated fawning over him, seeking for his approval. It was sickening to me, but what other choice do I have?

Melkor took my hands in his and raised them to himself, wrapping them around his neck. I wanted nothing more than to rip my arms away, but I kept them there, somehow managing to smile. Oh Valar help. His own hands wrapped around my waist, and I almost started to panic. But I pretended as best I could to be pleased.

I sent a quick prayer to Eru, and then gritting my teeth, scooted forwards. This time, I had to go all out to ensure his approval of me. I rested my head against his chest, nuzzling my nose into it and purring happily like a child would. A chuckle rumbled through Melkor's chest, vibrating under my hands and nose.

"Maaaasterrrr." I said, looking up at him adoringly, when what I really wanted to do was just get as far away from his as was physically possible. He looked down, dragging a finger up my side to my arm, a devious smile on his face.

"Hmmm?" He replied absently, placing his nose against my cheek. His burnt hand wrapped around my waist as he traced my ear with his nose. I gritted my teeth, jaw ticking, at the gesture. I couldn't take much more of this. Maybe if I can just pretend that he was Ancala or Ada...

That's it, distract myself. "What are elves like, master?" I begged to know, leaning against his chest. He stroked my hair as he leaned back.

"You'll have to find out for yourself, Caladiel. They are such flighty creatures, wishy-washy as well. So boring." He replied lazily.

"Really, master? I like Sauron. Are they like him? Or is Sauron better?" I asked, reaching up and tugging on a lock of his hair. I ignored the little voice in my head urging me to tear it out.

He tugged back, then began to play with the tip of my pointy ear. Oh dear Valar, no. Elven ears are sensitive. "Sauron is so much better, little pet mine. It's best if you like him best. And besides, he probably would take better care of you than they ever did." He smirked, and tweaked my ear. Oh Eru no. That hurt.

"Hmmm. Okay, master..." I answered sleepily, yawning. I moved my aching arms down and instead wrapped them around his torso, trying to ignore the fact that I was freezing cold and my arms were about to break off like icicles. I'm going to need a long hug from Ada after this, badly.

Melkor just smiled to himself smugly, trailing a finger down my back as he propped up his head in his hand and made devious plans for whoever and whatever. I just sincerely hoped that that someone or something didn't have to do with me. Although, judging by the way he was looking down at me contemplatively, I just might run out of fortune there.

Finally, the hour came to an end. I fell onto Esgalnoron's back, form dark again, and smiled at Melkor. "I'll try my best, master." I said, and he gave me a nod before waving me away.

"Of course you will, my pet. I wouldn't expect any less. Oh, and my gift to you is waiting at the door." He added, and then ignored me. I poked Esgalnoron softly, and he bolted for the door. I yelped and hung on, and the door slammed shut behind us. Esgalnoron skidded to a halt to see Gothmog standing there with a bored look on his face, throwing a contingent of orcs at me.

I raised an eyebrow as they tried to scramble away, which was impossible, considering that they were all chained together. "Okay... I'm assuming that they are my gift?" I asked dryly. Gothmog snorted.

"Whatever. Just get rid of them already." He retorted.

"Geez Gothmog, sure. Sorry." I said sarcastically, and then began to harvest their souls, tucking them into my pockets and munching on one. It didn't exactly fill me up well enough, but it was at least good enough to satisfy. At this rate, I might actually come to appreciate mast- oh no, Valar no. Absolutely not.

"Thanks Goth." I said, and Esgalnoron began to trot down the halls again.

"Hey Thuringwethil, Sauron said to give this to you before you left." Gothmog called after me nonchalantly, and then threw something my way when I turned around.

I caught it and glared at him. "Don't call me that." I hissed, but he merely smirked before turning back and burning the bodies on the ground. Esgalnoron trotted off again towards the main entrance, and I looked down at the thing that the Balrog had tossed me.

"It's a nickname that means I like you, Thuringwethil." Gothmog added, and then he was out of sight and hearing. I glared backwards.

~Well. Unexpected much?~ Esgalnoron had picked up on my lingo, since I used it so much with him in ósanwe. I rolled my eyes.

~Whatever.~ I sighed. In my hand was a fireball. ~Oh good Valar, where am I supposed to keep a fireball?~

The thing twitched. "Wait, it's sentient!?" The fireball flared. I groaned. "Really Ada, I love you, but this is too much... What do I do with you?" I asked it. In reply, it rolled to the edge of my palm. "What, keep you in my pocket?" I asked skeptically. It bobbed.

I sighed, then shook my head. "Alright then, I'll keep you, but I think you'll have to follow Esgalnoron around most of the time." I warned. It bobbed. "Fine." And I put it on my shoulder.

Esgalnoron was trotting outside the gate when a Balrog blocked my way with a sword. I shoved the fiery blade away. "Let me through, I'm going on a mission for the master." I said in a bored tone of voice. "And be careful where you point that thing." I added. The Balrog shrugged and then let me through, and Esgalnoron snickered as he broke into a sprint across the wastelands to the main exit.

"I know, right?" I asked him with a snort. "Hey wait, I bet this fireball is a tracker and communicator, aren't you?" I asked, and the thing bobbed on my shoulder. "Ah." Was my only reply, and then I leaned close to Esgalnoron's neck. We were nearing the dragon's outdoor arena.

"Going somewhere?"

Esgalnoron stopped, and I waved up at the mountain of black scales. "Hey Ancala! Going out now." I called. The dragon bent his head down to me, a half-lidded ruby eye gazing at me.

"Be safe, Caladiel." He said, and then a smirk crossed the scaly lips. I gave him a wintery smile.

"It's a little late for that, isn't it?" I replied shortly, and then took off again.

"At least I was polite." The dragon called. I turned around on Esgalnoron, now the size of an eighteen-year-old.

"Right, Ancala, just great!" I yelled back, and heard his chuckle as he blew a plume of fire at me in reply. I felt a lot warmer after that, that much was certain.

And as I turned back around, I almost missed Angband. But only because of Ada. And okay, Ancala too. I do like that dragon. He's very nice.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

At the moment, we are out of the iron mountains and have already passed the mountains of terror, where, from the hours I had spent pouring over maps of middle earth, I knew Gondolin lay there somewhere. But I wasn't going there quite yet. No, I was heading to Nan Elmoth. I led Esgalnoron to the forest by the river Celon, taking a total of two weeks to get there.

Of course, that was only because Esgalnoron was not an ordinary wolf. If he had been, we would've reached after months, not a petty two weeks. But when we finally reached the borders, I felt nervous. So we were here. Time to put my plan into action. I took a deep breath.

"Okay Esgalnoron. Here we are. There's something you should know." I said.

~Okay?~ He answered, staring at the forest suspiciously. My fireball, which I had named Faelon, which means just, rolled down to my pocket and decided to stay there. I had long since finished my pocket full of souls and was feeling rather hungry. I let a chink of my inner light out, once more becoming an elf, not a dark creature. My clothes were white, reminding me eerily of Aradhel. Except I had white hair, not black.

"Well, Gondolin originally falls. I don't attempt to entirely prevent that, but minimize damage as much as possible." I said. "The way it falls is that the location was betrayed by an elf of the city named Maeglin Lomion, the nephew of King Turgon of Gondolin." I said, and then told him the whole story. His ears pricked up.

~I see. You plan to shield Maeglin from becoming so darkened and thus prevent his capture by winning his trust. It's a very good plan, Caladiel.~ He approved, satisfaction in his voice, and I smiled.

"Exactly, my friend. And then I shall attempt to convince Turgon to flee- and then spill to Ada." I said. "It's unsuspicious from either side's point of view, since Turgon will just assume that Melkor found out about the city from his spies and will be glad they escaped in time, while I tell Melkor that the city was warned by lord Ulmo himself to flee, and for their stubbornness they had stayed until it was almost too late." I said with satisfaction, and he nodded.

~Good. Well, let's become a second Aradhel, shall we?~ He asked, and entered the forest with sure strides. He had been eating his own catch during the trip, so he was fine, but both of us were rather hungry by this point.

A ripple rolled over me, and I instinctively knew that we had passed Eöl's boundaries. He now knew that we were here. I began to practice my speech under my breath, hoping it would be good enough. I acted afraid of the forest, the shadows dark and ominous.

About an hour later, we arrived in a small clearing in front of a mansion. Okay, so obviously his magic had led us here. And in front of the door was a tall, imposing figure with dark hair and white face, dark eyes studying us. I almost shivered, but instead slid off of Esgalnoron, weaving in exhaustion that wasn't entirely faked.

The figure strode forwards, stopping in front of me. "You are trespassing on my land. What beings you here?" He asked harshly, and I swallowed, keeping my head down.

"Forgive me, my lord. I and my companion are lost and hungry, with no home. Seeing this forest, we attempted to find shelter, not knowing that this was your domain. Please, forgive us our crime, and allow us to repay you somehow." I ended in a pitiful whisper, though I knew that he would not take pity. A hand lifted my face up, and Eöl looked into my face. Then he dropped my chin.

"You are most unusual. Tell me, what are you, for you are no normal elf, with such a strange companion." He said, and Esgalnoron snarled slightly.

"Esgalnoron, no." I said sharply, and his ears flattened as he whimpered, nudging my hand. "Forgive him, my lord, he is very protective of me." I said. "You are discerning, my lord. I am an anomaly, hunted for what I carry." I hung my head again with a sigh.

"But in exchange for our lives for our crime, I will offer myself to your services. I am a vessel for fire." I said, allowing my light out even more, looking up at Eöl so that he flinched slightly at the brighter fire of my eyes. Then I dimmed it hastily. He looked at me thoughtfully, then smiled coldly.

"So be it." He declared. "I shall make use of your services in exchange for your life. Your companion shall protect my son, while you shall be his nanny." He declared, and then turned around sharply. "Come." He declared, and I shot a smirk at Esgalnoron, who pricked his ears in reply. I followed after the dark Avari into his house.

We walked through the ornate halls of his house, and I marveled to myself. Eöl certainly did well enough for himself. And he had a wife and child. This had truly been an easy task, thank the Valar. Eöl turned in front of a door and smiled condescendingly at my open wonder.

"This is your room. Go in and bathe and dress with what is in the wardrobe, and stay there until someone comes for you." He commanded, and then turned and strode off. I turned to Esgalnoron and shrugged, then opened the heavy oaken door and went in, the door closing behind me with a bang. I winced, then looked around.

The room was windowless, unsurprisingly, with a large wooden bed, a wardrobe, chest, and single desk and chair. There was an attached privy to it, with a tub inside as well. Water flowed from a duct that flowed throughout the center of the room, and several large cauldrons sat nearby the brass tub.

I took up a cauldron and filled it with water, hauling it and emptying it into the tub until it was filled. Then I looked at Esgalnoron, who jumped in with a splash. I let him take a bath first, carefully setting my fireball aside, where it rolled off into the room and stayed on the floor under the desk. It didn't set things on fire unless it wanted to.

I stripped and then refilled the tub, finding a piece of cloth nearby as Esgalnoron jumped out and shook himself continuously while I climbed in. The water hissed from my skin, and I began to use the bar of soap that was nearby the tub as well. My hair washed and now clean and the water dirty, I climbed out and emptied the tub, wiping myself dry with the towel. Esgalnoron was now dry from his shaking. Wrapping the makeshift towel around my hair, I went to the wardrobe and looked inside.

It was filled with darker colored clothes, like deep blues, purples, blacks, and grays, and I decided to choose a deep purple gown that was simple and light, very plain in fact. It was a refreshing change compared to the elaborate gowns I had worn in Angband.

After drying my hair more and sticking the fireball into Esgalnoron's fur where it nestled comfortably, hidden, I set the cloth aside to dry just as there was a knock at the door. I walked over and opened it to see a human maid that bowed, motioning for me to follow. Esgalnoron padded behind me as we wound through the seemingly endless hallways that were lit with torches and occasionally windows.

We arrived in what was obviously a dining hall, where the maid left and Eöl waited, hands crossed behind his back. I bowed politely. "Your duties will be to care for my son and teach him, and you shall also tell your- companion- to guard him and his mother. You shall not leave my son at any time, and you shall cater to his needs at any time, night or day. You shall eat with us and I expect you to be prompt. If you do well, I will see to it that you lack for nothing." Eöl finished, and I bowed again.

"Of course, my lord. I will be more than happy to do so. You shall have no reason to complain, master. Esgalnoron shall guard your son as though he were his own master." I answered meekly, used to debasing myself for Melkor. I never thought that the practice would come in handy, and as a result nearly grimaced at the thought.

"I expect you to use any method possible in protecting my son, do I make myself clear?" Eöl asked.

"Yes master." I answered.

Then he turned. "Come. I shall show you to my son." So I followed after him down the hallways again. The nice thing about being an elf is that once you do something once, it is possible to remember it forever, so I had already memorized the halls we had passed through.

"What is your name?" Eöl queried, not too unkindly.

"Caladiel, my lord." I answered automatically.

"I see." Was his only answer before opening a door and leading me inside. It was obviously a solar, and inside was a Noldo elleth sewing, a young elfling playing at her feet. She was fair and beautiful, with dark hair and dark eyes that studied me with curiosity and a spark of hope in them. So this was Aradhel.

The elfling looked up too, his eyes sliding from his father to me with surprise and interest in them. I nearly fainted. Maeglin was... Oh Valar, this was not what I had expected. I don't know that I expected from a child Maeglin, but it certainly wasn't this.

He had pitch black hair, rare for an elf, and creamy, milky skin like his father. His eyes were obsidian, and long, thick, dark eyelashes swept over his pale cheeks. He was... So adorable, it was almost unbelievable. I forced myself to loom away and curtesy instead.

Eöl was speaking, having walked over to Aradhel and holding her hand. "I have brought you a maid to take care of and protect our son, my wife. Come, let us go to he eve meal as they eat here for the first time together." He said, and Aradhel stood, looking at me with a hunger in her eyes, a hunger I felt as well. A need for wiki at comapany. I curtsied.

"I am here to serve, mistress. Please, enjoy your meal. I shall care for your son as well as I can." I said softly, and Aradhel nodded, then bent to pick up her son, who could not have been more than twenty.

"You will be good for your nanny, won't you, Maeglin?" She asked him in a strong voice that was feminine nonetheless. The elfling nodded, though his glance towards me was suspicious.

"Yes Ammë." He replied, and his voice was darkly melodious like his father's, though it was a more pleasant sort of sound, like his mother. It was softer than his sire's. Eöl gave me a curt nod of approval and then swept off with Aradhel after she put him down.

I immediately looked to Esgalnoron, who took guard by the door, nodding to me. Then I bent down to look at the little Maeglin. "Greetings, my prince." I said softly with a dip of the head, not daring to call him by name. "My name is Caladiel. Will you allow me to care for you?" I asked. He studied me intently.

"You look strange. Pretty, but strange. How did you get a wolf? What is his name?" Maeglin rattled off, and I felt my heart melt. Oh my Valar, he was so adorable... Focus, Celine, focus!

I merely smiled. "I made a mistake, my prince. I unknowingly trespassed on your father's land, and in return for my life, I now serve him. I was wandering alone because I am in danger wherever I go, for many wish to use me for their own gain. I am a wielder of fire. That is why I look strange. My wolf is named Esgalnoron, and he, too, is a wielder of fire." I answered his questions patiently.

He nodded slowly, thoughtfulness on his face. "That makes sense." He finally decided. Just then, a maid came in with a tray, and set down on the table in the solar several plates, then set one in front of Esgalnoron before bowing and leaving.

"Shall we eat, my prince?" I asked, standing and holding out a hand towards the table. He stood as well, and walked to the table next to a chair that I deemed his.

"You should call me Maeglin, not Prince. Help me up." He demanded, and I nodded, lifting him up properly into the chair.

"Of course, Maeglin." I answered, and sat down next to him as he began to eat. I also ate the food that was set before my chair, but made sure to see to Maeglin's needs first and foremost. The meal was simple but rich and filling. It was good, and I was satisfied by the time it was over.

Maeglin's soul, I suddenly noticed, was not so dark as I thought it might have been. It was slightly shadowed, but I deemed that it could be purged. He might actually not be as bad as I thought, if my plan worked out. The solar was also tasteful and rich, and there were many toys scattered about the room.

After the meal was finished, I stacked the dishes on the table as Maeglin climbed down and began to sit with his toys again. I went about tidying the room, keeping an eye on Maeglin once in a while.

~This may not be so hard after all.~ Esgalnoron noted.

~Yes, that is true.~ I answered. Then after I had cleaned up the solar, I walked over to Maeglin and sat by him, picking up a hoop of embroidery and a threaded needle. I began to sew the simple French pattern of a doily, deciding to make a white rose.

"Play with me." Maeglin suddenly demanded. I set the hoop aside.

"What should I do, Maeglin?" I answered politely with a small smile. He sighed.

"These toys are boring. Make a toy for me." He pleaded, looking up at me with those dark, appealing eyes. I took a breath and then looked to Esgalnoron. He padded over.

"Alright then, little master." I took my fireball from Esgalnoron's fur and handed it to Maeglin. "It will not burn you, Maeglin. Faelon would like to play with you." I said with a smile. Faelon bounced onto the ground, rolling around Maeglin in taunting circles. His eyes lit up and he chased it, giggling. I kept a careful watch, while Esgalnoron went back to his guard duty by the door.

"Come back, Faelon!" Maeglin squealed, and caught it just as the door re-opened again. I rose and curtsied as Aradhel and Eöl come back in, the door closing again. Maeglin looked up and beamed.

"Look Ammë, Atto! Caladiel let me play with Faelon!" He exclaimed happily, petting the vibrating fireball. Eöl gave me a discerning look, but there was no disapproval as he turned back to his son.

"Very good, my son. My lady." He bowed to Aradhel, then took his leave. Aradhel walked over to her son and smiled at him gently.

"That's wonderful, Maeglin." She said softly, and then left him to play. I stood there quietly in deference, and she turned to me. "Come, sit." She said quietly, and sat herself, picking up a hoop and handing me the one I had left off. I took it and sit.

"My lord husband spoke to me of you. Where do you hail from?" She asked. I smiled slightly.

"I do not remember, my lady." I answered. It wasn't a lie, since I don't know where in Eä my planet was. "I have been running from as far back as I can remember of life in Arda." I sighed. "I am grateful to have been spared." I said.

"I see." Aradhel said quietly. I gave her a glance as she frowned down at her hoop.

"I am here to help you, mistress. Is something bothering you?" I asked gently. Aradhel looked up, and tears leaked down her cheeks.

"It has been so long since I have seen another ellith... Forgive me..." She wept, and I dared to hug her gently. She wept harder, clinging to me in a hug.

"Ammë? Are you okay?" Maeglin asked, climbing into his mother's lap. She clutched him, stemming her tears with difficulty.

"Yes, yonya, I am alright." She sniffled, and although he frowned, he went back to Faelon. Then she told her her story that I was so familiar with, while I nodded sympathetically.

"I thought- I thought I could be happy enough, but I'm not..." She looked down at her hands miserably. I closed my eyes.

"I am sorry, mistress, but I am glad to see that I could bring you comfort with my presence. Please, princess, allow me to help you in any way I can." I murmured, and she smiled at me exhaustedly.

"Take care of my son." She answered in a whisper. "Shield him from the influence of his father." She pleaded, and her eyes begged me to agree. I bowed my head.

"I understand, my lady. I shall do my best." I answered, and she hugged me swiftly before speaking in a normal tone of voice.

"Maeglin has a bath in the mornings and evenings. He sleeps in his own room, where you will be expected to stay as well. After his morning bath you shall bring him to the dining hall, where you shall eat with us and tend to him. After the morning meal, you shall follow him as he goes with his father wherever they may go to learn, and after that you will take him to the library and teach him history, geography, and all of the things that a noble should know, including protocol. After you have finished, he is allowed to do what he wishes until the eve meal, after which you shall give him a bath and then put him to bed. Occasionally his father or I shall call for him, in which case you will bring him to us. You shall never leave him at all costs. Is this understood?" She asked briskly, and I inclined my head.

"Of course, my lady." I answered mildly, and she nodded, turning back to her hoop.

It was a while before I was dismissed along with Maeglin to take him for his bath. I dressed him in a nightgown and tucked him into bed, lighting a single candle with the tip of my finger before sitting down on a chair nearby the side of the bed, Esgalnoron curled up by the door. I closed my eyes, and then turned a wearied gaze on the window.

"Caladiel?" Maeglin asked sleepily.

"Yes, Maeglin?" I answered quietly. There was a pause for a few moments.

Then he sighed. "Do you like to get hugs from people?" He asked.

"Yes. But I don't get very many." I answered, a sad smile on my face.

"Are they very nice to you?" He asked tentatively, and a slightly amused smile crossed my face.

"Indeed they are." I replied wistfully.

"Oh." There was another pause. "D-do you like to hug?" He queried.

"Yes. Would you like a hug?" I asked flat-out. There was a startled pause.

"You would hug me?" Maeglin sounded a bit surprised. I frowned. The poor child.

"Yes. If you wished it, I would. I am here to serve you in any way possible." I replied.

"Y-yes, I think I would like a hug." Maeglin said softly. I smiled slightly, then reached over into the bed, gathering him up into my arms and rocking slightly, stroking his hair. He slowly wrapped his arms around me, hugging my waist and burying his face into my chest. He was so touch-starved.

I couldn't help myself anymore. "Oh Maeglin, you are so adorable." I whispered into his hair. He stirred.

"Really? You think so?" He asked hopefully, sleepily.

"Yes, I do. You are so small and precious, and so adorable. You are so warm, Maeglin." I murmured gently, a little more bold. He snuggled into me.

"You're so warm and soft and comfortable." He said sleepily. "You smell good too, Caladiel." He added. I almost laughed, but managed to stifle it.

"Sleep, my dear." I answered tenderly, and he sighed blissfully before curling into me.

"Promise not to leave?" He begged. I closed my eyes.

"I cannot promise that, Maeglin, but I will promise you that I will stay with you as long as I can." I replied softly. He sighed.

"Okay. Promise to always hug me?" He requested.

"That, I can promise." I answered with a smile.

A moment later, his heavy breathing alerted me that he was asleep. I attempted to put him back into bed, but he refused to be pried from my dress, so giving up, I lay down next to him, Faelon and Esgalnoron sleeping by the door. So I fell asleep, my very first day in the service of Eöl, dark elf of Nan Elmoth.

I wondered how much longer it would take to get Aradhel to get the idea to go back to Gondolin. I have no idea how much I may have changed things, and I hoped that it would stay close to canon.

But in the meantime, I just slept, happy to hug Maeglin and be content, out of Angband for the first in a long time.

Now if only a certain dragon and Maia would stay out of my mind...


	12. Chapter 12

****shuffles in warily* hi- *ducks flying fireballs* yeesh! Sorry, sorry! I know it's been a while, but things kept piling up on me. School, relief work, plus a bunch of other things that I had to do... Anyways, sorry this is so late. Please, enjoy!**

Chapter 12

I was woken up by Esgalnoron speaking in my mind. ~Wake up, Caladiel!~ He nudged my hand as I mentally groaned and then opened my eyes, blinking wearily.

At first I was confused. Wait, where was I? Then I began to slightly panic. Who was in my arms!? I looked down and saw a mop of dark hair under my chin, a small form curled into me.

Then it all came rushing back. Nan Elmoth. Aradhel. Maeglin. Eöl... Eöl! I turned to Esgalnoron and nodded. ~Can you tell me if there's a bathroom in here?~

He trotted over to the left side of the room while I sat up, carefully disentangling Maeglin from my dress and climbing out of bed. His face puckered as he shifted, but he settled down again and I turned back to Esgalnoron.

~Yep. It's here, like the one in your room.~ He declared.

~Oh good. Thank you, Esgalnoron. Can you pick out an outfit for Maeglin from the closet?~ I requested, hurrying into the bathroom to fill the tub. Faelon suddenly rolled in, and I squeaked slightly.

"Faelon! You're going to get wet!" I hissed, and with a bob my fireball rolled back out. I finished filling the brass tub and warmed the water by sticking a hand in it and stirring the water vigorously, then went back out to the room.

Esgalnoron had draped a pair of clothes over the chair, and I nodded at him in thanks. He tossed me a dark blue bolt which I took, seeing that it was a dress. ~I went and got it for you.~

~Thank you, dear friend.~ I smiled gratefully, and he nudged my hand.

I walked over to the bed and picked Maeglin up gently. "Maeglin. Maeglin, penneth, please wake up." I murmured gently, stroking his hair. He began to stir, mouth opening in a wide yawn and stretching. His dark eyelashes began to flutter, sleepily opening over his obsidian eyes and creamy cheeks, a study in contrast.

I smiled at the adorableness. Then he sighed, looking up at me wearily. "That's it, penneth, wake up. It's time to take a bath you know." I said softly, and he sighed.

"But I don't wanna, Caladiel." He whined sourly, burying his head into me as I sighed. I began to walk towards the bathroom.

"Well, if you want to take a cold bath..." I began, and he stiffened.

"You wouldn't." He mumbled.

"Would I?" I retorted vaguely. He looked up at me, but my face was blank, showing nothing of my thoughts. I watched as he began to seriously consider whether it was worth it to find out or not. Then after a moment's deliberation, he sighed.

"Oh alright." He acquiesced, allowing me to undress him and pop him into the bathtub. An amused smiled crossed my lips briefly as he woke up more, splashing he water around cheerfully.

~Esgalnoron, is there a towel there?~ I queried.

~Yes.~ He answered after a moment.

~Thank you.~ I said absently, busy scrubbing Maeglin's hair with soap and trying to get him to stay still long enough for me to wash it out. He squirmed.

"Maeglin." I sighed. "Stay still, penneth, I need to get this out of your hair or else it'll be all sticky and yucky and might get in your eyes and hurt them." I said with patient exasperation, and he stilled.

"What are we gonna do today?" He asked.

"Well, after your bath we must go to the morning meal, after which you will go with your sire wherever he will take you. After you are finished learning under him, I will teach you some interesting things in the library, and then you will be free until the evening meal." I answered, finally managing to get the rest of the soap out of his hair.

He sighed. "Okay then. What kind of things are you gonna teach me?" He queried curiously.

I smiled. I knew what it was like to be bored learning too, so I had no intention of being just any teacher. "Many things. I will teach you how to look at a drawing and be able to tell exactly where you are on that picture. I will show you plants and teach you how to know what kind they are. I will show you books and the pictures in them and tell you incredible stories that you will never forget. And I will also teach you how to be a proper ellon so that others will like you and respect you." I answered, twisting the different subjects into more interesting-sounding things.

"If you like, I could even teach you about the earth and what lies within it, and things of the sky, and stars..." Basic school stuff. Yech.

"Really? The stars?" He asked excitedly, and I nodded.

"Mmhm. If you'd like." I answered, and he nodded.

"Yes!"

I laughed softly. "Very well, then. Now, stay right there for a moment while I go get your linen, alright?" I asked, and without waiting for an answer went back into his room. I picked the towel up from the bed, noticing that it came from a chest, and then went back into the bathroom and helped him out, beginning to dry him off.

Then I handed him his own clothes and went into the bathroom to dress myself. The dress was a deep blue and as simple as the last one, which suited me just fine. I'm not sure the color was entirely flattering, but hey, who cared, really? It's not as if Melkor was there to chide me about it.

When I exited, Maeglin was ready to go, Faelon perched on his shoulder and sitting on top of Esgalnoron. I smiled and we began down the hallway, taking the many passageways to the dining hall. When we arrived, Eöl and Aradhel had just arrived as well.

Eöl took a keen look and then nodded at me before pulling out a chair for Aradhel. Then he sat, and I lifted Maeglin into his own chair before sitting down next to him. The food was brought out, and the day officially began. Conversation was practically nonexistent, and consisted of nothing but Eöl briefly telling Maeglin and I that we would be accompanying him to the forges that day.

Maeglin merely nodded as I inclined my head respectfully and murmured, "of course, master."

This. Was going to be a long day.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I groaned inwardly, outwardly raking a hand through my sheet white hair. I sighed, and Esgalnoron nudged my hand as I smiled and ruffled his ears.

~Are you alright?~ He asked.

~I guess so. Just rather tired.~ Was my answer.

After following Maeglin around with his father for several hours, basically just making sure that both were safe and that Maeglin came to no harm, I had taken him to the library and had begun teaching him what I promised to.

He was an apt pupil, if admittedly reluctant, but he perked up when we got to geology. Our conversation had been rather... interesting, considering that he had asked so many questions, most of which I was able to answer, although much of it I knew I would I have learned in college. That is, if I were back on Earth.

It had brought back a lot of hazy memories, of times when I would complain about going to school on a bad day. But now I had no school to go to, and I almost wished I did, if only for the sense of having some normality. I didn't want to go back NOW, because then I could never be the same again after all I've been through, but it didn't hurt to think about it a little bit so long as I didn't allow it to take over my life with regret.

At the moment I was waiting for Maeglin to finish something with lady Aradhel, after which I was supposed to take him back to his room slash nursery and watch over him as he spent the rest of the day there. I snorted as I remembered the look Eöl had given me when he had seen Maeglin riding on Esgalnoron. That had been hilarious.

Just then, Faelon rolled up to me and began his journey up to my sleeve. I grabbed the fireball and held it up to my hand as he expanded to become larger, an image appearing in the center. My eyes widened for a moment before I grimaced and tucked myself into a small alcove a little ways down the hall.

The image cleared, and I saw Sauron sitting languidly in his chair, tossing me a lazy glance. "Ada." I acknowledged.

"My princess. How fare you?" He asked silkily, leaning forwards with his chin in his hands. I swallowed slightly.

"Very well, Ada. I am currently in Nan Elmoth." I answered quietly, glancing behind me. He raised an eyebrow.

"That small forest?" He snorted incredulously, and I gave him a quirk of the lips.

"Yes, for I happened to run across Eöl the dark elf and his wife, Aradhel." I answered with a thin smile. Sauron shot me a keen look.

"Aradhel?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Princess of Gondolin." I answered, and his face broke into a pleased smile.

"Ah. Wonderful, my dear." He chuckled darkly. "Very good. You will tell me when you find the city, of course." He said, leaning back, and it was not a question.

"Of course." I answered, then smiled slightly. "Tell Ancala hello for me, will you, Ada?" I asked.

Sauron waved a negligent hand. "Say it for yourself." He answered, and the image swirled before focusing on the dragon in his secondary form.

I wiggled my fingers. "Hello, Ancala." I said with a smile, and he gave me a smirk.

"Miss me already?" He asked smoothly, and I rolled my eyes.

"Don't be so full of yourself, you crazed dragon. I only wanted to say hello." I retorted, and he snickered.

"Whatever you say. Don't collapse without me being there." He said, and the smile he gave me bordered on being suggestive. I shot him a scathing glare.

"Don't get any ideas." I hissed, and then curled my lip. "Gotta go. See you later. Tell Ada bye for me." I added, and then Faelon shrank once more. With a snort, I stalked out of the alcove and took my place by the door again where I was keeping watch and waiting for Maeglin.

That insufferable prick of a dragon. Then why did I miss him so? Because he's the only 'family' I have. Right? Yeah, that must be it.

I refuse to see it otherwise.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

It was evening again. It's been two days since I first came here to Nan Elmoth. And while I can't necessarily say I've enjoyed them, I can't really say that I've hated them either. I sighed, running my hand through my hair where I stood by the window in Maeglin's room.

The elfling in question was playing with Esgalnoron and Faelon, while I tidied up the room as well as it could possibly be cleaned. The room had been closing in on me for the last hour as I had cleaned, my thoughts constricting my airway.

This was all wrong. I had begun to inwardly panic. Even though my brain told me that this was all according to Eru's plans, I couldn't help but want to scream in fear and crushing guilt. This was all wrong.

I shouldn't be here. Esgalnoron and Faelon shouldn't exist. The Faithful should have never come into existence. Sauron shouldn't have become integrated with Mairon. I shouldn't make Melkor treasure me. I was a Mary Sue. And while that didn't exactly seem right, because absolutely no way was anyone falling for me, and I wasn't gifted with powers to defeat Melkor, I was still an anomaly. I wasn't supposed to be here.

I couldn't get the sense of wrongness out of my mind. This- this Caladiel shouldn't even exist. Celine should be here, not Caladiel, this other me that loved Sauron as a father-figure, had a dragon for a friend, was the treasure of Melkor and dared to snap at him at times in defiance, that ate souls. That was here, caring for Maeglin.

I missed Celine. The Celine that was trapped, buried under layers of time and change. But I couldn't recover her, no matter how much she wanted to be let out. It was scaring me. And what frankly terrified me was that very thought- that I was capable of frightening myself.

"Caladiel?" Maeglin's voice brought me out of my speeding thought train, bringing it to a smoking, screaming, bloody, disastrous halt. I turned to him, to see that he held a slightly wary look on his face. I flicked a glance to Esgalnoron.

*Get a grip, Caladiel, you momentarily slipped. Your eyes went violet.* He answered.

"Yes, Maeglin?" I answered softly with a reassuring smile, showing him that all was (not) alright.

He studied me for a moment before shaking his head. "Nothing. You looked- strange, but it's gone now." He answered candidly before turning back to his play.

"I see." I said quietly. *Thank you, Esgalnoron. I'm sorry. I'm afraid my emotions slipped.* I answered him, moving to his side and sitting in a chair while attempting French embroidery in a hoop. It was mindless, just going through the movements of threading and knotting, over and over again, following the dizzying pattern that swirled tauntingly in front of my eyes.

*You're welcome. Are you sure you're alright?* he queried, simultaneously managing to knock Maeglin gently onto his back as the elfling growled and tackled him again playfully.

*Yes and no. I'm not supposed to be here, Esgalnoron. By all rights, I shouldn't exist.* I said, shaking my head in disappointment at myself. *But at the same time I am supposed to be here because Eru Himself brought me here.* I sighed.

*I see. You're conflicted by all that's different from all you've known for so long.* he said discerningly.

*Yes.* I answered, and he said nothing more, leaving me to my thoughts. He was wise, in that way. He knew when to speak and when not to say anything. So time ticked on. I looked out the window. It was dark.

Putting the things away, I stood. "Maeglin, penneth, time for bed." I said, moving towards the closet in the room. Maeglin sighed but didn't complain, instead merely sauntering over to me and waiting a bored look on his face. I raised an eyebrow as I helped him into his night clothes.

"What's wrong, little prince?" I asked conversationally, pulling the shirt over his head. He sighed.

"I'm not sleepy." He protested. I finished helping him dress and sighed, looking at him from where I knelt. A pang of wistfulness went through me. I wish I had a little brother, or another sinking, or... Or a child. I almost blushed. Now, why would I want a child? No, no, that's not like me at all.

"You look sad, Caladiel." Maeglin said with a frown. I managed a startled smile.

"Ah, yes... Well, I am, a little, but I will be alright." I said honestly, and he seemed to be satisfied. Then he paused. "Why are you sad?" He demanded. "I don't like it when you're sad. You look..." His face twisted in concentration to find the elusive word. "You look- not good." He said in frustration.

I rubbed my hands up and down his arms. "Thank you, my prince, for being so kind as to notice. But I am alright, truly. I'll try to look better." I said, plastering a half genuine smile on my face. It was enough to mollify him, though.

"If you don't want to sleep, then I suppose we shall have to do something else, then." I said, standing nonchalantly. I heard him pad after me as I walked towards the window.

"Like what?" He asked, intrigued. I smiled slightly as Faelon rolled onto the windowsill, lazily tracing circles in the stonework.

"Well, why don't we go to the kitchens? We could get a drink and maybe pilfer a sweet from under the cooks nose." I said slyly, and I saw him grin.

"Yeah!" Then he grabbed my hand and began to drag me off, while I laughed along the way.

Later, as Maeglin fell asleep curled up in my arms, I mused to myself as I fell asleep myself. Perhaps... Perhaps this sort of life wouldn't be too bad after all...

I still wish, though, that I had a child.

No I don't! Why do I have such strange thoughts!?

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

So the days went on, and they turned into weeks, which turned into months, which turned into years. Maeglin grew.

He grew older and taller, wiser and stronger, more knowledgable and more curious. He grew very handsome, with dark hair spilling over his shoulders in a waterfall of raven feathers, his skin smooth and pale, looking like white cream, his obsidian eyes that flashed purple in the light, keen, discerning, yet softer than his father's, and his long, dark eyelashes that swept over his cheeks and made a study in contrast with his skin.

And I was there for him all along the way. When he learned how to wield a weapon, I was there. When he worked in the forge, I was there. For each birthday, I was there. When he finally passed his majority, I was still there for him, by his side, waiting on him as I had done for all of those years before.

Eöl had suggested time and time again that I be put into manual labor once my nanny days were over, but Maeglin outright refused. He dragged me with him everywhere he went. I was the first to be shown his newest creations in the forge, I was the first he came to with an injury, I was the first one he came to for information, and I was the first one to show him the major landmarks in the process of growing.

Maeglin hated hearing the story of his mother. He loved her, and she doted upon him, but he had an at best cool relationship with Eöl. He refused to hear the story after the first time, which I had of course expected from the very beginning. However, his personality was what I strove, all those years, to hammer into place.

There was only one trait in him that I made sure wasn't canonical. Aradhel taught him of his family. He knew of Idril, Turgon, and all of his relatives. He knew the history of the elves, and his family, and the Avari clan from which he was born. And I slowly but surely beat into his head the knowledge that beauty is never what it seems to be. I taught him to look deeper, look closer, pick it apart and never trust it unless he was sure he could.

That was the most important lesson that I taught him. Respect family. Treat friends as you ought to. But under no condition trust or like something just because of its outer shell. It was the inside that mattered.

Perhaps I sound paranoid. But when you think about it, it makes sense. If he knew of his family, knew of his heritage and the customs of his people, and if he would look closer and deeper, he would see that Idril was not the one for him. I only hoped that I could succeed.

And of course, I made sure that he wasn't spoiled utterly rotten as I was sure he had been in the book. Yeesh.

Faelon kept me in touch with Sauron once every year, to which I would give a general report. Sauron was never displeased. He knew that I would work slowly and carefully, to make sure that it was done right.

Esgalnoron and Faelon stuck with me all those years, and we were inseparable all that time. Faelon became an amity in my life. He is so useful.

My life was generally happy. But the more time went on, the more I wondered when and if Aradhel would ever want to leave Nan Elmoth, and if I would have to nudge her into it. I hoped not.

But the day finally came when all my fears were put to rest- and yet ignited all at the same time.

And suddenly, I wished I had taken Treebeard's advice that was rapidly looking better by the hour.

Don't be hasty.


	13. Chapter 13

**hey guys! Just needed to let you guys know that I have exams, so no updates this week, okay? :) I'll update as soon as possible, though. Thank you as always for your faves and follows and reviews!**

**Sorry to those who I didn't review to personally, I was away yesterday without internet. Let me reply here. **

**Jesus'girl4ever: he was. Oh well. ;) **

**StencilAngel (Guest): Well, at the current moment it would be impossible; HOWEVER, perhaps later something like that might happen. ;) thank you for your review!**

**DeLacus: oh well. :( hmmm, I don't know... *-*; glad you liked!**

**IMPORTANT: Erm... Please don't kill me for this chapter but... Total plot twist, I know. But for those of you Ancaladiel shippers (ship name courtesy of horseyyay), don't be too disappointed, I never said she wouldn't end up with Ancalagon. Review? *cringe***

Chapter 13

It's finally happened. Aradhel had taken Maeglin aside and told him she wanted to leave- to go back to Gondolin, to be exact. Predictably, Maeglin had readily agreed and then immediately come to me.

"You must come with us, Caladiel." He said, clasping my hand in his pleadingly. "I need you there with us. We need protection- and you cannot stay here. You've been with us all along, and I'm not leaving you here." He said firmly. Lately I had taken to remaining in an eighteen-year-old form, and therefore looked much younger than him.

I smiled up at him, a little sadly. "How much you have grown. Yes, I will go with you, for your sake." I answered, and he pulled me into a fierce hug. And that was that.

So that's how I had found myself slipping through the forest in the dead of night with Maeglin, Aradhel, Esgalnoron, and Faelon. Aradhel was riding on Esgalnoron, while Maeglin grasped a sword in his hand and I held Faelon up to give us light.

"Gondolin is in the mountains of terror." Aradhel said quietly. "But I'm not sure where they are anymore." She admitted.

"I do." I answered, holding Faelon higher. "I've passed them before, several times, in my travels. I'm not really surprised Gondolin is there. I should have guessed." I shrugged.

After more than an hour, we finally made it out of the forest in the direction facing the mountains. "We need to go that way." I pointed. "My lady, which direction is the entrance?" I asked.

"South." She answered wearily.

"Thank you. Please, my lady, rest. Esgalnoron will not let you fall. It is safe enough at the moment, I deem." I said, and she gave me a grateful smile before falling asleep.

"Caladiel?" Maeglin suddenly asked as we began our long trek.

"Yes?" I asked with a sigh.

"You never told me about your past before you came to us. Where do you hail from?" He asked. I stiffened.

For a moment I remained silent as we walked. Esgalnoron remained by my side, sending waves of calm across our bond. Faelon rolled lazily in my palm. Finally I answered. "I don't want to recall it, Maeglin." I answered quietly.

"Yes, Caladiel." He immediately answered, and I realized that I had startled him with my uncharacteristic coldness. "As you wish."

I gave him a warm glance. "It is not pleasant." I said by way of explanation, and he nodded back, face not disclosing any emotion.

The trip took months. Three, to be exact. Food was plentiful, for Esgalnoron could hunt game miles away and still bring it to us, while Faelon gave us enough light to see by, warmth, and fire to cook with. Water we kept in the skins we had brought with us, along with one flask of wine for emergencies. It was a difficult journey nonetheless, however.

I was taxed to my limits everyday in attempting to make new clothes from scraps of our old ones, trying to keep us from injury, making sure that Aradhel was well cared-for and lacked no food or water. Often I would go several nights without sleep for work and worry until I would collapse at the next campsite, leaving Maeglin to care for us until I could scrape up enough energy to get myself up and running again.

By the time we finally reached the path leading to Gondolin by Aradhel's instruction, I was utterly exhausted and near to the point of collapsing. To help myself and keep up energy, I had reverted to keeping myself in the size of a eighteen year old and had to have Maeglin help me walk upright. By this time, it was nearing wintertime.

We passed through the gates until we finally were stopped by the guards who easily recognized Aradhel and welcomed her joyfully. I walked about in a haze the whole way, barely aware of anything going on, just barely awake. I forced myself to hold my eyes open.

"Caladiel. Please, just a little longer." Maeglin whispered harshly in concern, and I nodded before sinking into an almost oblivious haze. Until I was shaken out of it by Esgalnoron nicking my leg with his claw. I let out a slight cry of pain and snapped out of my daze, opening my tear-filled eyes to see that we were in front of the whole court, with all of the lords of the twelve houses of Gondolin. King Turgon gave me a piercing look.

"Is it true that you are the one that helped my sister to escape the dark elf Eöl?" He asked, and I managed a fairly acceptable curtesy.

"Yes, my lord."I answered weakly. "Forgive me for my disrespect my lord, I am afraid that I am exhausted." I said. He relented somewhat and flicked a hand. A servant brought a small stool, which I sank onto gratefully with Maeglin's help. Aradhel was sitting next to Turgon.

"Are you wed to my nephew?" He asked, raising an eyebrow, and I started before starting to suddenly laugh, placing a hand over my mouth.

"Forgive me- no, my lord." I answered, still giggling, to the obvious displeasure of several of the lords, judging by their faces. "I helped to raise Maeglin." I said, sobering. Esgalnoron nudged my arm apologetically, and I absently rubbed his ears.

"I see. My apologies." Turgon answered, a small smile curling his lips as I noticed out of the corner of my eyes that Maeglin looked vaguely horrified and embarrassed. "And is it true that this- hound, is yours?" He asked.

"Yes, my lord. His name is Esgalnoron." I answered respectfully.

"I see. Well then, you have my thanks for all that you have done for my sister and sister-son. You shall stay here in my city, for no one is allowed to leave Gondolin once they have come." He said sternly. "I will see to your accommodations in due time." He added, and I stood and curtsied once more.

"I thank you, my King, for your generosity." I answered hoarsely, and then promptly shut my mouth. After all, most likely I would be out on the grill for interrogation after Eöl had been dealt with, assuming he had followed as was in the book.

"Come, my nephew, and sit my me." Turgon gestured to his side, but Maeglin hesitated, glancing worriedly to me. I tilted my head in the direction of the King.

"Go, my little prince." I answered, and he reluctantly climbed the stairs to sit on the dais. Then I noticed the scrutiny of the lords around me. Despite that we had traveled for so long, I had still managed to dress Aradhel and Maeglin in clothes acceptable for their ranking. But myself- I had been so tired that I was dressed in almost nothing but rags according to the elves. My unassuming lavender dress was wrinkled and torn at the hem, my natural glow dim and my hair tangled in front of my face.

Just then, there was a commotion at the door. A guard came in and bowed to the King. "My lord, there is an elf who came into our realm, claiming that the princess Aradhel is his wife and the prince his son." He said curtly, and the King raised an eyebrow at his sister, who turned white and nodded faintly.

"Then let us see him." Turgon answered, and the guard bowed before turning and marching to the door. Another guard grasped my arm and pulled me roughly to the side as I winced. Maeglin half-stood, anger burning in his eyes, but before he could say anything another lord stepped forwards.

"For shame, Norgaladir. She is a lady, one who has protected and has the favor of the princess Aradhel. Even had she been a kinslayer you should treat her with respect for the lady she is." He said sternly, and the soldier bowed with a murmured apology before relinquishing me to the elf, who held out his hand with a kindly smile. Esgalnoron stood by my side, hackles raised and a snarl issuing from his throat. I clamped a hand around his muzzle and he hushed, ears flattened. I curtsied.

"Thank you, my lord, even if I'm afraid I don't deserve your kindness." I said quietly, and he took my hand and pressed a kiss to my knuckles. For some reason, I'm not sure if I like that. His hair was the color of ink, a shimmering blue, and his eyes are deep blue. For some reason, I feel like I should know him.

"Nay, my lady, it is only proper. I am Ecthelion of the House of the Fountain." He replied smoothly, and I felt my legs almost give out at the name. As it was I felt the blood leave my cheeks, draining out of my very lips.

"Of course, my lord." I murmured weakly. "I am Caladiel." And then his answer was cut off as a violently cursing elf was dragged into the throne room. I turned to look, and my hand slipped out of Ecthelion's grasp.

Turgon stood and held out his hand to Eöl, who looked about with sullen wonder. Maeglin stood there quietly, his eyes also darting about here and there. I was also awed, but to be honest was too weary and tense to properly admire it.

"Welcome, my kinsman, for so I hold you. Here you shall stay at your pleasure and live as you will: only this I declare, that you not leave, for it law that no one that finds their way here shall leave once more." He said.

Then Eöl withdrew a step and his hand, making his refusal and insult. "...I care not for your secrets and do not come to spy upon you, only to claim what is mine- my son and wife and slave. Yet, if you have some claim to Aradhel your sister, then let her remain here in her gilded cage, where she will sicken as she did before. But my son I will not give up, and you have no claim to the one who owes her life to me for trespassing in my forests. Come, Maeglin, my son! Come, girl! I command you to come, and leave the house of mine enemies and slayers of mine kin, or else to be accursed!" He said, sending a withering glare my way. The King and other lords looked to me, but I just stood there quietly, face pinched. Maeglin answered not.

Turgon's face grew dark. "I will not debate with you, dark elf, for your sunless woods are defended by the swords of the Noldor alone. You wander there freely and not toiling in the dungeons of Angband by the allowance and vigil of our kin. And here, whether or not it is according to your pleasure, I am King, and you must abide by my laws. Here I give you choice for you and your son also; abide here freely, or die here." He said sternly.

Eöl stood there for a moment, glowering. Aradhel's face was white in fear, and despite that I knew what the King would say, I had almost fainted at the name of Angband and the memories of Morgoth that came with it. I wavered slightly. Maeglin still said nothing, though I, from experience, could see in his eyes that he was angry.

~Esgalnoron! What do I do? This is where Aradhel dies! Surely I cannot save her- it is too much...~ I begged advice. Before he could answer, I clapped a hand to my chest as a jolt rocketed through my heart.

Then Eöl moved suddenly and swiftly. "I choose the second, for both my son and slave! You shall not take what is mine!" He shouted, and from underneath his cloak drew a dagger and threw it at Maeglin. But I was already moving.

Esgalnoron slammed against my back helpfully and I was lurched forwards, hand outstretched. Aradhel had thrown herself as well, but instead of hitting her shoulder, the dart sank into my hand, piercing straight through it and coming out the other side.

I fell to the ground, screaming in pain. Eöl was wrestled into submission and bound tightly by many guards. The pain was gathering on the edges of my vision in a dark mist, and I felt the poison moving through my bloodstream slowly. I would have to use my light to purge it, but I was already so weak that I just sat there, clutching my hand and weeping, biting my lip so hard there was blood flowing down my chin.

Maeglin sat there stonily, saying nothing. Aradhel and another elleth with golden hair I guessed to be Idril rushed to my side. I held out my hand, stopping them. "Poisoned. Please don't touch, my lady, princess." I rasped, and then hauled myself to my feet somehow. Pain exploded.

Eöl was snarling as Turgon stood. "I should have known that you would betray me, witch. I should have killed you the moment you stepped in front of me, begging for sanctuary. I should have known that you would corrupt my son-"

"Silence!" Turgon roared. He turned to me. "Are you well, child?" He asked gently, and I pulled away from his outstretched hand.

Silence settled as I turned to Eöl. Slowly, I pulled the dagger out of my hand, gnashing my teeth as fire and torture went through my body. It came out with a sickening squelch as I dropped the dagger and blood spurted. I saw a guard get thoroughly sick on the floor by the doorway, and didn't blame him. My light flared as I exerted the little effort I had left, and I held out my pierced hand towards Eöl as it healed in front of his eyes. He turned white, and gasps went up from the hall.

"I was your slave for a time, willingly." I admitted quietly. "I was a slave ever since I can remember of my life, running from life to life, master to master. In the end, I came out alone and I came out free." I spat at him. "Say what you like about me, it's probably all true from your point of view. But do not call me a witch, dark elf Eöl, my former master! I served you well, protecting your son and wife from all harm for all these years that he grew up, and I protected and fed and cared for them these three months we ran from you here on request of my lady Aradhel!" I declared, raising myself as much as I could, letting the flame of Eru flare brightly.

"I kept obeying you, keeping them from danger with my life and my hound's, making sure that they wore clothes according to their rank while I went without sleep for a week at a time! I never disobeyed you, always listened to your orders. I cared for your son, raised him as the prince he rightfully is, loved him where you did not! And you dare call me witch: I- the vessel of the secret fire of Eru!?" I cried, exhaustion, pain, and frustration making me erupt.

"I resign, my master." I spat bitterly, falling to the ground and shaking, my light dimming almost completely. "Curse me, kill me, do what you want, in the end I am free." I said wearily, my bloodied hand falling to the side as blood splattered my chin. And then everything went black. My last thought was: _why did you have to be so stupid, Celine, and go and blab all that!?_

I am so dead.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

Next time I woke up, it was to see someone above me, looking relieved. "You're finally awake!" She exclaimed, and I blinked wearily. "We were afraid you wouldn't ever wake up- it's been two weeks." Se said cheerfully, her golden hair swirling around end shoulders. I turned pale.

"T-two weeks?" I asked weakly, attempting to sit up. I fell back with a stifled cry, and the elleth leaped forwards.

"Oh don't get up!" She cried. "You need to drink this first." She lifted a cup to my lips, and I readily drank. Then she helped me sit up just as the door flew open. Maeglin walked forwards, dark eyes looking at me keenly as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Are you alright, Caladiel?" He asked softly.

"I think so." I whispered, looking down morosely. "I was so stupid." I sighed. "Pae-channas. How could I had run my mouth like so-" I was interrupted in my self-deprecation by the King striding in with Aradhel.

"Are you well, Caladiel?" Aradhel cried, embracing me. I swallowed. She was alive. Not good. Why oh why had I been so utterly stupid!?

"Ye- no- yes- I don't know." I answered forlornly, too disoriented to say anything coherent.

"I thank you for saving my sister and nephew." Turgon stated. I looked up at him and then glanced away, frightened despite myself.

"It was my duty, my lord. Forgive me for my outburst, I had no right-"

"Silence, child." Turgon said, not unkindly. "If what you said is true, then you are to be highly valued and respected." He said.

"It is true." I whispered, not looking anywhere in particular. Maeglin grasped my hand tightly.

"Then you shall stay here in safety and be treated with honor as my ward." He said decidedly.

"P-please, my lord." I spoke up tremulously. He looked at me, eyebrow raised, I swallowed. "I know I have no right to ask of you anything, but..." I waited for him to give me permission to speak.

"I see no reason why you shouldn't. Speak, and if it reasonable I will grant you your request." He answered.

"I thank you for your generosity, my King. If it pleases you, I wish for nothing more than to live humbly under one of the Twelve Houses and work honestly." I said quietly, looking to him from under my eyelashes. It wouldn't be strange that I knew of Gondolin's layout and customs, for Aradhel had told us all about Gondolin.

"And why would you ask such a thing, child?" Turgon asked curiously, with no little incredulity.

"I am no one, my lord. I- I wish for no recognition, for all it has ever brought me is pain and grief. I merely wish to live somewhere where I can be mostly unassuming and useful, if merely to be a servant in someone's household." I answered honestly.

"Your wish is granted- however, on my conditions." Turgon said sternly. "I will not allow you to be a servant in any lowly household. I will ask if one of the lords of the Houses will take you in as their ward and you may live in their households under their guardianship." He said, and I ducked my head.

"Of course, my lord. That will be more than I could ever dream of asking for." I answered meekly. "I thank you, my lord. If there is anyway I could ever serve you with my small skills, I would be honored to serve." I added.

"As for that, child, I shall have to see what you can do." Turgon answered, sounding amused. He raised my chin with his fingers, and gave me a kindly smile. "You will be treated well here, child, never a slave. Be at peace." He said, and kissed my brow in the manner a King would to a vassal. And I knew, that if I ever gave a King my vassal ship, Turgon would be high on my list. Right after Arafinwë. And Finrod.

Turgon left, and Maeglin spoke up as soon as the door shut. "Why? Why would you ask for such a stupid thing?" He asked, sounding upset. "You are slave no longer, Caladiel. You should be with me." He said angrily.

"Because it was the first thing I thought of, Maeglin. It's not that I didn't want to leave you, but I can't stand being at the center of attention." I answered. "I'm sorry."

"Your apology is moot anyway, Caladiel. I am lord of the House of the Mole now, and I will bring you under my guardianship." He said, standing and walking to the window, arms crossed.

"What happened to...?" I didn't finish as Esgalnoron guarded my feet as I scratched his ears.

"Thrown off of the cliff." Was the terse reply from Maeglin.

"Oh." I answered uncomfortably, while Aradhel sat next to me quietly, looking down at her hands and Idril sat on a chair, listening interestedly.

"Are you really a vessel for the secret fire? It was said that my uncle Feänor had some of it in him." Idril spoke up curiously, and I rubbed my chest.

"Yes." I answered rather absently. "I am." My light glowed brighter. My hair was clean and white and silky once more, and I realized that someone had washed me and dressed me in a clean white gown.

"Truly fascinating!" She exclaimed. "What can you do?" She asked excitedly.

"Many things. Create things, fix things." I answered, and patted Esgalnoron. "Esgalnoron actually is a fire spirit for whom I made a form that he can change. And Faelon." I murmured, and suddenly wondered where my fireball was.

"Truly? Faelon is amazing." Idril said cheerily, and I saw that Faelon was perched on Maeglin's shoulder. Esgalnoron snorted.

~Spoiled brat of a fireball.~ He said sourly.

~Love you most, Esgalnoron.~ I said amusedly, and he growled slightly.

~I am not jealous. Merely noting that he is.~ He said curtly.

~And with that statement you prove the opposite, right?~ I answered with an affected laugh. He didn't deign to answer, though his ears twitched, showing amusement.

"Yes, he is." I whispered. Maeglin turned back around sharply, and gave me a thin smile. He didn't glance once at Idril.

"Rest, Caladiel. I won't have you getting sick. You were fighting poison because you were too weak to purge it completely." He said, and then strode out.

"He frightens me somewhat." Idril whispered. "Why is he so cold?" She asked. "He surveys me with suspicion."

"He was born and raised in Nan Elmoth under Eöl. It is his natural disposition." Aradhel said, almost sounding as though she was parroting it in unconscious defense.

"Are you well, my lady?" I asked, and she turned to me.

"I am well. My son is correct, you should rest." Then she gave me a regretful look. "I'm afraid I wasn't there for him, and therefore his heart has swayed more towards you than I." She said, and pain ricocheted through me.

"I'm sorry." I struggled with tears. "I didn't mean to become a wedge." I said thickly. "I should try to stay away-"

"Nay, do not do that, please." She said quickly. "He would not stand for that, and it is no fault of yours. I purposefully distanced myself, thinking that he would perhaps come to me in due time. It was my folly and error." She sighed, and then gave me a bitter smile. "I do not resent you, for you were ever good to him." She said, patting my hand. "And ever you have done us a good turn. I'm afraid perhaps I was unfeeling towards you throughout our journey." She said.

"Nay, my lady, I was but a servant. Do not concern yourself with me. Please, be happy, and forget me." I said wearily, my eyes closing as a testament to my poor health.

I did not hear her answer, if there was any, for I fell asleep again in a healing coma.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

Again, when I woke up, it was to see that Aradhel was sitting by the window, and the King was speaking with her. My eyes slammed shut again as I listened quietly.

"She is weak, Turgon. She cannot decide now. Do not do this." Aradhel was protesting.

"She is fine, Aradhel. She will recover soon. She must decide as soon as possible. Ever since I have proposed her wardship to the lords of the Houses, there has been tensions as Ecthelion and Glorfindel fight against Maeglin for her. Apparently Ecthelion seems to recognize her or somehow feel drawn to her, and of course Glorfindel sides with him, while Maeglin claims her as rightfully his since she was his nanny." Turgon answered sharply.

My heart leaped into my throat. Oh Valar no, don't let this be happening. There is no one fighting over me, please. That is so Mary-Sue I want to scream. With a wince, I opened my eyes groggily and focused on Turgon and Aradhel, who were looking to me.

"You're awake." Turgon swept to my side, and placed a hand on my forehead. "Your fever has broken. Good. The poison has left. Now, child, can you think properly?" He asked calmly, and I opened my cottony mouth, attempting to swallow.

"Turgon!" Aradhel snapped, and lifted a cup to my mouth. I swallowed gratefully. "Let her awaken first, at least!" She said, and I shook my head.

"I am well, my lady." I said, voice slightly hoarse. "I hear you, my lord." I said formally, attempting to shake the cobwebs from my mind.

"Good." He said, more slowly and patiently this time. "I have presented your wardship before the houses, and three are attempting to claim you." He said. "Therefore, I have decided that you will choose." He said, and paused to make sure I was following.

"There is Ecthelion of the House of the Fountain, and siding with him, for they are gwedyr, is Glorfindel of the House of the Golden Flower. And against them is Maeglin of the House of the Mole." He finished. "It is your choice, child." He said. I thought for a moment, not wanting to choose really.

~Make him choose. Excuse of him being King and caring for the welfare of his subjects.~ Esgalnoron offered.

I sent him a grateful pulse. ~Thank you. I will do that.~ I answered. He grunted.

"Please, my lord, I do not know what to do. As King, you have the authority to settle disputes between your people, and you have my welfare and life in your hands- please, will my lord choose for me?" I asked softly, meekly, looking at him.

He sighed. "Very well, child." He said. "Then I will declare that you will spend a year in Ecthelion and Glorfindel's households, and a year in Maeglin's household, rotating every year." He declared, then gave me a piercing look. I inclined my head in respect and acknowledgement.

"Good. Now, tell me, Idril told me that you created Esgalnoron a form?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, my lord. He was a fire spirit that clung to me in mutual contract as companions." I answered. "Therefore we have stayed together." I said.

"And you can make clothes." He queried.

"Yes. As long as I have a small piece to work with." I answered slowly, struggling to form words.

"Turgon. She is wearying." Aradhel warned. He nodded at his sister.

"I suppose then I shall find out slowly what else you are capable of." He said, and I nodded, feeling my body slowly wake up, albeit wearily and aching. Then he stood.

"You move this afternoon as soon as I declare my decision." He said, and I merely nodded.

"My thanks, my lord." I rasped, and he brushed a hand across my brow before leaving. Aradhel sighed.

"He will not easily believe me when I say that you have been nothing but good. He thinks that you have some other motive." She said sourly. I felt a pang of guilt as I remembered that that was true, in a way.

"I work in the dark to serve the light, my lady." I answered with an amused smile. She nodded at my light.

"Apparently." She answered curtly, and then stood. I shall go, and then tell you what has been decided as soon as I can." She said.

"My lady?" I called. She turned her profile to me. "Thank you for your care." I said humbly.

"You are family to my son and I." She answered, and swept away. I sighed.

Faelon rolled into my room and onto the bed, expanding rapidly. Esgalnoron closed the door and made sure there was no one around.

"Ah, there you are, princess." Sauron said with a malicious smile.

"Hello, Ada." I said with a weak smile. He frowned. "Poisoned dart by Eöl. I'm fine, and I found it, Ada." I said hurriedly, and his face grew dark. "He's dead." I added hastily, and his face smoothed.

"Then that's fine, I suppose." He answered. "So you found it." He said.

"Yes. I'm supposed to be a ward of Aradhel's son." I added.

"Good. I'll just tell master that we think we're close." He said easily. "Expect a visit from me soon, in a way unexpected." He said, and then disappeared as another face took place.

"Hey Ancala." I said with a weak smile.

"Poisoned dart, hmm? What stupid thing did you do this time?" The dragon asked.

"Threw myself in front of it in a 'heroic' move to save the princess and her son." I answered sarcastically, and he smirked.

"Well wonderful. Now don't be gone too long, Caladiel. I admit I'm missing your presence to liven things up." He said lazily, leaning back.

"Whatever." I answered, too tired to care. "Any new recruits?" I asked.

"Yes. One more dragon." He answered. "Six dragons and one Balrog and one Maia." He said.

"Good." I sighed. "I have to go, Ancala." I said, and then gave him a weak smile. "Tell Ada I love and miss him. Miss you too." I added out of habit. The look he gave me was rather puzzling, though, as if he was doing a double-take or seeing me in a new light. Then it was gone.

"Whatever. Be safe." He waved a hand, and Faelon shrank. I slumped, dragging a hand through my hair. I had to stay awake. I was not going to fall asleep again.

It was a long wait. Esgalnoron sighed. ~I don't like the look he gave you.~ He growled.

~I don't even know what it means.~ I answered grumpily. ~It's like he knew something I didn't or something.~ I said sourly.

~Exactly. And I don't know what he thinks of you. For all that he said he'd be your brother, I don't think he sees you as that so much as does as some kind of thing to add to a hoard, if he even has one.~ He said dubiously. ~Obsessive. As does Sauron.~ He added.

~Please don't talk about it. I hate my life right now.~ I said with a sigh, and he nudged me.

~It'll be alright. Have you forgotten? You're the vessel of light for Eru, connected to Him intimately. He has urged you to do what you have already done, and He'll see things through.~ He answered. I smiled weakly.

~I keep forgetting you were- are- a Maia, Esgalnoron.~ I said with a smile. He snorted.

~Well I would be if I had given allegiance to any Vala, anyways. As it is, I didn't have a chance to.~ He answered noncommittally.

~Yes~ I never got to finish as Aradhel came in hurriedly.

"It has been decided. Neither party is particularly happy, but they're satisfied enough. You're leaving as soon as Ecthelion gets here, because he won the right to have you first." She said, beginning to bustle over to me, when suddenly Ecthelion strode through the door.

"Thank you, princess. I will take her." He said with a bow, and Aradhel frowned at him. Before she could say anything, however, he walked over to me and bent down, removing the covers and picking me up bridal style. I was unable to do anything, too weak and going limp in his arms. Esgalnoron walked nonchalantly to the window and then began to shift, while Aradhel let out a startled exclamation.

A Phoenix hopped across the floor, picked up Faelon, who buried himself in Esgalnoron's feathers, who perched on my shoulder. Ecthelion said nothing, merely nodding to Esgalnoron and then turned on his heel and strode down the hall.

Aradhel hurried after. "Lord Ecthelion, are you sure that she is fit for this? She is still weak." She said worriedly.

"Yes, my lady. She will be well-cared for in my household and Glorfindel's." Ecthelion answered curtly but politely. I said nothing, almost too afraid to say anything. This place was foreign to me. I was afraid of Ecthelion. What was this all about? Why does he act like he knows me? He is not at all like I thought he would have been. Aradhel said nothing, just following after.

We finally arrived somewhere, and Ecthelion moved decidedly through hallways and doors. I shivered slightly, for there was a cold draft coming through windows and doors open to the outside. It was snowing outside. Ecthelion noticed, his keen, deep blue eyes taking note. He drew a fold of his thick cloak around me, wrapping me in it and cradling me underneath it. I was afraid of him. Of his touch, so sure, as though he had touched me before- as though his fingers were familiar with me.

"Ecthelion, princess." A new voice hailed, drawing closer. Ecthelion strode on. The voice reminded me of a vestige of spring, cheerful and golden.

"Lord Glorfindel." Aradhel answered, sounding disturbed. Ecthelion merely nodded curtly. Glorfindel?

A new figure came into my sight as he stepped into stride with Ecthelion, looking down at me. I looked up at him mutely, afraid and cold. He had golden hair like it was pure, molten gold. His eyes were as blue as the sky, and I suddenly remembered my best friend, who had fangirled over Glorfindel so badly that I considered her a rabid fangirl. His sapphire eyes studied me carefully and kindly.

"So this is her." Glorfindel said with a kindly smile at me. I said nothing. He reached out slightly, pressing a hand gently to my forehead. Ecthelion stiffened slightly but said nothing. "It is good to hear that your fever has broken, Caladiel." He said softly, and I hung my head.

"Caladiel, are you well?" Aradhel asked. I turned to look at her, my eyes showing my emotions.

"Lord Ecthelion, please, she is frightened." Aradhel pleaded as Ecthelion suddenly turned into another room. Aradhel was right. Celine was coming to the front now, Caladiel fading away slowly but surely. Ecthelion stopped and stiffened, and I could feel his jaw ticking.

"She will be safe here." He answered stiffly. He sounded defensive to me. "There is no reason for her to fear." He said.

"Then why won't she speak!?" Aradhel answered, and I noticed that we were in a room. There was a bed with white sheets and blue pillows and a blue quilt on it. On the ceiling hung several mobile-like decorations made of delicate seashells and pieces of colored glass. The walls were painted a pale baby blue, and there was a wooden desk and chair on one side of the room. A shelf of leather-bound books sat against one wall. It reminded me painfully of my room back at Earth, in a more archaically tastefully way.

"Can't you tell she is afraid? She is silent, and she shivers!" Aradhel cried, and Ecthelion turned, placing me into the bed after pulling back the colors. I trembled as his fingers lingered on my shoulders as he pulled up the cover. Glorfindel sat on the edge of the bed.

"It is merely shock, my lady. I promise you, she is safe here." Ecthelion answered more calmly. Glorfindel raised his hand, pushing a lock of hair behind my pointed ear as I retreated into the pillows and Esgalnoron. Faelon rolled onto Glorfindel's shoulder, apparently drawn to the elf, who smiled cheekily at the fireball.

"Fine." Aradhel threw up her hands. "If she regresses, call me. I shall send some things for her." She said in frustration, sending me a reassuring look before marching back out.

"Ecthelion, Mellon nîn, she is right. What do you hope to do by this?" Glorfindel asked, placing a hand on my cheek in concern as I looked at him mutely.

"Glorfindel." Ecthelion snapped, and turned to the desk, picking up an elaborate diamond paperweight before setting it back down, repeatedly doing mechanically it in agitation.

Glorfindel sighed, standing and towering over me. I scooted to the edge of the bed in sudden fear, afraid of these elves. In Angband I had known that I didn't need to worry about orcs and things, for I could kill orcs if necessary and no one would dare touch me for fear of being killed by either Sauron or Morgoth.

I had no such reassurance here. I was alone, and I was vulnerable. And what's more, I wasn't even Caladiel anymore. My personality was changed, and I had no idea who I was anymore, and it was frightening me. A past was seeping into my present, and the present was melting into the past, until I wasn't sure who or where I was anymore.

"I know what you think, Mellon nîn, but you know that I think you are mistaken." Glorfindel sighed.

"I am not mistaken." Ecthelion answered heatedly. "I would never be wrong about such a thing." He said, placing the object in his hands down and turning back.

"If you say so, gwador." Glorfindel dropped it, walking out. "Turgon is waiting for us, you know, so hurry up and come." He added before disappearing. Esgalnoron flew to the headboard of the bed, ruffling his feathers.

Ecthelion took a deep breath and then moved to me, sitting on the edge of the bed. I said nothing, still curled in the corner by the wall. He sighed, reaching out and stopping himself. "I promise no harm will come to you here, Caladiel." He promised. "I will not let you go again this time." He said determinedly. I felt confused. Was he confusing me with someone else? I don't understand.

"Please, don't be afraid of me." He begged. "I know that the first time I scared you, but you trusted me afterwards. Give me another chance." He said, and I felt pity in my heart. I uncurled, and wearily unraveled on the bed. He reached out and touched my cheek, and I said nothing at all. His hand reached out further, and cupped my cheek, rubbing a thumb across it in almost practiced motion. It scared me. It was too familiar. I retreated.

He abruptly stood, and then after a moment, left. Esgalnoron fluttered down to my shoulder, and I pulled him off, hugging him. He squawked, flapping until he was more comfortable.

~Are you alright? What's up with him?~ He asked.

~I- I don't know, Esgalnoron. I'm not Caladiel anymore, I don't think. I- somehow I remember him from before! I don't understand, Esgalnoron! The past is the present, and the present is mixing with the past. Nothing's clear anymore.~ I said, not making sense even to myself.

~What?~ he asked incredulously.

~I don't know. It's like I suddenly have memories from some other life or time.~ I said desperately. He suddenly stiffened. ~Esgalnoron?~ I asked.

~Wait. Memories from another-? Oh Valar.~ He muttered. ~ Not good.~

~What!?~ I cried.

~Caladiel, you are shifting dimensions!~ He yelled in my mind. Which turned out to be necessary, because his voice was going all hazy. ~You set this dimension on the right track, and now you're moving to another dimension that's gone all wrong! Eru is using you to set the incorrect dimensions straight by shifting you through each dimension!~ He shouted.

I felt dizzy. "What about me in this dimension?" I asked, confused.

~I don't know, although I think that you'll remain here as someone else totally separate. You're not going to remember anything from this dimension, Caladiel!~ Was the last thing I heard before everything went black.


	14. Chapter 14

**I know you're mad at me... I'm sorry... But at least I'm back and can update-? *ducks as horseyyay throws hammer at me* Ai! I said I'm sorry! Thanks for sticking with me guys, here's a nice long chapter to make it up to you! All Ancaladiel fans... Never give up hope. XD**

**For those of you who are Esgalnoron fans, horseyyay has drawn a picture of him that she uploaded to deviantart. Please, go check it out, the link is on my profile, or you can go to her profile and click on the link to her page. **

**Thank you for all of the reviews, favorites, and follows! Please, enjoy, and tell me what you think!**

Chapter 14

There was muted noise.

"Well, she's succeeded so far." A familiar voice said.

"Very true. Is her essence disconnected from the dimension?" Another familiar voice asked.

"Yes. She's been here for a few days already. It's about time she leave again." Came the first voice, dark and melodious.

Wait, I remember that voice. It's... Lord Nàmo, right? What's happened? What does he mean, essence disconnected? I don't understand. All I remember is last time I was here, floating here and then everything went dark... I don't remember anything else. Except for the fact that I never really belonged here, being originally from Earth.

"You're awake. Good. How do you feel? Glad you remember us." The second voice said gently.

I'm okay, I guess. That must be lord Manwë, right? Yeah, that's it... I think.

"Yes, child. Be calm." Nàmo's voice said soothingly. "You are alright. Now, there's another task for you to accomplish." He said gently.

Another task? I had a first one? Why can't I remember?

"Do not be afraid or worried, child. You will be just fine. You did well in your first task. Be satisfied with that." Manwë answered. I felt myself calm down. Okay then, so long as I did what was expected of me I guess.

"Yes, child, that's the spirit. Now, rest, and be refreshed for your next task." Nàmo answered, and everything sank into blessed oblivion.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

My eyes fluttered open, and I found myself stretched out on a bed. I was looking up at a whitewashed ceiling, starch and clean. I blinked, feeling confused. I don't understand. Where am I now? Where the Valar send me this time, assuming that they had sent me somewhere on my first mission? Who am I?

"You are awake." A voice said with clinical interest.

I turned my head with difficulty to see a man sitting there next to me, surveying me with interest. "Can you understand me?" He asked gently, and I nodded with difficulty, feeling my head spin with the movement.

"Don't move." He said, and lifted a cup to my lips. I drank the water gratefully. "You had quite an injury, apparently, when lord Maeglin's sister lady Lisselindë found you collapsed in the dry riverbed at the entrance to our city." He said conversationally.

Wait, what? Maeglin had a sister? That was un-canonical! This- dimension- is strange. What am I supposed to do here? What's my task? I don't understand. Riverbed? City? This must be Gondolin, then. Who is this person? And what does he mean, injury?

"What is your name, my lady?" He asked me, settling me gently across the pillows.

I opened my mouth automatically. "Celine." I answered hoarsely.

"An uncommon name. But still beautiful. Does it have a meaning?" The man asked, urging me to talk.

"Moonlight wisdom." I answered mechanically, still trying to sort my thoughts out. Scattered memories floated through my head. I was dimension-hopping, apparently, fixing wrong dimensions. Last time I had done something to fix a dimension, and now I was dropped here for some reason-? Yes, that made sense.

"Then it is a good name indeed. Now, what brings you to Gondolin?" The man asked, placing a hand on my head.

"I don't know. I don't remember anything..." I answered wearily, closing my eyes.

"Ah, I see. You must have temporarily lost your memories from the poison that was on that dagger." He tsked and shook his head. "Now, you should rest." He said.

I turned wearied eyes on him, and noticed for the first time his ears. They were rounded. Tuor!? Already? I don't want to be here for the fall of Gondolin! But I couldn't say anything, and instead fell asleep- and dreamed.

_"Celine, don't forget who you are."_

_"Yes, Ada. I am the throwback of our clan." _

_"Right. And whose throwback are you?"_

_"Lord Salmar, Maia of lord Ulmo." _

_"Right. Don't forget it, Celine." _

_"Yes, Ada." _

_Blood. Screams. The sound of ringing metal. Flesh breaking. _

_"Ada!" _

_"Run, child-" _

_It would never be finished. _

I woke up screaming, drowning in the sheets, flailing. Someone rushed in, holding me down and shouting, but I could barely comprehend anything, scared and not able to calm down as panic welled in me.

"Daro, Celine!" Tuor yelled, and I abruptly stopped in shock, weeping quietly, curling into a ball of misery, shaking. Who was I? Hands stopped holding me down, and I looked up to see that Tuor was frowning in concern. He sat down.

"Would you like to tell me about it?" He asked gently. I shivered, and he drew the covers about me again.

So I spoke in broken sentences, telling him what I remembered, becoming more and more concerned by the minute. The frown on his face only grew. There was a silence that settled, as thick as tar.

"I see. So you are a throwback. Interesting, considering that you look like a mortal." He said thoughtfully, and I realized that he was right, for when I reached up, my ears were round. Funny, considering that I vaguely remember being an elf last time. I feel so confused about myself. Who was I, really?

"Well. Now at least we know a little more about you." He said with a slight, encouraging smile. "We know you are named Celine, we know that you are the throwback of lord Salmar of Ulmo, lord of waters, and we know that somehow your city was destroyed and that you escaped, coming here injured." He said with false cheeriness, as I continued to retreat into myself.

I suppose I'll just... Deal with things as they come... I was always shy, anyways. At least I have the excuse of amnesia going for me.

"I think the King wants to see you, Celine. He is rather curious about you, it seems, wanting to know how you got here. I think perhaps being a throwback allowed lord Ulmo to lead you here. My wife Idril also wants to make sure that you are well. May she come in?" Tuor went on, stopping and giving me a questioning look. I think maybe being the only other mortal (sort of) in this city has made him gravitate towards me. I nodded wordlessly, bewildered and mind slowly shutting down.

His bright blue eyes bored into me discerningly, and I swallowed, looking away. "Of course. Rest." He said gently, and then there was a rustle as he stood. A few moments later, someone else was sitting down. I peeled my eyes open to see the a beautiful elleth sitting on the chair, her golden hair like a halo around her Madonna-like face and a small smile on her face.

"Hello, Celine." Her voice was soft and gentle. "Are you feeling better?" She asked. I nodded dumbly.

"L-lle h-hannon." I managed to rasp, and she nodded. Now I realized that I was speaking Quenyä. I think that happened last time too-? I don't know. She reached out a hand and gently brushed my hair. I shuddered at the feeling, eyes closing. Color fled from my cheeks.

"I'm sorry." She said regretfully, pulling away. I shook my head, almost wanting to feel her caring touch again. It had been so long since I had a hug from a female. Or male, for that matter. Anyone.

"My father and lord Maeglin and his sister would wish to see you. Do you think you could manage, dear?" She asked gently. I opened my eyes and looked at her, and something in her eyes warned me that she was curious about me. What did I even look like anyways?

I glanced down at my hands and saw that my skin was as pale as ever, as though I was a splash of milk on the ivory sheets. I was dressed in a white gown, almost reminding me of a hospital gown.

"Yes, my lady." I answered weakly, and she stood, bending over to place a hand on my cheek.

"You will be safe here, child. Do not fear." She said gently, and I suddenly felt almost resentment to her for calling me a child. For some reason, I think I'm pretty sure that I'm older than her. I still remember a vague, fuzzy image of two trees, silver and gold- three bright gems, purer than the sun- blood on white shores scattered with gems, seeping into blue water...

I looked up at her, and she suddenly recoiled, paling. I blinked, and she smiled, albeit warily. "I will go bring them." She said, and left. I wondered what she had seen to make her fear me. I didn't want to be feared.

I turned my head, and saw a flash of white hair slide across the pillow. So. I obviously have white hair- again? I had it last time? I wondered what color my eyes were.

"It seems as though you have created quite a stir." A voice said, almost familiar to me, it was smooth and melodious, but also deep. I opened my eyes to see a pale face with dark hair spilling over broad shoulders and black eyelashes sweeping over obsidian eyes and creamy cheeks. Maeglin, I think-?

"Now, don't frighten her, brother." Another elleth said disapprovingly, with dark hair and the greyest eyes I have ever seen. Maeglin sighed.

"You know I had no such intent." He answered, sounding sarcastic. I felt disoriented. What-?

"Now, children, let her breathe." Another voice said, and I looked up to see dark haired, dark eyed Turgon in front of me, looking down with hooded eyes. I attempted to sit up, but he raised a hand, stopping me. I fell back, a whimper of pain escaping my lips. Pain welled slowly in my hand, and I looked down to see that it was wrapped up in a white bandage stained red.

"My daughter tells me that you are tired, so I will make my visit short." He said, sitting down. "Now, is it true that she says the light of the two trees shines in your eyes?" He asked, and I found myself looking into his eyes. There was a bright light in there, fell and fearful, strong and pure. It fascinated me, but then he drew back, breaking the gaze. "Indeed you do." He murmured, almost to himself.

My lips parted, breathing erratic. "And my son tells me you do not remember anything?" The King went on. I nodded, then shook my head.

"T-throwback." I tried to stutter. "M-Maia Sa-Salmar of L-lord Ulmo." I tried to explain, my face twisting in mingled exhaustion and frustration. I heard Maeglin's sister- was it Lisselindë?- gasp. Turgon's eyes showed surprise.

"I- see. That is indeed unexpected." He said, looking at me thoughtfully. "Have you come on behalf of Tuor?" He asked, and I shook my head, giving him a helpless look.

"This is all you remember." He understood, then standing, began to make his way to the window. "I see. Well. You shall not leave here, for it is law that no one who finds their way here shall leave." He said sternly. I huddled under the blanket, afraid.

"When you are once more healed, you shall come before my court to discuss where you shall stay." He said, and swept out the doorway. Tears leaked down my cheeks. I was afraid. I knew no one here, and I was here alone and vulnerable. Maeglin followed after his uncle, but Lisselindë stayed, stroking my hair and murmuring comforting things that did not comfort me until I fell asleep.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I was brought before the court three days after I had woken up. All twelve lords from the Houses were there, sitting in their chairs around Turgon. I was unsteady on my feet, walking falteringly along the hallway until I approached the court, giving an acceptable if exhausted curtsey. I was dressed in a pale blue dress unadorned with anything at all, plain and unassuming except for the color.

After looking in mirror, I realized why so many had stared at me. I had one blue eye and one sea-green eye, with unnaturally white hair that stood out even against my skin that was like milk. I looked almost sickly, in a way. And my ears were round.

I quietly noticed the reactions of the lords to seeing me, many for the first time. No one but the King, Tuor, Idril, Lisselindë and Maeglin had been allowed in to see me. Many of them looked suspicious of me, while others looked startled and yet others looked curious. My eyes darted about, going from face to face. There was Glorfindel. And- that was Ecthelion, right?

Ecthelion's hands clenched the arms of his chair, his jaw ticking in seeming anger. I felt myself cringe at the sight of him. Did he hate me, for some reason? I looked back to the King, a lock of my hair sliding over one eye.

"I trust you are well, Celine?" He asked, saying my name in a thick accent. It sounded more like Cee-lee-né.

"Yes, my lord." I answered quietly, meekly.

"Good. Then we shall begin. What do you remember of your life?" He asked without preamble.

"Nothing but who I am, my lord." I answered tremulously.

"And who are you?" He queried.

"T-throwback of lord Salmar of Ulmo, lord of waters." I said, and there was a stir among the lords and other guards that were there.

"Silence!" Turgon called. They settled. I could feel their eyes on me, calculating. "Do you remember naught else?" He asked.

"Only that my clan was killed somehow and in fleeing I was injured." I answered truthfully.

"You do not remember how you were injured?" Turgon asked. I shook my head timidly.

"Do you know how you arrived here?" He pressed.

"No, my lord, I do not. I think perhaps I was led here by urging of lord Ulmo..." I offered tentatively.

"Perhaps." Turgon acquiesced. "Do you agree to stay here of your free will and to abide by this city's laws?" He asked sternly, and I bowed.

"Yes my lord." I whispered.

"Very well. I will see if one of the Houses will agree to take you under their wardship." He finished, and immediately Ecthelion stood. I felt panic well up in me. No, please no. He scares me so badly.

"I will take her." He said abruptly, and I saw Turgon look to him in seeming surprise.

"Oh? And why, may I ask, this sudden interest?" He asked, and Ecthelion looked to me as I took a step back, hair falling over my eyes and hands trembling.

"She- reminds me of someone I remember seeing once." Ecthelion answered, and although Turgon gave him a keen look, didn't dispute it.

"But it was my sister who found her." Maeglin spoke up lazily from his seat, not even bothering to get up. "I do believe I have some claim to her." He said, head propped in his hand. Ecthelion looked momentarily panicked.

"Oh please, Prince. You should have spoke up sooner." Glorfindel spoke up with a smirk as Turgon suddenly looked as though he wanted to roll his eyes in a very un-kingly fashion. "Ecthelion called first, and as you know, the first has the upper hand."

"Ah, but I saw her first." Maeglin rejoined smoothly, smirking back. Ecthelion looked somewhat relieved.

"Why don't we just do that old children's game of orcs, Balrogs, and dragons?" Glorfindel suggested much in the manner of an elfling with misplaced glee. Turgon looked like he was about to grind his teeth. The other lords looked vaguely amused. Apparently this was common-?

I was shaking so badly at the mention of Balrogs that I didn't realize that there was something strange going on around my hands and dress. Turgon began to speak up.

"And what if we just ask Celine what she prefers?" He asked pointedly with a scathing smile, and the three subsided sheepishly. They looked to me- and gasped. I looked down and realized that my hands were clutching my dress and water was dripping onto the floor from my dress and hands and disappearing without a trace onto the floor.

I stumbled backwards and was caught by a guard next to me. Water suddenly began to swirl around my hands and into the air in mystical, curling fashions, and I lifted my hands from my dress abruptly, making their patterns break and disappear altogether. There was a silence as I retreated into the armor of the guard, peering through my hair, frightened and breathing erratic.

"It seems as though we see what sort of throwback you are." Turgon finally said, sounding noncommittal and showing no emotion. "Will you decide where you want to stay, Celine?" He asked, face blank and waiting for an answer.

My breath came in stutters. No, I couldn't decide. I didn't want to stay in either house. But the greater evil seemed, somehow, to be Ecthelion... "Please, my lord, I will abide by your decision." I whispered, and Turgon raised an eyebrow.

"I see. Then, lest I have no peace, you will stay in Ecthelion's household for a year, and move to Maeglin's household for a year, moving each year. Is this amenable to you both?" He addressed the two elves in question pointedly. They inclined their heads, though Ecthelion looked decidedly unhappy.

"Is this pleasing to you?" Turgon turned to me. I curtseyed politely. He nodded.

"Very well then. You shall move to Ecthelion's care first, since he asked first." He said, and waved a dismissive hand. The guard took my arm firmly but not harshly, and led me away. When we got to the hallway, I fell, exhausted and shaking. The guard hauled me up, wordlessly making me lean against him as he half carried me to the healing ward.

I laid in the bed, shivering from cold, for the stiff winter breeze was blowing through the corridors and windows. And I was elf no longer, though I may have been apparently immortal. The guard turned and left as another elf bustled in, beginning to tuck me in as she gave me a sleeping draught.

I fell in and out of feverish dreams. Often I would hear voices speaking.

"He shouldn't have called her so soon. She wasn't fully healed yet, and now her fever is raging." Tuor's voice sounded upset. "If I hadn't been busy that day I would have taken her into our household. I don't like the idea of her staying with either elf, for they know nothing next to nothing about mortal illnesses." He complained.

"But you weren't, and there is nothing you can do now, Tuor. She is recovering, can you not see? And besides, Ecthelion will not allow her to be taken into any other house as it is already, you know this." Idril sounded patient as she attempted to reason with Tuor.

I didn't hear his answer. The next time I came to semi-consciousness, it was to feel burning heat and hear hazy voices.

"Is she alright?" Ecthelion's voice made me want to scramble away. I don't know why I was so afraid of him. But I was, and I didn't even know why.

"She will recover, but it will take a little while longer, my lord." Tuor's voice sounded like steel barely covered by a thin layer of politeness.

I didn't hear any answer.

When my fever finally broke and I could wake up and begin eating once more, I opened my eyes to see Lisselindë sitting there with a smile. She began to shove broth into me, and I was forced to comply. It was thick and soupy, and mixed with bread to thicken it further.

"Oh it's so good to see you awake once more. You'll be just fine, I know it. Tuor insisted that you would be alright, and I know that he's right." She said cheerfully, but I was too weak to answer. "Now, sleep, and next time you wake most likely Ecthelion will take you to his house. I hear he's been preparing a room for you for a week now..." I didn't hear the rest.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I finally was deemed ready by Tuor to be moved. I could sit up and walk small distances, though it exhausted me. My hand was healed now, but the effects of the poison still lingered in my bloodstream. I was lying in the bed when Ecthelion finally came to take me to his house.

He stepped in along with a decidedly unhappy-looking Tuor and came to the bed. I curled up, desperately afraid of Ecthelion as he towered over me. He bent down and gently picked me up bridal style. His left arm curled around my legs while his right arm gently folded my hands on my stomach comfortably. I was so shrunken that I fit into his arms without much effort, and he apparently didn't find me very heavy at all. His strength was frightening.

"Are you comfortable?" Ecthelion asked gently, but I didn't answer, merely looking to Tuor, my eyes wide and lips trembling.

Tuor sighed. "Be careful, lord Ecthelion. She is no elf. She is afraid of your strength." He said tersely, and Ecthelion merely nodded as though he expected the veiled reprimand.

"I know." Was his enigmatic answer before he turned and strode out of the door. I felt myself lurch and let out a slight gasp despite myself, clutching his tunic for balance. We stepped into the corridor, Tuor following behind, and I shivered at the cold. It had started to snow.

Ecthelion noticed. His shimmering, blue-black hair fell over his shoulders, blowing slightly in the draft, and his deep blue eyes noticed everything about me. He drew his thick blue cloak around me with firm, lithe fingers. His movements were so practiced, as though he had done such a thing before. His hand reached up and cupped my cheek in his palm, pulling me gently into a fold of his cloak so that I was sheltered by the wind. The sheer familiarity of his movements scared me, the way he seemed to know every contour of my small frame.

Tuor frowned as he noticed, lips pressed in a thin line. Ecthelion strode purposefully through the halls, and then entered a house, moving into a room. It was spacious and cozy, with a fireplace in one end of the room and leather-bound books stacked on the mantle neatly. A fire blazed comfortably, and there was a bed against the corner of wall. It was covered with ivory sheets, pale blue pillows, and a sea-green cover. The room itself was painted a baby blue, and mobiles of sea-shells and pieces of colored glass hung from the ceiling. Thick, furry rugs covered the floor, and Ecthelion's boots sank into them as he walked to the bed, settling me in almost reluctantly.

I immediately curled up, moving to a corner of the bed. I noticed that a hurt look passed Ecthelion's face, but I was too afraid to feel remorseful. Tuor sighed as though he knew that I would do that, and walked over to the bed.

"You don't need to fear, Celine. If you need me, call for me." He said, sending a slight glare towards Ecthelion, who said nothing, his attention fixated on me. I nodded wordlessly, eyes wide and lips trembling. Tuor hesitated, then reluctantly left while I just sat there, hiding behind a veil of hair. Ecthelion sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Please, Mírimë, don't be afraid of me. I will not hurt you." He said pleadingly, and I looked at him in surprise. Mírimë? Was that my name? Or did he just give me an epessë? It means... Valuable one. Okay, on the other hand, that's just creepy.

I uncurled slightly, and he hesitantly reached out. I allowed him to put his hand on my hair, stroking it slightly. "You always trusted me..." He murmured, almost to himself, his fingers running back down to my cheek and cupping it, his eyes glazed slightly as he rubbed a thumb over my cheek soothingly.

Then he suddenly stiffened and stood, turning to the door as I retreated, startled, just as Glorfindel bounded in. It was the only way to describe his walk. It bounced, springing up and down like a graceful spring pressed in just the right way. It was a fun, carefree walk. His gait rolled like waves.

"An, I see that you brought her!" He said cheerfully, and bounced over to my side, sitting on the edge of the bed. I clutched a pillow to myself, looking up at his golden hair and sapphire eyes, my white hair spilling over my own Heterochromia.

He frowned. "Are you well, Celine?" He asked, pronouncing my name carefully but correctly. I said nothing, not able to speak even if I wanted to. He took my breath away with his overwhelming air of... joviality. I don't know. So I just nodded slightly.

"Good. There's nothing to be afraid of, here." He said, not attempting to reach out to me. I didn't answer. He gave me a sympathetic smile before turning back to Ecthelion and standing.

"Come on, gwador. Turgon is waiting for us to arrive." He said, and bounded back out. I shivered slightly as he left. It was as though he took all the heat in the room with him. Ecthelion sat back on the bed and sighed.

"I have to leave, but I will return soon." He hesitated, then spoke slowly, looking down at his hands. "I hope you remember, soon." Then he stood abruptly and headed for the door as though afraid he had spoken too much. He paused for a moment, turning his head so that I could see his profile. "Yavien will take care of you." He said, and then walked out.

I stared after him until he was gone, wondering what he meant. Did he mean that I had met him before? Was I related to him somehow? Then an elleth came in, and with a small smile began to help me take a bath.

Yavien was kind and pretty, as all elves seemed to be, and she liked to chatter. A lot. She talked too much for me. She seemed to never stop, not caring whether or not I was even paying attention, not even giving me time to answer any of her questions, rhetorical or not. She waltzed to the wardrobe in the corner of the room, throwing it open and shuffling through the dresses that were there.

I shifted where I stood uncomfortably, dripping wet and wrapped in a towel. She pulled out a winter dress made of blue velvet, long-sleeved and coming down a little past the feet. It draped over me, heavy and warm, and she sat me down in front of a vanity with a polished piece of brass for a mirror. The brush in her hands ran through my hair as I shifted uncomfortably in the chair.

She didn't seem to notice, continuing to gossip about palace doings as I half-listened while watching her as she prepared me for 'dinner with lord Ecthelion.' She finished brushing my hair and reached into a box on the dresser, pulling out several necklaces.

"Lord Ecthelion has given you anything and everything you could possibly want!" She prattled, holding them up. "Which one do you like?" She asked. I shrugged apathetically, feeling very much like a caged bird, no matter how gilded. Forget Aradhel sickening in her pretty confines, I was about to do the same.

"You should like at least one, he did have these made for you you know." She said reproachfully, and I shook my head.

"I don't know which one to wear." I whispered, and she smiled sunnily.

"Oh so that's all? Well then, wear this one." She said, ignoring that I clammed up again and clasping a delicate silver chain featuring a diamond in the center around my neck. "It's almost time for dinner now, come on! Can't be late!" She bubbled, and dragged me off after throwing a shawl tastefully around my shoulders.

She led me to an obviously private dining room, where there was a table set with four chairs, obviously set for three people and filled with food. Ecthelion and Glorfindel sat at two of the chairs, looking up as I came in. Yavien pushed me forwards and then disappeared after a curtsey. Ecthelion stood and walked forwards, and I shrank as he towered over me. He held out a hand, and I dutifully took it. He bent over my knuckles and then led me to a chair, pulling it out for me. His face showed no emotion, but Glorfindel winked at me over the rim of his goblet.

I sat down, and Ecthelion resumed his seat next to me as Glorfindel resumed his obviously lengthy monologue. Ecthelion nodded for me to eat, turning back to his own plate, and I picked up the fork and knife that sat by my full plate. I wasn't hungry. Ecthelion continued to glance over at me, nodding at Glorfindel absently.

I ate slowly, trying to make it look as though I were eating more than I actually was, though I doubt that I fooled anyone. I was beginning to feel strange, an odd feeling churning in my stomach. I tried to ignore it, thinking it to be affects of the poison or maybe even protest against the food, but it was too low in my stomach to be that. I reached down discreetly, absently rubbing my lower abdomen at the ache that slowly grew.

"What do you like to do, Celine?" A voice drew me out of my concern, and I looked up to see Glorfindel smiling at me while Ecthelion picked at his plate, looking over at me.

I blinked for a moment. "Read." I said quietly. "I like to read. I like to- make things." I said, looking down at my plate. My palm pressed against my stomach. Glorfindel's sapphire eyes noticed my hand.

"That is good. Do you hurt?" He asked. I shook my head, hair spilling over my face. My legs shifted slightly as I pressed them against the chair to keep myself from doing something to relieve the ache between my legs. Heat gathered in my stomach.

"If you say so." Then he went on. Ecthelion's gaze drifted down to my stomach with a slight frown, but he turned back to answer Glorfindel. Vague images began to run through my mind, memories from the past of vague impressions and feelings. There was the feeling of warmth, and then coolness; the impression of water swirling around me caressingly, soothingly; an image of a wave welled behind my closed eyelids, the sight of a single being standing behind it as enemies were washed away, face awed and sword held limply in a hand.

I opened my eyes as they receded, frustration welling inside me at not being able to remember more. I need those memories to explain me now, who I am and what I'm supposed to do! There doesn't seem to be anything wrong here, so what's the reason for me even being here!? I don't understand!

"Farewell, Celine! Be safe!" Glorfindel said, setting his goblet down and then going back out, drawing a thick cloak about his shoulders.

"Glorfindel doesn't like snow." Ecthelion said next to me, looking into his cup, the red wine staining the rims of it. "He is summer, Glorfindel is. I am winter. They say that it is why we are gwedyr- because we balance each other." He murmured. "If I am water, then Glorfindel is fire..."

Then he stood, and turned towards me, holding out his hand. I looked at it, then looked up at him, fear saturating my eyes. I couldn't stand. I was sure that if I did, the liquid heat that had pooled in my stomach would start to run down my legs. I couldn't stand. He frowned concernedly, though not angrily, then his eyes followed my arms down to my stomach, where my hands cradled it as though in pain.

He stepped forwards and picked me up gently, drawing his cloak around me. His hand wrapped around my legs again in princess style, and I shuddered as his fingers grasped my leg. His free hand reached up to cup my cheek, feeling my temperature. My face was flushed, but not alarmingly so.

Then as he looked down at me his eyes glazed over again. "I'm sorry, Mírimë." He mumbled, leaning down to gently kiss my temple. Heat flared, tempered by his cool lips. I trembled.

"I'm sorry." He repeated. "I know that it aches. I was away too long... And you sickened... I'm sorry... I won't let you fade again. I know it aches..." He promised firmly against my ear, cradling my head in his hand. I didn't care if he had. I just wanted something to relieve the ache that was maddening.

He walked towards my room again, servants staring discreetly as we passed by. Ecthelion said nothing, merely running his fingers down my back underneath his cloak soothingly. We arrived in my room, and Yavien stood from where she sat next to the fire, coming forwards.

"My lord! Did something happen?" She asked concernedly, and Ecthelion placed me on the bed.

"No, Yavien. It is well. Please, feed the fire." He said absently, and she scurried to do his bidding. His hands left me, and I almost wailed at the loss of contact. For all that I was afraid of his strength, the ache wasn't as strong when he was near.

I was exhausted, and feeling miserable, barely hearing anything going on around me. I needed to sleep. No, I needed to relieve the ache- sleep won, and I blacked out. Thank the Valar.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

The days passed, and I didn't see Ecthelion for almost a whole week. Sometimes I would see him pass by, but he never stopped to see me. I had mixed feelings about it, half relieved that he wasn't around and half frustrated for a reason I couldn't place.

Each night I had a different dream, each of them presenting a new memory. I learned a little more about my life, learning that I was born of two elves, one of which had 1/64 Maia blood in them. Apparently, one of the Teleri elves injured in the kinslayings at Alqualondë had fallen in love with Salmar, who had saved her. And then supposedly they had privately wed, though the elf had died soon afterwards. Enough generations had passed until me so that I could become a throwback.

I had grown up under the light of the sun, but the reason I knew about the trees was because of racial memories. I had some memories from Salmar, apparently. I remembered the Silmarils that way, too. The blood on sand was the kinslayings...

But for my personal life, I still didn't remember where I came from. I did remember through one dream that I had lived in the water by the Sirion as a water nymph, and that I had a brother, I think. But otherwise, I knew nothing more.

The ache in my stomach came and went sporadically in no particular pattern that I could discern, while in the meantime I was taught by Idril and Lisselindë how to embroider and generally be a lady. I didn't like embroidery, but I did enjoy writing. I would do calligraphy, writing down in English my thoughts, knowing that no one else could read it. I kept it in a personal journal that I found in the desk in my room, and kept it under my pillows at night.

It was with a sigh that on the second month since I had been taken into his house I finally decided to give in to Yavien's pleas to go out with her on a walk through the markets. But first, I had to ask permission from Ecthelion, the very idea of which had scared me so badly at first that I had had to scrape up my courage for a whole day just to face the mere idea of such a thing.

But finally, I made my way through the hallways, towards his study. When I arrived at the door, twisting knots into my lavender gown with my fingers, I gingerly knocked on the door.

"Enter." Came the answer, and I opened the door and sidled inside, closing the door behind me and looking up to see that Ecthelion was looking at me with a surprised and yet pleased look in his eyes. I hesitated, and he stood, holding out a hand to me.

I skittishly went forwards and placed my hand in his, peering up at him from under my white eyelashes. "Is there something you would wish to ask me, Mírimë?" He asked, and I took a breath.

"M-may I go out with Yavien to the market?" I asked quietly, looking down at my trembling hand. His fingers tightened slightly around mine before he lifted them to his lips.

"Of course, Mírimë. You should go and enjoy yourself." He answered, and I gave him a slight, thankful smile.

"T-thank you." I whispered, and then after a moment, moved back towards the doorway. Just as a pang of foreboding went through my heart. In a moment, I suddenly turned and leaped forwards out of instinct, throwing out my hands, only to catch Ecthelion in my arms as he crumpled to the floor in exhaustion.

I noticed that his face was pasty, his eyes looking weary as he struggled to sit up, shame-faced. But with his collapse, my fear was overtaken by automatic concern. I pushed him back down gently, and called water to my hands, making him drink.

"You have been working too hard, Muindor." I murmured mechanically, and suddenly paused at the look he gave me, face ashen. My eyes widened. I remembered. Muindor. The warrior behind the water, sword limp in his hand- Ecthelion. My brother- Ecthelion. But-how? He was Noldo, wasn't he-? Or was one of my parents Noldo-? And why was I separated from him?

My hands shook as memory after memory of him crowded my mind, clogging it as barrier after barrier of amnesia was broken- until I hit the one of my injury. Then it all went black, and I knew no more.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

_"Who are you?" _

_"Mírimë, throwback of Salmar, Maia of lord Ulmo, mingled Noldo and Teleri." _

_"Good. Who is your family?"_

_"My parents Nielluin and Pelendur, and my one brother Ecthelion."_

_"Very good. Where do you come from?"_

_"From Aman, land of the Valar, to Arda, to the sides of the Sirion and then accidentally left behind when the house of Turgon moved to Gondolin." _

_"Well said. What are you to do here?"_

_"The will of Eru AllFather."_

_"Which is?"_

_I didn't know. Panic welled. "I- I don't know..."_

_"You will find out, child, rest-" _

I woke up, flailing and gasping for air. With a cry of pain torn from my lips, I fell back, head spinning with dizziness, black threatening to consume my vision. Someone held me down.

"Please, be still, Mírimë!" Ecthelion's voice called out to me. In my lingering panic from the dream, and the newfound information, I reached out and clung to his robe, weeping.

Arms gently wrapped around me, familiar and no longer frightening, while lips caressed my hair and a hand cupped my head gently. "There is no need to be frightened, Mírimë." He murmured quietly, and my sobs stilled somewhat.

I looked up at him groggily, eyes blurred with tears. No, there was a reason to be frightened. This is not me. I can feel it. There is someone else within me, from whence my fright comes from. This. Is not. Me. I shook my head and closed my eyes, feeling color drain out of my face.

"Rest. You are tired." Ecthelion murmured, and then drew a cover over me gently. I sighed and leaned into the pillows, pretending to fall asleep. When Ecthelion was apparently convinced that I was resting, he left after a while, and I opened my eyes.

"I know that this is not me." I whispered.

*Who are you, then?* Another voice asked me, from within.

"I am Celine, instrument of Eru. I am assuming that this is... The one who owns this body, Mírimë?" I asked.

*Mmhm. I am Mírimë, throwback of Salmar, as you already know. I was fleeing here by instructions of lord Ulmo when I collapsed. When I finally woke up, it was along with you and no longer in control of my body.* Came the answer.

I winced. "I'm sorry, I truly am. But I think that this happened for a reason. After all, you share my memories and I yours..." I said.

*I must agree, as much as though it confuses and frightens me. But if this is the will of the AllFather, what else can I do? What shall we do?* Mírimë answered.

"I don't know, Mírimë. I could try to give you back control of your body and merely tell you what I think needs to be done. I have a feeling that that would be easier on both of us. I have no idea what your standing is with Ecthelion or anyone else, and I cannot pretend well enough not to raise suspicion." I suggested.

*Perhaps it would work* Mírimë mused. *While in the meantime, you could be telling me what needs to be done and at the same time being comfortable.* She said. I nodded.

"If only we could figure out how to do that, then..." I sighed.

*Maybe if you fell asleep?* Mírimë suggested.

"I'll try. It's the least I can do." I agreed. And after a few moments of silence, I finally managed to drift off.

_It was warm, and yet cool. Lukewarm, perhaps. Fuzzy and vague. I looked around in the wavy, shimmering blue, and suddenly realized that this was water._

_"It is." _

_I turned to see a figure that looked exactly like... Well, I had technically borrowed her form, so I guess I looked like her, not vice versa._

_"Makes sense." I answered. _

_"I did not know you looked like so. It is almost similar to me." Mírimë said. I raised an eyebrow and looked down to see myself in a vague form, with white, long hair and pale, milky skin. Somehow, it seemed familiar._

_"Do I have pale blue eyes?" I asked. She nodded. "Oh. I don't know why, but that seems to be familiar..." I shrugged it off._

_"Now that we are here, do you know how to switch?" Mírimë sounded nervous._

_"Well, perhaps if we just touched-?" I suggested, and she nodded, hesitantly coming forwards. I reached out a hand, as did she. Our fingers nearly touched before she paused._

_"I- I want you to know, before we do this... Please, just... Speak whenever you want to. I was nervous of speaking to you, but I finally talked because you seemed so confused. I don't want you to be that... Disturbed." She said hesitantly._

_I suddenly snickered, much more myself now. "Thank you. I will warn you, then, to hear a lot of funny and random comments on seemingly odd things." I said with a smirk. "Your personality clashed with mine, but now I think we know how to be separate." I determined, and she nodded._

_Our fingers touched. Something snapped. And everything went black- again. Man, that is so déjà vu._

When it cleared again, I felt extremely strange. I could see, and yet I couldn't see. It was like I was looking into a screen, but I was still in that watery substance that was Mírimë's mind. Her vision was in a square screen in front of me. I giggled slightly at the funny feeling.

*Are, are you there, Celine?* Mírimë asked in her mind, her mental voice resounding through her mind and into my ears.

"Yeah, I'm here, Mellon nîn. You awake? Feeling okay?" I asked lazily.

*I- yes, I suppose. I don't feel pain.* She answered, then paused again. *You- you know the future.* She queried hesitantly.

I sighed. "Okay, yes, I do, as vassal of Eru. However, I'm not going to burden you with that, I can keep it to myself. Don't worry about it, okay?" I asked. I could see her vision 'nod.'

*Alright...* Then she stood, making her way to the door. Her hand outstretched, and I watched as she opened the door- and smacked right into Ecthelion, who grabbed her. She hugged her brother tightly, kissing his cheek. I smiled to myself, humming quietly.

"Seler? You are well?" Ecthelion's concerned voice asked.

"Yes, Muindor. I am well. I am sorry to concern you so- I was... I did not remember." Mírimë whispered softly.

"It is well now Mírimë. You remember, and that is all that matters." Ecthelion answered. She nodded against his chest.

"I am sure that lord Turgon would like to... hear...?" Mírimë said tremulously, and Ecthelion nodded.

"Yes, but all in due time. I must leave to council, and I will then ask him." He said, and Mírimë nodded.

"Yes, Muindor." She whispered, and then retreated into the room again as he let her go after kissing her brow. The door shut, and she went to the closet to change.

"Can we go out?" I asked. "I mean, I did agree to go with Yavien... I would feel guilty if I didn't..." I said.

*Yes, I know. I was planning to do so, no worries. You- seemed to recognize this- Prince Maeglin?* She asked.

"Mmhm. Yep. He's an important being." I answered, and told her of his heritage. "Assuming, of course, you already know of the royalty in this place." I added.

*Yes. I know Turgon and Aradhel and Idril, along with Glorfindel and the lords of the Houses, but no one else. I was kept a rather tight secret, and though they knew of my existence, no one knew what I looked like or who I really was- except Glorfindel.* She answered, going out to the hallway and towards Yavien's quarters.

"Yeah, I guessed. Glorfindel seemed to know me- er- you, rather. It's rather confusing. Hey, look, it's miss know-it-all gossip girl!" I said cheerily as Yavien came into view on the screen.

*Don't be so crass, Celine!* Mírimë protested, but she was giggling in her mind.

"Aww Mírimë, don't be such a spoil sport. I'm fond of her in my own way, hence why I tease her fault!" I answered, lounging back and watching as she greeted Yavien and asked to go to the market.

Mírimë merely sighed in response as I snickered. The journey through the market was interesting. There were so many wares and items to choose from. Yavien stopped at a stand of different painted fans, and Mírimë took delight in looking at them. As was predictable, she liked anything to do with water.

"Ooh, that's pretty." I nudged her gaze towards one that had swirls of blue on a white background trimmed with gold and koi-like fish on it. She picked it up.

*True.* She answered.

"And oh, look at that one!" I squealed, and she picked it up. It was completely blue with edges of deep purple and scattered with silver swirls.

*I think I like this one.* She agreed with me.

"You're welcome." I snickered.

*Hush, Celine, you are going to make me speak out loud and they'll think I'm mad!* She pleaded, and I collapsed laughing.

"But you already are, because there are voices in your head!" I teased in a creepy sounding voice, and she sighed.

*Never mind, I give up talking sense with you.* She answered petulantly, though I could feel her faint amusement.

"Mmhmm." I answered smugly.

But in reality, I was worried. Really, why am I here? What do I have to do with Ecthelion? Make sure he kills the Balrog? But he does in the book already! And Maeglin has a sister, and Idril is already married- Maeglin. Wait, Maeglin...

Something to do with... Oh. Oh kriffing, karking, nine Corellian hells...

Eru, I sure hope you know what you're doing. Because I. Am absolutely NOT. A matchmaker. Although I have to admit, it's not too bad of a ship. What would I call it?

Míriglin? Maeglimë? Maerímë? Mírimin?

This is going to be one Mordor of a task, alright. I mean, it's not like I can just tell Mírimë 'fall in love with Maeglin!' Right?

... Right-?


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey everybody! I'm so sorry I'm late with this update, but like I said, I've been really busy, so... Ya know the works. **

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, follows, faves, and reviews! I promise I'll TRY to be more prompt, but no firm promises. I've been working on the next chapters, though, so it all depends on how much internet I have.**

**thank you also to my guest reviewer, whose name escapes me (yes, I plagiarized from Night At the Museum), and I'm not sorry that I made you love Sauron. ;) this fic is his world domination plan to make everybody love him! *wild cackles* no, sorry, it isn't. **

**Horseyyay... Don't kill me please. I KNOW what you're gonna say. Please don't. If you don't, I'll let you borrow Sauron for a day. One day. Celine's paranoid without him. XD**

**chapter 15**

It's been weeks. Okay, to be exact it's been a year, and Mírimë has been moved to Maeglin's house. I sighed, flopping back in my watery surroundings and watching Maeglin as Mírimë ate at the dining table. Maeglin and Lisselindë had welcomed my friend and host and she had settled quite well.

She would visit Ecthelion once in a while, of course. But me, I had been focused on my mission. Whenever Mírimë asked if I had figured out anything, I would make an evasive answer something along the lines of 'I'm working on it.' So all was well so far.

And actually, I had been getting vague memories of my last mission. I remembered Esgalnoron and Faelon, and I missed them quite badly. But to distract myself, I watched Maeglin. Actually, to be precise, I stalked him. I did all I could to make Mírimë and Maeglin bump into each other, to get them to talk, anything, something.

I even sometimes made it uncomfortable by subtly making Mírimë accidentally bump into him at times. She never realized it was me, anyway.

And I think- I think- it's working, just a little.

It's obvious to me that Maeglin likes her. He watches her when he thinks no one is looking, and whenever she talks with Idril and he's around, he never looks at Idril anymore. It feels weird to see all of this, and I'm eager to finish this mission. I want to go back to my first mission. I didn't finish it! I want to go back! Even though it was hard... I had my happy moments.

Here, I was lonely and bored.

*Are you alright? I can feel that you are troubled.* Mírimë said, and I sighed.

"Apologies, Mírimë. I'm just thinking back to my own past." I answered.

*I see.* She answered discerningly. *Was there someone you were promised to?* She queried, and I about choked.

"Wha-? Oh, no, Valar no!" I began to laugh. "Never! That's incomprehensible to me. Who would ever like someone like me in that way?" I laughed heartily at the thought.

*What mean you? I would think that there would be many ellyn vying for your hand.* She answered primly, and I shook my head, knowing that she would feel it.

"Good grief, Mírimë, absolutely not. I'm insane, sarcastic, prone to be rather disturbing at times, and altogether unfit for being an elven wife. I couldn't stay at home and be a housewife for anything. That's just not in my personality, Mírimë." I said practically.

"Even you are more fit for that. You may be a warrior in your own way, but you are also a noble, a lady, and well versed in such protocol. I am not, for I have no need or want to." I finished, and heard her hum inwardly.

*Mayhap you are right, but I still think that you are too exotic not to be chased after.* She answered with conviction, and I smiled amusedly.

"If you insist." I snorted in reply.

*Yes. I do. Like lord Glorfindel-* She started.

"Oh no. Don't start trying to pair ME with anyone now, Mírimë. I'm not leaving your mind to become corporeal, so there's no use in that. Besides, that's just not happening, thank you, I've no intention of becoming a wife anytime soon." I said dryly.

*I didn't say anything about matchmaking!* She protested. *It was merely hypothetical!* She insisted.

I saw my chance. "And while we're making hypothetical matches about me, what about you? Like with a certain dark prince who is forever making eyes at you? Even now, when he thinks you are not looking?" I asked smugly, seizing the perfect opportunity that I had been given.

She nearly choked on her soup, and I saw her vision flick to look at Maeglin, and their eyes locked for a moment. I was laughing myself silly in her mind as I felt embarrassment flood her mind and their eye contact broke abruptly, Mírimë blushing furiously while Maeglin tried not to look as though he was unsettled by it. Lisselindë was chattering away, and I wondered if the elleth ever stopped talking.

*Do be quiet, Celine!* Mírimë moaned as I laughed so hard I was sure that I would be crying if I had any body to accomplish such a feat with.

"Oh, that was perfect. I think I'm going to start matchmaking, now. Can't you just SEE it? I can see you being happily married to him- the dark prince and the white lady!" I expired laughing as she shrieked indignantly in her mind for me to hush up.

*Don't- Celine, stop, that's not funny!* She wailed, and I bounced around in her mind in spasms of amusement.

"It is!" I protested, calming down with difficulty. "Seriously though, Mírimë. I warned you before that I'm usually blunt when I don't have to be, so I'm gonna be blunt with you now. This is why I'm here. It's to pair you with Maeglin. No romance, no more Gondolin." I said seriously. She stopped in shock.

*What? How can that be?* She queried disbelievingly.

"Originally, in the history of Arda that I know of, Maeglin loved Idril but for obvious reasons was prohibited from pursuing her. But as you already know, Idril and Tuor are wed. Therefore, one day, when Maeglin was out in the mountain mining for ores, he went too far and was captured by orcs and taken to Morgoth. There he was tortured to give up the location of Gondolin, but at first refused- that is, until Morgoth struck a bargain with him." I said gravely, feeling her horror rising.

"Morgoth promised him that he would get Idril in the sack of the city if he revealed the whereabouts of the city, and he caved. He was set free and came back, and no one was the wiser until it was too late. But that is now changed- because originally you were never here, and Maeglin never had a sister either. Now that he's fallen for you, as it has become so obvious to me..." I didn't finish as she turned over the new information, trying to continue her outward conversation with Lisselindë at the same time.

I waited until dinner was finished and she had retired to her room until she finally answered. *How do you even know that he likes me?* She queried.

I rolled my eyes to myself. How dense could the elleth get!? Okay, I admit I would probably be the same way, and highly skeptical if I were in her shoes, true.

"Easy, Mírimë. He's always looking at you when no one else is looking. When you and Idril are in his sights, he looks at you, not her. When you bump into him accidentally, he always stares after you after you leave. He's almost always clumsy somehow around you. These are the most basic and obvious signs of being in love with someone. And before you ask, yes, I have been watching him." I said dryly.

She sighed. *I really do hate you, you know that?* She asked morosely, and I giggled.

"Pity. I would be more offended if I actually believed you." I smirked, and she sighed heavily with no little exasperation. "Now my task is to get you to admit that you're interested in him..." I said slyly.

*What!? N-No, absolutely not! I don't- don't-* She started.

"Oh, haven't you?" I asked knowingly. "Denial accompanied by stuttering and the inability to say the word 'love' is usually the most common sign in níssi at being in love." I answered matter-of-factly, and she groaned.

*Please Celine, at least give me some time to think about it.* She pleaded.

"Whoever said I wanted you to admit it now!?" I exclaimed. "That's not reasonable. All I'm saying is that he's in love with you- it's obvious that you're gonna have to think about that and decide if you can say 'yes' honestly if he ever pops the big question." I said bluntly, and knew that her cheeks were on fire. It made me smirk.

*W-well, I mean y-yes, I mean I-I don't know...* She said, flustered, as I rolled my eyes good-naturedly.

"Stop stuttering, Mírimë. You don't have to tell me anything, you know. I'm just here to point you in the right direction. What you actually do is not in my command. It's ultimately your choice what you choose to do, accept or decline. I have no power over you,- I'm merely the guide to give you the information." I assured her. She nodded.

*I understand, and for this I thank you. I- I'll need a lot of time to think of what you've told me.* She said.

"I know." Was my somewhat enigmatic answer. "Take as much time as you need. Your only deadline is midsummer's day fifteen years from now." I added darkly, and her reaction was to shiver.

During the next week, I thought about it endlessly. I was remembering more and more of my first mission, and something in me was gnawing to go back to it. My time in this particular dimension was running short. I had brought the two to each other's attention, and it was up to them to see the rest done.

But where would I go next? And what else could I possibly do? Would I be stuck with the Feänoriáns next? Or even in the third age?

To make things worse for me, I had been starting to feel odd, as though there was something searching for me. Not me physically, but rather, ME. My essence. It didn't quite frighten me, but it did almost make me jump sometimes.

I was just thinking concernedly one day about my many questions when Mírimë abruptly spoke. *Celine? Are you well?* She asked.

I started. *Wha-? Oh, oh! I'm sorry, I was thinking.* I stammered. *I- I'm alright...* I answered, not sounding too convincing. I could feel her suspicion and doubt.

I sighed. *no, I'm not alright.* I admitted. *Mírimë, my time here is running short. I will leave soon, and there are many things plaguing my mind. This has been a nice break for me, but I know that it is not going to last long at all.* I said wearily.

There was a pause. *I see. I will be sad that you are leaving, but... I promise that I will try to make sure that your work here does not come to naught.* She finally said.

Despite myself, I managed a ghost of a smile, suddenly feeling very, very weary. *Was that a confession?* I asked weakly. We both sensed that my time was up. I saw her fall to her knees, and I could feel her crying.

She laughed slightly through her tears. *Hush, Celine.* She choked. I breathed a laugh, feeling myself fade away.

*As you wish, my good friend.* I whispered, and gave her a final feeling of fond farewell before everything slowly faded away into dark blackness.

_**_Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion_**_

I don't know how long I was asleep. But I finally came to a vague form of consciousness.

"This is not good, Námo." Someone said darkly.

"You think I don't see that, Manwë?" Came the sarcastic reply. "She was never supposed to remember anything about her first mission, and neither is he supp-"

"Ah, I see you are awake. Do you feel well?" The first voice asked me.

I felt so confused. I wasn't supposed to remember? But I want to go back so badly! And who isn't supposed to do what? Where are you sending me next? What does Eru want from me?

"Slow down, Celine." Námo said amusedly. "As for where you are going next, that is already decided for you. Rest." He said, and despite my struggles, I started to fall asleep.

"Námo, her trust in us is going to be seriously damaged at this rate." Manwë said, sounding grim.

There was a sigh. "I cannot help that, Manwë. We must trust Eru that He has a plan."

"Especially as she goes ba-" Was the only answer that I caught before it all went utterly blank.

_**_Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion_**_

"Caladiel! Caladiel! Wake up!" A voice said agitatedly. There was the feeling of someone gently slapping me. I let out a slight moan before trying to peel my eyes open.

"Where am I?" I rasped, marveling that someone knew my name.

~Caladiel!~ a blessedly familiar voice said, sounding almost spooked. ~Caladiel, you're back!~ the voice cried, before my eyes shot open and I let out a cry, doubling over and throwing up. Someone rubbed my back as my vision swam into focus.

My cheeks went ashen as I looked up at Finrod. "M-my lord-" I said hoarsely, before going into a fit of coughing, tears streaming down my cheeks. Something rubbed against my hand, and I felt myself clutch fur.

"Esgalnoron-" I managed through wracking coughs. "Esgalnoron-" I finally choked, tears of relief and pain coursing down my face and dripping off of my chin. He nuzzled me with a whimper as I cried, grabbing his fur and hugging him tightly, sobbing in happiness that I was back. I almost even wanted to see master. Almost.

~It's been so long.~ He said morosely. ~I had almost given up hope...~

"I'm sorry, Esglanoron! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" I cried, and shook violently, almost toppling over. Finrod caught me, concern on his face.

"Are you well, Caladiel?" He asked firmly.

"I-" I gasped. "I'm fine. J-just shaken." I answered, and he looked more understanding.

"Understandable, considering all that you went through." He said, and helped me lean back. "Rest. If you need anything, call for someone." He said, and after bending to kiss my brow, to my surprise, he left. I turned wide-eyed to Esgalnoron, cuddling a very ecstatic Faelon.

"What did I miss!? Why are we in Nargothrond!?" I demanded.

He sighed. He looked the same as ever, and as magnificent as ever as well. ~You did well. You continued carrying on your plans perfectly, managed to deter Sauron and Melkor while still subtly convincing Turgon to leave. He finally got wind of the approaching army and left. You told Sauron that you had tried to convince Turgon that it was merely a rumor, but that he had become wracked with sudden fear and left. Then you led us here. Turgon is discussing going to the Sirion to stay for a while.~ He said.

~But it wasn't YOU, Caladiel. You were not there. It was someone else.~ He said, and I wrapped my arms around him.

"I missed you so much, Esglanoron. You and Faelon. And yes, even Ada." I whispered. And then something hit me. "Wait, what? I led us here? Why would I lead us here?" I asked with a frown.

~Turgon wanted to come here.~ Esgalnoron informed me. I blinked.

"Oh."

~Maeglin suggested that you probably knew the way, considering your 'past.' When we got here, you collapsed, hence Finrod's concern.~ He said.

My mind started whirling. "Maeglin? Where is he?" I asked, sounding almost panicked. He didn't have a chance to answer. The door opened, and the ellon in question strode in, sitting on the edge of the bed and studying me from under hooded eyelashes. My eyes were wide and my cheeks bloodless. I swallowed.

"M-Maeglin?" I whispered. He suddenly let out an inarticulate noise and reached out, drawing me into his arms and trembling.

"You just collapsed- I didn't know if you were alright- you've been strange these last months..." He said shakily against my shoulder, as I reached up to bury my hand into his hair and brush through it with my fingers in a familiar gesture.

"I'm sorry, little Prince. I'm here, I promise. I am well." I whispered, gently kissing his brow. He relaxed by degrees, slumping.

"Please don't leave." He said brokenly, and my heart almost shattered. I couldn't say anything for fear that my voice would break in my throat and come up in bloody splinters.

As I didn't answer, he stiffened and pulled back. "You're not leaving." It was a plea. Tears streamed down my cheeks.

"I must, Maeglin. I have unfinished business." I answered. Already Sauron was tugging at me, I could feel it. Faelon was trying to hide.

He shook his head, growing panicked. "No, no, you cannot leave- I cannot loose you forever-" he stumbled, and I placed a finger on his lips.

"Maeglin, my sweet, I must leave, but I promise I will come back. This I promise you." I whispered. He paused.

Then he looked at me, sadness in his eyes. "You will come back?" He asked forlornly.

I nodded. "I promise, with all that I have." I answered.

He bit his lip. "Take me with you." he pleaded. "I don't want to stay here. I want to go with you." He coaxed.

I sighed. "And what would the princess say about that?" I asked wearily. Faelon squeaked warningly. Esgalnoron was starting to panic.

~Caladiel-~

"She never sees me any longer." Was the embittered reply. "I am all but dead to her. I have nothing, Nana. Please, let me go with you!" It burst out from his lips, and for a moment, he was once more the child I had helped to raise.

I leaned back wearily. "I will think about it." I said, closing my eyes. "Let me rest, for now." I breathed, and he nodded, hanging his head and shuffling out dejectedly.

Then I raised myself with a struggle and grabbed Faelon, who immediately expanded. Sauron appeared, and immediately frowned at me. "What. Happened to you." He demanded.

"Sorry Ada." I raked a hand through my hair, inordinately tired. "I'm just tired. I failed. I'm coming home tomorrow." I said, and he raised an eyebrow.

"You mean failed according to master." He said.

I gave him a ghost of a smile. "Yes." I answered.

He grunted. "Good. Hurry up, and maybe he might be a bit more lenient in his lecture. He's already itching for you to get back anyway." He said darkly, and I was actually frightened at the glare that he sent to someone or something beside him.

"Of course Ada. Can I please rest now?" I asked in feigned annoyance. "Pretending to be good for this long is tiring." I grouched, to which he gave me an icy smile.

"I expect to see you soon, my daughter." He answered smoothly, and it was gone. I fell back against the pillows, and slept.

Eru help me, I was back to chaos and the delicate balance of danger and safety. There had always been a fine line, and now it had just gotten thinner. My tightrope act wasn't going to last long.

But at the same time, I was happy to be back. Because this time, I knew I was here to stay.

_**_Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion_**_

I woke up with wracking pain. Letting out a muffled cry, I bent double and gasped, shaking. Esgalnoron and Faelon were there in moments.

~Caladiel? What's wrong!?~ Esgalnoron demanded. I shook my head.

"Master- master- please master, I promise I couldn't do anything..." I whimpered. I could feel Morgoth's touch in my pain, the tendrils of his mind that searched my body, bending his will upon me. I heard the vague sound of his chuckle, before a whisper brushed my mind.

*Oh no, my sweet pet, this is a reward for your hard work. If I cannot destroy them, at least I can uproot them. There is a reward waiting for you here...* And with an un-comforting chuckle, it all faded away, leaving me aching and sore.

Choking on sobs, I curled up into a tight ball and wept, feeling a foreign feeling suddenly crash on my senses. My hands went down to my lower abdomen and clutched it, desperately tugging at my dress. Something inside me pulsed. It throbbed, demanding something that I couldn't identify. It was too strange, too unfamiliar. Too intimate.

It was like the feeling I had had with Ecthelion all over again. The same liquid heat that pooled in my stomach, the same ache between my legs that made me squeeze them together in an attempt to relieve it.

I staggered up and out of the bed, going to the mirror. My ivory, porcelain skin was bloodless and unhealthily pale, even my lips colorless. The pale blue fire of my eyes was watery, and my white hair hung in limp strands across my face. My hand went down to my lower stomach, fingers splayed out.

Something was demanding that I change the shape of my body, that my stomach not be so flat. I shut off my light. The feeling didn't change. It was like strings were being pulled in my body and mind, and I stared into my own violet eyes through the mirror. Black hair streaked with red framed my moonlight skin, and white fangs poked out of red lips that looked smeared with blood.

I reeled away from the mirror, returning to my 'good' form and sinking to my knees. The feeling slowly faded. There was nothing to satisfy it, and it slowly died down, until it was nothing but a simmer of heat lingering in my stomach area. I took a shaking, burning breath, and Esgalnoron nudged me.

~Are you alright?~ He sounded spooked.

"I think I'm okay." Was my whispered answer, before I tottered to get dressed. I had to leave. I must leave. What would I do about Maeglin? I couldn't possibly take him with me!

"I need to tell Turgon that I have unfinished business. Finrod will understand me once I explain all to him. I cannot take Maeglin, but I can do one thing for him..." I murmured, hurriedly dressing my fifteen year old form with shaking fingers and reaching for the door.

Esgalnoron stopped me as Faelon rolled into my shoulder. ~Caladiel. Please, make me another form.~ He said hesitantly, and I paused.

"What do you want, Esgalnoron?" I asked, looking up at him. He seemed to sigh.

And he spoke aloud. "Make me a winged form. Please." He pleaded. I stared at him for a moment, bewildered.

"But you already have a Phoenix form-" I started, then paused as he shook his head.

"No, Caladiel." Was his simple answer, and I knew what he meant.

"Esgalnoron... I do not have a prototype... It is too big..." I murmured, fearful.

He nudged me. "You don't need a prototype of one. All you need is one of your hairs." He said, and I gaped at him.

"What would that do!? All it could do is make you shrink and grow lar-" I stopped, and then shook my head. Then I sighed. "Alright, Esgalnoron. I will not deny it you." I finally said, and with a grimace, plucked one of my hairs.

And so I set it on the ground, and closed my eyes. I focused on an image in my mind, slowly fashioning it, deciding what color it would be, what shape, what size, what texture, everything and anything I could possibly remember.

I found Esgalnoron, and linked them. I opened my eyes.

He tottered on the ground, shaking the small head. He was about as large as two of my hands, covered with metallic blue scales, tinged slightly with red, Amber eyes, two leathery wings, a pointed snout, and four legs with claws. He flew to my shoulder.

"And here I told you before dragons were out of the question." I said with a weak smile.

He snorted a plume of fire. "Desperate times call for desperate measures." Was his answer. I shook my head and walked out the door. Faelon was perched on Esgalnoron's back, and he was perched on my shoulder.

I needed to go back. I needed answers.

Why do I keep thinking about- that?


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi guys! I'm here with a new chapter! sorry it's taken me a while, but as usual I was busy. ****Thank you for the follows, favorites, and reviews while I was gone, and I present you all with a new chapter! **

**Please be warned, this is a dark chapter and some might find it disturbing. But then, so is the whole story, I suppose. :) hopefully, it also has some unexpected surprises. ;) Horseyyay... Hush.**

**To my guest reviewer, anime, thank you, and I hope I haven't let you hang for too long. :) I'm glad I'm back too! Yes, I don't quite trust Morgoth either... But have mercy on the Valar. It's out of their hands. ;) and, no offense, but please refrain from the profanity. Thanks for your enthusiasm!**

**To 7u7: thank you very much as well for your obvious like. :) here is the demanded chapter. *sweeping bow***

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Chapter 16

Even though I was technically decades old, I still chose to use the fifteen year old form among the elves. Especially Finrod. I still felt like a child among them, knowing how much older and wiser they were. They overwhelmed me with their purity, their light that glowed, their puissant lords and their magnificent halls and warriors and words.

At heart, I was still mortal. I was still a blazing candle, bound to go out and determined to make a difference while I still burned, as temporary as it might be. The thought of the elves and their ever-extended lives almost frightened me, even though I knew that I myself was now immortal- at least, for as long as Eru willed.

As I hurried along the halls of Nargothrond, blind instinct leading me to Finrod, my mind turned back to the conversation that two Vala had cut off while I fell asleep. My trust in them had not been diminished. Perhaps strained, but not damaged. They had not led me wrong this whole time. My life was for a purpose. Even if perhaps that notion was a delusion, I chose to cling to that delusion. It was better than nothing. It kept me going. My light was a tangible proof.

Eru had invested something in me. I was not just a mere expendable. I had a purpose, and I had a calling. To me, that was more than enough.

My thoughts were cut off as Esgalnoron gently bit my ear with his needle-sharp teeth. It didn't hurt, but was enough to make me snap out of it just as I bumped into something, or rather, someone, judging by the softness. I let out a startled gasp as the someone caught and steadied me.

"Be calm, Caladiel. You should not be out of bed, young one." A familiar voice said gently, though the hands did not let go of me. I looked up with wide eyes at Finrod, who was flanked by a few guards and several indignant-looking lords. I glanced back and realized that I had rounded a sharp corner. Lost in thought, apparently I had smacked into him. Warmth bloomed in my cheeks.

"Forgive me, lord Findaráto. I-I came l-looking for you." I said, unable to keep the stutter out of my unsure, young voice. Despite myself, my voice was saturated in fear. It was soaked in it, bleeding into my words that echoed in the caverns. They hit the Elf lord's clothes, stained them with the fear, slid like liquid down his front. He could feel it.

His gaze became worried, and he drew me into his arms, gently rubbing my back. "Why would you look for me, precious one?" He asked gently, as though to a child, though the slight undertone in his voice indicated to me that he guessed what I was searching for him for. And he was not happy about it, either, by the way that he stiffened ever so slightly.

"I'm sorry, my lord. I cannot stay here. I have... Unfinished business in the North." I answered, voice slightly muffled in his tunic.

"My lord, may we please move on? I am sure that this is all a waste of your time; surely an elleth can take care of this... Child." One lord spoke smoothly, sending me a cold glance.

Finrod smiled back. "Just as I am sure that it is not, lord Morcáno. She is my personal ward, for I owe her a debt for something she did for me when I was in trouble, wounded, weak, hungry. Can I, as a king, do nothing less then clothe her, give her shelter, food, and rest whene'er she is in need of it, in return?" He answered with a voice of velvet-covered steel.

The lord faltered as though he had received a physical blow. I glanced over his shoulder, frightened, to see one of the guards turn and look at me, with gratitude in his eyes. His soul shone clean and pure, and radiated gratitude and respect. Gratitude to me, and respect for his King. I looked at his face, and dimly recalled it from that hellish day down in the pits of Tol-in-Gaurth, where I had sniveled and whined at a pack of snarling werewolves to leave a ragtag group of elves and a pitiful human alone. I gave the nameless guard a tremulous smile.

Finrod tipped my chin up to him, and my eyes welled with tears at the smile on his face. The thought that I could have helped in allowing that kind face, that radiant smile to remain in this world to bless others was reward enough for me, for all the suffering I had gone through so far. And again, I was selfish. I was glad that he was smiling at me, and no other. The smile faded.

"You go back to your keepers." He said, and it was a veiled question. I looked down.

"I wish that you were my master, my lord. How happy I would be as a slave in your service." Was my whispered answer. At least he would be kinder. At least I could see a friendly face that smiled. At least I could be selfish over one thing. But it was nothing but a dream.

"Then stay, dear one. Stay with me, as my ward. Let me repay you for the debt that I and others owe you." He coaxed, kneeling to look into my face. His eyes were anguished, and I read in his feä the guilt he felt at leaving me. The Elves cherish their children. It didn't matter whose they were. They were a rare gift, a thing to be protected at all times, especially in time of war. Dwarf, human, Elf, it didn't matter. They were all children, and that Elves loved them all.

I swallowed. "Do not tempt me beyond what I can bear, my lord." My voice was raspy. "You offer me more than I could imagine. But I cannot accept. To accept is to die." I looked him in the eyes, and I conveyed to him the subtle message. To accept would be to kill his people. He could not take me in without risking his people. And to take me in would be to let my work come to ruin and my life reduced to fear for retribution.

"I have only come for one favor, my lord, if I may be so bold as to ask." I said, my tears dripping onto his fair hands. The ring on his finger blurred, the silver band on his forefinger that represented his lost future with beautiful Amarië, grieving in Aman for her beloved that would perhaps never return to her. For a moment, my stomach clenched, and liquid heat pooled once more. And then it was gone.

"Anything, brave one." Was his soft, gentle answer, brushing my tears away with his feä screaming at me in anguish and guilt. My own soul writhed in torment. How I wanted to stay a child. How I wanted to become Finrod's child. How selfish I was. I swallowed. Esgalnoron gently, comfortingly brushed my mind and nuzzled my hair.

"Maeglin. Take care of him. Tell him. Tell him everything about me. Promise me you will hide nothing from him. Please, please my liege, tell him I will come back. I will see him again if he will still wish to see me. My King, this is all I ask of you, and I will consider all debts paid." I said, and sank to the ground on my knees. My tears, cold and glass, shattered on the floor. The lords startled and gasped.

Finrod's hands tightened. "I am not your liege." He said, but there was a strain in his voice. "I will do as you say. But I will not hold my debt paid for such a small endeavor." He answered more steadily.

I pulled my hands away, for his touch burned. It burned me physically and mentally with guilt. "If I could ever have a king, my lord, I would serve you." Was my answer, before I stood and looked into his anguished eyes. Then I turned, and fled down the hall.

How I hated the tears that poured down my cheeks, warm and salty and wet. How I hated myself, for my selfishness. All I wanted was to have a happy life for myself. How could I, when I held the opportunity to gamble for the lives of thousands? I was selfish, perhaps. But something within me reasoned that perhaps, Eru would not slight me for such a selfishness.

As I leaped onto Esgalnoron, who had enlarged himself as we exited the Elven kingdom, I futilely wiped away at my tears as the wind in my face whipped more onto my cheeks. My hands came away bloody as the glassy drops shredded my cheeks, driven across my skin by the wind.

At the moment, the knowledge that I was going to the only home I knew, back to my Ada, was only a very vague comfort as Faelon attempted to cheer me up.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

Faelon woke me out of my exhausted sleep by rolling around next to my face. I snapped awake and jolted up, nearly toppling off of Esgalnoron before I managed to steady myself.

"Wh-what is it?" I asked, and then sighed bitterly to myself at the sound of my voice, smooth and dark as though I had not just gone through one of the most intense emotional struggles of my admittedly short life. I had shut away my light as we flew through the night, and now as the wind cleared my mind of fog, I could think a little more clearly.

"Are we close?" I asked, and my companion nodded, while Faelon tucked himself into one of the many, large pockets of my dark, black and red robes. Apparently the other 'me' had modified it a bit to hold all the souls I- it, she, whatever- harvested. I pulled the hood over my head and bent low over Esgalnoron's neck as he began his descent.

He landed smoothly and shrank in size until he could fit in my cupped palms.

I bent and kissed his snout gently. "Thank you, my dear brother." I whispered. "I am sure you are tired." I said gently.

"My wings are sore from unaccustomed exercise, but I am well. I am more concerned about you, Caladiel. Are you well?" He answered, brushing it off, though I could see the joyful pulse his essence gave off when I called him 'brother.' I smiled slightly.

"I will be fine." I answered, and forced myself to move towards the Balrog sentry. Apparently security had immensely increased, cracking down on everything.

~Tch. Like the 911 Department of Homeland Security.~ I snorted to Esgalnoron. I had shared with him my remaining, tattered memories of Earth, to give him a glimpse into my life. He chuckled back.

~With a Balrog?~ He answered amusedly, and despite my weariness I had to laugh inwardly at the thought of a Balrog as a policeman.

By that time I had arrived at the gate, and a spear blocked the arch. I raised my hand, long nails curling. "Let me through, I have come from a mission from the master." I said darkly, tapping the spear impatiently.

"Name." The Balrog answered in a whispery, deep voice.

I sighed. "Caladiel." I answered curtly. "The one Gothmog calls Thuringwethil, the one Morgoth calls pet, and the one Sauron calls daughter? You know? That Caladiel?" I snarled, and the spear lowered.

"The lieutenant is strong." The Balrog said. I paused. The words stirred in me a memory, and I suddenly remembered. The code the Faithful had to identify with one another.

"But the master is stronger." I answered with the other half.

"Norgaladir." The Balrog said, and I looked up at him from the shadowed cowl of my hood. My eyes glowed violet, and the Balrog seemed to almost quail slightly in reflex action. I looked at his soul. It was not as tainted as the others, coated with darkness but clean and bright within. Those who accepted the One were cleansed within, although they seemed no different outwardly.

"I see. Your fire flares bright." I sent the subtle message of my acceptance of him, and then made a noise of indifference. "Come and see me at my quarters when I call. Such devotion and bright flame should not be guarding gates." I said, and swept through the arch.

I glided swiftly and silently through the halls, a shadow, an assassin for the master. A silent, unimportant background shadow that would be fatal if it needed to. Esgalnoron sat quietly on my shoulder under my hood, his amber eyes half-lidded and glowing in the darkness. Two pinpricks of violet, and two of amber.

I ran my hand along the wall slightly, the familiar ridges of stone leaving a bloody line to mark my trail. The rusty wetness gleamed eerily in the green torchlight, shining against the black darkness of the wall. I lifted my fingers in the air, and something glided down and landed before me. A figure morphed in the dim light, covered with a black silk cape. Red eyes gleamed at me.

~Wait, is that-?~ Esgalnoron started.

"The lieutenant is strong." Came a whispery, smooth, almost hypnotizing female voice.

"But the master is stronger. By all the master's power, has he resurrected Thuringwethil?" I asked incredulously, and the vampire opened its cape.

"No. But I am her only descendant." Was the amused answer.

"Ah." I replied. The female was more slender then her mother. "And your name, fair dark one?" I asked pleasantly.

"Thurwething." She offered, and I nodded, holding out my fingers.

"A friendship offering." I said, and she took my hand, biting my fingers so that the small scrapes opened wider. Her soul, too, was darkly coated, but the inward cleanliness shone through the chinks. I let her have her fill, knowing that it would not affect me adversely. "Ancalagon did not inform me that there was a new recruit." I said, unafraid of anyone listening.

If Morgoth himself was to listen, he would think of it as nothing more suspicious then a leech crawling across the floor. Worms did not exist in Angband. They were too afraid. Leeches, cockroaches, beetles, all manners of parasitic ticks and mites and lice and spiders and fleas inhabited the dark corners and wet, damp spots instead. Reports were as common as the pests were.

"I am newest." Was the muffled reply. She was starved.

"Have you had no orcs lately?" I frowned, and she finally relinquished my hand. Blood coated it, but the wounds closed.

"No. I have been too newly born to attempt a kill as of yet." Was her answer. And I realized that she sounded stronger then she had before.

"I see. Come to my quarters when I call for you. I believe we need to chat- I must get to know the rookie in the fold of pets." I said, sweeping away. She would understand the message.

"Of course." The rustle of wings and black silk was the only other sound.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. ~I still can't get used to that.~ I said, and Esgalnoron sighed.

"This is as close to the Void as you can get." Was his only, quiet answer. I held his velvety muzzle shut. He may be scaled, but his wings and muzzle were soft.

"Hush, Esgalnoron." I warned, and then went on down the hall.

The doors to the throne room were as tall and imposing as ever in their looming cruelty. Two Balrogs guarded the entrance, and I paused before them. "Report for the master." I said, flicking my blood-crusted hand. They let me through without question. Perhaps it was my hood. Then again, it could be the hand. Or my eyes. And then again, it could be all three. I chose to stop thinking about it before I lost my nonexistent lunch.

I was the size of an Elvish adult, perhaps the age of twenty. I moved towards the throne where Melkor sat, and sank to my knees before the throne, allowing my hood to slide back.

"Master." I said humbly, and waited for an answer. I fought the rising nausea.

"Rise, Caladiel. Come here." Was the emotionless answer after a few moments of silence that tied into knots in my stomach. I stood fluidly and then sat at his feet, warming them and nuzzling his leg slightly. I peered up at him through my eyelashes, and saw that he was smiling with cruel pleasure down at me. My backside began to go numb.

He bent and stroked my head. "I have missed you, my pet." He said smoothly. "You have done well." He said, and I pretended to wilt.

"I'm sorry, master. I tried as hard as I could-" I said, and he closed my jaw.

"Perhaps you could have done better. But I have another plan for you that more than makes up for your slight failure." He answered in a smugly pleased tone, and I nearly panicked. He ignored Esgalnoron, apparently unsurprised. "I'm sure you've met Thurwething, have you not?" He asked, although I'm sure he probably knew.

I pretended to stiffen. "Yes." I replied coldly. "What about her?" I asked, looking over my bloody hand. He saw it and chuckled.

"So you fed her, did you?" He mused amusedly.

"Allegiance." Was my seemingly flippant answer. "Don't bite the hand that feeds you." I said with irony, and Melkor laughed in perverted delight at the pun.

"And this is why I have missed you, pet." He chortled, and then resumed stroking my hair. "I made Thurwething by ordering Thuringwethil to mate with another bat." He said, waving it off as though it were simple. "Thurwething was a mere batling when her dam failed me." Was the callous, uncaring note.

"She takes her place." He said needlessly. And then turned his malicious smirk on me. I had cracked open my light, and my eyelashes were once more snow-powdered as I looked through them.

"And what this has to do with you, my dear pet assassin, is that I want to do the same with you." He said. My heart literally stopped. It sputtered back to a sluggish start, as I inwardly reeled. Outwardly, I maintained calm with a struggle, though my cheeks went bloodless.

"Not with an elf." I managed. "Please master, not with an elf." I said in horror. I knew he would interpret it as disgust for the race. The truth was that I knew I couldn't do that. I would never find an elf that would marry me anyway, and I wouldn't be able to have a child with an elf, not with the knowledge of who- or what- I was.

"No, pet, be calm. I have already bound you to my choice. What would I benefit from a spawn of an Elf? No, I have better goals. You are already wed, Caladiel." He said with a smile that made me feel cold. My breath was shallow. No. No. This cannot be happening. Eru help me, no-

My face must have asked the question.

And with two words, the enemy of all free folk, my enemy, my master, my object of hate, the one I was in servitude to- turned my world upside down and shattered my life for the infinitive time. I was tired of picking them up and gluing them back together, so many times, with so many cracks.

"To Ancalagon."

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

Esgalnoron nearly exploded. He did in my mind, though outwardly he remained still, flapping on my shoulder. His wing hit my cheek. I reached up and grabbed it.

~Shut it, Esgalnoron! You're not helping!~ I snapped at him, and he managed to hush himself before I did something rash. I closed my eyes and steadied myself, breathing.

"That is a relief, master." I said weakly. "Thank you." I rasped. Bile filled my mouth at the words.

"I will give you as long as you need for a descendant, Caladiel. I leave it to you- or should I say, Ancalagon?" He said smugly with a leering laugh, and then fell into thought, ignoring me.

I clutched my robes, my arms, my legs, anything to try to ground myself. I rocked back and forth ever-so-slightly, tears in my eyes that I fought to keep from spilling. Eru, no. Please tell me this is a dream. I cannot possibly be married already. And... And not to a- a dragon. I feel too young. I feel... I feel strange about the thought.

And yet, it explained why I kept thinking about the dragon, explained why I kept thinking about children. Whatever this bond was that Morgoth had created between Ancalagon and I, it was strong and linked us together tightly. Ancalagon was created by Morgoth. I was his pet, his servant, his pawn. We were both enslaved to him.

I grappled for a silver lining in my cloud of despair, and grasped the one, tattered thread that I could find. At least he was faithful. At least he was on Eru's side.

Then the thread snapped. Even so, he was still creation of Morgoth. He was still... Perverted. He was still a male. If he wanted, he could... Try to fulfill Morgoth's wish as soon as he wanted. It frightened me.

And at the same time, it sent something roaring through me, the liquid fire trickling through my limbs down to my lower abdomen. Something _pulsed_. My fingers went instinctively to it as I desperately stemmed tears. My hands cradled my stomach under the cloth, my fingertips pressing in my flesh in a plea to calm down.

~Caladiel!~ Esgalnoron cried in concern.

~I'm fine.~ I gasped in an obvious lie.

~No, you're not.~ He said, and worry and fear saturated his tone.

~Then I will be fine, okay?~ I said, wracked with mingled fear, alarm, and crushing loss. Sorrow.

Melkor's fingers yanked through my hair. "Go now, else Sauron decides to kill another contingent of orcs. He was not happy about my decision." He said lazily, and I stood shakily.

I turned to him, not a tear on my face, though my expression was strained. I bowed, in disgust at myself for the action. "Thank you, master. I hope I have... Pleased you." I said, and he smirked crookedly, waving a dismissive hand.

"A just reward I think, my pet." He said amusedly. "After all, he isn't a bad catch." He chuckled, and then turned away as I bowed and left, weariness in my frame. The doors opened and boomed shut behind me, and I sagged against the wall, shaking from physical and emotional exhaustion. If I had not been so hardy, I'm sure I would have died long before now.

The thought of hugging Ada and being filled by his warmth gave me a little more strength to haul myself along, not allowing myself to stagger until I was far from the sight of the Balrog guards. Then I slumped, gasping for breath. Faelon rolled up to my shoulder, and Esgalnoron flittered to the ground and shifted into his wolf form, scooping me onto his back and moving carefully down the hallway.

I gladly let him support me, my eyes drifting shut as I attempted to shut my mind down from the thoughts and emotions and troubles that roiled through my mind. Esgalnoron, sensing my distress, sent soothing waves across our bond and went along slowly, giving me as much time as he could to recover as much as I could.

I took a deep breath and sent him a weak, thankful pulse. ~Thank you, dear brother.~ I whispered, even through the bond. He turned his head and paused, and I slid off, drawing his large head down to me and stroking his nose. He nuzzled my hair and licked my cheek, and I shoved back the tears. After a moment or so, after petting Faelon too, who crackled in pleasure, I climbed back on until we reached the doors of our quarters.

I gently slid down and nearly crumpled to the ground, but managed to stay upright. My hand reached out and pushed against the door, but my fingers had forgotten how heavy the door was. With a small sigh, I leaned against the door. Esgalnoron came and shoved with me. I turned around and pushed again, and the door groaned reluctantly as it opened.

It slammed shut as he and I slipped through, and I looked up to see Sauron striding towards me, unmistakable with his red and black robes that I had so admired and modeled my own on. I stumbled forwards and pitched myself into the cloak, burying myself in it. The tears fell, safely hidden in the confines of the room.

"Ada." I cried. "Ada." My voice was muffled in his cloak. He froze, then wrapped his arms around me. He was so big. So comforting. His hand came up and tangled in my hair, lifting my head to him. The tears continued to fall, warm and wet. His face was etched in a frown. His glowing golden eyes searched my face. His red hair tumbled freely in fiery, silky strands down my face from over his shoulders.

"My precious princess." He murmured, his voice thick with obsession. I didn't care. I reached up, pressing my lips against his cheek. His warmth seeped into me, dispelling the coldness of Morgoth. It burned pleasantly. His nose ran across my cheek, his breath a fan of hot air on my skin, shocking in its heat.

"Please Ada, I missed you." I whispered. My hair was white. My skin was a splotch of milk against his darkness. Purity and Tainted. His aura was still dark, the thick tar still clinging to the surface. But the core was pure. It was still the same, red, clean fire, just like he was. Faithful. Comfort.

"I missed you, my little treasure." He said, stroking my cheeks with his nail clamps, tipping my chin up with them. They curled, slightly poking my skin.

"Ada- Ada-" I choked, trembling with fear. His eyes darkened.

"He told you." He said harshly, and the moment with Mairon was gone. "I would have killed the dragon had it not been that I might have forfeited." He snarled, and I shook my head, clinging to his robe.

"I'm afraid, Ada!" I said, grasping his cloak. "I do not resent Ancalagon- I am merely... Afraid." I admitted, and he stroked my hair, looking beyond me to the door, lip curled.

"Perhaps it is time-"

"No!" I gasped, grappling at his cloak as though to stop him. My hands slipped around his waist, slender yet strong. I pressed myself against him. "No, no, Ada. Not yet. Master has given me time. We need more time." I whispered frantically. "We can still do more." I pleaded. He sighed and looked down at me, my tear-streaked face and pleading eyes.

"Very well." He gave in. "But the moment he shows impatience-" he didn't finish as his eyes hardened, and I nodded skittishly. It was the best I could hope for. There were only a few years left until the War of Wrath. Just a few more. Just a little more time.

Exhausted, drained, and trembling, I began to buckle. Sauron caught me, his forge-hardened arms easily sliding across my small frame to catch me. My vision swirled, and I felt my eyes close as the world spun. Black spots dotted my vision, and that was the last I knew before all went completely dark.


	17. Chapter 17

**Well... I had a great time here in Michigan, but I'll be glad to go back down to NC. There's no place like home. *sighs wearily* oh well. But hey, at least here's another chapter before I leave! XD**

**Thank you all for the reviews, and I hope you like this new chapter-! Horseyyay, don't kill me for this ending please. **

Chapter 17

_I dreamt. Dreams whirled in confusing patterns, and voices came to me as through a mist. Fog-ridden, hazy dreams._

_"I don't think she can take much more, Manwë."_

_"I know, Nàmo, but I can do nothing!"_

_"Atar has forbidden it?"_

_"Yes. He says to watch. That the time will come soon."_

_"Ah, you mean the War."_

_"Yes, the War. Eärendil must grow. Elwing must as well. Elrond and Elros will be born."_

_"Will you send Eönwë?"_

_"Don't ask ridiculous questions. Of course I'm sending him."_

_"Well no need to be all huffy, Manwë. Your clouds do that for you."_

_"Nàmo..."_

_Riotous laughter before it faded away._

_"Be at peace, My child." This voice was almost familiar. It was warm and loving, and somehow, I knew that this Being loved me. That He cared. That He saw me and my struggles, and He had it all in His hands. It made me want to weep in relief. It was not obsessive love like Sauron. It was Fatherly, divine love._

_All too soon, it was gone. And yet I floated in the darkness, and dreamt beyond the boundaries of time and space. _

_And then, there was a vague light. It was fuzzy, as though it had been trapped under something for a long time. Dim. _

_"Caladiel." The voice was familiar, and it was not. The voice was so beautiful._

_"Caladiel- please-" it was a plea. "You are my last hope... You must help me."_

_I tried to open my mouth. I wanted to help! I wanted to tell the voice- I was here to help as much as I could- _

_"You must find me. You found me once- please, find me again. I was foolish, long ago. But you- you could help me. You have within you the one thing that will help me... Please, I don't have much time left. I must accept the gift. I want to accept the gift..." The voice weakened, fading away. My heart nearly broke at the plea that was in it, the regret and the screaming pain. _

_I will try! I promise, I will try to find you, whoever you are! If only I knew who you truly are..._

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I snapped awake, bolting up and gasping. I gulped frantically for air, feeling as though I had been smothered in pudding. Once I caught my breath, I turned to see Esgalnoron beside me, huddled in the folds of my cloak and two trails of smoke ascending from his leathery nose.

I reached down and picked him up in my hands, running my fingers over his scales and stroking his soft snout and delicate wings. He ruffled his wings slightly, and I settled him in my lap. Faelon rolled onto my hand from my pocket.

"Where is Ada, Faelon?" I murmured to the tracker. Faelon rolled about for a moment as I waited patiently. Then he expanded, and showed me a picture. He was at the forges, then.

"Thank you, my friend." I mumbled absently, and pocketed him without really thinking. With an indignant squeak, he rolled onto my shoulder. "Sorry." I apologized half-coherently, thinking. I needed to have a talk with the Faithful. I should talk with An-

I was cut off by a searing pulse that went through me. I gasped, bending almost double and my hands flying to my stomach. I rolled off of the bed and stood, staggering as my knees threatened to give. The demand was becoming clearer each time it manifested.

Heat spread through my stomach. Something pulsed. I dug my fingers into the folds of the thick material, digging into flesh in an attempt to stop the throbbing. Tears filled my eyes, but not from pain. From _loss_. Morgoth had taken something from me. He had given me something, and then taken it away. Something precious. My body wanted it back.

Esgalnoron flew about my head, chittering worriedly. Faelon bounced into my pocket to keep himself from being sent across the room. As I staggered, unable to see properly, I backed right into a table, and my hand reflexively gripped the edge, using it to support myself. I shivered, trembling from something akin to sheer panic.

My mind buzzed, trying to tell me something... But it was all so fuzzy... And then it slowly faded. The heat dissipated. The throbbing slowed. The pinching loosened. But the sense of loss still remained. I sank to the floor, leaning against the desk with my legs clutched to my chest.

"Time indeed." I rasped bitterly, once I got my breath back. "He's given me time when he obviously has done something to speed it up." I told Esgalnoron and Faelon, who listened without words, on my knee and Faelon on my shoulder. My little dragon nuzzled my nose.

"Well, I'm not going to give in so fast, whatever it is." I told them determinedly. "He gave me time, so he can't do anything besides wait on the time he gave to me."

I hauled myself up as Esgalnoron made himself slightly larger and curled around my neck. His body sat on my shoulder and curled around my neck, while his head sat on my other shoulder and surveyed the world from the hood of my cloak with half-lidded eyes. Faelon suddenly bounced to the floor and rolled away, then came back to my feet with a piece of string. I picked him and the string up, and he rolled about on my palm.

"You want me to string you?" I asked, and the fireball bobbed. I matched the ends of the strand evenly, and hung the fold towards him. He changed shape slightly, then rounded once more so that the string passed through him. I tied the strand around my neck. It was a piece of clear wire, so it didn't really show against my clothes. With a sigh, I looked towards the large shard of glass that leaned against the wall.

The orange light of the lava cast me into eerie color, and violet eyes glowed from under the red-tipped hood. Esgalnoron's half-lidded eyes blinked, one at a time, like two winking pieces of glowing amber. Faelon looked like the fiery pupil of the eye stitched onto my robes. I lifted my hand, and saw the piece of Sauron's hair tied around my wrist.

"Well, this is me. Live with it, Celine." I said grimly, and turned towards the door. I felt much better now, even after the admittedly troubled sleep, and easily shoved the door open before gliding down the hallway. One nice thing was that, whatever I was, I still had the silence of an Elf and was able to glide along like my feet didn't touch the ground.

My mind wandered back to the last dream I'd had. What did it mean? Who could it possibly be? He said I'd found him once before. There were many I'd seen before. That did not help much at this point. And what was within me could help him? That much made sense. I was the vessel for the Secret Fire. That could help him. But accept the gift? What gift? And why did he sound like he was running out of time? Was there an hourglass that I was unaware of? What set it off?

I paused in a dark, deserted corner of the hall, listening. I could hear a small clatter from the almost indistinguishable sound of a beetle's legs clacking against the wall. This form had keen eyesight and hearing, all of my senses extremely heightened. More than ever, I wondered what I was. What had this darkness turned me into?

There was a faint rustle above my head. My skin picked up the feeling of a faint waft of air, so tiny that no human and probably few elves would have felt. The smell of weakness and hunger drifted to my nose. I raised my hand to the wall, and my fingers scrabbled for an edge. I found it, and my skin broke open against the harsh flick. I raised my hand.

There was a flutter and whisper of wings, before something landed before me. I held out my hand. The bat morphed until Thurwething appeared once more. I continued to hold out my hand. The light within me would not allow me to bleed out. It would continue to produce blood in my marrows. She stepped forwards, and took my hand, her fangs breaking my skin farther.

"One of us should not go hungry." I said quietly, and she drank. Esgalnoron stirred slightly. Faelon rocked himself lazily.

~Doesn't it hurt?~

~Slightly. But she needs it, and it won't hurt me to loose my blood. She is weak without it, and has no means to hunt for herself. I will not hunt for her. There is nothing here that is as good as mine, most likely.~ I answered Esgalnoron, and he subsided with a nod.

She finally let go of my hand, leaving it dripping as the wounds closed. I could hear the quiet 'plink' of the drops hitting the ground, and the sound of her even breaths, and the smell of rust and satisfaction.

"Thank you." She said simply.

I merely nodded. "Have you met the others?" I asked.

"Not all." Was her answer.

"I see." I glided just past her, and then turned my head so that my mouth was close to her ear. "The time is coming soon. We shall meet when the dragon roars twice. Learn to hunt." And I went on. She answered not, but I heard her fly into the tall, deep shadows, and felt her red eyes watch me until I was out of sight.

This place gives me the creeps. I even terrify myself sometimes. I wonder, what would the elves think of me if they saw me like this? What is Maeglin thinking, even now? Does he hate me? Does he think I betrayed him?

So many questions, and such little time, and so few people to answer them.

~Where are we going?~ Esgalnoron queried.

~To master, first, then Ada, and then...~ I didn't want to finish. I couldn't think of his name. But Esgalnoron understood. He sent me a wave of understanding and comfort. I sent him gratitude.

~Surely Eru knew I wouldn't have made it without you, Esgalnoron.~ I murmured, and he stirred slightly in pleasure.

The two Balrogs at the door let me through without complaint or reluctance. I nodded to them once and then moved through, kneeling with a brief scowl at the foot of the throne.

"Caladiel. What brings you here, pet?" Morgoth's cool voice asked. The ice ground against each other lazily, neither in a good mood nor in a sour temper.

"I come to ask of my duties, master." I answered softly, focusing on his knees. The light of the Silmarils blazed brighter as they always did in my presence. As though they sensed their origins.

"I have only one duty for you, pet, and you know what it is." Was his lazy answer, as he flicked a cockroach into a bowl of lava and watched it squirm and dissolve.

"Yes, master, of course. I merely wanted to ask so that I could be sure of your wishes. May I ask you for something, my master?" I asked hesitantly, and I saw that it caught his attention.

"Ask, Caladiel." He said in an intrigued tone.

"The Balrog at the gates, Norgaladir I believe. He has great loyalty and potential, and his fire blazes bright. I do not think that such a one should be guarding gates. I request to have him under my small command, if it pleases you to grant my request." I answered smoothly, and felt Esgalnoron stiffen slightly. Faelon flickered.

"Hmm. As you wish." Morgoth flicked his fingers uncaringly. "I care not. Anything else?" He asked, a condescending smile in his tone.

I paused. "Only one more, if I may be so bold as to intrude upon your time." I answered.

Morgoth reached down and stroked my cheek, lifting my face to him with a cruel smile. Evil he may be, but that doesn't mean stupid. He knew how much he had shaken me with his... Gift. It made me want to gag.

"Ask." He answered, leaning back.

"I want Thurwething. She has potential to join me in the ranks of serving you by assassination." I said bluntly. "Few I have seen do. They are clumsy and dull-witted."

"True." Morgoth answered, tapping fingers against his armrest. They made a metallic clink. "Have her, then. And I expect nothing but the best from her training." He added, his cold eyes boring into me.

I stood, and bowed. "You are generous, master, and I thank you." I said, rising, and glancing down to his chest out of habit. He merely smiled and waved dismissively, and I turned and headed quietly down the center of the aisle, melting into the shadows of the door.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

The forge was warm. I sat on the edge of an unused anvil, my legs dangling off of the edge and kicking slightly as my shrunken form didn't reach the ground.

I watched Sauron work, his chest bare and calloused fingers clutching the hammer that no man could lift. He almost vaguely reminded me of Thor clutching his Mojhl. I watched as he turned the heavy iron chain in his hand, the fire glowing on his face. His hair was tied behind his head, and his arms were brawny and hardened from the work.

The hammer lifted, and sparks flew from the heated iron, but I watched his muscles, fascinated as they rippled and rolled like waves, going down to his back. His skin gleamed with sweat, a shimmering sheen that looked like iridescent, sparkling silk. I liked watching my Ada at work. Esgalnoron and Faelon tumbled playfully about the anvil, bumping against my hand and cloak. It almost felt like a family. Almost. Perhaps one day it would be.

As I watched the iron chain being forged, link by link, I mused that it was an almost lumbering sort of grace that being a blacksmith required, like a bear. Smooth and coordinated, yet powerful and demanding.

Ada's face was unreadable. His eyes skittered everywhere, seeing the minuscule details of his trade that he has perfected the skills of. I could see how he timed each stroke, how he shifted the hammer at each lift. It was mesmerizing.

And then of course, it had to be ruined. Esgalnoron tumbled into me, and with a muffled shriek of childish surprise, I fell off of the anvil and clattered to the ground, just as Esgalnoron and Faelon landed on top of me.

"Esgalnoron!" I cried, and tackled him, rolling about as we tussled until I crashed into Ada's legs. He stopped his work and picked me up, raising his eyebrow as he promptly set the three of us down on the ground, me standing.

"Go play elsewhere, child." He said, and turned back to his work. I leaned up and kissed his cheek.

"Sorry Ada. Bye!" I called, and ran out the door, giggling as Esgalnoron flew after me, an obviously-protesting Faelon in his mouth. My short time of reprieve was over.

I grew in size and pulled my hood up, walking along the hallways. Perhaps I could visit Kalarion. But first, I should probably go tell Thurwething and Norgaladir. I turned a corner and stopped as Gothmog lumbered down the hall.

"Thuringwethil." He hissed in his typical Balrog voice.

"Goth." I answered, a vague touch of amusement in my tone.

"It's been quite quiet without you." He sneered, looming over me.

"Thank you. Business for the master takes a while." I answered mildly. "Did your raid go well?" I couldn't help but taunt.

He moved past with a fiery snort. "Don't play daft." He retorted. "You're the one who failed."

"Not quite, Goth, not quite." I answered, moving down the hall as well in the opposite direction. "After all, I still had my main goal accomplished." He didn't deign to answer. I smiled amusedly, although it felt more like a cruel twist of the mouth. I never smiled in this form. It was a always a smirk.

At the gate, I saw Norgaladir, and moved quietly up to him. I slid up beside him, and he started as I apparently materialized out of nothing. I flicked my hand, and another Balrog took his place.

"Come with me." I didn't wait for answer, but began to move towards the gate. I heard him follow heavily after. We finally arrived at another chamber, and I pointed at the table that was in it.

"My past Balrog was incompetent. You are appointed in his place." I said, and turned to leave. "The lieutenant is strong." I said at the door.

"But the master is stronger." Was the answer I received, along with a flick of his whip. I nodded in return and moved out the door, back to find Thurwething. I finally heard her scrabbling in a corner, and looked up.

"Thurwething." I called, and she fluttered down in circles. "Come with me." And once more, I turned and led her to another chamber. I heard her follow. When we were finally within, I turned to look at her from under my hood.

"I am going to teach you how to hunt." I said, and she morphed, her red eyes looking at me. "You have been given to me to be trained." I finally stated.

"As what?" She asked.

"As one of me." I answered. "As an assassin. As your mother was." I added. She tilted her head.

"I do not know her. Speak not of her to me." She replied.

"As you wish. Do you need more?" I queried, turning to the door.

"No. Not until tomorrow." She answered.

"I will meet you here tomorrow, then. And I will teach you how to hunt." I said, and moved out the door. "The lieutenant is strong."

"But the master is stronger." Was her answer as I disappeared into the long shadows of the hall.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I stood in the doorway of the hall of dragons, and was relieved to see that a particular black-scaled, ruby-eyed dragon was not there. Instead, my eyes roamed the hall and looked for white, pale green, gold, and dark chocolate scales. I found the white first.

With a sigh, I began the rather dangerous trek into the halls. My eyes darted everywhere, dodging feet, claws, tails, and everything else that could be hurled my way. Kalarion had been right, when he told me that it was dangerous to wander among them. But now I was dangerous too. Good company.

I finally made it to the mound of white scales and leaped up, grabbing a handhold and scaling up the sheer, smooth sides. I made it to the head. "The lieutenant is strong." I murmured towards his ear, and Kalarion paused, before making his way towards the outside. I saw his tail hit four other dragons. They also began to make their way out, until we were in a secluded area.

"The lieutenant is strong." Kalarion stated.

"But the master is stronger." The four dragons and I said, and they turned to me as I was set down by Kalarion.

"It is good to be back, I suppose." I drawled, and Kalarion snorted.

"You wish." He retorted.

I pulled back my hood. "Too correct." I answered sourly, and then sat down. "The time is coming soon." I said weakly, feeling exhaustion take hold. It was hot outside, the sun baking the ground. My eyes closed.

"When?" Golden Amlugial asked.

"I do not know the exact time. But it is nearing swiftly." I answered wearily, and Esgalnoron landed on my shoulder. Then I hauled myself to my feet. "I must go." I said, and began to move away.

"Wait. Is it true that you are promised to Ancalagon?" Jura asked, his pale green scales shimmering as he shifted. The other dragons looked expectant as I turned towards them. My eyes were slightly puffy and red from tiredness.

"No. I am already wed." Was my embittered answer, drawing my cloak closer to myself.

"Surely it is not so bad." Glaurthag said incredulously. I looked at him, and he shifted slightly under the violet gaze.

"Me, an Elf. Married to a dragon. Expected to have a child with him. By Morgoth. A forced wedding, without love. That's not so bad." I said, raising an eyebrow. "I have no anger or hatred towards him, but master is another thing entirely." I answered, and turned to the fifth dragon, who listened quietly.

He was, surprisingly, a deep blue colored one, with emerald green eyes. "Welcome." I said simply.

His eyes looked into mine fearlessly. "Well met." He answered. "I am Elboron." He said. I gave him a keen look, liking what I saw. His soul was outwardly tainted, like all the others, but inwardly still shone with the bright light of one who was Faithful. And his shone fiercely bright indeed. A small, tired smile played on the corners of my lips.

"It is good to meet you, Elboron." I said with a bow, and then turned to face the expanse of land. "I will meet you perhaps later." I said, and quietly slid into the shadows cast by withered trees and boulders. I moved away from the dragons, who murmured quietly behind me as I left, and I moved towards one of the lesser-used entrances back into Angband.

As soon as I stepped foot into the doorway, however: shadowed, dark, and cool, I crumpled. A small, gasping cry left my lips as the pinch returned. My hand went to my stomach once more, and the overwhelming loss consumed me with unreasonable grief. It suddenly ebbed, slightly enough so that I could at least think coherently, just as someone emerged from the shadows.

I looked up, and saw the one being I was afraid to meet. The one who had changed my life irrevocably. And the last being I wanted to see at the moment.

"Well met, Caladiel."


	18. Chapter 18

**It's a bit shorter, but... Whatever. It might be a little while before I update again, by the way. I'll be traveling AGAIN. *exasperated sigh* **

**Thank you for all of the reviews, I enjoyed your reactions. *grin* (hush up Horseyyay, Peregrin Took the Falcon) here's the next chapter, so...**

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Chapter 18

Ruby red eyes, with black pupils that, if I looked closely enough, looked reptilian. Jet black hair, glossy and tumbling down his shoulders freely. Pale, moonlight skin, and a small pair of fangs. Ancalagon was dressed in black, unsurprisingly. And despite myself, I had to admit that he was handsome.

I knelt there on the threshold, looking up at him, one had scrabbling at the doorpost while the other cradled my stomach. His eyes followed my hand down to my stomach, and I shifted slightly. They flickered back up to my face.

Then he walked closer, and bent, leaning down and drawing me into his arms bridal style. The thought made a lump rise in my throat. I didn't want to be a bride. Esgalnoron snarled.

"Esgalnoron, please." I whispered, too tired to fight. He hushed, although he still muttered angrily to himself. Ancalagon looked down at me, face expressionless, as I looked back up at him.

"I can't say I expected to ever be wed, much less to you. Although, I'm not going to complain. It could have been worse." He said, and amusement barely touched his tone at the end as he walked down the hallway.

"You look tired." He noted, and I startled slightly, looking up at his face. I hadn't realized how tall he was. My hand clutched his shirt for balance as he strode through the shadows.

"I- I suppose I am." I answered quietly, my head resting against his shoulder in weariness.

"And you're not talking much." He said dryly.

I sighed. "What do you expect me to say? Call you brother? Say that I love you? Talk about the nonexistent weather? Eru forbid, _kiss_ you?" I asked, slightly irritated.

He sighed and stopped in the deserted hallway, and looked down at me, shifting me in his arms so that he was grasping me with mainly only one arm. "Well at least you're not slapping me, so I'll take that as a good enough sign." He replied wryly, and I raised an eyebrow.

"What is that supposed to accomplish?" I retorted. "Besides bruising you, I think not much." I said.

"True. But you know females tend to do that when they're irritated with males." He answered clinically. I gave him a wary look, to which he sighed. "Listen, Caladiel. We both knew that something was going to happen one day that neither of us could stop or change. And Eru knows I never expected _this_, of all things." He swept his free hand towards me and him.

"But to be honest, as a dragon, I must say that I don't find it particularly unpleasant. To me, it could have been worse. At least we're not dead. Caladiel, I am a male. You cannot expect me, after all this time of seeing nothing but other males, to look at you, knowing that you are my wife, and find it easy to just walk away." He said tersely, and I felt fear well up in me. Oh Eru please no, I'm not ready. Anything but this.

"I cannot, however, just... Do what I like, as one of the Faithful, but remember that I am a creation of Morgoth. And I am not immune to you or your beauty. I will try to hold myself in check, as far and for as long as I possibly can. I am a dragon. We mate. I am bonded to you. Do you understand?" He asked, staring at me without anger, though his eyes glowed more brightly.

I stared at him, cheeks ashen. "I-I understand that, and I thank you." I finally whispered, mind whirling. What had he just-? "But... What- what did you just say about me?" I asked tremulously, feeling hysterical laughter bubble up in my throat. Never in my life had I imagined having such a conversation. With a dragon, to boot. I nearly groaned.

Ancalagon stared. And then his head snapped up, and he marched down the hall once more, lips pressed together tightly. But I saw the color tint his cheeks. I reached up and pulled his face back down, forgetting his words for a moment.

"What did you say?" I pressed, not believing my ears. If he had said- it explained so many things-

"I said that I was not immune to you." He finally answered tensely.

"After that." I whispered. The hallway was dark, but I could see his face.

"Forget it." He said, but I refused to let it go.

"I want to know what you said, Ancalagon." I said pleadingly. Something in me had a nagging suspicion. And I didn't know what it meant. But I wanted to know.

His breathing was harsh. "Why do you care?" He rasped.

"Because I-" I fumbled for words. "Because no one has ever... Because I- I don't know. I just do." I finally managed, feeling extremely embarrassed and awkward. His eyes looked into mine. They were so pretty, I realized dazedly. I only half registered that his face was getting closer.

And then the rubies slid shut, and there was something warm pressed against my lips. I couldn't breathe. My own eyes squeezed shut, and Ancalagon pressed slightly harder, his hand coming up to cup my cheek in his palm, his nails scraping slightly against my temples.

And then he let go. My eyes shot open, disoriented, as I gasped. "I said that you were beautiful." He murmured against my mouth, and I suddenly realized that Esgalnoron was as still as a statue on my shoulder. Faelon was vibrating in my pocket. My head thumped against his shoulder.

"I knew you were good for nothing." I said against his silk shirt.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Ancalagon asked, sounding a little bewildered.

"I should have guessed that my first kiss would have to be stolen." I muttered rebelliously, and I felt him chuckle. I brought my fist down on his chest. "Don't laugh! It's not funny, Ancalagon. You. took. My first. kiss." I said, punctuating it with furious pokes to his shoulder.

He slowly managed to calm himself and bent down to my ear. "I don't regret it. And if it makes a difference, it was my first as well." He murmured huskily, and strode down the hallway, entirely too self-satisfied for leaving me struggling to calm my furiously beating heart, the periodic throbbing in my stomach, and the liquid fire that was rapidly pooling in my lower abdomen.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

Ancalagon had set me down in front of my room, and I had slammed the door shut in his face, fleeing to the safety of my bed. My own bed. I didn't want to share a bed with that- that insufferable prick of a dragon.

I threw myself face down in it, and pulled a statue Esgalnoron off of my shoulder and used him as a pillow, burying my face into his warm body. "Esgalnoron..." I moaned, my lips still tingling. I couldn't get the feeling off of them.

~What?~ He asked sourly.

"I- I don't know what to do." I choked, starting to feel warm, wet tears stream down my face.

~You can't- you can't- allow him, Caladiel.~ He said bitterly, and Faelon rolled out from my pocket so that I wouldn't smash him as I rolled over.

"What choice do I have!?" I cried. "Esgalnoron, I'm married to him!" I gave him a shake to emphasize my point. "Don't you see? I can never marry anyone else, not now, not EVER! I'm bound to him for all eternity!" I all but shrieked, and then plonked my head down in despair.

"And do you know what's really bad?" I asked my little dragon. He and Faelon stared. "He LIKES me. The only thing worse then a male who hates you is a male who likes you. And I mean LIKE likes you." I said sourly. "That's why he's so infuriating."

~But-~

"And do you know what's the worst thing about it all?" I demanded, turning over to look at them. They blinked.

"I think it's working." I sighed, and flopped my head between my arms. "I think I'm beginning to like him more. I don't know. I don't like it. I want him to like me, and I don't. I'm so confused, guys!" I wailed, turning to them for help.

They stared. And then Esgalnoron wilted. ~Relief.~ He sighed.

"Whaaaat?" I stared at him.

~And here I was sure you hated him. But if you like him, that fixes things up nicely.~ He said in a pleased tone of voice, brushing his wings together in a comical imitation of dusting one's hands off.

"Traitor." I glared at him. He merely nuzzled me in reply, curling up for a nap. I glared down at his head.

"You know what? I'm beginning to hate you now." I said pettishly.

~Don't be ridiculous. You know you love me.~ Was the lazy, sleepy reply.

"Don't remind me." I retorted smartly.

~I would say that things are going rather well, on the whole.~ He said with a wide, dragon-y yawn.

"Hush UP, Esgalnoron." I snarled. He hushed, though he still purred smugly. Faelon lost interest in our spat and decided to take a break at the corner of the bed as an unnecessary nightlight.

"I don't like him." I said firmly.

~Don't push it. You know you're trying to convince yourself.~ Esgalnoron informed me (un)helpfully. I ground my teeth.

"Not another word out of you." I growled.

~As you say, dragon-lover.~

I kicked him off the bed.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

Sauron came back that evening to find me on the bed, curled up and generally miserable. He sat on the edge, and I promptly crawled into his lap and curled into him comfortably, purring. He gave me an unimpressed look, but obliged by stroking my hair.

"Did you see him?" He asked tonelessly.

I stiffened. "Yes." I answered woodenly.

"And?" He raised an eyebrow at me. I scowled.

"And I don't like him." I said pettishly, burying my face into his chest. He sighed and pulled my head back up to him.

"What. Happened." He demanded.

It was my turn to sigh irritably. "He picked me up and brought me back here, and we had a conversation about the situation along the way." I said promptly.

"And what did he say?" He prodded suspiciously. I gave him a glare, which he ignored. "Answer your Ada." He said sternly.

I gave in. "Fine. He said that he didn't find the situation repulsive at all, and that since he was faithful he would try to hold himself back from touching me for as long as was dragonly possible." I said bluntly.

"Anything else?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Conversation-wise? No." I dodged, falling back into my sulk.

"I didn't mean just conversation." His tone was warning.

"Fine! Yes, he- he- whatever." I moped, pouting. "I didn't want to have my first taken by a dragon. By anyone, for that matter." I grumbled.

Sauron sighed. "I will kill that dragon." He grumbled.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, and nuzzled into his neck. "Don't, Ada. We need him. Besides, I think I'm going to go away for a while. We need to pass time until it is finally time." I murmured, and he wrapped an arm around me possessively.

"And then we shall leave here, together, my treasure." He said with a pleased smirk, dragging his nails and nail clamps against my cheek. Far too many people had done that today. Except for Ada. He's the exception.

"Can we go live with the Valar, Ada?" I asked dreamily.

"No. Do you really think they will accept me?" He asked dryly.

I looked up at him in surprise. "Why ever not, Ada? You're Faithful. You'll fight for them, won't you? And you won't kill any Elves, right?" I said, and he sighed.

"I did far worse before, daughter." He said wearily, Mairon coming to the forefront. "I do not believe that they will accept me, especially since master deceived them once." He said.

I smiled. "And was I there at that time? No. Where am I now? With you. Will I ever leave you? Absolutely not, for as long as you want me, Ada." I said comfortingly, patting his hand. He looked down at me expressionlessly, though I saw that his eyes held a little more hope.

"I can never be the Mairon I was before, Caladiel. I am neither him nor Sauron, now." He said.

"Then don't be either, Ada. Just be you. Be both. Be who you want to be." I replied softly, and leaned against him. "You'll always be my Ada, whoever you are." I murmured, and he placed a hand on my head. The nail clamps gently poked my scalp.

"Then you must be mine, precious princess." He answered possessively.

I yawned. "I'm afraid you'll have to share." I said sleepily. "There's Esgalnoron, and Faelon, and Ancalagon, and Eru, and Finrod..." I mumbled.

"Finrod?" He queried warily.

"You know. When he was in Tol-in-Gaurth I saved him, and again when they came here to Angband to steal the Silmaril I helped them. He knows about the Faithful. When I led Gondolin away, Turgon made me take them to Nargothrond. Finrod didn't want to let me go." I replied drowsily.

"And why wouldn't he?" Sauron asked suspiciously.

"'Cause he thinks he owes me a debt for helping them. He wants me to become his ward." I answered the interrogation. "He calls me child too, Ada. I like him 'lot."

"And why do you like him?" He pressed.

"Cause he's nice, Ada. He's kind. I wish he were my king. If I were an orphan, I wish he would adopt me." I said sadly, eyes closed in tiredness.

I felt him relax slightly. "Well, you're not. Don't forget it." He answered.

"I won' Ada. I know I'm yours." I slurred, and promptly fell asleep to Sauron's hand raking through my hair.


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey all you faithful readers, reviewers, and followers! I was away and traveling, but I'm finally back with a new chapter. I'm hoping that maybe some people will enjoy this *looks pointedly at horseyyay and Peregrin Took the Falcon* so please, go ahead! **

**As usual, thank you so much to all that have stuck with me and are following and favoriting. Thank you also to those who have reviewed, and forgive me if I haven't replied to you. Know that I greatly appreciate your reviews and comments. It keeps me going and let's me know what you like and what you don't, and what you want to see more or less of. **

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Chapter 19

When I woke up, it was to see Esgalnoron in front of my face, his eyes wide open with what seemed to be anxiety and fear. I bolted up, unused to seeing my companion in such a state.

"Esgalnoron?" I demanded, picking him up in my hands and swinging myself off of the bed. Faelon let out a squeak and rolled out from my pocket onto my shoulder, just as Sauron strode into the room, slamming the door shut.

He stared at me for a moment, and then he gave me an odd look before brushing past. "The master wants you to go to him at exactly noon." He said uncaringly on the way to his own adjoined study.

"Yes Ada." I answered mechanically, then turned to Esgalnoron. "What is it?" I hissed, and his wings fluttered in his obvious distress.

~It's Thurwething. Something's wrong. I went out for a moment, and I saw her lying in the hallway. She wasn't moving, Caladiel!~ He gasped, and I pocketed him before rushing out the door. He scrabbled his way out of my voluminous robe and precariously perched on my head just as I made it to the prone figure of the female.

"Thurwething!" I snarled. "This is no time for weakness!" I hissed, turning her over. The eyes that stared up at me were glassy and pained, and an uncharacteristic whimper escaped her frighteningly bloodless lips. She looked utterly sick or... Injured. I dragged her into my room and shut the door, feeling safer.

There was a knock, and I growled in frustration before turning to Esgalnoron. "Get her on the bed." I snapped, and he used his wolf form to carefully put her up. I opened the door to see Norgaladir, who I ushered in.

"What is it?" I asked the Balrog distractedly, turning to Thurwething and checking her over for injuries.

"There have been changessss." He answered, his slight lisp making him hiss through his teeth.

"What changes? For the master's sake, can't I get any peace for just one day?" I said in aggravation, not finding any injuries on my protégé.

"Morgoth isss angry. He demanded report and gave messsage to ssspeed her training." Norgaladir went on, jerking a finger towards the prostrate Thurwething. I groaned, knowing what that meant.

"Well that explains her collapse." I said bitterly. "She's changing by his will." I elaborated darkly, looking at the vampire. She was unconscious, and my lips pressed together, pondering the meaning of the order. It could only mean that Morgoth had a plan for her.

"Anything else?" I asked, knowing that I couldn't do anything else for her.

"No." Was the only answer before he shambled back out the door. I groaned inwardly and left Thurwething on the bed, moving into the hallway and out into the light of the outside air.

"Why me? Why does it have to be me? Can't I ever live a peachy life, just once?" I asked the air with a sigh as I judged by the sun that it was about ten 'o clock.

"I'm afraid that's not possible here, darling." Someone drawled from behind me, and I whirled around to see Ancalagon smirking from the darkened doorway. I stumbled back, trying to get a grip as my lower stomach screamed for- what I don't know.

"Ancalagon..." I stammered, sudden fear saturating my heart. His smile vanished, and he dragged me into the shade of the stone hallway. His face was in front of mine as he held my arms.

"We need to talk, Caladiel." He whispered. My heart thumped so fast from the sudden scare that I was sure he could hear it.

"About what?" I gasped in reply.

"I need to tell you something. I need your help, since I'm not familiar with this sort-"

"Ancala, I hate to interrupt, but I need to go. I want to help, and I will, but I can't be late to meet master." I interrupted hurriedly. "You know what he would do to me if I were tardy. And one of ours is in trouble that I need to bail her out of." I added, and he loosened his grip.

"Fine. But when you're finished, come and see me." He said in a low tone, and I nodded mutely, too afraid to answer. He didn't let go of me for a moment, and I felt his eyes staring at me. I saw them in the darkness, the rubies shining in the dim lighting. Something crept into them that I couldn't define, something that slowly gained strength.

"Ancalagon. Please." I managed to beg, time pressing on my consciousness like a dead weight, hammering at me demandingly like Sauron in his forge.

He seemed to snap out of it, and let me go abruptly, moving with jerkiness. My hyper-sensitive ears picked up the sound of his harsh breathing, and I could smell in the air a faint scent that was slightly sweet and yet oddly musky. I didn't take time to think about it, but rather sped down the hallway, making it to my room.

Thurwething was on the bed, awake and looking weak and pale. The stench of pure _hunger _met my nose, and I sat on the edge of the bed hurriedly. The pain from her features were gone, and I could see that she would be alright as soon as she ate. Not having the time to hunt, I held out my hand.

"Is the pain gone?" I asked, and she took my hand. I let out a startled and slightly pained yelp as my wrist cracked, and she let go with a startled look. My wrist healed, and I looked at her grimly. "Well. It looks as though you need more training, don't you?" I noted dryly, and she blinked.

"What?" She asked, and I sighed.

"He's changed you like he did your mother. You are stronger than before, Thurwething." I explained, and she took my proffered hand more gingerly as she eagerly drank. Esgalnoron and Faelon peeked out of my pocket, and I blinked, having forgotten about them in my hurry.

~Need to go, Caladiel!~ Esgalnoron said worriedly, and I nodded.

~Fast as I can, Esgalnoron.~ I answered. Thurwething finally let go, sated and looking much better.

"If you can, practice. If you can't, stay here." And without another word, I rushed out the door to see Morgoth. I couldn't help but wonder, though, what he wanted of me this time. The War of Wrath couldn't come soon enough.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

"Master. You called for me." I bowed before the black throne, eyes shut and jaw tense. Morgoth was angry, that much was obvious. The whole room was the Helcaraxë, and my breath steamed. He didn't even bother to say anything but merely reached out and pulled me down onto his feet, where I tried not to scream from the pain that his icy, metal boots caused me even through the robes.

"I want Thurwething trained now." He said coldly without preamble. "If she cannot be trained then take her out and kill her. Abandon her. Do what you want with her. But I want. Her. Trained. Now." He hissed, and his hand yanked my head back to look at him. "Do you understand?"

"Yes, master." I rasped, my hands instinctively going to my throat as he let go.

"While you are out there training her, go and give me a report on what Turgon and his brats are doing." He added as an afterthought, and I bowed.

"Of course, master. When do I need to have her trained?" I queried, and my eyes wandered slightly up to his chest, out of habit. I nearly choked.

"I give you one month. Not a day after." Morgoth replied, and I dipped my head in acknowledgment, not trusting my voice. Then I turned on my heel and strode out hurriedly.

Morgoth! No, Melkor. Melkor was the one who had called me in my dream! I know it, because I saw it. His essence was a veritable war. It was no wonder Morgoth was angry- it was because Melkor was putting up a fight to keep himself alive while Morgoth tried to suppress him. It all made sense now.

Melkor had been waiting for the right time. And now that he knew me, he had gathered his strength and was giving all his effort into one last battle, expending all of his energy to try to give me time to help him. And now that was making me panic. How was I supposed to help!?

There was no time. The hourglass that had been in my mind ever since the dream was steadily diminishing, and I could _feel_ the grains of time running short. At this rate, I'd barely have half a decade to try to figure out how to get him free. And while that seemed a long time to humans, for an immortal like the Valar it was virtually nothing.

"It's always time!" I whisper-shouted in frustration. "I never have enough of it!"

Esgalnoron, who had been privy to my rapid chain of thought, squirmed out of my pocket. ~Any clue how to figure out what to do?~ he queried.

My mind spun. How many years did I have before the War of Wrath? I should really start calling it WOW now. I opened the door to my rooms and slammed them shut to see that Thurwething was busily practicing her drills with her newfound strength.

"A month, Thurwething, that's all I have to get you in working condition. A month!" I yelled, turning and slamming my fist into the wall. A few chips scattered about my feet, but otherwise there was no damage except to my hand. I sighed wearily and sat down.

My mind went on hyperdrive as Thurwething sat next to me. Then I abruptly sat up, a thought hitting me. ~Wait, if I have to go see what Turgon is doing, I could easily figure out if Eärendil is born yet. And if he is, I'll know that it's a good thirty years before WOW begins to come into play. That means I'll have about twenty more years if I haven't figured out something by then.~ I mused to my little dragon, who nudged me in agreement.

~What about Ancalagon?~ He queried.

"What do you mean what about him? I need to get away for a while, and this is the perfect chance." I retorted out loud, and stood up.

~But he said he needed you to help him with something.~ Esgalnoron reminded me.

"I know. But if it's not urgent, I'll ask him to wait." I answered, and strode towards the door. Then I turned to Thurwething. "Get ready. We are leaving to begin your training within two hours." I said, and she nodded as I left.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, my heart aching.

_Please, Maeglin, forgive me. But I'm coming back, just like I promised..._

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I finally managed to find Ancalagon in the middle of a conversation with Kalarion, and I waited for a moment for him to finish before slipping into a small corridor. I turned to face him and he looked at me with his ruby eyes in the darkness. This scene was getting rather repetitive.

"I'm sorry, Ancala, but I have to leave. There's some more tampering that needs to be done. Is it urgent, or can you wait?" I asked quietly, pulling down my hood. He stared at me for a moment, and I could see something akin to disappointment in his eyes.

"It can wait." Was his only answer after a moment. For some reason, I suddenly felt guilty. I stepped forwards and wrapped my arms around his torso, laying my head against his chest, which is as tall as I was compared to his bulk. He stiffened.

"I'm sorry. I promise I'll listen and try my best to help as soon as I get back." I said quietly, and he wrapped his arms slowly around my waist and shoulders. He relaxed marginally, and it was my turn to feel uncomfortable as he buried his face into my hair and took a deep breath.

"Then come back soon." He hesitated, then moved his mouth down to my ear. "Be safe. I don't want you to be hurt... Just don't do anything stupid." He finished in a gruff whisper, and despite myself I was touched by his attempt to be concerned.

So I nodded slightly. "I'll try my best, Ancalagon." I replied, but he didn't let go yet.

His breath puffed against my ear, sending a chill down my spine. His warmth spread through me, soaking into me soothingly. And I suddenly realized that I felt safe there, clasped to him. He was like Mairon, someone who would protect me and who didn't want to see me injured or dead. For an instant, I hated the thought of leaving.

"Come back to me, Caladiel." He whispered, and a sudden thought flashed through my mind in frightening clarity. Was I falling in love with Ancalagon? Would he ever feel that way about me? No, surely I can't be, not with a dragon-

I suddenly realized that a pair of warm lips had met my own, and I gasped into his mouth. Frightened by the sudden security I felt in the action, the foreign feelings that were running through me, and the sheer feeling of the whole thing being so _right_, I ripped myself away and fled down the hall, ignoring his call.

Esgalnoron was waiting for me along with Thurwething at the entrance, and I swung myself onto the metallic blue and red dragon as he leaped into the air and took off. I took in deep, gasping breaths, trying to get used to both the sudden elevation and the tears of confusion and heartbreaking loss streaking down my cheeks. Faelon rolled onto my shoulder, and Thurwething turned to me.

"Are you alright?" She asked in her smooth, high-pitched tone. I closed my eyes and hung my head, covering my face with my hands and shaking.

"I don't know, Thurwething, I just don't know." I answered shakily, and a moment later, I felt her hand on my shoulders as she shifted to sit behind me. To my surprise, she made me lean back so that I was leaning against her shoulder.

"Rest. Esgalnoron knows where we are going." She said, and I gave her a grateful, wearied look.

"Why the sudden softness?" I asked with a half-smile, and she looked down at me with an indiscernible look.

"Because you not only fed me, and therefore have my allegiance, but you have taken care of me, made sure that I did not starve and now are attempting to save me from death or abandonment. And you are our leader. If you fail, the Faithful die with you." She answered shortly and without sentiment, looking ahead once more.

I closed my eyes and nodded slightly. "Thank you." I said simply, and tried to catch a nap as we sped across the skies and over land to the city of Gondolin, where I knew that Thurwething could be able to polish her training as spy and assassin.

I managed to catch a doze here and there, but every time I would fall into a deeper sleep, I would be shaken awake by Esgalnoron turning or jolting through slight turbulence. I knew it wasn't his fault, but I wished that I were in Nargothrond in a comfortable bed. Never mind thinking of my old world and its comforts. Never had I been more grateful for the luxuries that I had once taken for granted.

We finally arrived in the abandoned Gondolin, where Esgalnoron, Faelon and I would take a quick break before leaving on other business. Thurwething knew what to practice and what I was going to do, so she would practice until I came back and tested her. She immediately disappeared into the shadows of the stone arches, melting into them until even my trained eyes wasn't able to see her any longer. She was getting better.

After Esgalnoron had stretched his wings and taken a quick nap while I used Faelon to contact Sauron, we left once more. Thurwething waved from the abandoned tower of the King, and I waved back before bending over Esgalnoron's neck. His head spikes provided shelter from the stinging wind that tried to claw my face to red shreds, and his ears flicked back against his head.

I looked down at the land that steadily passed by, Esgalnoron's steady wingbeats eating up the miles and drawing us closer to Nargothrond. Faelon rolled about on my cloak, popping in and out of my pockets, warming my hands, and getting a dragon's-eye view from Esgalnoron's snout. I smiled slightly at his antics, and he rolled back to my hand that I held out for him.

"You miss Maeglin?" I murmured, and he bobbed in agreement. He had become rather fond of the elf that he had amused in his younger days. "I do too, Faelon. I do too."

_Maeglin... Forgive me... I'm coming, and I promise, no more secrets..._

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I had slipped through the entrance of the caved city easily, still in my darker form, by crawling in over the elves' heads and clambering quietly across the ceiling. Esgalnoron and Faelon were in one of my pockets, and I silently made my way towards where I guessed Finrod would be.

I dropped down to the deserted floor and swiftly let out my light until I was once more pure and clean. It was so relieving, although I had gotten used to being in my darker form, though not entirely. Esgalnoron and Faelon perched on my shoulders, there being no pockets large enough in my pale robe. Squeezing my eyes shut, I took a deep breath and let it back out, resuming my search.

I wandered the hallways and rooms until I finally saw a pair of guards in front of a door. Esgalnoron and I exchanged looks, and he hid himself and Faelon under my hair as I shrank to the size of an elfling. Then I ran to the guards and tugged on their robes.

One of them looked down at me. "You should not be here, little one." He said, kneeling to look at me. I gave him a frightened look.

"But lowd Finwod thaid that I could go to him when I wath scawed!" I cried, tears welling in my eyes. Neither the statement nor the tears were entirely faked. The guard paused in seeming surprise, just as the door opened. Finrod looked down at me, and his eyes widened. He immediately scooped me up, to the guard's shock, as I burst into tears.

"Shh, it is alright, little one." He murmured softly in my ear, then nodded to the guard and retreated back into the room, closing the door. I immediately scrambled down to the floor and reverted to twenty year old size, Esgalnoron and Faelon dropping to the floor as I leaned against the wall, breathing heavily.

"Caladiel-" but before Finrod could say another word, someone had pulled me into their arms. I froze for a moment, startled, before realizing who it was by the strands of raven colored hair that draped over my shoulder. I sighed and hugged Maeglin back, pulling back reluctantly. I noticed that Turgon and Aradhel were the only others in the room, and bowed politely.

"Lord Turgon, lady Aradhel." Then I turned to Finrod, kneeling before him. "My lord Finrod." I murmured, and he lifted me, placing a kiss on my brow gently.

"I am not your lord." He reiterated, and I raised an eyebrow at him with a slight smile.

"I believe you are in my heart, whether or not anyone approves." I answered dryly, and then bent so that Esgalnoron could climb onto my shoulder.

"I deeply apologize, lords, my lady, for interrupting you, but I have grave news." I said, nodding to Finrod. "Morgoth has sent me to find out what King Turgon and his people are doing, and to bring him back report. I also believe that he is considering the assassination of my lord Finrod." I added emotionlessly, allowing Esgalnoron to perch on my fingers.

"You seem calm about it." Turgon raised an eyebrow at me. I laughed sourly.

"Of course I am, since it is most likely me that will be doing any assassination work, and I am not likely to murder the one I call King, no matter what master orders." I replied, and Aradhel looked stunned.

"W-what? You are... In league with Morgoth?" She asked faintly. I raised an eyebrow at Turgon this time, knowing that he and Maeglin had been told by Finrod of who I was, and he gave me a cool look in reply.

"In name only, my lady. I work in the darkness to serve the light." I said. "Even when I first came to you, my story was false. I was there to find Gondolin, and give its location away to Morgoth. However, as you can see, I have saved you rather then destroyed you, as was my plan from the very beginning." I went on, and she paled. Maeglin was behind me, Faelon perched on his shoulder and vibrating with joy.

"And now, if I have proved myself to you that I am friend and not enemy, I beg of you to move to the mouth of the Sirion. The further you move from Angband, the less Morgoth will expect you to rise against him." I said.

"And why should we move?" Turgon asked without rancor.

"Because, with all due respect my lord, you will be needed there." I answered bluntly, and Finrod gave me a keen look.

"For the Valar's sake, listen to her, uncle." Maeglin finally snapped after a minute of tense silence. "Didn't she save us from dying terrible deaths by Morgoth's hand already, save your sister and I from my murderous father, and proven herself to us countless times? She is the vessel for the secret fire of Eru, I should think she would not betray us!" He finished, and I quirked half of a smile.

Turgon looked properly abashed. "Of course." He sighed. "I was hoping..." He gave Aradhel a defeated look, to which she tried to comfort him.

"So did I, lord Turgon. But it is not to be. I would suggest, if I may, that you leave as soon as possible. Three months would be nice." I added, and he nodded wordlessly.

"And you, dear one?" Finrod asked gently, and I gave him a sad smile.

"I'm sorry, my king. But I am expected back in my master's presence within a month. I must leave..." I sighed wearily. "And I promised that I would come back..." At the thought of Ancalagon, I finally lost it.

Wracked with pain from the sudden clenching throb in my lower abdomen, confused as Angband about my feelings for him, a _dragon_, for Eru's sake, and altogether exhausted and burned out, I sank to my knees and moaned in pain. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I rocked back and forth, muffling a sob. Maeglin fell beside me and grabbed my shoulders, as did Finrod.

"Caladiel!" He said firmly, and I looked up at him through watery eyes, feeling need overcome me. I needed to feel Ancalagon holding me, to have him there with me, to have him protect me. I needed a part of him in me, _growing_, _living_\- the shape of my body was _wrong_.

"Master, _please_! I promise when I get back I'll try!" I cried, unable to help myself. I wanted my stomach to be round. There should be a heartbeat there- the pain slowly ebbed, though it was still raw and throbbed angrily.

I staggered to my feet and dug my fingers into the wall, catching my breath. A tentative hand landed on my shoulder, and I turned slightly to see Maeglin looking worried. I grasped his hand and shook my head, gaining a bit of strength.

"I'm sorry." I said abruptly, and let go, moving away towards the door. "I shouldn't be here-"

"You can't leave." Maeglin blurted, and I saw that his hands were shaking. "You promised you'd come back. You can't leave." He pleaded. "And now you're hurting because of him-"

"But I need him!" The words flew out of my mouth before I could help it, and I shook my head. "Not Morgoth. I just... There's someone else who needs me." I hastened to clarify, looking away.

"Another of the Faithful?" Finrod queried, and I could see a knowing look in his eyes as his left forefinger twitched, the silver band suddenly glinting.

"Yes." I answered angrily, and Esgalnoron suddenly spoke.

"What makes it permanent?" He suddenly asked me. I raised an eyebrow at him, and he elaborated. "Who's to say that it's valid?"

"It's valid because he's a Vala." I answered him tensely. "Why do you have to bring this up here and now?"

"Because surely there's a loophole somewhere!" He retorted, unruffled by my uncharacteristic snapping.

"Esgalnoron, there is no loophole out of a Vala-ordained bonding, ex-Vala or not!" I said hotly, and then stiffened as Finrod let out an exclamation.

"What!?" He cried in shock, and I gave him a tight-lipped smile.

"Not everyone can marry for love, my lord. I'm afraid I must envy you in that you're not being bred for more livestock." I answered bitterly, and then after a bow, went on in clipped tones. "I'm afraid I must leave. If any other developments occur, you can be sure that I will let you know. I will visit as soon as possible at the mouth of the Sirion." My hand paused over the doorknob, and there was a deathly silence behind me.

"Will you ever come to us and live in peace?" Aradhel asked, her voice heavy with horror and sorrow. My hand tightened.

"I do not know, my lady." My laugh was hollow. "I've been asking myself and Eru that for a while, now, and He has not yet deigned to answer. Worry for yourselves, and fret not for me. To go to the halls of Mandos would be welcome right now, but I'm afraid my work is not done yet." I said wearily.

"Can you not stay?" Maeglin's voice, usually so cold and calm, sounded weak.

I turned to him, just standing there for a moment. Then I spoke. "Tell me, my little prince, would you accept me if I did?"

"Of course I would!" He retorted hotly, his quick temper stroked, but I raised a hand.

"Do you know all of me? Are you sure you are willing to know everything about me? What you know of me is a mere front. It is a fabricated role, originated from a piece of me. A small piece of the whole." I could see that he was beginning to understand.

"Your uncle distrusts me, with good reason. Finrod knows better, I suppose, for which I am grateful. Morgoth in Angband does not expect one ounce of treason in me. I am darkened by experience there, Maeglin." My voice was beginning to grow smooth and suave and dark, and my light slowly dimmed until it went out, and all that was left was the darkened side of me.

"This is the assassin, the pet, the slave, the pawn of Morgoth. It will never leave me. Do you suppose that others would accept me without suspicion? No, Maeglin. Perhaps you would, perhaps a few. But for the most, I am utterly sundered from my kin." My voice softened as he lowered his head.

"But be comforted, little one. The part of me you know is still here. My love for you is just as real as Faelon on your shoulder. And it, also, will never leave- for though it may be a small piece, it is still a part of me." I showed him the bright side. He looked up, and his obsidian eyes shimmered with both tears and yet hope.

"Will you promise to come back?" He asked gruffly.

I finally smiled genuinely. "I can promise to do my very best." I answered, and kissed his brow. Then with a bow, Faelon having hopped into my pocket, I left.

~Time to go find Thurwething, Esgalnoron.~

~Of course.~

_Morgoth, you are slowly loosing status as my master. The more you fight, the more I gain my true master. You were never my master in the beginning. Eru was, and is, and will always be. But here in Arda, my rightful master is arising. _

_Master, keep fighting. I feel that somehow, the upcoming war will free you. And then, only you can defeat Morgoth. We are counting on you, master. For only you can fight your own inner battles. _

It has begun. The countdown for the rise of Melkor.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

"Not good enough." I shook my head at Thurwething. "Elven eyes could have seen you." I admonished, albeit gently. She nodded resignedly and went back to try the stealth walk and shooting again.

Despite my seeming perfectionism and harshness, both she and I knew that it was necessary for her to learn to the highest, utmost degree. And that required discipline. Of course, the only punishment I gave her was to go and do it again until she got it right. And then continue until she never got it wrong.

"Very good, that was another perfect run. But you've broken your streak. Try again from the beginning." I ordered.

She went back, muttering under her breath, though I could hear her. "Five perfect times makes an amateur. Ten perfect times makes a habit. Fifteen perfect times makes an expert. Twenty perfect times makes a master. To become a master, one must practice until they never get it wrong. An amateur merely practices until he gets it right."

I smiled faintly at the child-like litany, feeling oddly fond of Thurwething. She wasn't so bad, really. Perhaps she drank blood, but she still had a good heart. It couldn't be helped that she was born into the life that she had been. Just like me.

"Very good." I called. "That's three. Again!"

Hopefully, by the end of this month, I will be able to get her to where I am satisfied with her progress to declare her ready. She is doing well so far, and I can tell that she will be a valuable asset in the WOW.

"I appreciate your effort. Another set." I sent her off again for another ten perfect tries.

It isn't helping, though, that my mind keeps wandering back to Ancalagon. What did he want to ask me for help with? And why is he acting so strangely?

_There are so many things I don't understand. Please, Eru. Help me. Help us all. _


	20. Chapter 20

**Okay, this was longer than I expected it to be-? Meh. The harder for me, better for you, eh? I am slowly loosing my sanity, thanks to horseyyay and this story and life and _traveling_. Grrrr. Enough of my caterwauling, let me get on with this ridiculously long authors note.**

**By the way, I no longer own Thurwething. I have sold her and the rights to her and her fate to Peregrin Took the Falcon. So, for any questions, please go to her for information. *points* and no, for those who are wondering, none of Tolkien's characters are for sale. My own dragons, however, are. Just shoot me a PM if you're interested... Horseyyay, that does not include Esgalnoron. DeLacus, Jura is yours.**

**And guys, do you think Caladiel is a Mary-Sue? Because I'm having serious doubts right about now... *looks suspiciously at DFOL* **

**Is there anything else I want to say? *thinks* nope! So...**

**Read!**

**Enjoy!**

**Review!**

* * *

Chapter 20

It has been a month. I am satisfied with Thurwething now, and I found out that Eärendil was ten years old. Turgon was already starting his people's move to the Sirion.

It was time to go back. Back to Angband, back to master, and back to Ancalagon and problems.

When I tried to calculate dates, I found out that I had less than thirty years until the War of Wrath, and from then the war itself would last for forty-two years. Hopefully with all of the faithful, the war will be rather shorter, especially since many of the dragons have been swayed.

But even as Esgalnoron flew Thurwething and I (not forgetting Faelon) to Angband, my mind was troubled. There was something I was missing, I could just feel it. My problem was, I couldn't put my finger on it. It was bothering me, nagging at me, screaming that I should remember what I was missing that was right under my nose, but for the life of me, I just could not recall.

We arrived at the gates and Esgalnoron landed, shrinking back to my pocket dragon. I turned to Thurwething, pulling my hood all the way up so that my eyes were barely visible. I folded my hands into my wide sleeves, and Esgalnoron curled around my shoulders, with Faelon dangling happily from my neck.

"Report to Norgaladir and wait for me." I said curtly, and turned as she bowed and drew her cape around her, morphing into a bat that flittered its way towards the designated room. I glided through the halls silently, not really bothering to stick to the shadows. Orcs hastily made way for me, and I reached out and took a soul, holding it in my hand as I made my way to the throne room in the very depths of Angband.

For a moment before the throne room I called the blue flame within me to my hand, and watched as the soul turned white and flew away from me, to Mandos, I guess. The transformation never ceased to amaze me, each and every time. Then with a sigh, I turned to the Balrog guards and flicked my hand. One of them was a recruit by Norgaladir, whose name was Rushirithir. His name fascinated me, as it was the language of the Valar called Valarin, and meaning Fire-Light.

They opened the doors and let me through, while I made my way before the throne and bowed. Glancing up at Morgoth, I first saw that the battle was still raging. His face was a thundercloud, though not alarmingly dangerous at the moment. I smiled inwardly, though outwardly I lowered my eyes and diligently studied the floors. Even though I had already memorized every crack and crevice in it.

"Rise and report." He finally said, well knowing that by now my knees were killing me, along with my back.

I obeyed. "Thurwething has been trained to satisfaction within the designated time, Master. Turgon is moving to the mouths of the Sirion with his people." I said simply, knowing that if he wanted more he would ask.

He seemed to muse over the information for a while, but I knew that within him he was confident that none would dare challenge him. It had already been long since the Battle of Unnumbered Tears, and Turgon would not be likely to so recklessly throw away his people as he had before. But I knew better, and secretly rejoiced in the thought.

His essence called out to me, and I could see that the rainbow-colored hue of Melkor was valiantly holding against Morgoth's pitch black slime. I knew that also, Morgoth was slightly weaker then Melkor, though he was still to be reckoned with and had endless reserves of strength. Morgoth had spent too much of himself in putting it into the very earth itself, as was told in _Morgoth's Ring_.

When he finally spoke, it almost startled me. "Very well. Leave them be." I nearly grimaced at the creaking, horribly groaning ice in his voice. Then he turned his terrible eyes on me. I focused on his feet, though more in loathing then deference.

"Send Thurwething to kill that petty ruler of Nargothrond. He should have died in Tol-in-Gaurth. And go make sure that she kills him, or dies in the attempt. If she fails, then do it yourself." He said, and there was a sick smile on his face. My face went ashen despite myself, and I nearly staggered as Melkor screamed and screamed in terror and horror and denial. His voice rebounded through me, appealing through the secret flame to my ears.

I couldn't help myself. As Melkor screamed, I clapped my hands to my ears and fell to my knees, gnashing my teeth. I let out a cry of pain that I couldn't even hear over Melkor screaming. But I could hear Morgoth laughing in maniacal glee. I stumbled to my feet, blood on my fingers.

"Of course, master." I rasped, bowing.

_Oh Master, please! I'll try to make it right, please save your strength for the battle in front of you!_

The screaming cut off and it was as though it had been abruptly choked. Morgoth smiled at me, eyes glittering. "Of course you will, my pet. Now go. I don't care how it's done. Bring me back proof of his death." He waved me away, and I backed away before turning and going back out, the doors closing behind me.

I turned to Rushirithir for a moment, studying him from the profile of my hood. He looked to me, but I said nothing. I merely looked at him for a moment before turning and going back down the hall. I heard the other Balrog speak when he thought I was out of hearing.

"Did you do something to catch her attention, Rushirithir? Because if you did, you'd better pray to the master that she'll spare you."

I rolled my eyes to myself, not bothering to listen to Rushirithir's reply. Instead, I made my way to where Norgaladir was stationed, which was a room filled with orcs who made their weapons. They multiplied like flies. It was disgusting. I curled my lip and snagged a soul as I passed by, munching on it. It was slimy, covered with Morgoth's tarry deviation.

I made my way to where Norgaladir and Thurwething stood, and they turned to attention. "Thurwething, new mission. Assassinate Finrod, or die in attempt." I said flatly. She stared at me with her uncanny red eyes that were so unnatural. I shoved another pair of rubies out of my mind.

"Tampering orders?" She replied just as calmly.

"Fail." I answered shortly.

"Necessary proof?" She queried.

"Finrod's broken ring." I replied.

"Alternative?" She immediately asked.

"A fake. I will handle it, just stand by for orders. I'm not losing you to either faked death or real. You are my apprentice, and therefore mine to do with what I will." I said curtly, and she nodded before gliding away to the lower levels.

"Carry on, Norgaladir. Any report?" I added as an afterthought.

"New ssslavesss in the lower levelsss. Tribute by the men of the Wessst." He hissed in reply. I froze. Oh wait. Oh, not good. That's what I had forgotten. The human and Elven slaves, yes, but the one that had been nagging me. Húrin.

"Good. I shall see to it." I snapped before turning and moving swiftly away towards the lower levels. Not good, not good, not good.

I finally made it to where the new human slaves were kept. There was no hope for most of these men, but other elves I had already secretly set to digging tunnels that would lead to the outside. Of course, they didn't know that I was helping them, but I noticed that none of them looked at me when there were a few that disappeared.

I passed them by and hurried to a back staircase where I began the long, long climb to the top. I finally made it there, out of breath, where a furious wind howled, and thunder roared, and lightning flashed. Black clouds made the world up here dark, while images roiled in the cauldron of bubbling wrath.

A lone chair sat at the very top, and a man sat there stoically, trapped to it by unbreakable restraints on his wrists and ankles. His hair and beard were grey and long, tangled about his face and whipping in the wind. He stared into the clouds, seeing his children and wife although I could not.

I struggled over to the chair and placed a hand on his arm, but he did not move. Instead, I saw his mouth open. "What do you want of me?" His voice was flat and emotionless, and betrayed nothing of his thoughts. I could hear his voice clearly, despite the winds.

"Nothing. Nothing but to tell thee that thine family shall be well. Ye shall be avenged soon, for the time will come again when the Lords of the West shall rise, and elf-friends and elves alike shall fight together. Plead not for mercy, and blessed are ye if ye shall not be offended with the One who watches over all. He has not forgotten thee in thine plight, and in time ye shall see that in all ways He is wise. Aurë entuluva!" I answered, and looked into the clouds, trying to vainly catch a glimpse of what Húrin could see. But I saw nothing, and I turned to leave.

A hand caught mine, and I turned my profile to see that Húrin was looking at me with grey eyes fraught with demons I cared not to name. "How know you of these things?" He rasped. I pressed his hand.

"Because He has chosen to reveal them to me, that thou mayest receive comfort in time of dire trouble of heart. Speak no more of me, for thou shalt not see me again before the time comes when thou art released to fulfill thine doom. Farewell, Húrin the valiant, father of Túrin Turambar the great and mighty dragon slayer, fated to a great doom! Do not expect to see me again, for I know not of the ways of the One fully, and who can tell what comes of His counsels? Aurë entuluva!" I repeated, and left.

As soon as I came out of the biting winds, I took a breath of relief and stumbled back down the stairs. My next destination was Sauron, of course, who according to Faelon was in his forge. Esgalnoron was musing over my words to Húrin still.

~Why the formal speech?~ He asked thoughtfully.

I shrugged. ~I don't know, it just seemed right. Besides, I have to have _some_ fun and drama.~ I replied with a slight grin. He rolled his eyes but didn't retort, merely setting my ear on fire, which of course did nothing but annoy me as I snuffed it out. He snickered.

I finally made it to the forge and pulled my hood back, my hair falling around my face in bedraggled strands. I really needed to clean it. It was a simple thing, using my light to become pure again before quickly switching back to my darker form. My hair was much better, smooth again.

I watched as Sauron plunged the chain he was working on into a barrel of water and billows of steam roiled out in phantom-like fingers that faded away in ghoulish wisps. He put the hammer down on the anvil and pulled the chain out, looking over it for any weak spots. There were apparently none as he set it down, satisfied, and turned to me.

"You were gone for a while." His voice held disapproval.

"Apologies, Ada, master required it." I answered, and went forwards to hug him.

"I am filthy." He said, raising an eyebrow.

"Like I care." I answered dryly, and hugged him anyways. He wrapped his arm around me, and his nail clamps raked through my hair. "I missed you, Ada." I murmured, and I felt a chuckle rumble through his chest.

"Liar." He retorted.

"Am not. And don't say you didn't miss me. You'd be the liar, then." I said, pulling away and mock-frowning at him. He gave me an amused half-smile and bent to kiss my temple, the gesture no less obsessive than it was always was. The irony, that Sauron made the gesture of Mairon into a claim.

I smiled back and watched as he turned back to the forge. "I'll see you tonight, Ada. I have to go do a few things." I said, pulling my hood up again. He didn't even glance my way.

"As you wish." He answered flippantly and absently, focused on the weight in his hands. I tossed a regretful look over my shoulder as I left, wishing I could stay and watch the hypnotic movements of his arms and the muscles in his back, and the almost magical transformation of the block of metal into something intricate.

Instead I made my way through the twisting hallways, making my way to some of the deepest caverns there were: the dragon's den. As I arrived in the doorway, a bulk made its way in front of me.

"Well if it isn't Ancalagon's new toy!" Scatha's smooth, slick, oily voice said, and every eye turned to us. I noticed that said dragon wasn't there, else this would have gotten nasty rather quickly. I leaned against the doorpost nonchalantly, looking at my fingernails.

"Hmmm. Funny statement to be coming from a worm who can't even light a candle." I said amusedly, and Esgalnoron rattled his small spikes and hissed slightly. The rest of the dragons looked interested.

Scatha visibly bristled but didn't retort. "Oh, so you don't have a retort? What are you going to do now, send that toothpick on your shoulder to destroy me?" He cackled.

"Who's the one who doesn't have a retort?" I fired back, albeit calmly. "As for Esgalnoron, well..." I shrugged. "I mean, I could let you try to pick on someone your own size if you wanted." I said with an affected, maddening laugh, and Esgalnoron took my permission with glee.

He began to grow, and I set him down as he lumbered towards Scatha, continuing to get larger until he towered over the cold drake, fire dripping from his maws. His amber eyes were glittering.

"Can't you see he's just spoiling for a fight?" I said mildly. "Care to oblige? It might satisfy him a little better than a few contingents of orcs." I said, flicking a hand, and Scatha snarled at Esgalnoron, swiping a heavy claw across his chest. There wasn't so much as a scratch, compared to Scatha's heavily scarred, skin-colored scales. The other dragons jeered.

Esgalnoron merely licked his jaws and stomped on Scatha's tail, and everyone could hear a sickening crack. Scatha howled in anger and pain and retreated into his own den. Esgalnoron came back to my shoulder, pleased with himself as he cleaned his own tail. The other dragons took interest elsewhere at my violet gaze, and I went over to Kalarion.

The white dragon bent his head to me, and I patted the white scales. "Revert, Kalarion." I ordered smoothly, and he morphed. His hair was white, his eyes were a pale blue, and he was dressed in silver. I led him to a quieter spot and grasped his hand.

"Where is Ancala? He said he needed to ask me something, but I was busy." I whispered, and he thought for a moment.

"He should probably be outside if he isn't in here." He answered, and I nodded.

"Thank you. By the way, any more recruits?" I queried, and he shook his head.

"Other than Rushirithir, I think not. Ancalagon would know better." He said, and I pressed his hand before moving back out and crossing the hall to the door that lead to the outside. Tails littered my path, but mercifully there were no trees threatening to smash me into jelly.

When I finally made it outside, it was to see Ancalagon towering against the skyline. I unhooked Faelon and turned to Esgalnoron. "You two go rest, I'll be back after this." I whispered, but Esgalnoron hesitated. "I'll be fine, Esgalnoron, go. You need the rest for carrying us all that way, for which I thank you, dear brother." I murmured, kissing his velvety snout.

He sighed but nodded, licking my cheek before taking Faelon and flying off. Ancalagon had already seen me and morphed, and I walked towards a private corridor nearby, taking off my hood with my back turned to the door as I waited for him to get there. I closed my eyes, rubbing my chest. It hurt, and I could still feel Melkor's agony echoing through me.

I turned as I heard Ancalagon come into the room, and looked at him blearily in exhaustion. He paused for a moment and seemed to read my face, then frowned and stepped forwards. "What happened." He demanded.

"He wants me to kill my king Finrod, and Melkor is fighting so hard it's _hurting_ me, and I'm so tired and confused that I don't even know how to _think_ anymore!" I blurted, and broke down crying, letting my light out slightly in an instinctive search for comfort. I felt his arms wrap around me, and I clutched his tunic, muffling my sobs into it.

"I don't understand." He said, his nails dragging across the back of my robe comfortingly. I continued to cry as I explained through my hitches and hiccups, but to his credit he understood and just listened patiently until I was done.

"It will be well, Caladiel." He murmured. "We will be well until the time comes." He said with conviction, and I began to calm down at the sound of his voice despite myself. I finally stopped shedding tears and merely hiccuped against his chest, trembling slightly. I pulled back and wiped my face with the sleeve of my robe, my hands shaking so badly with exhaustion that I could barely hold it.

Ancalagon waited until I had gotten rid of my runny nose and tear-tracks, and then pulled me against him again to support me in place of my unstable legs. I forgot who and what he was and just clung to him, desperate for some sort of comforting touch, something to ground myself with and reassure myself that I was going to be alright.

When I finally got my bearings back together and felt more stable emotionally, I sighed. "Thank you, Ancalagon. I'm sorry, I'm sure you didn't expect to have to deal with all of that." I mumbled, trying to pull away- but he wouldn't let me go.

"All dragons are concerned about the welfare of their mates." He replied, his nose moving into my hair. I felt my muscles slowly lock up.

"You... Wanted to talk about something." I said, my voice betraying my fear.

"Yes. There is nothing to fear from me, Caladiel." He said abruptly, pulling back to look into my eyes. I looked away, wishing that my lower stomach would stop gnawing at me so insistently.

"You're the one who said that you would try to restrain yourself." I answered bitterly. I felt his arms stiffen.

"That's not fair, Caladiel." He answered tersely.

"What's not fair? It's what you said!" I snapped back, visibly shaking. "Can't you see that I can't help being afraid every time I'm around you because there's the threat looming in front of me that you might decide to take what's yours?" I said, voice shaking.

"_And can't you see that I could never do that to you because I could never hurt the one that I love more than my own life!?_" He roared back, then abruptly turned away, fists clenched. My throat closed, and my hands flew to my lower stomach as it _clenched_, almost taking my breath away.

"What?" My voice was so brittle that I was afraid it would break and come up in shards of blood and glass.

For a moment there was no sound but that of his harsh breathing. "I _said_, I could never hurt you because yes, I _love_ you." He finally said harshly. My abdomen throbbed.

"Don't mistake this forced bond for something it's not." I said shakily, tears welling in my eyes. He turned around at that, looking at my form crumpled on the ground, my hands cradling my stomach.

"I would have thought that you would be happy to hear that we could make something good out of this Eru-forsaken bond." He snarled, and I would have thought him cruel and heartless but for the utter _hurt_ in his voice.

"I don't want to live a delusion of happiness, based on something shallow and false! I can't live with that, Ancalagon! I just can't, because I'm tired of life already! Don't give me false hopes and then break them all over again!" I cried, tears running down my cheeks again.

"That's not an excuse for refusing to believe me." He rasped, the pain in his voice mingled with new hope.

"How can I believe anyone anymore, when all I've known in Angband is lies and falsehoods and deviations?" I answered shakily.

"So you can't believe me because I'm _deviated_, is it? Because I'm just an evil creation of Morgoth Bauglir and therefore incapable of truth or any goodness or feeling?" He spat, anger in his voice, but it was only a cover for the brokenness in his eyes, shattered behind the beautiful windowpanes of rubies that looked into his heart.

It smote my own heart so much I thought it would break. "I don't know anymore, Ancalagon." I whispered. "I'm confused. How am I supposed to know what's black and white anymore?" I pressed a hand to my mouth, shaking.

There was a silence, and I could hardly stand the brokenness of it, the pieces of something that shouldn't have been broken lying scattered between us. The shattered product of our words. Ancalagon breathed, and I could feel him gathering up the shards, painfully. It broke me, and I burst into sobs, horrified at what I had done.

What did I break, that it would make my very soul shudder in pain and loathing at myself?

I looked up at Ancalagon, and saw that he was looking at me, his eyes glittering with the splinters of what I had destroyed with my words. The pain was unbearable now, and my very stomach was aching in cramps brought on my the stress and emotion. I bent over and gave into the dry heaves, coughing up nothing because my stomach was empty. My chest was utterly hollow, a void that loomed and sucked everything into its depths of nothingness and despair. My wracking sobs filled the room.

His beautiful eyes would never look the same, because of me. The two drops of liquid from his bleeding eyes hit the floor, splashing much too loudly, to my ears. I couldn't _stand_ it. Couldn't he see that it was _hurting_ me?

"What do you _want_ from me?" I cried in despair. "What did I break, Ancalagon? Why don't your eyes look like they should?" My voice cracked as I knelt there at his feet, utterly broken.

I heard him kneel, and a moment later his arms were sliding around me as he cradled me to his chest. "I'm sorry. I should have understood." He whispered, each word stabbing me with guilt.

"No, I _broke_ it, Ancalagon, and it wasn't supposed to be but I don't know what it is- but I _broke_ it, and it _hurts_ because your eyes aren't the same anymore and I loved your eyes because they were you, and they were beautiful, and I need to fix it!" I choked, barely even registering anything I was saying. "What do you _want_ from me?" I asked brokenly, wanting, _needing_ to fix it.

There was a pause, and his arms tightened slightly. "I suppose you can't break something that doesn't exist, because I apparently don't have a heart." He laughed dryly, but the laugh was brittle and petered off. "I imagine it would fix itself in time, although it would have been nice if you could have loved me." The last words were said with a bitter self-deprecation that almost drove me insane with pain.

"I'll try, Ancalagon. I promise, I'll try, because I don't want you to hurt. You deserve so much better than I could ever give you, and I don't want to give you the wrong thing, Ancalagon." I said shakily. "I need the rubies back, Ancalagon." I whispered, hanging my head in shame.

He stood, me still in his arms, and I felt him cradling me against his chest. "I'll wait as long as it takes, Caladiel, if you'll love me just a little. You were my light in the darkness, and maybe even though Morgoth meant it for his own purposes, it's become something that will ultimately lead to his demise. And I'll prove to you that I love you with all that I have, again and again until you believe it, because if I have your respect then why can't I win the rest?" He said steadily, and when I looked, his eyes were once more the perfect rubies that I knew and loved so much.

He deserved so much better, but I still wanted to give it to him. I can't give him what he wants right now, because I don't have it yet, and I'm not going to give him a lie or something shallow and false. I had never suspected that behind his veiled looks and flippant flirting there had been something far deeper growing.

"W-where are we going?" I asked hoarsely as he strode through the halls. We encountered no one.

"We're here." Was his simple answer, and I realized that it was my room. But I didn't want him to leave. He was so warm and _forgiving_. He paused in front of the door, but I clung to him, burying my face into his chest.

"I'm sorry, Ancalagon. I'm sorry." I whispered. "I want to give you the answer you want, badly, but I can't because it wouldn't be honest, and you don't deserve that." I said into his tunic, the black silk bunched in my hands.

His face was in my hair. "For now, it's enough to know that you feel that way. I have hope." His hopeful voice broke my heart all over again. The hopeful look that he gave me, along with the slightly sad smile, was too much.

"I don't know why you'd want me." I mumbled, wiping my eyes and feeling ashamed of myself. He set me down, though he still held me to his chest.

"I'm sure it started with the bond, but I was already attracted to you before that anyway. I suppose it was just an excuse for me to allow it to grow into something bigger, because I had some hope..." He trailed off, and the shame assaulted me.

"And I broke it. Oh Ancalagon." I said, tears filling my eyes again.

"Please stop crying." He said weakly. "You couldn't have known."

"I can't help crying over my own actions that produced such disastrous results." I muttered.

"But it didn't. You gave it back to me just now with your words." He answered. "Just... Stop crying, Morgoth curse it, I can't stand to see you cry." He burst out angrily, then sighed as I hastily wiped them away.

"Can't I give you anything at all in the meantime?" I asked forlornly, leaning against him, feeling that there was something infinitely more precious about his love now, since it must be turned aside.

He hesitated. "Just... One kiss? On the cheek?" He hastily amended, and I reached up.

He started in surprise as my lips met his own, instead of his cheek, as I tried to convey to him my regret and promise to try to be able to give him the coveted answer. Then he hesitantly kissed back, and when I didn't protest, pressed harder. He hungrily took all I had to offer, and gave in return all of his hope and love.

I finally pulled away and backed into my room, looking at his eyes that held so much. I could feel a strange loss well inside of me as I closed it gently on the dangerous offer. Dangerous, because I knew that at a touch, a word, there was a world of fire and passion at my fingertips, just waiting for me to feed it.

I ran to my bed and curled up, dragging Esgalnoron into my grasp and sniffling. "Oh Esgalnoron, it's so hard to turn away love when you want it so much, but can't take it honestly." I said. Perhaps it was a foolish thing to say to him, but I couldn't help myself, because there was really no one else. At his questioning look I told him all, and he nuzzled me comfortingly.

~Is it so hard to love him, Caladiel?~ he queried, and I looked at him.

"I don't think it will be, Esgalnoron, but my problem is that I want to be very sure that it's love, honest and true, and not just pity or compassion." I answered softly.

~Yes, and that is good, but are you sure that you are not trying too hard and merely overlooking what is already there? Sometimes hearts are fickle, and perverse nature insists on making things harder then they are.~ He said, looking at me with his wise, ageless amber eyes.

I opened my mouth to reply when Sauron came in and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Your eyes are swollen." He said suspiciously, and I climbed into his lap with a sigh.

"I'm so confused, Ada." I replied mournfully, and told him all as he stroked my hair. When I finally got to the end (tactfully omitting the kiss), he sat in brooding silence for a moment before saying anything.

"Esgalnoron is wise, Caladiel. When the time comes, you will know." He said, and then fell into silence once more.

I tentatively broke it. "Please don't hate him, Ada." I said meekly.

"I don't." He answered shortly. "What you do with your own heart is your concern, not mine." But his voice was slightly sour. "I do hate _him_, though." He didn't need to elaborate who _he_ was.

"I'll still always love you, Ada, and I'll stay with you." I ventured, and he looked down at me.

"No one's ever said that before." He muttered absently. I kissed his cheek.

"Well I will, Ancalagon or no." I said decisively.

"Just don't toss away your life on me." Mairon answered shortly, and I smiled, eyes closed as I fell asleep against his chest listening to the steady drumbeat of his heart and the sound of his lungs bellowing air.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

When I woke up, I felt rather miserable. My heart still ached, my eyes stung slightly, and my body felt rather sore, though I knew that it would wear off as I went about my daily tasks.

And of course, that made my mind turn to the matter of Finrod's assassination. I shook my head as I rolled out of bed. This was not going to be a good day for me, at all. In fact, it might be one of the worst days yet. Why couldn't Eärendil and Elwing grow faster? I groaned at my own ridiculousness and struggled into my cloak, pocketing the still-sleeping Faelon and a drowsy Esgalnoron, who was more than happy to fall back asleep.

A bat fluttered down from the ceiling of the hallway and landed on my outstretched fingers, hanging upside down. I raised an eyebrow at the wide, unblinking red eyes, but said nothing as I allowed her to remain there. Her wings opened and closed, and then her eyes closed. It was almost a relief. The way she could stare was so unnerving.

And that is how I entered the familiar, hated, freezing throne room. The usual bow was proffered, and once more Morgoth, in a fit of sadism, made me murder my joints all over again before allowing me to rise. I am going to get rheumatism early in life at this rate.

"Master." I said, waiting for him to allow me to speak.

"Speak." He answered, studying his burnt hands. I nearly shuddered, remembering the touch of his cold, clammy hands.

"As Thurwething is my apprentice still, for I have not taught her all yet, I value her life. Perhaps you would allow me the pleasure of killing the... Elven King?" I ventured.

There was a silence for a moment, which said nothing of whether that boded well for me or not. "And why, may I ask, would you want to purposefully waste a month of her training and your time when it is for that reason I wanted her trained?" His voice was a milkshake, cold and sweet and brain freezing. I scrabbled for a plausible answer. Eru help, I think I just roused his suspicions.

"Because I don't trust her to do a neat enough job." I answered as promptly as possible, feeling myself almost start to sweat. Thurwething ruffled in feigned indignancy.

He seemed to think on my answer for a moment. "And I thought that's what you trained her for?" He queried. I swallowed slightly.

"She has greater potential to be unlocked. And... I hated her mother." I offered, which wasn't necessarily false.

"You. Are an assassin, my pet. There is no such things as personal grudges in your line of work." Morgoth reprimanded me.

"It is not a personal grudge, master. It is unfinished business. I foolishly spared Finrod at Tol-en-Gaurth, hoping that I could get information from him, but then the wench came and spirited them away. Then he escaped me a second time when they came here. As it is said, the third time is the charm." I said, hoping to the Valar that it was plausible enough.

There was a pause. "Perhaps there is a point." He mused. "And wouldn't it be detrimental to him if you, the secret fire, were to kill one of the firstborn?" He said, and I could hear the delighted smile in his voice. Melkor didn't even scream. He was downright horrified beyond measure.

It was with terror that I awaited his final answer. "Yes, perhaps it would be best. Go, pet. Weaken them." He said, the sadistic glee clear in his voice.

"Of course, master." I answered, and turned to leave. Thurwething opened her eyes, and suddenly fluttered away from my hand. Something slammed against my back, and I went flying into a stone pillar with a width of a dinner table. Blood spurted from my nose and mouth as my ribs cracked.

I fell to the floor with a shout of pain. My ribs healed and my nose and mouth stopped bleeding, but the pain still ricocheted through me so badly that I threw up on the floor. Blood splattered darkly on the stone floors.

"I'm beginning to think that you have gotten far too manipulative than is good for you, my pet." Morgoth snarled, and I looked up through streaming eyes to see that a snake the size of a hydra was curling his tail. Apparently that was what had whipped me so badly.

My laugh was raspy. "Master, I am second only to you and Sauron because like him, I serve another and not myself. Double-crossing is his specialty, but mine is rouge obedience." I answered with a crooked grin. The adrenaline rush from the few moments of mingled weightlessness and then pain apparently had loosed my tongue. And I absolutely hate snakes.

"I am sending one of Nirad's spawn with you to make sure you carry out your mission." Morgoth answered, ignoring me.

"I will not stand for a snake in my company." I spat, staggering to my feet and spitting up blood with a dirty look at Nirad, who hissed back.

"You have no choice." Morgoth sneered.

"Then don't expect him to come back alive." I said sourly, warily looking at the hydra-thing. I don't even know what I'm supposed to call it. It's pitch black eyes turned murderous. "Don't tell me that thing's sentient." I laughed mockingly. "I don't trust snakes of any kind."

"No one can kill any one of my brood." Nirad hissed, rearing. Morgoth seemed to be greatly entertained.

"Well I just so happen to have a few issues I'd like to burn off. How about me against whoever you're sending after me?" I said with a maniacal grin.

~What in the name of Eru are you doing!?~ Esgalnoron said, flying out of my pocket with Faelon to join Thurwething in relative safety.

~Stalling for time.~ I answered grimly. ~And because I'm annoyed beyond speech, not to mention that I absolutely hate snakes.~ I said balefully.

Nirad turned his head and hissed, and another snake, smaller but still as big as me slid out from the shadows and raised his head in a clear challenge.

"How is this thing supposed to follow me, exactly?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Morgoth laughed. "Because, dear pet, you're not the only one who can shrink." He answered with a chuckle, leaning back in his throne, pleased. Now that threw me for a loop.

"Whatever. Bring it on, pea-brain." I said wearily, suddenly realizing that I just may have bitten off more than I could chew. Well, if I die, at least I'll be in peace for once. Maybe.

~You're being ridiculous!~ Esgalnoron veritably yelled. I sighed.

~Fine. If I die, have a clear conscience that you warned me, okay? And a prayer on my behalf wouldn't hurt.~ I added wryly.

It began with a blast of venom. I half-expected that, and watched out of the corner of my eye as a part of the floor dissolved into nothingness within seconds. O-Kay. Definitely to be avoided. And I'm not exactly an acrobat either. I'm at a disadvantage here, because I'm used to not being seen or targeted. So I ran. In a classical, zig-zag pattern. Hey, it worked well for the superheroes!

Unfortunately, it's just a concept. So instead, I pulled out a dagger that Sauron had made for me in his forge, throwing it at the snake as an experiment. The point hit on-target, but all it did was force it back a little bit as it forcefully bounced off and hit the floor harmlessly. It was dissolved very fast, with a hiss to accompany its untimely demise.

"Morgoth take it." I muttered sourly, and bolted for my life. Apparently Nirad was enjoying the show, as well as Morgoth.

"Do you even have a name?" I called in the midst of my running, just as a droplet of acidic spittle melted a hole in my cloak. "And hey, this is my favorite cloak!" I yelled.

"My name is Andârtuz." Was the answer, and then the blasts continued. But he had fallen for the oldest trick in the book there ever was. In the break during his sentence, I had managed to grab my bow and nock it with a barbed arrow tipped in a fast-working poison. It's symptoms were convulsions of the muscles in painful spasms, leading to heart failure and ultimate death.

"My teeth are arrows." Another blast that nearly missed me. My legs were getting very, very tired. "My scales are better than dwarf-masks of gold!" He roared, and I scrambled backwards as he landed a gob in front of me.

"That's cute." I snorted, turning around to face him for a moment. "Let me guess, next you're gonna say that you're invincible, hey?" I sneered, inciting his temper. He reared, snarling.

"Look at me! My scales, my height, my strength, my teeth and jaws, my poison! My blood is acid!" He opened his mouth wide to both show me and try to make a stab with those daggers. Perfect.

In a moment, my senses homed to perfection by rigorous training, I had lifted, sighted, and aimed. Then I shot. I leaped to the side, abandoning my bow and landing hard on my shoulder as the mouth clamped shut where I had been moments before.

He retreated, howling in pain from the arrow stuck in the soft roof of his mouth, shaking his head. I reached for my bow, but it was whipped away from my hands as I was tossed by his thrashing tail into another wall, breaking my shoulder. My scream echoed through the halls.

Morgoth was clapping. If this was what the Coliseum was like, God help those souls who were put through such torture. Nirad was hissing in anger. Andârtuz thrashed, breaking stone everywhere in his mad convulsions. Spit flew everywhere, and I took shelter behind a pillar, clutching my shoulder and hissing myself, much too tired to heal it.

But finally he fell, and gave one more death-twitch before everything went silent. I hobbled out from behind the pillar, my eye purple from the first hit and still coughing blood. I clutched my broken shoulder, my robes tattered, and bruises and mottled white acid-splotches spotting my hands and legs where my leggings had peeled.

To my relief, Thurwething, Esgalnoron, and Faelon were alright. They flew out from behind another pillar. Nirad, in a corner, was plotting my early demise.

"I win." I said, feeling as though I had paid a little too much for it. Good Valar, is this what Olórin would feel after his fight with the Balrog? If so, I'm never becoming a tenth walker, not even in my dreams.

"Very entertaining, hmm Nirad?" Morgoth said genially. Well this is bitter-sweet. At least I've gotten back into his good graces. I spat.

"Now if you will allow me, master, I will go and kill that elf you want dead." I said sourly, and he waved me off, chortling. Nirad glared at me.

"We will meet again, assassin." He hissed.

"Good master, please no. Keep him and his spawn away from me." I said with great feeling.

"Don't antagonize her, Nirad. It's quite detrimental to the health, as I'm sure you can see. She is not my beloved pet for nothing." Morgoth said gleefully.

"I'm beginning to reconsider renewing my blackmail." I grumbled. Morgoth ignored me.

I limped out to the hallway, and the Balrogs did a double take. I glared at them. "If I hear a rumor of this in the halls when I get back, you two will be the first to pay." I snarled, not in a good mood at all.

I somehow managed to make my way to the entrance, and called Esgalnoron. "I need you to get me to Nargothrond." I rasped. He grew, and Faelon rolled gingerly into my pocket. Thurwething helped me onto the dragon, and I coughed up another bit of blood. My chest gurgled.

~Something's wrong with you.~ Esgalnoron sounded spooked as he leaped into the air.

~When my ribs cracked it punctured my left lung.~ I answered grimly. ~If I can't get my strength back, there's a high possibility I'm not going to make it.~

He said nothing, but flapped furiously. I could feel his shock and fear radiating through the link, which certainly didn't help. It was possibly the worst flight I'd ever been through, wracked with pain and screaming at times. Thurwething was trying to keep me still, but I was fighting off the fever that I could feel creep up through my bones. I needed strength.

I'm just hoping that Finrod can help me somehow, or else I'm in all probability done for.

_Master, please, just hang on a little longer. Time seems to pass so slowly..._

Blood rusted on my tongue, and I fell into blessed unconsciousness.


	21. Chapter 21

**Well... As usual, thank you all for your support in reviewing! I don't really think I have much to say in this AN, so I guess I'll just cut right to the chase and say: **

**Read!**

**Enjoy!**

**Review!**

* * *

Chapter 21

Pain wracked my body, and I was unconscious of time or space. Snippets of things came to my ears, but it seemed as though I hallucinated or dreamed most of the time. And all I could feel was the pain and the misery.

Dark, burning, destructive fire seemed to rage through my very fibers and every individual cell, and I was almost completely sure that someone had chopped my limbs off at the joins and was dipping me into lava. The fever continued to wreak havoc through my body, even as I fought it the best I could.

_"What's wrong with her?" The terse voice sounded suspiciously like Maeglin. _

I didn't hear an answer, because the dark unconsciousness swept me away on its comforting currents.

_"This cannot go on much longer. She will die." _

Concern for Thurwething filled me. She must be safe. She cannot die... I must not fail her.

_~She's okay, Caladiel, she's hiding nearby. I promise she's okay. Just get better, alright? We really need you...~ _

Oh Esgalnoron. I miss you. I really don't like this place... I feel so lonely...

_"Caladiel, please. You already know me. You have spoken to me. If you can hear me now, please, tell Atar I want to accept the gift. You don't need to find a way to save me, because you already know that I am the only one who can fight my own battles. But I do need you to-" _

Wait! What do you want me to do? Master, if you would only tell me...

_"I have hope... I have hope... If I have your respect, then why can't I earn the rest? It would have been nice if you could have loved me... You have given it back to me... I have hope... Hope- hope-" _

The delusions called to me, echoing through the darkness. Faces blurred in front of me, and I heard screams sometimes, bouncing eerily through the thick haze. It was like walking through a land filled with shadows, groping blindly in the dark.

_I want to get out of here! My life has already been a living nightmare, I don't need another one! _

_"But it isn't time to leave yet, child. Follow your heart, Caladiel. Remember, it will always lead you back home. Listen to the small voice within you, because it is the flame that calls to you in the darkness, the one that will always be there and will guide you through the darkest of places in the darkest of times. Follow the flame." _

What flame? My own? The small voice? My heart? Wait, lord Manwë, whoever you are, I don't understand! All this time, all I've been doing is following what I feel and know to be right. Is this wrong?

_"Follow the flame, child. Remember that He is with you, always. He will never leave."_

Him? Do you mean... Eru? My own flame?

_"Of course not, silly child. It was never yours. A small part was merely given into your safekeeping for a time, to fulfill your purpose. Do not be like Fëanor, who thought it to be his own and decided that he would use it for himself. Never forget that it can be snatched away at any moment. But also remember that it would not have been given to you if it was not His plan and design."_

I see. I understand. I have to be willing to sacrifice it for the greater good. But if I ever do... What will become of me? Fëanor burned. Will I, also, burn and fade away on the wind? Where would I go? What are the consequences?

_"That is not yet meant to be revealed, child. Do not think on these things too deeply, for the One will not desert you. He loves all His children, and will take care of them in all things. Blessed are ye if ye are not offended with Him." _

Those are the words I spoke to Húrin... Maybe it's time I take that for myself too. Well, if I die, I guess I'll just... Go to be with Him. Whole lot better than this life, I suppose. I'll try. If it takes my life, I guess I'll just have to close my eyes and die with my best smile.

_"Good, child. But you have still not learned all yet... Follow the flame. It will lead you through the darkness of your path, and show you the things you need to know."_

I never got the chance to answer because the voices faded away, and all that was left was the howling of the mist in my ears, the fire that burned in my body, the pain, and the screams that continued to periodically slice through the thickness that was like cream cheese on burnt toast.

A blue light flickered in front of me. I reached with everything I had. I need that light. It will lead me home... It bobbed away, and I stumbled after, blindly trusting it to lead me. What other choice do I have, when I don't even know where I am?

An image rushed into vague view, and I fell into it. A picture of a small child came into view, one with brown hair and soft grey eyes, and a happy grin on his small, sweet face.

_"What if the path to happiness is through sorrow? And what if scars can lead to perfection? The choice is yours. Acceptance, or refusal." _

Wait, I don't understand. What does that have to do with the image? And what do you mean? I don't get what that means! How can I become happy through sadness? How can I be perfect if I have scars? And what do I need to decide whether to accept or refuse?

The blue light did not stop. It was a will-o'-the-wisp, forever out of my reach, a phantom of hope. Hope! I've heard that before!

_"Because like the rest, it is a mystery to be revealed. Ones that you will come to learn, little flame."_

Wait, who are you?

_"You've always known Me, My child. But like all the rest, you will never fully understand My ways. Learn, child. Believe. Hope. I shall never leave you, nor shall I ever forsake you."_

Eru! Wait, please, at least tell me what you want me to do!

_"You are already. Follow the flame. It will guide you home." _

Where IS home?

_"You've been here long enough. Go now, child. You will see all things in perfect time, fear not."_

Why can I not find answers! Why is it always more mysteries, not answers!?

The flame trembled, and flew at me. We crashed, and I began to tumble down through endless darkness.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I shot up, my hand reaching out and meeting something solid. I grasped it tightly, bending over and seeing stars. My body ached, and I let out a moan of pain.

"Where is she? Is he safe!? For the Valar's sake, Esgalnoron, how long have I been in that land of shadow?" I gasped, the room slowly swimming into view.

~Caladiel! She's fi-~

"Caladiel! Don't, you are not well yet! Thank the Valar you're awake, you've been delirious with fever for four days. It was a close appointment with Mandos. Is who safe?" A familiar voice asked, one that filled me with mingled horror and relief.

I snatched my hand away and scrabbled away from his touch, tottering out of the bed and swaying as my vision focused. Finrod stood, looking at me in mingled confusion and hurt.

"Don't touch me. Don't touch the one that has been ordered to be stained with your blood." I rasped, my hand flying to my side as I grimaced.

There was a moment of silence, then Finrod spoke softly. "I care more for the welfare of my people than my own. You are one of my people, child. My ward, if you would but allow it. If my time has come, then it has been decreed, and Mandos shall receive another." He said calmly, and looked at me in silence.

I sank to the floor, breathing with difficulty as I grasped my side. "Thank the Valar you are unharmed." I replied weakly. "I need to ask of you another favor."

"Anything. Can it not wait?" He asked, gentle reproach in his tone.

"I don't have time for this, my lord. I cannot waste any more time then I already have, Valar curse Nirad and his spawn to the Void." I snarled. "I need a duplicate to the ring you have on your hand, and you need to stay inconspicuous." I bit out through my pain.

"At least sit down." Finrod's voice brooked no argument, and I didn't argue. Then he sat also.

"I can certainly give you a ring. I cannot stay inconspicuous." He said sternly.

"Then get me killed, thank you very much for your so-called care for your subjects." I said irritably. "And all I went through to come here and warn you, thinking you'd at least be reasonable enough to hear me out and not jump to any hasty conclusions, considering that I've never asked anything ridiculous before." I added, and managed to call up enough energy to heal the lingering infections in my Elven-treated lungs and shoulder.

It didn't necessarily decrease the aches or weariness, but it did lessen the dizzying pain and let me think a little more coherently.

"That is unfair, Caladiel." Finrod said, noticing that I seemed to be able to think better.

"Is it?" I shot back, feeling extremely hurt and very dangerous. I stood up abruptly. "Of course I am. Please, by all means, allow me to leave now and go back to my master in a _third_ failure. Not first, and not second, but _third_. And let me go _die_. Die in pain and leave behind Esgalnoron, and Faelon, and others who I care for." I said caustically, viciously ticking them off on my fingers.

My weapons were on the table next to the bed, and I began to strap them onto myself. "Might as well go enjoy my last day of existence in a body now." I said coldly, and turned back, Esgalnoron back in my pocket until I had time to talk to him.

"You are not thinking clearly yet, Caladiel. I only care for your health-" Finrod began to protest, but I cut him off.

"And you are not _listening_." I hissed.

"Remember who you are talking to, _child_!" He stood, anger blazing in his eyes.

I laughed hollowly. "Child. I, child. Sure. Maybe I'm young. Have you, with all of your years, really been through what I have?" I asked.

"You forget yourself. I have lived in Arda far before you were ever born, I have faced Sauron in battle, I have led my people in wars against Morgoth-" Finrod began heatedly, drawing himself up.

"Oh sure!" I cut in. "How do you even know how old I am? Who was the one who saved you from being ingloriously eaten by werewolves? You and your precious human friend? Who is the one who lives in Angband with Morgoth and his minions every single day? I don't recall you ever doing that. Neither do I seem to remember you ever living in anything but finery and luxury." I answered, jabbing a finger at the room around me.

"And here I come to you, at the risk of my own life to make sure that you are safe, to ask you to stay inconspicuous for less than half a century, and this is what you tell me. That I'm a _child, _and therefore know nothing. You know what, _my lord_?" I spat, stepping closer to him.

"I'm _done_ with the Eldar's haughtiness. Done with you, done with all of this. Maybe I should just start thinking about me and my own interests. If you all are going to think you're the wisest things in all of Eä, then-" I slashed my hand through the air and shook my head in disgust, turning to leave.

I walked to the door, then turned to him again as he stood there with a stricken look on his face. "Oh, and by the way, I suppose I owe you quite a bit of thanks, right? So thank you for your temporary love and concern, for allowing me to intrude on your hospitality, for putting up with this babe, and thank you for giving me these scars for nothing, for putting me through pain and headache, and also for the ultimate death of me and others who would have been really helpful to our cause against our enemy." I added with a sarcastic smile, and turned back to the door.

~Are you sure that isn't a little harsh?~ Esgalnoron ventured.

"Forgive me, Caladiel. We Eldar are... Too prideful." Finrod's voice said behind me, quiet and regretful. My hand stopped, clutching the knob. "I spoke in anger, and was wrong. I have spoken words that I regret. My concern overtook my prudence. I hope that perhaps you can find it in yourself to one day forgive me, for my love for you is genuine." The sadness in his voice made me stop and close my eyes.

Hope. Always it was hope that led me back on the right track. If I didn't love Finrod, would I be so angry at him? Would his words have cut me so deeply?

I took a deep breath. "And perhaps I also spoke hastily." I said wearily. "I should have understood that you know nothing about me." I said, turning back to him, feeling the world on my shoulders. "Life isn't... Too kind to me." I said, looking down at my hands, which were spotted with faint white spots from the acid. I knew that nothing would ever heal those, unless Eru himself or the Valar perhaps would do that.

_What if the path to happiness is through sorrow? And what if scars can lead to perfection? _

Finrod came closer, and drew me into his arms in a hug. "I wish I could make it so, brave one." He answered softly.

Tears welled in my eyes. "I know. Forgive me for my words. I do appreciate everything you've done for me." I answered. "I have been doing this far too often lately." I said miserably.

"It is to be understood, Caladiel. I was in the wrong. I was... Too hasty." He said, and I sighed.

"I really do care, my lord. I just... I'm sorry." I whispered, hanging my head.

He pulled me over to the bed and sat me down. "We were both perhaps in the wrong, I more so, but we can learn from it and move on." He said calmly. "Now, perhaps you could tell me what you need me to do." He said, and listened and I proceeded to tell him of my ruse.

"I supposedly failed to kill you twice, once in Tol-en-Gaurth, and once at his very throne. As I said, perhaps the third time is the charm." I gave him a mirthless smile. "So this time I must not fail. Your broken ring would be proof enough, or more accurately a false copy, and your seeming disappearance convincing enough and not likely to be questioned." I looked up and gave him an exhausted glance. "The length of my absence will not be a surprise, considering the condition in which I left." I added.

"It is a wise plan. And exactly how long would I stay... Hidden?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Thirty years." I answered shortly.

"Of course. I will give you the ring as soon as I am able." He paused. "May I ask how, exactly, you..." He looked rather distraught.

"Forget what I said, my lord." I stood and bowed to him. "It is not important any longer. I genuinely thank you for your care. I'm afraid I was truly... At the doors of Mandos." I said, looking away and pulling Esgalnoron out of my pocket. He grew larger, and I hugged him to myself as a child would a stuffed toy.

Finrod stood and came next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "But I want to know, child." He said softly, the word used as a term of endearment rather than an insult.

I sighed. "Morgoth wanted to send a spy after me to make sure I did the task. I defied him because it was a... large snake, and I hate snakes. I do not trust them. I was forced to fight it to the death. If I won, I would be allowed to come unfollowed. If I didn't..." I shrugged. "I won, obviously, but also paid the price." I said.

I may have seemed nonchalant, but in truth I was shaken by my near-death experience, feeling myself go white at remembering the fight. Finrod's arm tightened.

"What sort of snake?" His voice was a little too calm. He was forcing himself to remain unruffled. When I glanced, his face looked pale.

"One that can change size, but can grow to be as large as two of me. Impenetrable scales as hard as iron and steel made by even Maeglin, teeth as large as daggers and just as sharp, acidic blood, and spittle that also melts everything it comes into contact with." I held out my hand for proof. "And strength to send me flying into a pillar and break my shoulder, nose, ribs, and puncture my lung, weak as I am." I added dryly.

"How did you ever defeat it?" Finrod asked incredulously.

"Do not think me a hero, my lord. Everyone and every creature has at least one weak spot somewhere. I found it to be in the roof of his mouth, very susceptible to a poisoned arrow. After all, I am an assassin." I said, looking up at him with a sour quirk of the mouth.

He sighed. "At least we know of how to defeat one." He said, but sounded rather dissatisfied.

"That's enough consolation for me." I said, and then changed the subject, rather uncomfortable with the current topic. "Maeglin is with King Turgon?" I said, cuddling Esgalnoron, who snuggled against me, purring and nudging my chin with his nose.

Finrod gave me an understanding look and shook his head, walking towards the door. "Nay, he is here. He refused to leave, saying that he was happier here in the forges." He answered. "Shall I ask him to come?" He said, giving me a sad smile.

"If it is not a trouble." I answered, looking down. He came forwards again, and then kissed my brow before leaving.

"I shall give you the ring as soon as it is made." He said.

As soon as the door closed, I collapsed onto the bed. "Oh Esgalnoron. I was so scared... Is Thurwething alright?" I asked anxiously, trying to steady my trembling hands.

"I'm fine." A female voice answered, and she emerged from a dark corner. "No one notices a bat in a cave." She added dryly. I sighed and stood, hugging her in relief. "I'm sorry I was a bit... Incapacitated." I said wearily, sitting back down.

"Understood and no apology needed." She answered in a mechanical, detached tone. "If you don't mind me saying, you should rest and get your strength back." She said, morphing and fluttering back into the dark corner. I shook my head in her direction.

"Thank you." I said dryly, and then turned to Esgalnoron.

~Faelon's with Maeglin. He was so worried I had to practically kick him out, because he wasn't helping.~ Esgalnoron answered my wordless question. I nodded in relief and squeezed him to me.

"Oh Esgalnoron, I missed you so." I whispered, and told him everything that had happened to me. Before he had the chance to answer, however, the door flew open and slammed shut again, and there was someone crushing me.

"Maeglin- my- my lungs-" I wheezed, and he let go immediately. "I'm fine, I'm fine." I said hastily, holding my side. "Just... I didn't realize how strong you've grown..." I gave him a weak smile.

He shook his head. "I was worried." He said tersely. I sighed.

"For which I am sorry." I answered. "But I am well now, and I will be just fine." I said, patting his hand. He hugged me again, more gingerly this time, as Faelon rolled about my lap and squeaked loudly in happiness.

There was no need for words. Everything was understood, and comfortable silence communicated better then any poem could.

He finally left reluctantly, and I was eager to sleep and rest for the first in a long time. Just then, however, Faelon rolled into my hand. I hugged him, and he squeaked.

"I know, Faelon, and I'm sorry for worrying you too. I missed you." I said softly, and he bobbed before beginning to expand.

Sauron's face appeared into view. "Where are you." He demanded.

"Umm... Trying to kill Finrod?" I offered.

"After a fight with one of Nirad's filth!?" He exploded.

"I'm fine! I regained my strength and managed to slowly heal, and I'll be fine if I rest. Just a few more scars to add to my collection." I tried to placate him, to no avail.

"Just wait until I get my hands on Nirad-"

"And jeopardize everything?" I cut in desperately.

He closed his eyes and forced himself to calm down, grinding his teeth. "We need to leave." He said tersely.

"Just half a century more, please Ada." I begged. "Please, and then I promise we'll leave." I said.

"Fine, but no more. Hurry up and come back." He said, but I could detect concern in his voice. I nodded.

"Promise. Where's Ancalagon?" I asked, suddenly wondering if it was wise to ask.

"Off trying not to strangle Nirad." Sauron answered with grim satisfaction. I closed my eyes in resignation.

"May I speak to him?" I asked warily.

"As you wish." And the image swirled for a few moments. Ancalagon slowly appeared, obviously in a quieter, more secluded area.

"Caladiel?" His lips pressed together in a thin line.

"I'm alright." I said hastily. "I promise, and I'm coming back soon. Just... Don't do anything rash. I promise I'm fine, just a few more scars is all." I said, praying it to be true. My side protested.

He was silent for a moment. "Just come back soon." He mumbled.

"I will, Ancalagon." Then I gave him a tired smile. "See you." I said. Faelon shrank.

I passed out, too tired to even think anymore.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

~Caladiel? Wake up!~

I jerked upright and let out a shout of surprised pain as a twinge ran through my chest. Taking a deep breath, I felt the pain ebb as I rubbed my chest.

~Sorry.~ Esgalnoron nudged me apologetically.

"It's fine, Esgalnoron." I answered, and pulled my shirt down slightly to see my skin.

There was only a yellow-greenish fading bruise on my left side, and when I prodded anywhere else there was no pain. I breathed deeply and was relieved not to hear any wheeze in my chest, signaling that my lung was healed. Thank Eru for His mercies.

Then I turned to my arms and shoulder, rolling up my sleeve. My shoulder had a scar on it from where a shard of rock had embedded itself into my skin, but wouldn't show unless my shoulder was exposed. I shrugged, both to test my shoulder and to tell the concerned Esgalnoron and Faelon that it didn't particularly distress me. I was never that particular about my looks, although I will admit that I didn't want to look like a bum either.

My arms and legs were marked with faint white spots from acid scars, but to be honest, compared to my skin as it already was it wasn't noticeable at first glance. Although it would be to any experienced eye, true.

I turned back to Esgalnoron questioningly. ~On the table.~ He answered, and I turned to see that there was a small, silver ring on it. I picked it up and studied it. It was an exact replica of the one on Finrod's left forefinger.

For a moment I closed my eyes in pain, remembering his forgiveness and understanding of my cruelty yesterday. But I had made my apologies and he had forgiven me. What was that quote that I had heard back on earth? "If one fights with monsters, one must be careful not to become a monster themselves." I would learn my lesson, and move on a little wiser and better for it.

But I also remembered his words. They drove into my heart with unending pain, because I wanted to accept them so badly but couldn't. _You are one of my people, child. My ward, if you would but allow it. _Why? Why does he have to continually say those words, every time I see him? Doesn't he realize how much it makes me need to leave as soon as possible so that I flee the temptation to accept?

With a sigh, I shut in my light and bit my finger, holding it out. With my darkened form, I could smell Thurwething's hunger. She flew out of her corner and perched on my fingers, not even bothering to change form. She nibbled further as I winced, and began to regain her own strength. I needed to get her out of here as soon as possible.

"We need to leave. But first, I need to go see Finrod and Maeglin." I said grimly, rather unhappy about the whole ordeal. But then, I'm unhappy with my whole life, what am I talking about?

I waited until Thurwething had had her fill, fiddling with the ring in my fingers. With a quick flick of my fingers, the broken skin healed. Taking a knife from my belt, I made a neat but hasty slice in the ring, bending it out of shape. Then I stood, ignoring the lingering ache in my ribs, and pocketed Faelon, returning to my lighter form. Esgalnoron leaped into my pocket, and I held out my hand to Thurwething. She perched upside-down on my fingers, and I opened the door, walking out with the he ring in my innermost pocket.

With a swallow, I made my way to the forges where I knew that Maeglin would be, no doubt pounding out his insecurities, fears, worries, and frustrations. And just as undoubtedly, making another masterpiece out of it. That was Maeglin. It defined him.

I stopped in the doorway of the forge, and Thurwething fluttered into my pocket. Maeglin was the only one in the forge, and I watched as he manipulated the hammer to meet the anvil. I couldn't tell what he was making, but I was much too concentrated on his face to pay attention anyway. Unlike Sauron, who had an expressionless face when he worked, Maeglin's was an open book. To me, that is, since I was the one who raised him. His lips pressed together as he breathed heavily through his nose, and his obsidian eyes glowed in the firelight with frustration.

He plunged his object into the barrel of water, and I started at the hissing noise, drawing his attention to me. He pulled it out after it had cooled sufficiently, and set his things down, turning to me with his arms crossed. I walked over to him, pausing in front of him and looking up at his face. I was definitely shorter than him. I was almost always dwarfed, except for maybe by orcs.

"Maeglin." I said softly, saying nothing else. He looked down at me for a moment.

"And I suppose that you are here to tell me that you are going back again?" He finally said, his voice low and tense, rough with restrained emotion. I placed my hands on his arms, feeling the coiled muscles underneath.

"Always so cold." I murmured, feeling the cool sweat on his skin, although he understood that I wasn't only talking about his outward temperature. "Can you not understand that it is necessary?" I asked reproachfully. "I do not like it any more than you do."

His nostrils flared, as did his eyes. "I see that it is necessary. I am not daft." He snapped back, then shut his mouth and eyes, reaching up to rub the bridge of his nose. "What does not sit well with me is that you were hurt. Eru only knows how many other hurts you have not told us about. You've raised me, Caladiel. Do not think that I care nothing for you when I've grown up with you all of my life." He said tersely.

"I know, little Prince." I answered sadly. "How well I know. And I, also, love you. But this I cannot help. It is what I am here for: my purpose and my life, just as your purpose is in creating these things that you love." I said, gesturing to the forge. Then I looked up at him. "Why do you not go home, to your mother and your uncle?" I asked gently.

"Because I cannot follow them." Maeglin answered. "My mother is broken. She thinks nothing of me, mourning over the world and her life. For all I know she fades." He said bitterly. "Mine uncle I cannot respect. He is cowardly, hiding behind his walls of safety and then retreating in the face of danger to the mouths of the Sirion." He said.

I sighed. "I thought I taught you better. Your uncle is perhaps proud, yes, but he is not cowardly. Did he not send ten thousand of his own into the Battle of Unnumbered Tears? Is he not the brother of Fingon, son of Fingolfin, he who did harm to the person of Morgoth Bauglir? Perhaps he has retreated for a time, but it is to gather strength to march again when the time is right." I chided, reaching up to brush a piece of his hair back from where it had fallen from his ponytail. "He is wise in his own rights."

"I care not to follow him. Perhaps I can respect him, but I cannot follow him with my heart. I wish not to live with them. Perhaps I am my father in that I care for the company of none but myself and those that I choose." He said tartly.

"Then that cannot be helped. But do you have no pity for your mother?" I answered.

"Pity! What good has pity ever done anyone?" He retorted incredulously. "She doesn't need my pity, she has her own, more than enough I should think. She is a princess, should she not be stronger? She acts as though she is miserable, and looks at me as though I have betrayed her and is no better than my father. Bah! Pity indeed." He snorted, and turned back to his work.

I sighed. Oh the stubbornness of the Eldar. All of them. "Very well. I cannot change your mind." I said wearily. "But will you not at least wish me well?" I asked.

"When are you leaving?" He asked in reply.

"After I speak with lord Finrod." I answered.

"Then come back after you have spoken with him." He said. I raised an eyebrow, but otherwise did not comment, merely nodding and making my way back out.

Thurwething crawled out of my pocket, wheezing. "It's too warm..." She complained.

"Shhh! Sorry, I can't help it." I whispered back. "We're leaving the forges."

She climbed back into my pocket, and I handed her the ring to guard. She clasped it in a talon.

When I finally made it to Finrod, it was to find him in his personal study, going over papers of reports I suppose. He looked up, and I bowed. "I- must leave." I said uncomfortably. He stood and walked over to me.

"Of course." He answered smoothly. "I have made arrangements to have another act as king in name only, while I make the true decisions from... seclusion." He said, and I could hear the wry tone in his voice. I grimaced.

"Forgive me if this makes trouble." I sighed.

"Perhaps, but it is easily explained to the people as an assassination attempt by the enemy." He answered. I nodded in understanding.

"Of course." It was my turn to agree. "I will return one day." I said, and he placed a kiss on my brow as from guardian to ward.

"Valar valuvar." He answered quietly, and I smiled before leaving. Yes, may the will of the Valar be done...

I returned to the forge to see Maeglin testing something in his hand. He turned as he heard me enter, and I saw that there was a dagger in his palm. He extended it towards me hilt-first. "Test it." He said.

I took it and hefted it in my palm, comparing it to the ones Sauron had made me. It was a well-balanced knife, the handle fitting snugly into my palm and weighted to accommodate for the blade. It was not made for throwing, although it was a heavy knife good for combat in close quarters. I tilted my head and threw it up in the air, allowing it to come down with a clatter on the sand-strewed floor.

I picked it back up. "It is a good blade." I said quietly, noticing that it had come down with the blade tilted a little more downwards than the hilt was. I handed it back to him, but he shook his head.

"I noticed that one of yours was missing." He said gruffly, nodding to the empty scabbard on my belt. I slid it into the empty spot, and it fit well. I looked up at him and smiled gratefully.

"Thank you." I said softly, and he grunted in reply.

"Just don't lose it." He answered, and I knew that it was his way of telling me not to be stupid. I stepped forwards and hugged him, and his arms wrapped about me tightly.

"I'll try my best, and I'll try to return, too. No promises." I said. He let me go, and I stepped back.

Then a half-smirk flashed across his face. "Bring me back a relic." He said, and I snorted.

"I could try. Do you want one made by Sauron?" I asked dryly, and he raised an eyebrow.

"That would be fine." He drawled, and I laughed before waving and stepping back out.

When I finally made it back to the open air and began our return trip to Angband on Esgalnoron, I sighed. "How he has grown." I said wistfully.

Thurwething morphed in front of me. "Who was he?" She queried.

"Maeglin, sister-son of Turgon, King of the Gondolinrim. I raised him, long ago. How handsome he has grown to be now." I said with a fond smile of remembrance. His skin had been as pale as ever, with his jet black hair inherited from both his parents tied behind his head. His eyelashes were as dark and thick as ever, sweeping attractively over his obsidian eyes.

"I see." Thurwething replied. I stole a glance to see a blank look on her face. I suppose it was surprising for her to see an elf that was as dark-haired as she was.

I just sat there and thought of my wanderings through the land of shadows, contemplating my master's message for help.

_"Caladiel, please. You already know me. You have spoken to me. If you can hear me now, please, tell Atar I want to accept the gift. You don't need to find a way to save me, because you already know that I am the only one who can fight my own battles. But I do need you to-" _

_Oh master, what do need from me? If only I knew, I would do anything to help..._

_Oh Atar, if you can possibly hear me, help your son. Allow him to accept the gift of your love..._

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

"Proof, master, just as you requested." I knelt before the throne and held out the broken, twisted ring. His cold, clammy hand brushed mine as he took it, and for a brief moment, I could hear Melkor's faint voice brushing against my mind.

_Caladiel, the light-_

I felt Morgoth look at me keenly, but kept my face blank and my gaze focused on his feet. Light? My- excuse me- Eru's light? What am I supposed to do with it? It's not like I can go on the Internet and do a search about it!

"I knew you wouldn't fail again, my pet." Morgoth chuckled, and a shiver raked down my spine. Should he ever figure out that this mission so very conveniently failed as well...

"Of course, master." I replied, and he waved a hand of dismissal. I stood to leave, but he suddenly turned to me again, tossing the ring into the bowl of lava next to his chair.

"Ah, and Caladiel-"

I turned to him again, and his gaze grew cool, though not utterly cold. "Beware of Nirad. You know that he is not to be trusted, especially where revenge is concerned. After all, you of all should know best about rouge obedience." He tilted his head and laughed mockingly.

"Of course, master." I said smoothly, and a small smile curled on my lips as I turned away and strode towards the door. Of course. Never trust a snake. If Morgoth was wise in anything relatively good, it was trust. He trusted no one but himself. But perhaps, that, too, would fail him in time.

As the doors shut behind me, I turned and presented the cowl of my hood to Rushirithir. He stood to attention and turned his dark, eyeless gaze upon me. "Rushirithir, I presume." I said with ironical, mocking politeness.

"Yes." He answered shortly.

"Tell me, where is Cosmoco?" I asked.

"Don't call me that, Thuringwethil." A voice hissed behind me angrily, whispery and low. "You know that I am that no longer."

"Ah!" I turned in mock surprise and tilted my head, holding out one hand with a smile curling my visible face. "Goth! How nice of you to- conveniently stop by." I said with a small, affected laugh.

"Get to the point, pet." He sneered in reply. I raised an eyebrow, though none of them saw it.

"Well my, my. Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the cave today, hmm? And here I only wanted to give you a warning." I adopted a mock-hurt voice and placed a hand on my chest.

"Then give it." Gothmog said with no little annoyance, hefting his whip.

"Ah, I am presuming you have met Nirad? Good." I said, noticing that the whip was cracked angrily at mention of the snake. "Well... Perhaps it would be good to keep an eye on him and his... brood. It doesn't look too good for your position- he's climbing the ladder of the master's favor rather quickly." I said, and then bowed to him in a mocking manner. "And I'm sure that that wouldn't bode very well for any of us, as well as things run under your supervision." I added smoothly, and then turned back to Rushirithir.

"And you-" I paused. Then I smiled thoughtfully. "I personally think that perhaps I'll keep an eye on you. You interest me... greatly." I said, and then turned and walked off. "Pleasure seeing you again, Cosmoco." I called back with a maddening laugh.

When I walked into Sauron's forge, it was with a self-satisfied grin on my face. Sauron turned and immediately raised an eyebrow. "You look... pleased." He said in a suspicious tone.

"Well... I mean, it's not everyday you have an excuse to rile Goth and not pay for it." I said with a grin. Both of his eyebrows shot up, and I pulled down my hood. "I may have... called him Cosmoco?" I said sheepishly, digging the toe of my boot into the ground and looking up at him innocently. He sighed long-sufferingly.

"Caladiel..." He began warningly. I sidled up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"But Ada, I also got him to get mad at and suspicious of Nirad." I interjected petulantly, nuzzling his chest. "Besides, I missed you." I said, and he wrapped his arms around me with a sigh, pressing the customary obsessive kiss to my temple. I closed my eyes, feeling his scalding heat seep into me comfortably.

"I was worried about you. Rushirithir said that you were gravely injured." He murmured.

"Nothing that couldn't be fixed. Just a few new scars to brag about." I tried to say it lightly, but the slight tremble of fear in my voice gave me away.

"He frightened you." Sauron growled.

I pulled away with a sigh. "Ada, every fight scares me, frankly. It's something not even the greatest warrior can help." I said wearily. "I just- this one was a little more life-threatening than the others." I admitted, turning away and pulling the heavy knife Maeglin had given me from my belt. I turned and handed it to him.

"Maeglin gave this to me. Maybe you can... tell me what's good about it?" I asked, and he gave me a keen look before dropping the topic in favor of the one I had presented.

He gave it a good whack with his hammer and a few other testing procedures before turning back to me. "It is a good knife." He admitted. "It has good balance and weight, indicating that a experienced warrior has forged this. It was mixed with mithril, and I couldn't bend or break it. It's hard to notch, and tapered well. I could probably add a small improvement, but for an Elven craftsman, this is well made." He said grudgingly. I took it back with a nod, fiddling with it in my hands.

"Thank you. You know, Ada-" I looked up at him, and he raised an eyebrow in reply. "Could you make me a good piece? A warrior's throwing dagger, big enough for an ellon. The best you can do." I requested. "Please Ada?" I pleaded. He looked at me unblinkingly for a moment, and then turned back to the anvil.

"As you wish. Bring me a design whenever you can and tell me when you want it done." He answered blankly. Stepping up to him, I placed a hand on his arm.

"Your own design, Ada. Anyway you want it made. Ornate, simple, anything that strikes your fancy at the moment. And anytime you can find time it can be done. I don't need it anytime in particular." I answered.

"Very well." He said, and turned back to the anvil. I had been away for such a long time that I hadn't had much time to see him anywhere but the forge, and even now I was still busy. With a deep breath, I pulled my hood back up and reached into my pocket.

Thurwething had apparently slipped out when we got back, and Faelon was asleep. Esgalnoron perched on my arm, and I looked at him for a moment. He tilted his head, and for a moment I allowed myself to get lost in his ageless gaze. I swam in the bottomless cavern of his eyes, just emptying my mind of everything else for a moment. For a few precious seconds, I could forget everything. Forget all of my troubles. But Esgalnoron knew this, and knew how dangerous it was for too long, and never failed to pull me back to reality.

~Where are you going next?~ He broke my slight trance gently, and I stirred, beginning to move out the door.

"Well, for one thing, I need new boots, Esgalnoron." I said with a slight giggle at the seeming frivolity of it. "My soft ones that I use for missions are wearing out, and I'll be needing a new pair as soon as possible." I mused aloud. "And then, I need to have a talk with you." I added, suddenly remembering a private resolve I had made to myself a while ago.

~Is something wrong?~ He queried worriedly.

"No. I mean- that is- it is to me and my conscience, but not- having to do with- anything else." I stammered, caught off-guard for a moment.

~I see. As you wish.~ He answered, sounding a tad relieved.

With a sigh, I nodded and headed towards the area where I needed to go get my boots. It was going to be a long evening.


	22. Chapter 22

**Well, first off, Kalarion now belongs to Gwestiel. She owns him and his fate. ;) **

**Secondly, the reason this took so long was because of that section at the bottom of this page combined with my never-ending travels. Apologies.**

**But anyways, hope you enjoy, and please tell me what you think! Thanks for all the reviews. ;)**

**Read!**

**Enjoy!**

**Review!**

* * *

Chapter 21

I sat in my room, on my bed, twisting my feet in my new boots and pacing to try to break them in a little. They were stiff of course, and I needed them to be more limber by the time I went on another mission. I winced as I continued to pace, feeling them pinch my feet a bit.

"Well, Esgalnoron, I might as well talk as I pace." I sighed, pulling Faelon out of my pocket and setting him on the bed. He rolled into a corner and listened drowsily.

"Of course." Esgalnoron spoke aloud for Faelon's benefit. I wasn't afraid of spies, since the room was soundproof with all of the stone walls and also impossible to infiltrate, no matter how small. And I happened to know that Nirad's brood couldn't get that small.

"Well for one thing, I need to sort out my feeling about Ancalagon." I said with a groan. "This is so hopeless, Esgalnoron. How am I ever going to separate the feelings produced from the bond and sympathy from anything else?" I said despairingly, tossing my hands up and spinning on my heel to begin a new round around the room.

"Forget about that for a moment and think about this: could you have been attracted to him before the bond was created?" Esgalnoron cut to the chase calmly. His statement startled me so much that I stopped and stared at him, mouth open.

"Wait, what?" I said, not angrily but just confused and startled.

"Think back to before you started having those feelings." He nodded in the direction of my torso, and I instinctively put my hands up to it and pressed, feeling it throb slightly. "How did you feel about him? Was he really ever a brother in your mind, or was he just a friend? Were you comfortable around him?" He pressed.

I paused to think about it, absently pacing in circles. Had I? I began to slowly think out loud. "Well... You know, I don't actually remember ever calling him brother or thinking of him with that particular label. As for being comfortable, I did trust him, though not really right off the bat. And I did find comfort in his presence sometimes, but he was trying to comfort me." I answered slowly.

"And when you heard about the bond, what were your immediate thoughts?" Esgalnoron asked.

"I- of course I was shocked and... repulsed. But not necessarily at Ancalagon, just at the prospect of being- well, bred, to put it frankly." I shuddered. "And I never did think badly of Ancalagon, though that was mainly because I knew that he had nothing to do with it." I added thoughtfully.

"Then look at all of the facts, Caladiel. Whether or not you realized it, both of you had chemistry. You were attracted to him. According to what you told me, apparently he was and is too. And think about this too: you have sympathy for him, and that alone should tell you that there's a high chance that you're making this harder than it should be. Think, Celine. You're already wed to him. Would it really be that hard to admit that you've fallen in love with him, if just a little? If he had proposed to you, if both of you had had a free choice in some life other than this one, would you have been able to say yes, and willingly bear him children out of love and not duty? Would you- are you- willing to fight by his side, to protect him and allow him to protect you? To live with him as long as you are allowed, in the time that you've been given?" He ended softly, fluttering to my shoulder and sitting on it comfortingly.

I sat down on the bed, pulling him into my arms and scratching his head. I set him on the bed, and he decided to morph into his wolf form. I scratched behind his ears as he growled in contentment and nuzzled my hand.

"Oh Esgalnoron." I whispered, thinking on his words. "Somehow, I always forget that you are so much older and wiser than I am. Forgive me for that. I truly do appreciate you." I said softly, wrapping my arms around him and resting against his bulk. "You've been my big brother protector." I sighed. He chuckled quietly and licked my cheek, curling around me protectively.

"Well, you protected me first, and I suppose I chose to place my allegiance with you." He answered, and I stroked his muzzle, feeling the slightly-prickly fur underneath my fingers.

"But if we ever go to Valinor one day, you'll have to pledge allegiance to some Vala. I'm not a Vala, and you're a Maia. I'm not even that either." I said.

"I go where you go, and I serve who you serve. I will live where you live, and I will follow wherever you choose to wander. I'm sure that the Valar can understand that some bonds cannot be broken." He answered gently, laying his head on my lap. I felt a tear roll off of my nose and splash on his fur.

"Oh Esgalnoron. Thank you. I'll always love you." I said brokenly, sniffling into his fur. He snuffled my hair and licked my cheek.

"Don't cry." He said, his chest rumbling against my legs. "I'll be here."

I smiled. "I'm crying cause I'm happy, silly." I giggled, wiping away my tears. "Which reminds me, I know that most Maia can make their own forms. Why couldn't you?" I queried.

"Because I was bound by Morgoth." Was his simple answer. "He allowed us to choose one form or none, and bent his will upon us so that we could not change by ourselves." He said.

I pursed my lips. "Well, since he's a Vala I don't think I can change that, and even if I could with my light I don't know how to and there's no one to ask. So I think I'll just ask you straight out: do you want a humanoid form? Elf, man? I've been meaning to ask you..." I trailed off, and he lifted his head, looking at me curiously.

"I suppose I've never thought of it. What would you use as a prototype?" He queried. I smiled wryly.

"Well I was thinking that your genius idea of a hair would work, although of course you do have a limit to growing with an Elven form." I answered dryly, and he chuckled.

"Of course. Well, I admit that I wouldn't mind, but it is up to you. I know how much effort and strength it takes to make me a form." He answered.

"Anything for you, Esgalnoron. You deserve it." I said. He looked at me for a moment, and then bared his teeth in a canine smile. I snickered at him, and he playfully batted a paw at me.

"Don't laugh. But yes, I would like that." He said gratefully. I smiled.

"Sorry for laughing, but I can't help it. Would you like to look like anything in particular?" I asked, reaching up and plucking one of my hairs.

"Make me how you think of me." Was his answer, and I smiled.

"Alright then." I said, and set the hair down on the floor along with a piece of cloth. For a moment I looked at Esgalnoron, a finger held to my lips in thought. What did I imagine him to look like?

Then I nodded with a soft smile and closed my eyes, opening my light half-way. All the way and I would possibly blind someone, including myself. Then I bent my whole thought and will upon the hair, and thought about every detail of Esgalnoron, from the tips of his toes to the last hair. Then I thought about the piece of cloth, clothing him in it before reaching out and linking the wolf to the new form.

I closed off my light and collapsed on the bed, sweating and gasping from effort. I'd never tried something that big or complicated before, and I wasn't used to expending that much energy. With a groan, I sat up and rubbed with a grimace the migraine that was in my temples. Then I cracked open watery eyes to look at Esgalnoron- and promptly forgot about my headache.

Esgalnoron looked back at me, his face bewildered. "I feel... Different. What?" He addressed my gaping mouth.

I spluttered. "Jeez big brother, maybe I shouldn't allow you to go out in public!" I squawked.

He was breathtaking. I would never think of him as anything more than a brother, but I had to admit that my imagination sure didn't lack any fondness for him. His hair was a metallic blue-black color streaked with red highlights, and his eyes were amber-colored. His face was perfectly chiseled with pale skin, and his physique was strong and limber just like an elf. His hair was long and hid his leaf-shaped ears, and he was wearing a pair of high boots with sleek, dark blue colored trousers and shirt decorated with the symbol of an eye.

I pulled him in front of the broken shard of glass in the room, and he looked at himself quizzically. He looked at his arms and lifted his legs. He was definitely larger and stronger and taller than I was. Then he tilted his head at the mirror.

"This is how you think of me?" He asked, and I was unable to tell by his voice what he thought.

"Well... Yes." I answered. He looked down, then looked back up at me- and grinned.

"Well thank you- little sister." He said, and I laughed and hugged him. He hugged me back, kissing the top of my head. "I promise to protect you as best I can." He said firmly.

I paused. "That's all good and well, but we've got a problem now." I said dryly.

"Oh?"

"You're gonna have to remain an animal most of the time. I'm a girl, Esgalnoron, and I'm also married."

"Oh. Right."

The awkward silence was suddenly broken by Faelon squeaking in hysterical laughter.

"What!?" We both shouted at the fireball.

Then I collapsed laughing hysterically.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

"Okay, so... Why in the name of the good Valar are you in my bed?"

Thurwething looked at me with her abnormally red eyes, blinking in seeming innocence. "I just woke up here." She dodged the point.

I raised my eyebrow and got out of the bed, straightening my robes as best as possible and trying to tie the top half of my hair back. "Never mind. Just warn me next time you decide to crash on my bunk. I don't even know how you got in, but... You know what? I'm not even gonna ask." I cut myself off and picked up Faelon, giving him a pat and stringing him on my neck.

Esgalnoron was in wolf form, and his mouth opened in a cavernous, toothy yawn as he growled and stretched. I bent over to pull my soft boots on and noticed my tattered robes. All this time, I'd only left them patched and not properly fixed. When I popped back up to fix them, it was to have Esgalnoron in front of me. His chest rumbled, and he gently mouthed my hair before nuzzling my face.

I shoved his face away gently. "Ai, Esgalnoron! You're too big to be doing that! You're at least three times my size and certainly stronger." I scolded, kissing his nose and tearing off a strip of my robe. "Besides, I can never quite think of you the same now." I rolled my eyes good-naturedly, and he snorted.

"Whatever." He grumbled, and laid back down with his eyes half-opened and watching me.

"Thurwething, my dear, find a safe place while I fix this, won't you?" I asked absently, going to the mirror and properly fixing my hair.

"What?"

I turned to look at her, and she stood there with an odd look on her face, both blank and yet half expressive, as though she was struggling with something. I raised an eyebrow.

"Is there... Something wrong?" I ventured.

"You said..." She trailed off, and I thought back to what I had said.

"Ahh. You mean I called you my dear. Naturally, Thurwething, since you are my apprentice and therefore in my care and my concern." I said, turning back to the mirror nonchalantly. With Thurwething, it was best to be as unemotionally significant as possible, or in very small amounts. She was unable to grasp the concept of deep emotion, and I was trying to slowly teach her along.

"Why?" Her voice was genuinely confused, and I could understand why.

I turned back to her, having sufficiently untangled my hair and made it as smooth as I could possibly get it. "Thurwething, dear, just because Balrogs, orcs, or whatever else there is in this place has no care for their apprentices or those underneath them does not mean that I also work that way. The Faithful look out for one another as much as possible, and that way we make a better work force. You are currently my concern because you are under my leadership, just as Norgaladir, Rushirithir, and all of the other dragons are as well. We must take care of the newest and weakest until they can properly take care of themselves. I am not worried for the others because they are much older and more experienced. You, however, are new and young, and I must see to it that you are properly trained to take care of yourself." I explained patiently, drawing a new clothes design on the stone floor with a piece of hardened lava.

"I- see." She said, and then stirred herself to safely hide behind a pillar and think on my words. Esgalnoron gave me a knowing look, which I returned before waving him over.

He stirred himself and trotted forwards, dropping lazily to his haunches and looking at my sketch.

"What do you think?" I queried, and he morphed into his Elven form, grabbing my piece of makeshift chalk and making a quick correction.

"I think that is better." He decided. I gave him a mingled incredulous and horrified look.

"Whaaaat!?" I demanded. He grinned at me.

"Look, it's reasonable, comfortable, and yet protective. Plus, all I did was make it look a little better." He wheedled. I groaned, but stood and shoved him over.

"Fine, fine." I sighed, and opened my light. Thurwething came out after I finished and the danger of getting burned was over. When I pulled on the robes, I turned to them for feedback. Esgalnoron, back in his wolf form, growled in approval. Thurwething tilted her head.

"It's... different?" She offered. "Not too bad... Quite..." She trailed off, and I turned to the mirror.

"Quite wha- oh. Esgalnoron..." I stared at my reflection.

"I don't know..."

The robe was still black, and my leggings were also still pitch black. But the robe was tight-fitting, flaring out just above the waist and trailing down the sides and back and split in the middle. The hood was the same that it had been before, with the red extension that hid my eyes. The sleeves, however, were tight, with two triangles coming down the backs of my hands. The usual red eye was on the chest.

"Yeah... Don't even try to come up with a word." I said weakly, looking down at my arms. "Esgalnoron... I really don't know. My scars-"

"Should be borne proudly, Caladiel. Wear it. It will give you better mobility. Trust me." He replied firmly, and I sighed.

"You'd better be glad that I love you, brother." I glared horribly, but he merely showed his teeth in smug pleasure, and I shook my head.

"Whatever. I need to go see the master." I mumbled, and moved out the door with Esgalnoron deciding to fly above my head in his pocket dragon form. I was walking along the hallway absently when I rounded a corner and bumped into someone. Taken by surprise, I looked up- and promptly let out a muffled squeak before staggering back and holding my heart.

"Good master, Ada- you scared me." I said weakly. Sauron chuckled, his small fangs showing. He was in his vampire form, and near about scared the Nazgûl out of me. I groaned and shook my head as he returned to normal form.

"Pardon. It was necessary. Master says to tell you that you have no outside orders today. Do not come to him." He informed me before starting to walk down the hall. "Oh, and I would suggest you try to make some kind of progress with that dragon. Master's getting a little anxious." He added over his shoulder. I ground my teeth and stomped down the hallway, not really going anywhere in particular.

"Why?" I raged half-quietly. Esgalnoron landed on my shoulder. "Why does everyone have to take an inordinate interest in my love life!? Why? Can't I just-" I suddenly stopped in the middle of a small, secluded area that I found myself in and clutched a spur of rock in the wall. It was the same hallway where I had broken Ancalagon's heart. The same place where my perspective on life had changed forever.

I walked into the dark room quietly, and then leaned against the wall, facing it. "Why?" I whispered. "Why did it have to be you?" I asked no one in particular, digging my nails against the wall. "Why now? Why me?" I demanded answers of no one.

"Oh Caladiel, why now?" I whispered to myself. Why was it that when I was here, when I thought of Ancalagon, my whole mindset changed? I had wanted to die before, to escape this living hell. But now... Because of Ancalagon... I want to live. But why him?

"Caladiel?" A slightly startled voice asked. I started and staggered away from the wall, falling and landing on my backside facing the doorway, where a tall form was silhouetted. It started forwards, then paused. Esgalnoron flittered into a corner, snatching Faelon as he went. I stared, breathing stuttered.

"Caladiel? Are you..." It trailed off. Esgalnoron lit a torch in the room, illuminating the doorway slightly and casting me into shadow. I stood up.

"Ancalagon?" I asked hesitantly. "What are you..." I also trailed off.

He took a step forwards. "I was- I had some time so I was coming to think-" he sounded almost like he was fumbling for an answer.

"I'm sorry to disturb you- I also was dismissed from duty-" I started, and we both stopped.

"It's... Not a disruption." Ancalagon finally said. I nodded and looked down, then looked back up.

"Will you join me in- thinking?" I offered, and he nodded before stepping in fully and coming up beside me. We stood in silence for a moment.

"You looked... distraught." Ancalagon stated hesitantly.

"I was." I answered quietly. "I was thinking about you."

That gave him a pause. "Me?" He sounded slightly confused.

"Yes. About us, actually. I was working on my promise." I finished weakly.

"I see." His answer was short but quiet. "I see you have new clothes." He ventured.

"Yes. I'm not sure I like them, but Esgalnoron designed them..." I answered, looking down at my sleeves and stretching my arms out. I distinctly heard him swallow.

"They compliment you." He answered in a strained tone, and then looked away, shifting. I felt my cheeks heat and hugged myself, silently and mentally berating Esgalnoron.

"Th-thank you." I stammered, and then paused, taking a deep breath. I turned, and placed a hand on Ancalgon's arm. He stiffened in surprise before turning to me. "Ancala, I-" I stepped forwards. "I've been working on my promise, and I- I wanted to ask you something." I started.

"Of course." He answered.

"Actually I wanted to- I mean I- I want to know if you would be willing to carry this, and if you wish give me something in return." I stammered, holding out my palm. He paused, then took the small object from my hand.

"It's a pendant." He said interestedly.

"Yes. It's nothing, really-"

He cut me off by stepping forwards and taking my hand. From one of his pockets, he took a small band of mithril and placed it awkwardly on my left index finger. "I heard this is what elves do..." He said, and then let go of my hand. I looked at the ring as he slid on the small necklace with the pendant of a mithril arrow that I had given him.

"Thank you." I said softly, and he nodded.

"Thank you." He answered. "You still haven't told me why you were distraught."

I looked down. "I've wanted to die, Ancalagon." I said quietly, tears beginning to well in my eyes. "I've wanted to escape this place, to just go and die and forget everything. To start over again, to beg Eru to take away this- just this." I said brokenly. "And then this happened, and I wanted to die even more- and then I made you the promise-" I broke off and pressed a hand to my mouth. Ancalagon just stood there, and his breathing was heavy.

"And then I began to work on my promise." I went on shakily. "And the more I thought, the more I tried- now I realize that I- I don't want to die anymore." I hitched. "I saw that I found myself a reason to go on living, something worthwhile-" I couldn't go on, but I didn't really need to.

Ancalagon had lunged forwards and grasped me, pulling me into his chest and burying his face into my hair as I shook with silent tears. His arm wound about my waist, and his other buried into my hair. My hands grasped his tunic. "Caladiel." He whispered. "Caladiel, I-"

But I placed my fingers against his lips, silencing him. I could feel his breath, hot and moist, against my skin. "Don't." I whispered back. "Don't say it. I'm not ready to return it yet, Ancalagon. I need more time. But I know that I can, and when that time comes, then you can say the rest. But for now, don't say it yet." I said quietly, my voice thick. My fingers slid against his mouth, falling away. His grip tightened.

His face bent close to mine, and I pulled back slightly, looking into his ruby eyes. "Are you sure? Very sure? I haven't proven anything yet. And I want to be very sure." He murmured.

"Yes." I answered honestly.

"It's more than I ever hoped for." He whispered. "I need you, Caladiel. You are my light." He said hoarsely, his breathing ragged.

"Ancalagon, I- I'm not perfect-"

His cheek pressed against my hair. "And I am far from it." He murmured. For the first time, I relaxed in his grip, feeling at least safe and even slightly happy.

"I trust you, Ancala." I told him, against his chest.

"I want to protect you." He answered quietly. "Live, Caladiel. I need you to stay by me forever. To guide me."

"I want to live. If just- if just for you... To give happiness to someone besides myself..." My voice hitched.

His hand slid up in my hair, and he drew my waist into him tightly, tilting my head up. "Caladiel." He murmured, his nose next to mine.

"Ancalagon- I-"

His lips quieted my trembling ones, barely touching them. I closed my eyes, tears slipping down my cheeks. I hadn't wanted to break his heart. And I knew that I was truly, genuinely falling in love with him. But I wanted to be sure. Very sure. His face lifted.

"Ancalagon- please-" I whispered, wanting comfort, seeking his touch.

His breath was ragged. "Caladiel- I can't-"

"I trust you." I whispered. His eyes closed, and he pressed my mouth to his. His heat soothed me, like Sauron, soaking into my skin.

My lower stomach suddenly clenched, throbbing inconsolably. I pulled away from him with a muffled cry of mingled pain and surprise, clutching my abdomen. He swept me up as I curled into his chest, letting out a whimper. "Ancalagon-" I rasped, crying silently. "Please- why is it so _flat_-"

"I'm sorry." He said brokenly, kissing my temple. "I'm sorry, Caladiel."

"Please, it needs to be _round_." I couldn't even think coherently. "I need to have it _growing_-"

"Shh, don't- Caladiel, please." Ancalagon sounded almost panicked.

"Ancalagon, I need it! I can't do this anymore, I need- please-" I started panicking, shaking as his presence affected me. I could feel his panic, his sorrow, his horror-

"Caladiel, don't!" His voice raised in trepidation. I stopped, burying myself into him and weeping. "I'm sorry, but if you go on- I can't help it, it's affecting both of us-" He pleaded for me to understand, cradling me gently. I shook my head against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "But he gave me- but then he took it back and I _need_ it-"

"I know. I know." He sank down against the wall, holding me against him as he buried his face into my shoulder. "And I want it to be mine." He rasped. Pain flooded me. It was _his_ pain, acute and longing.

"Don't hurt, Ancalagon." I whispered pleadingly. "It hurts me..."

He shook against my shoulder, holding me to him tightly. "I'm sorry. It's all wrong..." He said hoarsely. I leaned against him comfortably, slowly coming back to my own senses.

"I know. Nothing is ever right here." I answered softly, and pulled my hand through his hair. "But for now, let's just think about what's right." I murmured.

He didn't answer, but I didn't need one. The way his hands tightened and his breath evened out slowly was enough for me to understand.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I winced slightly as I knelt before Morgoth in his throne. My knees ached slightly from the cold and the haste of running quietly through the halls.

"Caladiel, my pet." Morgoth finally spoke. He sounded rather bored, and I knew that that was not a very good thing. "I want you to go and bring me back a report on Túrin. Glaurung has become lazy, and the orcs have not caught him yet." He said, leaning back and flicking a hand towards the bowl beside his throne.

"Yes master. Should I bring him back?" I asked.

"No." Was his curt answer.

"As you wish." I answered, and stood to leave. He said nothing, and I knew it was because he knew that he would never catch me off-guard again.

My mind was whirling as I walked towards the main doorway. Faelon squeaked, and I started before pulling Esgalnoron out of my pocket. "Sorry guys. I almost forgot about you." I said with a sigh. "Now, where is Thurwething?" I mumbled.

"Thuringwethil." A familiar voice said from in front of me.

"What is it now, Goth?" I snarled in impatience.

"Get rid of these for me." He answered imperturbably. I glanced at the contingent of humans he was dragging along behind them.

"They are not filth, Cosmoco. I cannot harvest them." I said irritably, and made to go around him.

"Do not call me that." He hissed. "And at least dispatch them." He added. I groaned, then turned to them. They looked at me with vague horror.

"Which of you are ready to leave?" I asked. All of them raised their hands. I stepped forwards to one of them and reached out my hand, and he didn't even recoil. My hand hit his chest. His soul was tarnished, but there was still a faint gleam from within. My fingernails scratched a white mark against his bare chest.

"Nope." I said, and turned to leave.

"I said dispatch them." He snarled.

"Then give them to me, for the master's sake!" I snapped, and grabbed the chain. He let go of them and lumbered off, muttering. I ran a hand through my pockets until I found what I was looking for- a set of skeleton keys. Then I led the gang of tattered humans through the hallways back down to the lower slave halls. I went up to Norgaladir and tossed the keys and chain to him, which he caught and nodded to me. He would first unlock them and then take them to a tunnel that led to the outside and let them go.

Then I took the dagger that Maeglin had given me and twirled it in the end of my fingers. "So, I am to oversee the progress of the curse on Túrin, am I?" I murmured quietly. "Then..."

I walked quietly through the shadows until I found the section where the elves were set to mining. Then I looked at each of them until I found the one I was looking for. He had white hair and looked old and wearied, struggling to load rocks into the cart while the overseeing Orc made as though it were going to whip him. For a moment, I regretted missing the Battle of Unnumbered Tears.

"Do not touch him." My voice carried through the caverns, though I stayed hidden. "I command all work to come to a stop."

Everyone stopped, and an Orc that was obviously the main overseer stepped forwards. "What is this?" He snarled. "Keep on!" He barked at the others.

"I commanded you to stop." My voice, raised and clearly deadly, made all of them hesitate. "Gwindor, I command you to step forwards." My voice was calmer.

"Don't move a step." The Orc snapped. "Who are you?"

I sighed, and then slipped through the shadows until I had slipped behind the cart that the Elf in question had been loading. "Oh, I thought everyone here knew me." I chuckled lowly. Heads snapped in my general direction, and I chose to spring out and slash the dagger across the throat of the Orc looking over Gwindor. He looked at me, pale and with a horrified look on his face. I clamped a hand on his collar.

"I want this one." I said, tipping his chin up as though studying him. The light of despair in his eyes increased. "And next time I tell you to stop, I expect myself to be obeyed. Is that understood!?" I roared at the Orc, who staggered back in fear, even though I was a good three meters away from him.

"Of course." He stammered.

"You saw nothing here." I snarled, and then grabbed the chain around Gwindor's wrists. "Come on." I said in impatience, and he staggered along behind me. I made my way back up to the main levels and towards the corridors where I knew my apprentice preferred to lurk.

"Thurwething." I said, still striding through the hallways. She landed next to me and morphed, glancing behind us. We made our way to the outside, and I paused as Esgalnoron flew out of my pocket. Thurwething started towards Gwindor, who I noticed took a step back.

"No." I said sharply to Thurwething, who backed off. "He is not a snack."

She gave me an understanding look, but muttered darkly under her breath. "And don't call me that." I added dryly, and she pretended to sulk. Esgalnoron lowered a wing, and I promptly began to drag a weakly protesting Gwindor aboard. We finally settled down and he took off, Gwindor letting out a small whimper and clutching the chain, which I held steady. Once we were far enough away from Angband, I pulled down my hood and pulled another set of skeleton keys from my pocket.

I reached forwards and pushed Gwindor's hair back. Despite himself, he flinched, and I sighed before letting out my light a tiny bit. "Gwindor, I'm not here to kill you." I said quietly, and he stared at me with eyes as wide as saucers. I pulled back my hair, and he gasped as he saw the pointed tip.

"Yes, I also am one of the Eldar. One of Finrod Felgund's people." I added as an afterthought, reaching forwards and inserting the key into the lock and grabbing the chain before it fell down to the ground two hundred miles below. He rubbed his wrists and wilted.

"Why are you doing this?" His voice was cracked and weak, and I instantly regretted not having water or food to give him.

"Because I work in the dark to serve the light." I answered quietly, and he gazed at me with clouded eyes. "Sleep. We have a journey ahead of us." I murmured, and he needed no further encouragement.

When we arrived at the place where I knew Beleg would find him, I carefully let Gwindor down and propped him against a tree, urging Esgalnoron to fly on as quietly as possible. We were in Taur-nu-Fuin, and I guided Esgalnoron over the treetops quietly like a wraith on wings, looking below for the Orc pack I was searching for. Finally, I guided Esgalnoron down lower to the ground until we were skimming the tree-tops.

~Keep watch above with Faelon and tell me if you see anything strange.~ I said, and he bobbed his head.

"Thurwething, pocket." I said shortly, and in a moment a little bat was clawing her way into my pocket. Crouching on Esgalnoron's back, I looked down and finally made a leap off onto a nearby tree-branch. Esgalnoron banked and flew farther away, while I clambered down the tree as quietly as I could. To anyone else I would seem like a mere shadow rustling through the trees, but to my trained ears I was lumbering like an elephant. Maybe I should try practicing tree-climbing.

When I finally made it to the ground, my eyes managed to pick out the form of a wolf skulking in the trees. I stood my ground and remained still, preferring to remain unseen even if I was more than capable of being able to subdue the beast if necessary. The beasts can smell of course, but their sight isn't as good. If I stayed perfectly still, I might have a faint chance of remaining hidden as long as the wind blew my scent down wind.

The wind shifted. I stifled a groan as the wolf's head shot up and he bounded in my direction. In a moment, I had slid to the side and kicked it hard in the hipbone as it leapt past, jaws snapping empty air. A yelp was muffled by the thick, oppressive air. There was a storm brewing in the air, and my sensitive darkened form could see the lightening flash. I started counting. _Fifteen, fourteen-_

The werewolf turned and stalked around me. _Thirteen, twelve, eleven-_ "Nadal, ashdautasub vrasubatlat. Burguul gajup zan zotob." My voice was pitched low and guttural, and the beast's ears pricked. It sniffed the air in my direction, and then turned and trotted away. I sighed. And here I had been hoping that I would never have to use the black speech. _Ten, nine, eight, seven, six-_

I resumed my skulk and slipped very near to the camp, knowing that the werewolves would ignore me now. _Five, four-_ There were at least twenty orcs, and they were eating whatever they had managed to loot I suppose. My eyes searched for another. There. _Three, two-_

Thunder cracked like a whip. The storm was less than a mile away. My mind quickly calculated the time that I would have to tamper with this mission. My eyes focused on the one lone, unconscious figure set apart from the other captured people. If I made myself known now, I just might have a chance to be here when faithful Gwindor led _him_ here. My time was running out. I had half an hour before the shooting would start.

I made my way quietly to the fire, standing just on the edges of the circle of light cast about it. If the orcs turned, they would be hard-pressed to see me because their eyes would be blinded by the firelight and unused to the dark, especially just on the edges. I just stood there for a moment, listening with a curled lip to the crude comments.

"Mirdautas vras." One growled in pleasure.

Another made a sound of assent. "Ang gijak-ishi." It answered to the first.

The rest of the ones not on guard grunted in agreement. One poured itself another tankard. "Ambor mabas lufut."

The rest raised their tankards. "Vrasubatburuk ug butharubatgruiuk." They cheered each other.

I'd had quite enough to do with that conversation. "Ashdautas vrasubatlat." I greeted in the common manner. The one closest to me jumped and leaped around. I noticed that some of the captives had looked up at the sound of my voice.

"Afar vadokanuk!" The Orc spluttered. I laughed lowly, amused despite myself.

"Dath. Afar vadokanukat burguuluurz doram." I answered, and stepped into the light. Several of the orcs quailed, while the one who was obviously the leader stood.

"Burguulhai." It said gruffly. I motioned for it to sit, which it did with alacrity.

I turned to the prisoners. "Ash, shun, gakh, jhet, krak, djor-" I turned to Túrin- "Iet- uk?" I queried.

"Dath." The leader answered.

"Lat, Snaga?" I queried for its name.

"Thrug." Was the somewhat offended answer. I didn't deign to respond. Then I grunted and pointed to Túrin.

"Voshatraumat, ashdautas vrasubatlat." I growled.

The Orc bristled. "Thrug nar pa-gog." He answered curtly.

I snorted and waved a dismissive hand. "Tush." And I sat by the fire in brooding silence, waiting for the time to come with one had on the hilt of my long dagger. The orcs sat in nervous silence for a moment, and I stood swiftly and walked to one of the werewolves, avoiding the initial snap of teeth and grabbing its ear with a vicious twist. It yelped, and then subsided with a submissive whimper.

"Voshatraumat." I murmured, and it pranced in eager reply.

I reached into my pocket and pulled Thurwething out. She clutched my fingers and stared at me upside down from where she hung there. "When I give the signal, feast quickly." I whispered quietly, and she fluttered her wings in understanding. With a small smile, I turned to the edges of the forest, tossing her into the air and watching as she fluttered onto a nearby branch. I stood there in silence, unmoving and unrecognizable in the darkness.

I listened for the sound of feet, however soft. I listened for the crack and roll of the thunder that was drawing closer. I smelt the ale, the smoke, the filth, the breath of werewolves, and the impending rain. And I continued to listen, because time was drawing closer. I could feel the air against my skin. My stomach suddenly clenched. Oh no, please not now-

A sudden flash, and the wolf not far from me crashed to the ground. The orcs didn't even glance. I stayed absolutely still, not daring to breathe. A grey-shafted arrow looked up at me from the wolf's hide. I peered into the darkness, and saw a flicker of movement. A moment later, another arrow had found its mark. Despite myself, I had to admit that I was pale. Cúthalion had not made his name in vain. Such perfect marksmanship was enviable and certainly detrimental to my life at the moment.

A quiet blur, and I knelt swiftly at the side off the downed wolf, the arrow concealed within my cloak. I would return the arrows later. Túrin would still lament Beleg, but only because he would never know what had happened, and no one would know until Beleg would choose to tell. Another arrow, and another wolf. There were three more wolves to go.

In a moment, there was only two. "Afar angathfark!" I hissed to myself, and began harvesting arrows and souls alike. I suddenly wondered if it made Námo's life easier, although I have to admit that I don't even know if these sort of souls even go to Mandos' halls at all.

The next moment, the last wolf was dead. I stood, and counted the arrows in my hands. Ten arrows. I laughed quietly to myself, and tucked them between my fingers. For a brief moment, I turned and met the gaze of Beleg, who stared at me with a light of despair and horror in his eyes. I turned back to the fire, and my hand shot out from my cloak.

The orcs looked up at me from their dead companion, silence settling for a moment. My gleeful laughter echoed through the clearing as I began to pick them off one by one, reveling in the feeling of ridding the earth of filth. Thurwething was swiftly among them, and I grabbed the last Orc by the neck, the same one that I had spoken to earlier.

He struggled against my grip. "Lul gijak-ishi. Zanbaur!" He spat, and I snorted.

"Snaga nar baj lufut, thrug." I retorted, and the last arrow found its mark. Fire came from seeming thin air, and in moments there was nothing but ash left of the bodies. The prisoners were struggling in fear, and Túrin was still unconscious. Beleg was by his side, and he stiffened and turned to me as he felt my eyes on him.

For a moment, we locked eyes. "Good job, Gwindor. Well done indeed." I spoke, and then turned and melted into the shadows. Thurwething was in my pocket, more than sated. Esgalnoron had flown off.

I slipped further into the trees, and began to wait. I didn't really have a solid plan...

Great. Now I sound like Anakin Skywalker. This is not going to be very good.

* * *

**I did research on the Black Speech, since Sauron was called 'master of the werewolves' and the creator of the black speech. Of course, it would then make sense that Caladiel would be able to speak it, especially as a spy.**

**So here's the translations and a small glossary for those who are interested to find out how I came up with these sentences. I will also include who said what. **

[Caladiel]: _Nadal, ashdautasub vrasubatlat. Burguul gajup zan zotob_\- so a basic breakdown by sentence would be: Stop, or someday I will kill you. I am hunting an elf for the master.

However, in orcish there are few known pronouns or be verbs. So their speech is crude. Names are used in place of pronouns. Transliterated, this sentence reads: stop, someday I will kill you. Shadow (Caladiel's black speech name, probably overheard when she was referenced) hunt elf of master. The 'ub' at the end of _ashdautasub_ is a suffix for future tense. The 'ob' at the end of _zotob_ is a suffix for 'of'

[orc 1]: _Mirdautas vras_\- it is a good day to kill.

[orc 2]: _Ang gijak-ishi_\- iron in the blood. (A high compliment)

[orc 3]: _Ambor mabas lufut_\- liquor after war.

[group orcs]: _Vrasubatburuk ug butharubatgruiuk_\- we will kill all the men and sodomize all the women. (I'm terribly sorry for the crudeness, but blame Tolkien.)

[Caladiel]: _Ashdautas vrasubatlat_\- someday I will kill you. (Standard orcish greeting)

[orc]: _Afar vadokanuk_\- by all the dead (orcish oath)

[Caladiel]: _Dath. Afar vadokanukat burguuluurz doram_\- okay, this one is a little more complicated. _Dath_ means right. At the end of _vadokanukat_ the 'at' is a verb infinitive, and at the end of _burguuluurz_ the 'uurz' is an adjectival suffix. So the translation is "Right. By all who died at my hands." While the transliteration would be "right. By all the dead (turned into verb, therefore died) Shadow (then becomes adjectival, therefore Shadow's) hand.

[Thrug]: _Burguulhai_\- as mentioned before _Burguul_ is Caladiel's name among orcs, meaning shadow. Hai is a suffix for superior/great. So basically he is acknowledging her as his superior by way of saying: "superior Shadow." In a sort of saluting form.

[Caladiel]: _Ash, shun, gakh, jhet, krak, djor, iet- uk_?- it's counting, plain and simple. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven- all?" Or, "is that all?"

[Thrug]: _Dath_\- as aforementioned, this means 'right'

[Caladiel]: _Lat, Snaga_?- strangely, there was no word for name, so for a while I struggled before I realized that it wasn't such a problem. _Lat_ was the rare pronoun I found meaning 'you'. And _Snaga_ means slave. So Caladiel is discreetly reminding the Orc by the question 'you, slave?' That she is above them in rank, hence his offense.

[Caladiel]: _Voshatraumat, ashdautas vrasubatlat_\- translated it means 'watch him, or else I will kill you." But Transliterated it reads as 'Look out, or someday I will kill you." The 'at' at the end of _Voshatraumat_ is the verb infinitive.

[Thrug]: _Thrug nar pa-gog_\- I am not stupid. Transliterated it reads "Thrug not dumb."

[Caladiel]: _Afar angathfark!_\- by the forge of my soul! (Orcish oath)

[Thrug]: _Lul gijak-ishi. Zanbaur_\- flowers in the blood (interchangeably 'elf'). Elf son. So in other words he's insulting her.

[Caladiel]: _Snaga nar baj lufut, thrug_\- slaves don't make war, Thrug. Basically she made a comeback.


	23. Chapter 23

***peeks in guiltily* Yes, it's me. *sidles in* apologies for the lateness, but I didn't have time to write. But now that I am back into a fairly normal routine, I hope to update more sooner! Thank you all for the follows and reviews, and forgive me for any grammatical or spelling errors in this chapter. I'm afraid that I was in a hurry to put this up and only proofread it once carefully. So forgive me, and freely nitpick, please.**

**I hope this chapter isn't lacking in quality, and please tell me your thoughts! The Ancaladiel relationship will definitely be turning more paranormal now, just so you are sufficiently warned. As usual, no mature scenes, so no fear. :)**

**Peregrin Took the Falcon and horseyyay, please don't kill me.**

**So please, without further babble of this harried author,**

**Read! **

**Enjoy!**

**Review!**

* * *

Chapter 23

I watched in silence as Beleg stood over Túrin's still form, hands moving over him. Gwindor sat next to a tree-trunk nearby, huddled up and looking generally miserable. I pitied him.

"Tell me Gwindor, who is it who knows that you are here?" Beleg asked tersely, and I tensed at the accusation hidden in his tone.

Gwindor looked up, his face slightly confused. "I know not." He answered. "Unless it be the one who saved me from the pits and brought me to where you met me." He said.

"And who would that be?" Beleg continued his work over Túrin.

"I know not her name. She is of the people of Nargothrond, as I am." He answered somewhat wistfully.

"And does she have black hair, with violet eyes and pale skin?" Beleg asked.

"Yes." Gwindor replied. I wasn't sure if I liked where this conversation was going, but before I had the chance to do something Beleg had pulled out his sword. Oh Eru wait no I wasn't ready-

I was too late. I watched, horrified, as Beleg cut through the bonds that held his friend until he came to his feet. Túrin stirred and I saw his eyes open wide, and with a shout he began to wrest the sword from Beleg's grasp. I was frozen in horror, unable to do anything but watch as the sword turned and-

~Esgalnoron!~ I shrieked, looking away from the sight, not wanting to see. I felt Esgalnoron's panic.

~What is it!?~

~Hurry up and come!~ I answered, turning back to see Túrin's stricken face in the flash of light. I was shaken by the look, my eyes wandering to the body of Beleg.

Then I saw it. A blue orb, spiraling upward. It teetered in my direction, and in a moment I had leapt for it. I managed to grab it for an instant before I received what seemed to be an electric shock that made it slip through my numb fingers. I muffled a shriek of pain and lunged for it again.

~I'm here, Caladiel!~ Esgalnoron called.

~Oh for the Valar's sake- scare them away from Beleg!~ I yelled back, grappling with the feä. I clamped my hands around it and struggled as it attempted to wriggle away from me. A blast of heat and orange landed not too far away, and I rolled away from it, still wrestling with the blue orb.

I vaguely heard Gwindor shout, and the orange continued letting off heat as I bruised myself on the forest floor trying to get any sort of grip on the feä that was determined to slip away from me. _Oh Valar, please get Túrin away from here, please let me bring Beleg back so that he can reason with Túrin somehow- _

The orange stopped, and a roar filled the black, wet air. Thurwething had long since flown out of my pocket and into the shelter of a tree. ~Esgalnoron!~ I yelled in desperation.

~They're gone! What do you want me to do?~ He replied back anxiously, and something shuffled not too far away.

"Bring him over here!" I grunted, attempting to smother the orb under my cloak. Soon the body was next to me and Esgalnoron was huffing in worry. I grabbed the orb and gave a mighty shove, trying to insert it back into the body. It stuck in Beleg's chest part-way. I sat on my knees and pushed as hard as I could, and met resistance. The feä was half-way in.

~You can do it, Caladiel.~ Esgalnoron encouraged. Tears ran down my cheeks from the strain on my arms that were already shaking with effort. This was unnatural. It was taking a toll on me somehow, because such a thing is not meant to be done, and must have consequences and a source of energy. Which was me, apparently.

I let out a cry of pain and pressed one last time with all I had left. The orb slipped in all the way and I collapsed, letting out my light in an instinctive search for strength. Eru's flame burned, and my hands began to feel as though they had caught on fire. I struggled to my knees and frantically buried my hands in the wet earth, shaking as the burning eased and pain manifested itself in my body everywhere.

"I shouldn't have done this. Oh Valar, I shouldn't have done this-" my incoherent mumbling was interrupted by a stirring from Beleg. I leaped up and tottered, wondering for a moment wether I should flee or stay. My body decided that for me as my knees gave out and I kneeled by Beleg's side.

~Caladiel?~ Esgalnoron asked anxiously.

~Please, take Thurwething and go hide somewhere. I'll join you soon.~ I answered wearily.

~No, I mean- Caladiel, your hair has silver in it.~ Esgalnoron sounded spooked. I looked up at him dazedly for the span of twenty seconds before I fuzzily realized what he meant.

~Oh that. Well, there must be a consequence for my actions.~ I replied, not surprised at the sign of decay. I waved my hand weakly at him, and after a moment's hesitation, he reluctantly shuffled off. I waited over Beleg, hands clasped to my chest as I shivered from exhaustion with my eyes closed and the rain dropped off of my hair.

"Where am I?" I quiet, hoarse voice asked in a groggy manner as I opened my eyes to see Beleg looking up at me with confused, blue eyes. For a moment we stared dumbly at each other, then his eyes widened as he seemed to come to alertness.

"I was- Mandos- but someone- you-" He struggled to get up as he realized what must have happened. I scrambled away from him, standing shakily to my feet and turning to flee, now that I was sure he would be alright.

"Wait!" Beleg called, and I turned back to him, mute in my weariness as my lips trembled. I just wanted Ada. I just wanted Ancalagon. I wanted someone to hold me.

"Who are you?" He asked wonderingly. I stared at him for a moment, feeling as though I wanted to laugh hysterically. Who was I? Who knows!?

"No one. Just an elleth under lord Finrod." I whispered, and then turned and precipitately fled, ignoring his startled calls.

I leaped onto a waiting Esgalnoron, and he took off as I managed to dim my light and pull my black hood over my head. I didn't want to take the chance of being seen, even so high in the sky. As my befuddled brain tried to process what had just happened, I suddenly began laughing hysterically. No one? Oh Celine, what a thing to say. How unromantic. Just like me to say such a clumsy, awkward thing.

Now, all I want to do is just go back to my Ada. And yes, Ancalagon too. And all of the faithful. Thurwething climbed into my pocket as did Faelon, and I lay down on Esgalnoron's back, careful not to crush either of them. So I fell asleep, exhausted by the battle for the soul of Beleg Cúthalion.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

My eyes slowly opened as I neared the brink of consciousness, and I made out the hazy form of someone looking down at me. My eyes wearily traced the face in front of me, and I couldn't quite understand why there were bells ringing in my head. He was quite handsome, I mean, and there didn't necessarily seem to be any danger that I associated with him.

Fiery red hair, raised eyebrows, glowing Amber eyes, pale skin... Oh good master. My eyes must have looked like saucers and I bolted straight up and nearly collided with Sauron, who barely managed to jerk away in time to avoid a painful bump.

"Pui-en-orch!" I exclaimed, then immediately reddened under his raised eyebrow. "Apologies, Ada." I mumbled contritely, looking around to realize that I was sitting on my bed. I looked back at him in confusion, but never managed to ask my question.

"And exactly how did you get into such a disreputable state?" Sauron asked suspiciously.

"Ahhhh... I believe I- Erm- got affected by Túrin's curse by brief association." I replied smoothly, noting that Thurwething was gone and that Faelon was lying on the bed, asleep. Esgalnoron was sitting on the bed in wolf form watching with half-lidded eyes that surveyed me keenly. I bent over and kissed the top of his head, scratching his ears absently.

"I- see." Sauron sounded dubious, though, and I sighed inwardly as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Well, you had better report. Speaking of which, Nirad's brood count has gone up to five total." He added before bending and tilting my chin up to him with the tips of his nail clamps. Heated air wafted over my face as he breathed, and I looked into his eyes openly, consciously trying not to lose myself. He smirked at my attempt to numb myself as he stroked the side of my cheek.

"Oh dear me, this will never do. Don't you know that you can get utterly lost?" He purred. "Normally I would consider it a pleasure, but I do believe that this time I will abstain from such a wonderful pastime." He said with mock-regret, and let go of my chin after placing a kiss on my brow, walking away with a chuckle. I sat there for a moment, trying to balance myself. The sudden loss of the warmth of his gaze and the abrupt transition from depths of unending time to harsh reality left me reeling for a moment as I begged my overtasked mind to work for me a little longer.

Esgalnoron nuzzled my hand before leaping off of the bed and stretching with a mighty yawn. ~Shall we go report?~ He asked with seeming nonchalance that was undermined by the concerned gaze that raked over my face. I gave him a faint smile, pulling up my hood.

"We shall." I answered. "Would you mind terribly giving me a ride?" I queried, and in reply he knelt in front of me. I clambered atop his back and grasped his fur as he rose. We trotted quietly through the halls, my hood pulled over my dark hair that spilled from underneath and onto my shoulders clad in black.

When we arrived in front of the doors where Rushirithir and the other Balrog stood guard, I swung myself off of him and gave him a curt nod. He shook his head and settled by the door to wait, one eye open in careful guard. The Balrogs opened the doors without question and let me through in silence. I paused for a moment before gliding forwards towards the front of the room.

Morgoth sat in brooding silence, which, though not unnecessarily unusual, was rather surprising considering the amount of orders he had been issuing lately. I glanced briefly at his face as I approached and detected no visible displeasure, then gave his chest a quick peek. The battle was still raging as fiercely as before, no more and no less.

I bowed before the throne, closing my eyes and feeling my face drain of blood at the very act. It would never fail to repulse me. I glanced out of the corner of my eyes and noticed that there was no Nirad or any of his brood around, of which I was infinitely thankful. Small mercies have never been so appreciated.

"Master." I said quietly.

"Report." Was his curt answer.

"The curse upon Túrin has taken good effect. He stabbed his friend, thinking it was an Orc. They were in Taur-nu-Fuin." I said, brief and to-the-point. Morgoth cared not for small details unless they would help him in some manner.

"Very good. Sit here, pet." The abrupt change in subject took me by brief surprise before I sat on his feet, swallowing my distaste and trying not to notice the coldness.

"Wear this." A small piece of what seemed to be ribbon was dropped next to me, and I took it up, unfolding it. It was a small piece of red lace, actually, intricately woven into the edges of black ribbon with a clasp at either end. When I did a quick scan, however, there was no tracking spell or any such quality of the sort, so I put it on albeit with great trepidation.

"It suits you." Was his only comment, before he fell into a brown study.

"Thank you, master." I answered before falling silent as well from relief. I waited until I would be dismissed, praying to Eru that it would be soon. My breath was crystallizing with every puff, and I was almost sure that my blood was turning to slush in my veins.

Finally, however, Morgoth stirred. "I have another mission for you, my pet. I want you to go and gather all you can about Turgon and his forces and bring it to me. I do not care how long it takes." He said, waving a negligent hand. After all, he had all the time in the world. So he thought.

I stood, and bowed. "Of course, master, I shall bring you back all I can of Turucáno." I answered emotionlessly before standing there, making sure that I was dismissed. He waved me off, and I turned towards the door again.

I was so infinitely tired. Perhaps, just maybe, I can get some rest if I go to the Sirion. But first things first. So I went to the forges along with Esgalnoron and a now-awake Faelon.

When I got there, it was to see Sauron testing another one of his works. I knew he knew that I had entered, and waited quietly for him to acknowledge my presence while I pulled back my hood. The piece of his hair on my wrist glowed and burned, and he turned towards me.

"Here." And he tossed me the piece he had been working on. I took it curiously and realized that it was the dagger I had commissioned from him. My lips parted slightly as I studied it. More like admired it, actually. As I tossed it up and caught it by the hilt, I realized that it had a perfect balance and weight for throwing, as I had requested. The blade itself was firm and unyielding when I tried to bend it, though it did have a little bit of give so that it wouldn't snap completely, and the hilt fit almost perfectly into my palm, being a little bigger and indicating that it was made for an ellon. The hilt was decorated with veins of gold and silver, creating the ornate symbol of a wolf's head.

I looked up at him, and he handed me the sheath as well. I sheathed it in the thick leather studded with gems, and then set it down carefully before pitching myself at him. "Thank you, Ada!" I exclaimed happily. "It's beautiful. It's a gift for a friend." I said with a smile. He gave me a crooked grin in return and then turned back to his anvil, saying nothing. But I knew that he was pleased.

"I have to go to the Sirion for an undetermined period of time." I said, perching myself on a stone table. He grunted in response, which was his way of giving reluctant acknowledgement.

"Can't I at least have a hug before I go?" I asked dryly. He turned and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Thirty years." He said tersely. I knew what he meant, and slid off of my perch, wrapping my arms around his broad waist.

"Thirty." I promised. "Then we can leave." I murmured. He sighed, then tilted my head up and stroked my cheek, the obsessive glint back in his half-lidded eyes. I sighed and leaned into him wearily. Obsessive love was better than none at all, I supposed. Ancalagon's love was beginning to become more and more appealing, if only because I was lonely and wanted some sort of affection.

I suddenly realized with a flash of clarity that I was wrong in hating my life. Even if it was difficult, I was still blessed by the Ilúvatar. He had allowed me to find an Ada, friends, a brother, and even a- a mate. He knew all things, and He had placed me here for a reason. He knew how much my heart longed to be affectionate to those who were broken and lost, and He had placed me in a place where I could do just that. Tears welled in my eyes as I clung to Sauron, burying my face into the hair that fell over his chest from his ponytail that had swung over his shoulder.

_Oh Atar, forgive me! I have been so selfish and dense, not realizing how much I have to be thankful for. Help me to be more grateful and cheerful. Help me share my love with those who need it. And please, please, oh please help me to be able to help Melkor somehow. _

The flame that burned within me suddenly seared me with heat, comforting and steady. The sense of contentment and forgiveness washed through me, and I smiled, reaching up to place a kiss on Sauron's cheek.

"I love you, Ada." I said softly, turning to leave and raising my hands to draw my hood over my head, when my arms were grasped and he turned me back around. A frown marred his fair features, and for not the first time I admired my Ada.

"When will you come back?" He asked tersely.

"I know not." I answered lowly with regret, focusing on the floor. He sighed.

"Be safe, my child." He finally said, and bent, placing a kiss on the top of my head. Then he abruptly turned to his hammer again. This time, there was no obsession in the kiss. I hesitantly reached out a hand, my fingers so close to his skin that I could feel the heat radiating off of him as it always did.

"Yes, father." I answered quietly, and swiftly turned, tossing my hood over my head and striding out while strapping the knife to my belt.

But my heart throbbed in indescribable happiness, leaping into my throat and making me pause for a moment and lean against the wall. I closed my eyes, panting for air in the heady rush of joy. Then it suddenly ebbed, and I sank to my knees there on the floor, the flame within me sending cooling, refreshing tendrils through me and clearing my mind of the fogginess that lingered. Then with a labored breath, I tottered to my feet and made a staggering step down the hall.

A hand touched my shoulder, and I forced myself not to instinctively lash out, turning my head to see Esgalnoron's fair, concerned face through my tear-blurred eyes. "Caladiel?" His very voice was steeped in worry.

I impulsively hugged him, both for support and love. "Oh Esgalnoron." I said in delirious happiness. "I am so lucky to have you and Ada and everyone." I said. He picked me up, and I saw that he had suddenly started smiling.

"As we are to have you, Caladiel." He answered, giving me a knowing wink. He was a Maia. He knew the divine joy that comes from Eru.

"Have to go-" my mind started fully clearing, until I finally regained my wits and stood on my own two feet. "Will you go find Thurwething and ask if she wants to join us?" I asked, dropping Faelon into his palm. He nodded and strode off briskly as I headed off down the hall.

I needed to find Norgaladir and give him instructions, and then go find Ancalagon. My throat tightened at the thought, and I swallowed convulsively. Pushing away thoughts of the dangerous, darkly suave dragon, I went to find Norgaladir.

I found him in the depths of the slave-caverns, where I watched for a moment as he oversaw the projects. I left a note scrawled on the wall with a piece of charcoal, knowing that he would see it, and slipped away again.

I made it to the dragon's den, and once again found no mountain of black scales that glimmered like mirrors. But I did find Kalarion, and snapped my fingers, calling attention to myself. I pointed to Kalarion, and the other dragons resumed their own business as Kalarion stepped forwards.

He reverted to secondary form, and I smiled wanly at him from under my hood. He raised an eyebrow and leaned against a column. "Well?" He queried off-handedly. His pale blue eyes looked at me lazily.

"Firstly, any report, secondly, any developments, and thirdly, where is he?" I answered.

"Everything under schedule, one new recruit named Braigon, and out." Was his neutral reply.

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Some new werewolf, I wouldn't know too well." And although he waved it off, he gave me a significant look from under his snow-powdered eyelashes. "At Thangorodrim." Was his next elaboration, and I nodded thoughtfully.

"I'll have to go to the werewolf den, then. I haven't been there for a while." I said neutrally, subtly conveying my comprehension. "Very well." I thanked him with my eyes and turned to leave.

"Going so soon?" A voice hissed from behind me.

I turned my profile. "Oh wait, you're right, I'm going the wrong way, aren't I? Much thanks for your help, Scatha." I answered smoothly, walking towards the far end of the caves that led to the outside. A mass of flesh-colored scales blocked my way lazily.

"But we haven't had any good conversation." He complained, obviously pining for an argument.

"Would that I could, as I would have enjoyed a good debate, but unfortunately master calls and my work cannot wait." I answered dryly.

"It is good that you are so devoted to the master, then." He sneered. My blood froze, though I outwardly remained calm.

I turned to him slowly, deliberately pulling out one of my blades. "What are you implying?" I asked coldly, stroking the knife with my fingers. A drop of blood stained the polished edge.

"Why would I ever imply anything?" The cold drake chuckled in reply.

"Good. Because the master himself knows that I obey, willingly or not." I said, and made my way to the exit. "Don't push too far, Scatha. You know just as well as we all do that it is only because Ancalagon is not here that you slither about with such heinous contempt." I added emotionlessly, gliding out the door and up the winding stairs into the welcoming sun.

Esgalnoron was waiting for me along with Faelon outside, his leathery wing extending towards me to climb onto as I smiled wryly and sat on his back, stroking the velvety head briefly. Thurwething suddenly morphed behind me, and I smiled at her warmly.

"Esgalnoron, please let me off at Thangorodrim and take Thurwething hunting. Come back for me only when she is done. I am in no hurry." I said, and he nodded once before taking off as Thurwething pocketed Faelon and I thanked Esgalnoron with a kiss to the head.

"Why Thangorodrim?" Thurwething queried.

"Hmm, I have business there." I answered absently, my mind wandering to the thought of Tuor and Idril. My heart warmed with the memory of their friendship, however faint, and I wondered what Eärendil would look like as a young boy.

Thurwething said nothing more, and as Esgalnoron landed with a jolt on the mountain top, I gave her hand a quick squeeze before sliding off in an inglorious heap on the ground. I groaned at the feeling of my tired legs before waving them off. Esgalnoron left reluctantly, knowing that arguing with me was pointless. He may be a Maia, but I do have my own brand of stubbornness.

I felt suddenly oppressed by the darkness of the mountain, and let out my light, pausing for a moment to simultaneously enjoy the sensation of being pure again and also to get my approximate bearings. My dark robes were replaced with a pure white dress that ended at my knees, leaving my arms bare except for a light shawl that draped them. It was utterly impractical for my current surroundings, but I hadn't had time to change it since I had entered Nan Elmoth in the same outfit, and thus it had been left.

After a moment, I realized that if I went a little further, I would find the place where Maedhros had been chained for three years. Despite myself, curiosity to see the place where the oldest son of Fëanor had suffered so valiantly and still survived by sheer will drove me, and I made my way to the spot. Going down to my knees, I peered over the cliff and saw a broken metal chain, dangling forlornly in the wind, attached to a ring half-buried in the stone cliff face. I shuffled back, regretting my curiosity. The stench of despair and death still lingered, and I retreated to a higher point where I could feel the wind blow freely.

I stood there for a moment, reluctant to search out Ancalagon and wishing to feel some slight sense of freedom that I so cherished now as never before. Now I know what slaves feel like, that sense of not being your own person, of being bound to something else and some other will than your own. It was a crushing feeling, smothering in its terrible weight of self-consciousness.

My hands went up to my chest as the wind whipped my hair about my face in wild gusts and puffs of billowing white. It reminded me of the sails of a ship, and I wished that I could sail on Vingilot beyond the Doors of Night and away from the reach of Morgoth. A wistful smile curled my lips, and I sadly reached up to touch the dainty collar of lace at my throat given to me at a whim by my master. Yet it marked me as his, bauble or adornment or not.

As my eyes closed for a moment, I suddenly realized belatedly that eyes were looking at me, and with a feeling of panic I staggered away from where my instincts pinpointed the gaze, eyes searching for the intruder. Flickering blue eyes smacked into fiery red; crimson rubies holding me captive as hair that was dark as midnight on a lake floated on the puffs of Manwë's breath.

A sudden clenching in my lower stomach make me break the gaze with a faint gasp and lean against the boulder behind me, momentarily dizzy. When I managed to look back up, it was to see Ancalagon standing in front of me, an arm's reach away.

"You will get cold." The statement was blunt, but the look in the eyes that accompanied the statement offered burning heat of an entirely different kind than he meant verbally. I averted my eyes, trying to ignore the liquid fire that pooled in my stomach.

"I will be alright." My voice was a mere whisper, though, and a tremor went through my frame caused by something other than cold.

"You shiver." Disapproval was in his tone, and he stepped forwards, his shadow falling over me.

"Not from cold." I answered weakly. His proximity was affecting me, the gnawing in my belly demanding to be answered. I needed it- I needed _him_.

"What are you doing here?" He chose to ask instead after an uncomfortable moment.

"I have to go to the mouth of the Sirion for master." I replied, my fingers going up to the collar. I felt his eyes rivet on it.

"He made you wear that." It was not a question, his tone stiff. I looked up into his face, seeing that his mouth was pressed into a thin line and his eyes were hard.

"It was a gift." I answered faintly. "I came to find you- to say goodbye before I left- Thurwething had to hunt-" I stammered, trailing off as my thoughts came out in a jumble.

His hand reached out hesitantly, brushing my arm. His heat ran through my skin pleasantly, not scorching like Sauron, but like the heat of sitting next to a fire in the winter. Emboldened by my lack of response, he stepped forwards and clasped my arms in his hands. I looked at them, broad and firm as they dwarfed me, and vaguely registered how much smaller I was compared to him.

His reluctance made me feel miserable, my naturally affectionate nature warring against the knowledge of who and what he was. But at the same time, I felt something in me screaming that I knew his touch, that I needed his caress.

"How long will you be gone?" The faint wistfulness in his tone appealed to my heart.

"I- I don't know-" I faltered at the disappointment that saturated his eyes like the crawling spread of a stain.

When I was with him, something in me was different. I was not the assassin. I was not Celine. I was someone utterly different and yet still _me_. It was another part of me, one that confused me. One that yearned and longed for something foreign that was just at my fingertips and yet so far away at the same time, something precious and something that I needed- something that only _he_ could give me and no one else.

Driven to the point of pain that his disappointment caused me, I stumbled forwards and pitched into his arms, shivering. "I'm s-sorry." I gasped. His arms wrapped around me, startled, as he attempted to support me. I grasped his tunic. "I'm sorry. I- I-"

"No, it's my fault." He cut me off quickly. "It's all right. Do what you must." He finished quietly.

But I reached up, burying my face into the curve where his shoulder met his neck. Strands of black and white mingled together, as dark embraced light. I breathed, only half-conscious of my actions, intent on him- his scent- his skin- as smooth and white as a moonbeam. His hands clutched me, breathing harsh.

I could smell the very warmth that clung to his skin, like fluffy ash still smoldering, scattered on the wind. His unusually warm skin was smooth under my nose and mouth, unscarred and unblemished, and the faint tang of salt clung to my lips. His soul called to me faintly, and everything about him promised the warmth that I so coveted and craved.

I clung to him, intoxicated by his scent, musky and altogether _dragon_\- but appealing to me nonetheless. The desire to taste that warmth flared somewhere within my half-coherent mind, and I shuffled closer to him, opening my mouth. My parted lips pressed to his throat as I desperately attempted to find the warmth- to taste _him_-

My mind was fogged with the pleasure of the taste of the salt and the wind that clung to his skin, his throat vibrating under my lips. Somewhere I heard a guttural noise and vaguely registered that Ancalagon had groaned, but my mind was too intent on finding more of that taste. The taste of his warmth. The taste of him.

I felt his hands clasp my arms. "Caladiel- I cannot- you must _stop_-" his fingers, usually so firm and strong, weakly pushed against my shoulders.

But I didn't want to. He was so addicting, that constant warmth that seeped into my bones and tingled on my tongue. It was so satisfying- Ancalagon tugged against me, tilting his head to move it away from me. For a moment I caught the smooth, tantalizing expanse of his throat, milky and soft. The loss tore at me, and a whimper escaped my mouth.

"No." He rasped, shuddering. "No. I cannot." He repeated to himself desperately, pulling further away. I let out a cry of disappointment, reaching for him. _Oh, please, no, I want it, I need it so badly- _

"Caladiel, _don't_\- you don't understand. You are not yourself. We cannot- you must not. I can't bear it. You need to stop- go-" He choked on his own words.

My mind whirled sluggishly as I looked at him through hazy, confused eyes. Why? I know he wants me to stay, I could taste it. My eyelids felt thick and heavy, my senses muddled with pleasure from gorging on him.

I heard wingbeats, and distantly registered that it was Esgalnoron. Then I felt myself being lowered, but I could do nothing. Everything was distant in my ears and senses as sleepiness overcame me.

"What happened?" Thurwething's voice floated to my ears.

There was no answer, and instead I felt someone clutching me, and then the sensation of a gentle kiss being pressed to my mouth before the warmth disappeared. The taste of reluctance and fierce yearning held tightly in check bled into my lips, staining them. I could feel the color of it leeching into my skin, marking it.

Then everything faded into an inebriated sleep full of a star-spangled lake at midnight dappled with moonbeams, and rubies that clung to the strands of my hair.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

"Are you sure she's alright?" An anxious voice slowly filtered into my dreams, pulling me from their welcoming depths.

"She will be fine." A familiar voice answered calmly.

"But what about-"

"Hush! She awakes."

I opened my eyes and blinked, lips parting in a faint gasp as I shook off the dregs of whatever had overcome me. Then I saw a face lean over me with a smile tinged with concern. A face surrounded with blonde hair and punctuated with blue eyes.

"Tuor?" My confused mumble cause the face to grin more genuinely.

"Aye, Caladiel. It is good to see you again, although methinks that perhaps you have befallen some ill by the manner of your arrival." Came the humorous answer that faded into grimness. A faint smile touched my lips. Yes, that was certainly Tuor.

I sat up slowly, feeling my head swim for a moment before the world righted itself. "Not as ill as the last time I arrived at Nargothrond." I answered with faint humor before turning to smile at him and Esgalnoron and Idril. "It is good to see you as always, Princess." I said with a dip of the head, and she answered with a smile.

"As it is to see you." She answered softly. "Are you certain that you are well? For weariness lurks within your eyes, along with horrors of which I cannot tell." She asked with sadness.

"I am as well as I can be, Idril." I answered gravely. "Perhaps a bit more scarred then last you saw me and and currently embarrassed and confused, but those are matters that can be sorted out later." I said, drawing the shawl about my shoulders so that they might not see the splotches of whitened acid. But Idril had missed nothing.

"So you say, when your arms declare otherwise." She frowned, and I sighed as Tuor immediately insisted upon inspecting them. For the sake of our friendship I allowed it, and he looked at me with grim concern.

"These are from acid." He said.

"Yes." I answered simply. "One cannot live in Angband without meeting new creatures." Was all I chose to disclose, and then stood, smiling at Esgalnoron who smiled back and glanced at the window to tell me where Thurwething was. Faelon has chosen Idril's shoulder as a perch. I could see that I was in a stone building.

"But I have come to both see lord Turgon and also to see this young prince of whom I have heard so much." I said with a smile, and Tuor beamed with pride as Idril smiled as well.

"I shall bring him." Tuor said, and moved towards the door. Idril stood as well.

"I will bring Ada." She said softly.

Once they were gone, I sank onto the edge of the bed, shaking as I recalled the previous day. Oh Eru, what had I done? That surely wasn't me, was it? With a sudden flash of horrible realization, I leapt up and looked into the mirror that stood against one wall. A cry was torn from my lips as I saw myself.

My lips were unnaturally red, standing out starkly from my white hair and pale blue eyes, while the piece of ribbon was a bloody slash against the milk of my throat. I sank against the floor, fingers scrabbling at the carpeted floor under my fingers.

A noise at the door made me spring up and instead lean against the window, my trembling fingers hidden by the light drapes. I heard the door open, and turned, a weary smile on my ashen face. Turgon nodded to me as I bowed, his dark hair a cool spot in the light room and his robes a splendor of color. But I had forgotten everything in light of the boy that was clutching his father's hand. He could not have been more than seven.

My lips trembled. He might as well have been Glorfindel's son, the way he looked. His hair was of the purest gold like the rays of the sun, and his eyes as blue as the purest sapphires and the clearest sky reflected by water. There was no denying the boy's beauty. The purity represented in him as I had been once, long ago, and the innocence that was in his eyes that stared at me with curiosity, wonder, and slight fear made tears spring to my eyes at the remembrance of all that I had given up.

I approached slowly and knelt before their feet, drinking in the sight of Eärendil. My heart reached out towards that purity, but I lowered my eyes. "Greetings, Prince Eärendil." I murmured faintly. "I am Caladiel, one of the people of King Findaráto."

There was a pause. Then, "Emmë told me about you. I think you're pretty." The frank opinion, spoken in such a soft and youthful voice, shook me.

I looked up at the boy, eyes wide with momentary surprise, then laughed quietly, remembering another little prince dear to my heart who had said the same when I had first met him. "Thank you. Only four people have ever called me that before." I said with gratitude, looking at him and feeling a weight fall off of me, if only for a while.

He smiled back genuinely, and my heart hurt at the admiration I saw reflected in his eyes. "I do hope your Emmë didn't say things too terrible about me?" I asked teasingly, and he shook his head with a grin.

"No. She and Atto said that you saved uncle Maeglin." He said, curiosity in the shocking blue orbs. I swallowed, throat dry.

"Yes." I managed. "I'd like to think I did." Then I reached up to my hair, pulling from it a strand and then tying it into a circle. With a quick wave, I managed to turn it into a thin band of delicate gold and held it out to him. "A gift worthy of such a prince." I said softly, and he reached out, taking it shyly.

"Thank you." He said before slipping it onto his arm where it shrank and grasped his arm gently. He gasped.

"It will shrink or expand as you will, and it will never get too small as you grow." I murmured, and he looked at it wonderingly. Then I stood and smiled, just as Turgon nodded to his daughter and son-in-law, who nodded back and left after farewells. Eärendil gave me a grin and wave, promising to visit sometime. I waved back.

"You never come without reason." Turgon sat on the chair, and I hastily followed, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"My master has asked for a report on your numbers." I answered quietly.

"We are no more than before. You are wary." He switched topics.

"Weary and wary." I admitted with a sigh.

"And your... Ornament?" His tone made me look up to see that he was looking at my neck.

"A gift." I answered bitterly, and he nodded in understanding.

"And you will leave again?" He queried. I hesitated.

"If it pleases your majesty, I would like to stay for a little while." I answered tentatively.

He paused and surveyed me, his face not disclosing any of his thoughts. "As you wish. As long as no danger comes to my people. You once lived under one of my houses. You will be welcome here." He answered, then stood. I also stood in deference to his position. "Should you need anything, the house of the Golden Flower will accommodate you." He said before sweeping away.

I feared the Elven King. He was unpredictable, and so unutterably inhuman. He was not what I was use to. I may have all the time in the world now, but not in my mind. I was still on a hourglass, slowly running out of time. His age and wisdom and complete alien way of thinking as far as time was concerned frightened me. I respected him, but also stayed as far away as I could.

I thought about what he had said and went through my hazy memories, vaguely recalling that I had lived under the House of the Golden Flower and also the House of the Mole when it had been lorded by Maeglin. My vision slowly focused to realize that I was staring at the door and Esgalnoron was patiently sitting on the chair waiting for me to remember him.

I looked at him, also realizing how inhuman he was too. His porcelain skin was almost too delicate and unnaturally perfect, his long hair too smooth and his eyes much too discerning and colorful. His ears poked out from his hair, and the leaf shape of them made me suddenly long for the sight of rounded ears which even I did not have any longer.

"Are you alright?" His voice wafted into my ears, and I found that I couldn't sit. My knees were too stiff and locked.

"I-I think I need to sleep-" The last thing I saw was the sight of him lunging for me as I crumpled and everything went black.


	24. Chapter 24

**Sorry if this is shorter than normal, but I needed a bit of a break and also because I need to make an announcement. **

**I will be putting this story on hold for the month of November, because I'll be participating in the NaNoWriMo. But fear not, after November I promise I shall come back to you all! **

**Thanks for all the reviews, follows, and favorites, and please**

**Read!**

**Enjoy!**

**Review!**

* * *

Chapter 24

_Focus, child._

Who are you? Not another dream! I haven't even figured out the meaning of the last one!

_Hush, dear one. Remember what I have told thee. Sorrow can lead to happiness, and scars to perfection. Thou art so close to the answers thou dost seek, and yet ye do not see what is in front of thee..._

Whaaat? I missed something obvious? And here I thought I had been good about trying to figure out the whole rigmarole that is my life. Yeah right.

_Be strong, little one. The time is nearing swiftly._

For the War, Atar?

_Indeed, child._

But what about master? Isn't it my duty to help him?

_That is part of the answers that ye seek, young one. Keep faith._

I suppose this is the time when You leave, right? Oh Atar, I don't want You to leave me...

_I shall never leave. I have never left thee. I shall always be with thee, even to the very end. Blessed are ye if ye are not offended with Me._

I love Thee, Atar!

_As I love Thee and all of My children._

The voice faded away, and I was left to wander in the lonely darkness of my dreams.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I walked quietly along the hallway of the stone palace that had been constructed by the Sirion for Turgon. I was actually just wandering aimlessly, no particular destination in mind. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to stay here for too long.

Certainly the idea had its attractions, but at the same time I felt almost uncomfortable here, as if I didn't belong. Somehow, I'm quite sure that I will probably never feel at home with the elves. I was a mortal human once, and shall always be in my mind. It is something that I cannot help.

My mind drifted unwillingly to Ancalagon. The thought of what I had done made me drown in an agony of embarrassment. The rational part of me argued that Ancalagon would see that I was not myself- already had, in fact- did nothing to placate the other side of me that wailed in shame. And really, I knew that I was perfectly confused.

Was that love? Was it the forced, unnatural bond? Was it a mixture of both?

"Caladiel!" A shockingly familiar voice said with a tone of cheerfulness.

I whirled around, startled, only to see the shocking sight of Glorfindel bouncing down the hallway in all of his bright glory. The color drained from my face at the very non-canonical sight, and I forced my mind to work with difficulty.

"Lord Glorfindel." I rasped, dropping a curtesy. He ignored the formality and grasped me in a tight hug, while I wished I could just die right then and there of mortification. Glorfindel was always so very uncaring of rules and protocol most of the time.

"Don't you think that you might be smashing her, Mellon nîn?" Another voice queried dryly, and I recognized it as belonging to Ecthelion.

Glorfindel reluctantly let me go, and I leaned against the wall weakly. "Lord Ecthelion." I managed.

"Oh come now, Ecthelion, you know that she was of my house for a time. I am only glad to see her again." Glorfindel protested as Ecthelion nodded to me coolly.

"Of course, Glorfindel." He replied in a tone that suggested the very opposite, and came forwards. "A pleasure to see you again, lady Caladiel." He greeted, bringing my limp hand to his mouth. Sudden guilt rushed through me, and I wished that I didn't feel like I was feeling unfaithful to Ancalagon. It was just a common greeting, after all.

"Are you not feeling well?" Ecthelion asked, keenly surveying the way my hand propped me against the wall.

"I'm afraid that she is not, my lords." A familiar voice drawled from behind me, just as a pair of broad arms picked me up bridal style.

"I'm fine, Esgalnoron." The words came out of my mouth mechanically, and I absently noticed the surprised looks of both elves.

"I see you seem to have a- form- that we have never seen before, lord Esgalnoron." Glorfindel remarked interestedly, and I absently clutched a lock of his metallic blue hair.

"Yes lord Glorfindel. It is rather recent actually. Now, little sister, are you going to admit to your weariness?" Esgalnoron asked me with a raised eyebrow.

"No. But I will admit to my poor state of mind." I answered dryly. "And I will also admit to the very uncomfortable state I am in right now, as your arms are far too tight to be comfortable, dear brother mine." I added with a deadpan expression.

Glorfindel and Ecthelion chuckled as Esgalnoron gave me an offended look. "If you will excuse us, my lords, I believe I shall have to take my little sister and deal with her." He said with a baleful glare down at me as my lips quirked in a genuine smile.

"Duly excused. Only don't be too harsh, Esgalnoron." Glorfindel replied with a wink, and my dragon answered with a respectful nod and hearty laugh before sweeping me away.

"Aren't you going to thank me for saving you?" He asked me wryly.

"Yes. Infinity times infinity." I answered with a sigh, leaning against him.

He gently set me down on the banks of the river, and I remembered with a pang of pain the first time I had arrived in Middle Earth. Surely, I would have gone utterly mad without Esgalnoron by my side, faithful and constant and true.

"Ah, here's a pretty sight- lady and guard." A voice called teasingly, and I turned to see Tuor and Eärendil taking a stroll on the shores of the Sirion. I smiled and held out a hand to them in greeting.

"Thanks for the compliment- however, I think the title 'brother guarding sister' would perhaps be more accurate." I answered with a light laugh, and they arrived to where we were. Tuor shook hands cordially with Esgalnoron and motioned for me to continue sitting before I could attempt to rise. Eärendil looked at Esgalnoron in wonder, and I noticed with a thrill of gratification that he was wearing the small gold band I had given him on his upper arm.

"Oh so that's what it is, eh?" Tuor asked good-naturedly, sitting down on the sands close by. "Come, my boy, say your greetings." He added with a fond smile in his son's direction.

Eärendil smiled politely and murmured a greeting. I smiled back. "Greetings, Prince Eärendil. This is Esgalnoron, my brother of sorts." I said softly, and he nodded as Esgalnoron bowed with polite greeting.

"Atto said you can turn into a wolf and a dragon. Is it true?" Eärendil asked Esgalnoron curiously, and Esgalnoron smiled.

"Indeed, young prince, I can. One more form I can assume, and that is one of a bird." He answered.

"Can you show me?" Eärendil asked eagerly, and Esgalnoron looked to me.

"Esgalnoron, you are my brother, not my slave." I said dryly, and he rolled his eyes at me in reply. "Alright, familiar at best." I relented, and he smiled before deciding to become a giant wolf.

"Oh!" Eärendil exclaimed excitedly. "Then it is true that you are a Maia!" He said, eyes shining in delight. Esgalnoron lazily lay down, curling around me.

"Indeed I am." He answered. "Although I owe my allegiance to no Vala." He added, tail whisking against my back.

"What do you here, my lord?" I hastily interjected to Tuor, uncomfortable with the implications of the statement. I was no Maia or Vala.

"Just walking, Caladiel. I was almost half-expecting to hear that you had left." He raised an eyebrow at me questioningly, and I shook my head.

"No, lord Tuor, I am not required by my master for a while, and I wished to perhaps find some form of peace and rest away from the rigors of his demesne." I answered quietly, smiling wistfully at the far-fetched dream.

"We are friends, Caladiel. There is no need for titles here. It is good that you should find rest, as much as you can. For I deem that his will lies heavily upon you." He said shrewdly, looking at me.

"As much as lord Ulmo's does upon your own fate." I agreed, and he nodded curtly in understanding.

"Why do you wear that ribbon?" Eärendil suddenly asked me, sitting down near to my side and petting Esgalnoron's large nose boldly, earning a rumble of pleasure in return. "It doesn't look right." He looked down at his own band of gold, and I smiled faintly.

"It was a gift from my master, and I wear it so as not to displease him, Prince." I answered gently.

"Just call me Eärendil. Who is your master? Why would he be displeased? It looks like a strange sort of gift." Eärendil wondered.

"My master is... not very kind, Eärendil. He gifted it to me, but perhaps it is more a symbol of ownership than anything else." I hazarded in reply, while Tuor listened keenly, studying me. I placed a hand on Esgalnoron's bushy ears.

"Oh. So he wouldn't be happy if you took it off because he wants you to say that it was a gift from him." Eärendil said with an air of wisdom that made a quick smile flit over my face which was mirrored in Tuor's.

"Yes, Eärendil. You are wise to see that." I answered gravely.

"That's what everyone says, but I don't believe them." Eärendil wrinkled his nose. "They always say strange things. But I think you're being nice because you mean it." He said with the natural, quickly discerning instinct of a child. I smiled.

"Very true, Eärendil. It is often said that flattery is the downfall of kings and the ruin of nations." I agreed, and he nodded sagely.

"Emmë says that too." He reflected with that air of the age-old 'mother said so' finality.

"Yes." I murmured. "Idril is very wise." And I hid myself behind a veil of white hair.

"Many say so. Do you think that I look more like my mother or my father?" Eärendil prattled on, and I found myself relaxing at the semblance of relatively normal conversation. Tuor merely watched with the amused air of any parent, and I indulged them both.

"I would say myself that you look like your father in face, Eärendil. But you have both mother and father's hair and eyes, and they are all the more brilliant for it. But most certainly the shape your face and ears are your father's, while your skin is your mothers." I answered honestly, and he nodded thoughtfully.

"That's what many say." He finished. "I think you look pretty, even if you do look unusual." He said with the refreshing frankness of children. I shot Tuor a glare as he opened his mouth to scold Eärendil, and smiled warmly at the child.

"Very true. My hair is certainly unusual for any elf, and my eyes unusual for any being." I agreed. "But only four have ever called me beautiful or pretty." I said.

"The lace matches your lips. They are so red. Why are they so?" And Eärendil climbed into my lap to study me more closely.

"I know not for sure, but I think perhaps it is because they are slightly burnt." I answered vaguely, reaching up tentatively to touch the bright golden hair.

"How can only they get burnt and not anywhere else?" He pressed in his curiosity.

"Because many heated things have touched my lips, Eärendil, and not all of them were necessarily pleasant." I answered somewhat sadly. "But some were." I said with a wistful smile.

~Dragon-lover~

I sent him the mental equivalent of a glare. ~Shut up, Esgalnoron.~

~What was that all about yesterday anyway?~ He queried, ignoring my comment.

"With things like what? Did it hurt?" Eärendil asked with fascination. My lips twitched.

"Well there were fingers, and there has been breath as well." I answered dryly.

"Then they must have been really hot, then, to burn your lips." Eärendil said thoughtfully with a frown. "Your eyes do flicker so, like lamps." He said, moving on.

"Many have said so." I murmured, unconsciously repeating him.

~I don't know, Esgalnoron... I myself have been puzzling over it. I don't know if it was the bond, or just love, or something else entirely...~

"Why do they flicker so?" Eärendil asked innocently.

~Perhaps it was a mixture of both.~ Was the vague answer I got.

~Much help you are.~ I groused. ~Where's Thurwething?~

"Because of what is within." I answered.

~Out hunting. She will be here tonight most likely.~

"Oh, Emmë told me. That makes sense. Is it true that you were injured saving uncle Maeglin?" He picked up my hand and vainly searched for a scar.

"Yes." I replied. "It hurt me terribly, but I love Maeglin, so it was nothing."

"It must have hurt." He said in sympathy, then dropped my hand to reach up and touch my hair. "It's soft." He said thoughtfully. "Emmë's hair is so, but Atto's is not."

I giggled at Tuor's affronted look. "I'm sure your Atto appreciates it." I snickered, and Eärendil grinned.

"But my hair isn't as smooth as Emmë's is either." He defended his Atto in the very next breath.

"Perhaps not, but I'm sure the beauty of it makes up for how it feels, no?" I replied, at ease for the first time in many days. For a moment, my stomach clenched with longing for a child of my own. I refused to elaborate on who's.

"Emmë says so too. Why do you have silver here?" He suddenly asked, and Tuor's gaze sharpened. My delicate peace was shattered.

"I have been through much." I mumbled, hanging my head.

"Don't be sad. I'm sorry." Eärendil lifted up my head with a regretful look. I smiled faintly and gently hugged him.

"It is well, Eärendil. I am only perhaps wearied." I said with a sigh. He snuggled into me for a moment.

"You hug well." He remarked. "Some people can't, because they don't know how." He said with distaste in his tone, and I had to laugh.

"I can understand that." I said amusedly, and he closed his eyes, yawning as he nestled into me. I looked down at his bright head and my eyes misted, wondering if I would ever get the chance to see him grow up.

"Sleep, child. Dream of the lands beyond the sea, where Maiar do roam freely and there is peace, where the stars dance and their song can be heard from the land, where the skies are bright and blue over Manwë's mansion on Taniquetil, and where ships are led gently by the grace of Ulmo to the ports of Alqualondë, home of the white swan-ships." I murmured half-consciously, dreaming myself of such a place of peace.

And so I fell asleep on Esgalnoron's warm fur with Eärendil clasped in my arms, for once at rest for a small time.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I spent three restful years under the house of the Golden Flower, having already decided that I would at least stay until Eärendil's tenth birthday before leaving. The time there had done wonders for my body, soul, and mind, and I was once more refreshed and ready to leave to go back to my master and back to everything else. I missed the Faithful and everyone else who were my friends.

So soon after the birthday, Manwë's winds found Esgalnoron, Faelon, Thurwething, and I gliding towards Nargothrond. I planned to stay there for at least a year perhaps before leaving once more, probably back to Angband by then.

One of the most important things that had happened during that time, however, was that I had finally found an answer to give Ancalagon. The time spent apart and in thought had finally allowed me to sort out and come to grips with what my feelings regarding him were. However, despite my answer, I was reluctant to go to him because of the fact that I could not give him the happiness he wanted. Elves do not have children in time of war, and war was coming soon. I did not have the time to have a child and raise it.

But nevertheless, I was generally in better spirits then when I had left three years ago and very much refreshed and ready for another twenty or so years in Angband. So I hoped, anyhow. Even if I had not quite figured out where 'home' was where the flame would lead me, neither did I fully understand what the saying 'happiness leads to sorrow, and scars to perfection' truly meant. Even Esgalnoron had found rest and refreshment, for which I was thankful.

But for the moment I put aside all such thoughts and instead looked forwards to seeing Maeglin and Finrod. Esgalnoron finally touched down not too far away from the gates, and shrank, landing in my pocket along with Thurwething and Faelon. I made my way towards the gates, where two elves stood guard. I quietly identified myself and they let me through without question, while I made my way to the forges first. It was perhaps rather against protocol, but I know that Finrod would understand.

When I got there, it was to see Maeglin working at his personal anvil. As I peeked through the doorway and got a look at his face, I noticed that there was a generally contented look in his eyes that relieved me, even if lines of tension furrowed his brow and the corners of his mouth. I quietly stepped in just as he plunged the hot iron into the barrel of water, and allowed the steam to hide me as I stepped in front of him.

The steam had not passed for more than a few milliseconds before the piece clattered to the floor and Maeglin had staggered back in shock. I reached forwards a hand as he regained his balance.

"Oh Maeglin, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" I asked anxiously, forgetting for a moment my joy at seeing him. He stared at me for a moment, white as a sheet, before lunging forwards and hugging me tightly.

"Caladiel." He murmured thickly into my hair, burying his face into it. Faelon rolled onto his shoulder with a happy squeak, and Thurwething slipped away quietly in the distraction.

"Oh Maeglin." I replied gently, stroking his hair. I kissed his temple softly, and he reluctantly let me go.

"Are you well?" He asked, looking me over concernedly. I smiled faintly.

"Three years of relative rest by the Sirion has done me well. Your little cousin grows well and is such a beautiful boy, like you were. Did you know that he called me pretty just like you did when you were but his age?" I asked amusedly, stroking his cheek fondly.

He just looked at me. "No, I didn't know." He finally answered. "You had... business there?" He asked.

"Yes." I didn't comment on his brusque change in topic. "But nothing too terrible, just gathering intelligence." I said. He sighed.

"I was worried about you." He admitted, before turning and picking up the things he dropped.

"Which I regret. Is it damaged?" I asked of the piece he was working on.

"It's fine." He set it down without even looking at it.

"Which reminds me- here's your relic." I said with a smile in my tone before handing him the dagger that I had promised. He paused and looked at it, then looked up at me, and I could see the eagerness that gleamed in his eyes as he took it almost reverently.

He unsheathed it, and I watched as he tested it in his palm, hefting it and trying to bend the blade. With a swift motion, he threw it at an anvil across the room, hitting it on-target and going to retrieve it. With my elven eyesight, I could see that the anvil had a slight dent in it. As he brought back the blade, I also noted that there wasn't so much as a scratch on it. He studied it with the experienced eyes of a smith, until he finally looked away from it reluctantly to look at me.

"It's perfect craftsmanship." He said with a tinge of awe in his voice. "Who made it?" He asked, tracing the wolf's head.

"The lord of the werewolves, the best smith that has ever been known." I answered quietly, and he paused, looking at me again.

"You mean-?" He hesitated to finish the name, and I nodded.

"Yes, the very same." I answered. "I had it commissioned." I finished and smiled. "I am glad it meets your approval." I said softly. "I also showed him the one you made me, and he said that it is perhaps the best piece he has seen done by an elven smith."

Despite that the words came from someone technically considered an enemy, the pride still shone undeniably in Maeglin's eyes as he tried to hide it by looking back down at the dagger. "I work best under pressure." He brushed it off, and I did not comment further.

"I had best get to my lord Finrod." I said, and stirred to leave when he suddenly grabbed my arm.

"Wait... When will you leave?" He asked uncertainly.

"This time next year if Finrod will agree." I answered expressionlessly, and he stared.

"Oh. That is good." He managed through his shock before I cracked a smile and kissed his cheek.

"I'm glad you approve. Now, let me go see if I actually have permission to." I said amusedly, and he gave me a half-hearted glare as he turned back to his work. I laughed as I left to find my lord.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

"You have been in the Sirion for three years now? Why did you not come sooner?" Finrod had been delighted to see me, but now he gave me a reproachful look. I turned away from his face and went to the window.

"There were many things that I had to think upon and meditate without distractions." I answered quietly.

"We are distractions?" His voice was disappointed.

"No. But the power over my heart that my love for both of you has would have been." I answered, turning back to him. "I had to gather my strength again, my lord, else I would have never left Nargothrond once I had arrived." I said.

"And would that have been so bad, dear one?" He asked, placing a hand on mine gently. I looked down at it, tears in my eyes.

"For the sake of your people, yes. For the future of Arda, yes. For the designs of the One who has created me, yes." My voice sank into a mere whisper at the end, and my fingers hovered over his hand before pulling away. "I have a purpose here, my lord. Lives hang in the balance of the One's success through me. I am nothing, expendable, a white pawn in disguise for His cause. But I am still a being, and I love, I live, I die, I go on living. And I love you as my lord and King. Should you ask me to stay, my love would be my downfall and the destruction of many. Do you not see? I long to stay, but I cannot, and my heart is torn in two." I looked up at him through tear-blurred eyes.

His arms went about me gently, and I shuddered in the embrace that was filled with so much care and love. For me! "To think that you should have grown from the elfling that saved my life to what you are now- a great and fearless leader." He murmured. "One that has saved me again, when I have not repaid my first debt."

"Why do you love me so?" I whispered.

"Because you draw me with your character. It may be hard for us Eldar to love mortals, but we readily love our fellow kind. And yet, you burn as mortal does, but with a flame everlasting." He said, pulling away and brushing hair from my face. Then he froze, and I realized too late that the lace I had tried to hide was exposed.

Finrod's took in a deep breath. "He did this to you." It was not a question, lined with steel barely checked.

I pulled away from his robes, pulling my hair down in distress. "I'm sorry." I mumbled. "I should not have tainted-"

"Why did he do this to you." He snarled. "You are one of _my_ people-"

"I was his before yours, and he does not know of my double nature. It was a gift." I interjected hastily. Despite myself, his anger on behalf of one of his vassals shook me. I was not originally Eldar, as everything about them screamed at me, beat the knowledge into my head. I would never be one of them. I was _mortal_. His anger was destructive.

Seeing how I was spooked, he forced himself to calm with effort. "I had forgotten." He said calmly, and looked at me with regret.

"It is nothing." I whispered. "Just a piece of lace."

"A collar." Finrod said bleakly. "A mark of possession."

"You don't have to remind me." I snapped, shaking, and he paused.

"Forgive me. I was not thinking about what it must mean to you-"

"Because it sounded as though I was defending him. This is why I cannot live here, my lord. It is too delicate a line to balance. Hiding things from you, hiding things from him- this is why I cannot stay. I should leave." My mind was panicking as I attempted to make my legs move. But Finrod strode forwards and held my arms.

"No. No, I shall not mention it again, nor anything else that disturbs or upsets you. Only stay, if only for Maeglin's sake." He pleaded quietly.

I looked up at him with red-rimmed and darkly shadowed eyes. "It is unfair to use him as leverage." I said weakly, but he merely clasped me to him, rubbing my back reassuringly.

"Then perhaps I shall be selfish enough to stoop so far as your lord." Was his dry answer. But I only half-caught the jest, because his actions were too familiar. Ruby eyes. Midnight hair. The taste of warmth. Fingernails gently scraping my back reassuringly. Murmurs into my hair, lips upon my own. The ring on my finger burned.

"No-" I stumbled back from Finrod's grasp and sank against the wall, trembling. "Please, please don't do that-" I sobbed, and Finrod knelt in front of me concernedly.

"What is amiss, Caladiel?" He queried worriedly.

"I miss him, Finrod. I want him- I need him." I hitched, only semi-coherent of my own words. "He was the first who rubbed my back-" my ringed hand scrabbled against my stomach. "Master took it away, but I want it back, Finrod! I need it- I need it to be _his_-" words stuck in my throat as the haze of need fell away. Only to see that Finrod's eyes were glued to my hand.

He slowly picked it up, tracing the band. "You mentioned being wed." He murmured.

"Yes. But I am not touched." I replied in a cracked voice. "I have no time to bear children-" my breath hitched- "despite master's orders..."

His hand clenched around mine. "Esgalnoron said as much." Was his vague reply before gently letting go. Then he stood, just as Esgalnoron flew through the window as though summoned. He landed and then morphed, striding over and picking me up calmly.

"Your distress called me, little sister." He murmured, caressing my hair and pressing a reassuring kiss to my temple. A lone tear fell onto his chest.

"My fault." I mumbled back, and Finrod spoke up.

"Nay, the fault was mine." He said steadily. Esgalnoron turned an inquisitive but non-condemning gaze upon him, then turned back to me.

"Not by intent." I defended him. "I take it then that I have permission to stay a while, my lord?" I asked.

"As long as you wish, my child." He answered softly.

Some part in me rebelled against being called his child, but I said nothing. Esgalnoron bowed as I murmured my thanks before being carried out the door. As if in response to my inner annoyance, the piece of red hair on my wrist glowed.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I sat in the forge, watching from my perch on an empty anvil as Maeglin beat the iron into submission. I had spent a lot of the last four months here, watching Maeglin and talking at times. It was relaxing to sit here in the warmth of the forge, curled up by a wolf Esgalnoron or with him at my feet, Faelon on Maeglin's shoulder, watching Maeglin through half-lidded eyes as he worked, producing item after item. Sometimes he would work for weeks just on one thing. But it always turned out a masterpiece in the end.

I had even started to miss seeing Sauron in the forge, his muscles rippling in hypnotic waves as he brought the impossibly heavy hammer down on his work. The way the fire made his hair glow even brighter than the fire itself. The way the light glinted in his hard amber eyes, and the way the sweat glistened on his skin, running in rivulets down to his trousers. The way his hair stuck to his skin, hanging in bedraggled strands as they escaped from his ponytail, tied with a scrap of leather. The way his eyes would look at me in satisfied exhaustion as I watched with wide-eyed admiration. The way I would gasp in delight at each new creation and he would chuckle, kissing my temple in obsessive pleasure at my awe. Yes, I missed him.

"You are most definitely not listening to anything I'm saying, are you." Maeglin's faintly amused voice seeped into my fogged brain. I lifted my eyes for a moment and blinked, registering his statement along with the way he stood in front of me- wait, with a hammer!?

I yelped and jerked in shock, sliding backwards off of the anvil and landing in a tangled heap on the floor. I looked up through errant strands of hair to see that Maeglin was smirking down at me, leaning against the anvil. Esgalnoron was snoring away on the floor. He never did believe me when I told him that he snored. I groaned and with effort untangled myself, sitting up with a wince.

"Sorry Maeglin." I said sheepishly, brushing back my hair. He frowned briefly at the black lace around my throat as he always did, then raised a dark eyebrow at me over his obsidian eyes.

"And where exactly were you this time?" He asked wryly.

"Valala land." I retorted promptly, managing to collapse on top of Esgalnoron in a heap.

There was a silence, and I peeked up to see that Maeglin's face was convulsing as it always did when he was trying not to laugh. I tried not to burst out in snickers at the expressions he pulled, and managed a straight face better than he did.

"I've- never heard of that place before." His attempt at a normal voice failed miserably as it came out in a queer, strained tone instead.

I looked up at him with an innocent expression, eyes wide. "Truly? I thought that all elves knew about that..." I said thoughtfully, then pulled a stricken face. "Or was that just the Maiar..." My face took on a guilty look, and I glanced at his face just in time to see it twist in such an impossible way that I couldn't help it.

I burst into laughter, snorting into my hand as I tried to stop myself, shaking hysterically until tears rolled down my cheeks. "Your face!" I gasped, rolling over and howling. Maeglin sat down on a stool and buried his face into his hands, shaking until the stool rattled with his guffaws. Esgalnoron had woken up and was growling, disgruntled.

~What's all this?~ He demanded in sleepy annoyance.

I continued laughing maniacally, ignoring him. "They're gonna kill me." I gasped, and Maeglin looked up, trying and failing to give me a death glare as his face kept betraying him.

"Caladiel!" He hissed, laughter thick in his voice. "What would lord Finrod say if he heard you?" He demanded through bursts of laughter.

"If I heard her say what?" A vaguely amused voice asked from the doorway.

I yelped in shock, leaping up and banging my head on the anvil. Maeglin desperately tried to stop laughing, but upon seeing me sitting on the floor and rubbing my head with a comical grimace, he gave up, bursting into wild spasms of laughter as he bent over double. Finrod looked bewildered, probably never having seen Maeglin laugh so hard or me look so guilty.

"Nothing!" I squeaked, diving behind Maeglin's stool in an attempt to hide myself.

"Maeglin?" Finrod demanded with mock-severity.

"Nothi- Valala land!" He burst out with a choke, falling off of the stool as I gave him a swift jab to the torso.

"Now you've gone and done it!" I cried in mock-horror. "The Valar will kill me if lord Námo doesn't defend me." I groaned as Esgalnoron snorted and shook his head indulgently, laying back down with disinterest.

When I looked at Finrod through gleefully unrepentant eyes and a ill-concealed half-grin, it was to meet his own look full of helpless amusement. He came in and gave me a very unconvincing glare.

"Most likely I would punish you severely for that- had it not been that I completely agree." He said with a straight face. Maeglin stopped laughing and looked at him. I looked at him. We looked at each other. And then all three of us burst into roars as we laughed until the tears ran down our cheeks. Esgalnoron covered his ears with his paws, groaning exaggeratedly.

Altogether, it was a good year, bolstering my spirits greatly- not to mention helping me regain some of my former sense of humor.


	25. Chapter 25

_Soooo, I wasn't planning on updating this month until I finished NaNoWriMo, but I made a deal with horseyyay that if I updated this, that she'd update one of her stories. It was way too good a deal to pass up on, so here I am. And if you're a fan of horseyyay, then you're welcome in advance. *grin* _

_So, thank you all for keeping with this story, and please_

_Read!_

_Enjoy!_

_Review!_

* * *

Chapter 25

It had been a year, and I was ready to go back. Maeglin was most certainly not happy, and neither was Finrod, but they were willing to accept since they had no choice really. It had been a difficult farewell for all of us, and I had just climbed onto Esgalnoron when a guard suddenly ran out and handed me a sheet of paper, staring at Esgalnoron before hastily backing away. I nodded and opened the parchment as Esgalnoron took off, reading the note within.

_Caladiel:_

_Perhaps it is presumptuous of me, but I must ask you to do this for me. Please take this message to Elwë of Doriath, and make sure that no one but he reads it. Please, do this for me, Caladiel. Be safe, and may the Valar protect you._

_Finrod Felagund, king of Nargothrond. _

I looked at the enclosed envelope sealed with his mark, and put it carefully into one of my innermost pockets, bending down to speak with Esgalnoron. Faelon slept quietly in one of my pockets, while Thurwething sat stiffly behind me.

"Esgalnoron, we have to make a stop at Doriath. I don't really want to, but it is necessary. No need for you to go inside, just wait for me." I said, and he nodded to let me know that he had understood. I ignored his curious pulse over the mental link and looked back to see Thurwething give me a brief nod to show she had heard. When we finally landed on the outskirts of Doriath, I slid off and handed Faelon to Thurwething, pausing at the borders of the forest. Would Melian's girdle let me through?

Making sure that my light was out and the letter safely in my pocket, I reached out a hand and searched for the tell-tale aura of power that would signal the girdle. It was faint, for mortals would never feel it, but I would be able to since I was actively searching for it. I walked through the forest, getting only three meters in when I felt the power ripple by my disturbance. I paused, making myself get accustomed to the patterns of magic that rippled all around and bend, moving like slow, thick liquid, heavy and powerful. Then I moved on. It grew thicker the more I waded in, but one touch with my light and it would part like ice before a flame. Soon I had carved my way through it and was in a clearing, the girdle still rippling behind me.

I knew that Melian would have felt my disturbance, and possibly even recognized what had caused it. Like calls out to like. I caught my breath and moved on warily and silently, making my way to the large stone palace that I could see in the distance. It was certainly impressive in its own way, and as I reached it I realized that it was carved out of one large mountain of stone, with entrances leading underground. Menegroth, the kingdom of caves. Much like Nargothrond.

Hesitating for a moment, I slipped into the shadows of the entrance and made my way past the guards, melting into the halls and making my way towards the throne room. It was quiet, sounds muffled by the thick tapestries that decorated the walls, obviously put there for that purpose. Judging by the designs on them, I'd say some of them were probably made by Melian herself.

I finally made my way to a door guarded by two ellyn, alert and ready. With a faint smile, I made my way boldly to the entrance and paused in front of them as they looked at me. "I am here to deliver a message to lord Elu Thingol of Doriath." I said softly.

"A message from whom, and from whence do you hail?" One of them asked harshly.

"A message from my lord Finrod Felagund. I am Caladiel, one of his people." I answered truthfully and calmly, and they opened the door and let me through. I stepped forwards and glided towards the front of the hall where the pale-haired, blue eyed Elwë sat regally next to a dark-haired, deep blue-eyed female that radiated power. Deep blue eyes bored into me, and I curtseyed at the door of the throne.

"Lord Elwë. I bring a message from my lord Finrod Felagund." I said emotionlessly, using both hands to present the letter to him, head down. He took the envelope from me and nodded as I stepped back.

"Indeed. You have my thanks." He said in a clear dismissal, and I made to back away when a voice stopped me.

"And what is your name, may I ask?" The question was said kindly, with a touch of knowledge behind it. I looked into the wondering blue eyes of Melian, and smiled faintly at her.

"My name is Caladiel." I answered simply, and the meaning of my name was enough to answer her hidden question.

"Will you not stay with us for a while before returning? It is a long journey." Melian did not say where to, and I knew that it was a hidden request to tell her of myself.

"Would that I could accept your generosity, my lady, but I am afraid that cannot. My errand was commanded to be swift, and I must return." I said regretfully, and she nodded, but never got to bid me farewell.

"And would you stay on my request, fair lady?" Another voice rang out, and I froze, the blood slowly leeching out of my cheeks. I curtseyed in the direction of the voice, not daring to look at its owner.

"I'm afraid not, my lord. I thank you for your invitation, and I am glad to see that you are well." I said, and swiftly made towards the door.

"Farewell, Caladiel." Melian covered my escape as the doors closed behind me, and I fled through the rest of the hallways and out into the forest until I hit the girdle, this time feeling it give automatically to my exit. I burst out and bent over, panting, as Esgalnoron lumbered over in concern.

"I'm fine." I gasped, gulping air. "Just had an unpleasant near run-in with Beleg." I managed, and climbed back on as he took off once more towards the three mountains of Thangorodrim that loomed ominously in the distance. Oh, I hope that master won't be in a bad mood.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

The halls were as dark as ever. Thurwething glided alongside me, Faelon was strung to my neck, and Esgalnoron curled around my shoulders under my hood that was thrown over my head. The throne room was as cold as ever, my breath coming out in puffs of ice crystals and my hands becoming blocks of frozen lead. With a faint sigh, I bowed before the throne, taking a brief peek at the battle that still raged with the exact same intensity as before.

Obviously this was a so-so day for Morgoth, as he seemed neither pleased nor infuriated. "Report." He droned, and I fell to one knee as I began.

"Their numbers have neither decreased nor increased since the last time, master, and their forces have also remained the same in number. Turgon's heir and grandson turned ten while I was there." I said blankly, and paused, waiting for either a scolding, praise, or another question.

"I see, that is enough for now." He said, and then seemed to see me for the first time. "Send her away and come here." He said, and I glanced to Thurwething who bowed silently to Morgoth and made her way out silently with a flutter of her black cape. I sat down on his feet, and he flicked back my hood as I opened my light. He stroked my hair for a moment, obviously in thought, and his eyes noted the lace around my throat. A brief smirk crossed his face before he moved lower and tilted my face to his. I looked at him obediently, using it as an excuse to see if Melkor had won any ground.

His face was the same, however, and his pitch black eyes stared at me as his clammy, cold, burnt hand stroked my cheek. "So, have you made any progress with Ancalagon, my pet?" He drawled.

"Yes, master." I answered, unable to help the blood that rushed to my face. Of course, he looked at me with a chuckle, interpreting that the wrong way.

"Good, good." He said, and dropped the topic, to my never-ending relief. To my faint surprise, after another moment he let me go. With a bow, I pulled my hood back over my head and made my way warily out of the hall, senses alert for any irate Nirad. Rushirithir was still on guard at the door, and I paused in front of the door just long enough to make the balrogs slightly uncomfortable before moving on. I made my way down to the werewolf den, a pit in the ground where the huge mongrels tussled, fought, snarled, and bred and were bred. For a moment I stared down at the snarling beasts, noting the orcs that guarded them, before letting my eyes roam the pit.

~There. The one with the large bone.~ Esgalnoron suddenly said. ~I can sense it.~

I looked to the one he pointed out, the only one not squabbling but rather gnawing on a large bone. His soul, from what I could see, was definitely clean, though very darkly coated with the tarry substance. But the light shone through the thick tar, and it was enough for me. I turned to one of the orcs, who snapped to attention, and I nodded down to the pit.

"I'm looking for a possible steed." I said harshly. "Show me that one." I jerked a hand in the direction of the werewolf, and the Orc turned to the others, snapping commands. I watched dispassionately as they roped the large beast and dragged it out of the pit, thrashing and snarling. I walked over to it and ignored the orcs, walking right up to the werewolf and grabbing its muzzle in both hands. It thrashed, but I merely let go so that it hit its skull against the floor. It paused in dizziness, and I motioned for the orcs to leave. They scurried away.

"The lieutenant is strong."

The werewolf stopped and looked up at me, eerily intelligent orange eyes looking at me. "But the master is stronger." He replied in a low, raspy voice. It sounded like gravel in a metal bucket.

"Caladiel." I said quietly.

"Braigon." He answered.

"I know. Keep an eye out for anything, and report to Sauron." I pitched my voice low, and he gave an indiscernible nod. "I choose you." I said loudly, and then slapped his flank so that he snarled before leaping back into the pit and growling up at me with teeth bared and a murderous gleam in his eyes. Then I turned and walked back out quietly.

~Another Faithful added.~ Esgalnoron said in satisfaction, and I nodded in agreement.

Norgaladir was waiting in my quarters, and I looked at him questioningly as the heavy stone shut. He plunged into the report without any further ado. "I don't know what you said to Gothmog, but he had a fall-out with Nirad and there is currently only three left including Nirad." He began, and I froze in the middle of pulling off a boot.

~Valar be praised.~ Esgalnoron said heavily.

"Násië." I hissed out loud.

"No other Balrog recruits so far, the work in the lower levels is on time and going well. Nothing of interest, and the lists are on your desk." He said, and I nodded.

"Thank you, Norgaladir. I knew I could depend on you." I said gratefully, and he nodded before lumbering back out, clutching his whip in his hand. I glanced at the stone table piled with paperwork before sighing wearily as the door clapped shut with a deafening boom. The lava sent eerie flickers of light across the walls, and I sat there in the warmth of them, flopping back on the bed and closing my eyes wearily. Esgalnoron and Faelon lay on the bed, either eying me or sleeping.

"It took you long enough." A voice grumbled, and I shot up to see Sauron standing at the doorway to his own room and looking at me with arms crossed. I leaped up and lunged for him, flying at him with such force that he took a step back as I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried myself into his chest.

"Ada! Ada, Ada, Ada, oh I missed you so much Ada I could hardly wait to get home." I blurted, feeling tears of relief rise to my eyes. "Oh Ada I love you." I said, and his arms wrapped around me before his hand came up and cupped my chin in his palm, his nail clamps poking my cheek. I smiled up at him in tearful happiness, and he bent, pressing a kiss to my temple. When he pulled back, there was a soft look in his eyes even if there wasn't any other expression on his face.

"Where were you?" He asked, searching my face carefully.

"I was at the Sirion for three years, then I spent a year at Nargothrond." I answered, and he nodded absently before dragging a thumb clamp over my cheek. My lips parted as I closed my eyes and just breathed him in, his scalding heat, the smell of his breath, burnt ash. His thumb clamp slowly moved over my lower lip, and I opened my eyes to see him looking at me with an intensely obsessive look in his half-lidded eyes. I smiled dreamily, and he smirked lazily even as he tapped my nose. I didn't care if he was obsessive. I wanted that. It was the closest thing to paternal love I could get. I needed it. I loved him, no matter what anyone says about him. He's my Ada.

"I'll do the paperwork for you if you'll continue overseeing the lower levels." He murmured, and I nodded.

"Okay." I mumbled half-coherently, and he waved a hand over my eyes hypnotically. "Sleep." He purred, and my eyelids fluttered shut obediently, falling into the darkness of empty dreams.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

The blue flame flickered in front of me, sending tendrils of soothing comfort to my mind and soul. It whispered to me quietly, softly.

_Be strong. Gather your strength and will, for the time is coming soon, Caladiel. Remember no matter what happens He will never leave you nor forsake you. Blessed are ye if ye are not offended with Him._

I know. I'm not. I trust Him- please, just make the war come soon. I want this over with. I want master to be freed. Please, lead me home...

_You have not yet found the answers, Caladiel. Find the answers. _

I've been trying, honest! I just have figured it out yet... I'm sorry...

_I know. Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. You have not because you ask not, Caladiel. All things work together for good to them that love Him, to them who are called according to His purpose. Be strong..._

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

I woke up suddenly with a start, breathing heavy but even, and noticed that my whole body was covered with a thin layer of sweat. Honestly it surprised me, because as an elf it took a lot to make me break out in a sweat, and I admitted that the dream must have troubled me more than I realized.

As I slowly calmed down, my mind flashed back to last night, and with a sudden hiss of irritation, I sat bolt upright- and continued on over double with a whimper of pain. My muscles were stiff and cramping, and I reached over to give a wolf Esgalnoron a shove. He woke up with a start and a grunt, looking over to me and immediately sitting up.

"Push me into the lava." I gasped before he could ask me what was wrong, and without questioning me he grabbed the scruff of my cloak and gingerly trotted over to the lava by the walls, dropping me in. My skin hissed and crackled, but it worked. My muscles immediately loosened, and I clambered back out with lava dripping everywhere and hitting the floor with clacks.

After getting rid of the rocky suit and cleaning myself off, I went over to Sauron's door and shoved it open so that it hit the wall. He looked up from his desk calmly, then looked back down. "What was that for?" I demanded, glaring at him through black locks of hair.

"You were falling asleep anyway." He dismissed my statement with a wave of the hand.

"That doesn't mean you had to send me into a veritable coma." I snarled, and he raised an eyebrow at me.

"And obviously you woke up on the wrong side of bed." He said dryly.

I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I don't like being sent into a coma." I pointed out reasonably.

"You can thank me later for allowing you to sleep without trouble when you've seen the rational side of things." Was his lazy reply. I groaned and slammed the door shut, walking silently over to the desk where the stacks of papers were gone and instead had a dagger sticking out of it. I picked it up and immediately dropped it in the next moment when it seemingly fell to pieces in my hand with the blade still stuck in the stone. For a moment I stared down at it, and then my eyes narrowed at the familiar sheen of metal that glinted in the orange light.

Picking the handle up, I carefully held it to the blade, and it slid back into place with a smooth click and pull. Then I pushed the blade forwards and slid it out of the stone, staring at it. It was a magnetic blade, and the assassin in me immediately saw the sheer genius of it. With the magnetic properties, I could easily throw just the double edged blade at my target without having to worry about the hilt, and then use the magnetic hilt to easily slide it back out. Or I could even use just the hilt for its weight to knock someone out easily.

The hilt had the symbol of a wolf head on it, and I stared at the distinctive mark, briefly thinking of Esgalnoron. With a sigh, I slid the knife safely into my belt and pocketed Faelon, glancing at Esgalnoron. "Staying?" I asked lowly, and in response he morphed into a dragon and crawled into one of my voluminous pockets. For a moment I stared at the door with a blank look, calculating time. Maybe a few years. It was getting close, and the timeline had changed to drastically I wasn't even sure if the War would come early or later that it was in canon. Curling my lip briefly, I opened the door and walked out, heading for the throne room.

A memory suddenly rushed into my head of when I was fifteen again on earth with family. Or at least, my mother. I could recall that my father had died in military service when I was twelve. It had been a blow for the both of us, but we had moved on knowing that he was in a better place and we would see him again. A small smile flitted at the corner of my lips as I remembered the times I would hole myself up in my room and just sing quietly with my headphones on to cheer myself up.

When I walked into the throne room, it was to the faint melody of Pentatonix's Get Lucky floating through my head, to which I could tell that Esgalnoron was listening with me interestedly. As I knelt in front of Morgoth silently, I privately resolved to find a quiet place to hum to myself after this meeting was over.

"Sit, pet." Morgoth said absently, and I sat beside his feet, close to his leg. He reached down and clamped a hand around my throat, stroking the piece of lace and making me face him so that my hood fell off. For a moment his grip tightened and a flash of panic flowed through me, but then he let go and resumed studying the skin of my throat and collarbones, apparently. Then he let go.

"You know, I wonder if an iron collar would bruise your skin, my pet. After all, at least once in a while I like to put my favorites in chains and show them off proudly." He said with a dark chuckle, looking down at me to see my expression. I looked up at him blankly and blinked.

"You are the master." I answered blankly.

"Indeed." Was his only answer as he tented his fingers and fell into thought. "I heard you chose a werewolf for a steed." He said, implicitly demanding an explanation.

"In case a thing happens to Esgalnoron, master. And I should at least have one to call my own if I'm the daughter of the lord of werewolves." I answered blandly, and he subsided with a nod, mollified by my explanation.

"I see." He murmured, clearly forgetting me. I sat there patiently, waiting to be dismissed. After another moment or so, he flicked his fingers towards the left of his throne, and an Orc came forwards warily. "Measure her throat for a collar." He ordered, and the Orc hesitated, looking at my expressionless face warily. Morgoth glanced over and 'tsk'ed. "My pet won't hurt you. Now measure." He ordered, and the Orc came forwards.

When I made no move towards him, he gathered his courage and took out a piece of string, and I lifted my hair so that he could mark it off with the string. Then he hastily bowed under my unblinking stare and backed away, disappearing. Morgoth grunted and dismissed me with a look, and I stood and bowed, gliding out the doors and pausing as they boomed behind me, deep in thought.

~I'll die before I allow myself to be chained like a dog.~ I snarled inwardly, and Esgalnoron stirred in my pocket.

~You may not have a choice.~ He pointed out darkly.

Almost without realizing it, I turned and stared at the floor, my fangs peering out from my lips in a snarl. ~We'll see about that.~ I answered, and then dropped the issue, moving away from the shifting balrogs.

"Is it just me, or does that look only appear when she's seriously ticked off about something?" The second Balrog asked Rushirithir. I scoffed inwardly and ignored them, making my way to the small, dark room where I had met with Ancalagon a few times, standing there in silence with my hood pulled back and white hair making the single bright spot in the room.

I sighed wearily. "I gave you the key when the door wasn't open, just admit it. See I gave you faith, turned your doubt into hoping; can't deny it. Now I'm all alone and my joy's turned to moping. Tell me here, where are you now when I need you?" I sang quietly, wondering who exactly I was addressing.

~Eru maybe?~ Esgalnoron suggested, and I shook my head.

~No.~ was all I said, and we fell into quiet thought. My fingers absently traced the patterns on the wall that I could make out in the dim torchlight, placing my palms flat on the wall as I thought. Then I pressed myself against the wall, placing my forehead against it.

~I wonder what Melkor is like.~ I thought absently. ~What would he be like?~

~Beautiful.~ Esgalnoron replied. ~I saw him once before in the Timeless halls, and also once during the wars of the Valar when I was captured before he took on that hideous form.~ He said promptly.

~Like this?~ I pulled up a mental image of a picture I had seen drawn during my time.

~Well the hair color is wrong, because he isn't that blonde. He is really pale blonde, like the sun at dawn just coming up. Although the robes are quite right. He did like rainbows at first.~ He said in an ironical tone. I sighed.

~Well I'm trying to help him like them again.~ I answered.

Just then, I realized that there was a shadow cast over me that there hadn't been before. With a blink, I turned to see Ancalagon silhouetted in the doorway. For a moment I looked at him blankly, then took a faltering step forwards. A thick, awkward silence settled.

My mouth opened. "Ancalagon."


	26. Chapter 26

_I have finished NaNoWriMo, and this novel, and have now come back to post the rest of it. *grin* I know a lot of you wanted to kill me for the last chapter ending, and probably will again this chapter, but hey, at least what everyone was hoping for happened this chapter, right? ... Right!? *runs away screaming for my life*_

_Anyways, happy December! *wink* Thanks to all of my followers and reviewers. Please,_

_Read!_

_Enjoy!_

_Review!_

* * *

Chapter 26

My voice was a mere whisper, but it was enough to break the tense silence. He stepped forwards into the room and walked towards me, hands thrust into his pockets. I looked up at him as he paused right in front of me, looking down at me with half-lidded eyes and one eye covered with pitch dark hair. I licked my lips hesitantly, not noticing that his eyes followed the motion, and then stepped forwards, glancing at the mithril arrow pendant that hung around his neck.

With slow, careful movements, he reached out and gathered me to his chest, dark head bending over my own light one. With a slight sigh, I leaned into him readily, clutching his tunic in my hands. His warmth trickled into me slowly. "You seem troubled." He murmured softly, voice low and deep, a pleasing bass.

"Just thinking." I replied faintly, unconsciously repeating my actions from the last time I had met him here. There was a pause.

"I see you wore it." His voice was slick in gratification, and he lifted my hand to his lips. I tugged it away and hid the tell-tale ring in the folds of my dress.

"Just so that no one else got any ideas." I mumbled in weak defense.

"As you wish." He said smoothly, and a moment later his hand reached up and drew a lock of my white hair into his palm, his nails curling above it as he slid it down his hand. I watched, eyes wide as I looked up at him in bewilderment. His half-lidded eyes slid from the hair to me, and a small smirk curled his lips as he raised my hair to his mouth. "I wonder if your hair tastes as good as it smells." He said slowly, and color rose to my cheeks.

"Don't be ridiculous." I said, looking away with a sour face. "And d-don't get any ideas."

"Of course not." He replied in a hurt tone. "It wasn't I who-"

"I couldn't help that- it wasn't me." I interrupted heatedly, refusing to look at him.

"Was it?" I started as he breathed against my ear, and stumbled away.

"Wh-what are you doing?" I stammered, backing against the wall as he walked towards me. Esgalnoron was quiet and still in my pocket, though I could feel his alertness through the bond.

He chuckled. "You are so beautiful, Caladiel, even when you're flustered." He said, bending close to my face as I pressed back against the wall. "It rouses the playful part in me." He puffed air over my hair. I tried to move sideways, but his hand landed on the wall next to my head, stopping me.

"Why?" I managed through a dry mouth, sidling the other way. But then his hand landed so close to my waist that I could feel the heat of his skin through my dress. He leaned closer until there was barely space between our noses. Then he wrapped a hand around my waist and pulled me to him, smirking infuriatingly the whole time.

"Because I like to see your expressions. They are all so beautiful and fascinating. And I want to see you smile." He added silkily, working his hand through my hair to the base of my skull and slightly tugging on the strands of my hair. I closed my eyes tightly, then opened them again to see that his smirk widened. That dragon- he knew what the bond did to me when he was around, much less attempting to coerce me along.

"And this is supposed to make me love you?" I tried to ask in a annoyed tone, but instead it came out raspy.

"I said I would prove it to you." He answered huskily, bending even lower over my face. "Besides, I missed you, my love." He whispered into my ear. "Didn't you miss me at all?" A forlorn note crept into his voice.

"Am I supposed to pity you?" I refused to give in, although my voice wavered.

"Don't tell me you hate me, Caladiel." He said in a mournful tone, his mouth close to my cheek as he stared into my eyes. I closed my eyes, refusing to look into the sad rubies. How rubies have emotion I have no idea, but somehow those did, and it was working. Way too well, in fact.

"And what if I told you that I had an answer for you?" I asked breathlessly, mind whirling frantically as his proximity affected me. For a moment there was a pause, and then I was looking down as he knelt in front of me, head bent over my hand held in his.

"My lady, my fate is in your hands." He said quietly. I stared at him, bewildered at the way he debased himself, with my hand cradled in his almost reverently. Then I tugged myself away awkwardly.

"D-don't kneel, Ancalagon." I said uncomfortably, and he immediately stood fluidly, standing in front of me with a resigned look on his face. I looked up at his face, and for a moment as I opened my mouth, despair flashed through the rubies. My voice deserted me for a moment, and then I swallowed heavily.

"I- I-" I started faintly, then gathered my courage. "I'm not saying no, Ancalagon, but I just can't say yes right now- because elves don't have children in time of war." I started, looking down at the floor. "But I- I only want to wait until after the war- so- y-ye-" I never even got to finish. In the next moment, I was being clutched to him, and a hand reached up to cradle my head against his shoulder.

"Caladiel." He breathed. "Don't stop me from saying it." He whispered feverishly against my hair. "Let me say it. I understand your request, but please, at least let me hold you. At least let me kiss you, and tell you- I will say it- I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you." He said fervently, burying his face into my neck.

My breath hitched, and tears welled in my eyes as I closed them tightly, melting into his grasp. Yes, I trusted him. How could I not? How could I? No, I know, he will not hurt me. I can trust him; he won't break my heart. I can feel it. The flame inside me sent tendrils of pleased approval though me, and I clutched his tunic wordlessly.

"And I love you, Ancalagon." I said quietly. His hands tightened, and his breathing accelerated, raspy and shallow.

"You are my light." He rasped hoarsely. "Don't leave me, please."

"I'll try." My voice was thick with tears. Ancalagon suddenly stiffened, and my ears caught the sound of a faint scuffle. A moment later, I was shoved behind him as he lunged forwards just in time to stop an escaped werewolf by grabbing its head in his hands. The werewolf snarled and struggled, but Ancalagon was infinitely stronger, giving it a blow to the head and sending it with a crash to the stone floor. I threw a dagger, and it found its mark perfectly in its chest, stilling the squirms.

Ancalagon turned back to me after giving the werewolf a kick to make sure it was dead. "I'm sorry." He said, and I shook my head, turning.

"It's nothing." I replied, and then his arms were once more around me, this time clasping me to him from behind and pressing his head into my shoulder so that black hair spilled over my shoulder. I stiffened slightly in shock.

"A-Ancalagon?" I whispered. The only I received was a muffled groan before lips pressed against my throat. I let out a slight cry of surprise, and his hand clamped over my mouth.

"If you make too much noise, they'll hear." He whispered huskily against my skin before pressing another kiss to my neck. My head tilted up as my eyes shut tightly and I tried to breathe through my nose. He took advantage of my unconscious search for air, pressing his lips farther up my throat. I reached up and tugged against his hand, gasping.

"Ancalagon, please don't- I can't until after-" I was cut off as he once more covered my mouth.

"I know. I promise not to compromise your chastity until then, but at least let me do just this. Surely you cannot say it is wrong, since we are already wed." He murmured. I shook my head slightly, and he let go of my mouth.

"Sauron will be looking for me. That werewolf has to be accounted for." I gasped. He turned me around, holding my arms, and I opened my mouth to speak again when he cut me off by covering my mouth with his own. My eyes widened, and a squeak of protest escaped my throat. He pulled away, and I struggled to regain my breath.

"If you must." He sighed, and then pressed another, fleeting kiss against my lips. "You know where to find me, love." He whispered, and then let go of me, sauntering his way back out the door with his hands in his pockets.

I sank against the floor as soon as he was gone, dizzy and disoriented. "That dragon-" I panted. "I sincerely regret loving him already."

Esgalnoron crawled out of my pocket. "How do you think I feel?" He groused. "Now I have to try to scrub my brain clean. Besides, don't fool yourself. You're in far too deep to ever get back out, dragon-lover." He snarked.

"Shut it, Esgalnoron. You're one to talk." I retorted smartly, and then snickered as he glared before stalking away to burn the werewolf to a crisp and snatch a mouthful as well. I collapsed against the wall, my lips burning and a dreamy look on my face.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

It's been quite a few years since I left Nargothrond, and I have not left Angband since then. I have busy with overseeing, dispatching errant orcs, and all the other duties I had to balance on my plate not to mention keeping Morgoth happy. I was just reporting to Sauron about the werewolf pits when the door opened and Rushirithir came in.

"Master requests for you." He said to me, and I nodded.

"I'll be there in a moment." I answered, and he went back out to his post.

I finished my report and was about to leave when Sauron grabbed my hand. "Caladiel, I've been working on something. He's made me redo it over and over, and I've been working on it for years now, but he's finally satisfied with it. It's for you." He hissed quietly, and I could see his deep-rooted displeasure. I gave him a sad smile.

"I can guess what it is." I answered, and glanced at his throat. He let me go with a thin smile.

"In case you're wondering, it's no more magic-imbued than that lace." He said, and then gave me a look. "It's time to go." He said tersely. I shook my head.

"You promised. It hasn't been thirty years yet. Please Ada, just a little more. You never know if there's going to be another Faithful. Please, Ada." I whispered back. He bristled.

"Just go, before he decides to punish you for being late." He snarled. I gave him a swift hug before running out the door, noticing a slight flutter out of the corner of my vision that indicated Thurwething's presence. She had been sent out on her own missions, and we had only stopped to talk a few times over the past few years, though we still had a close relationship.

I made it to the throne room and paused, catching my breath before nodding to the Balrogs and walking quietly through the door. To my disgust, Nirad was curled around the legs of Morgoth's throne, looking at me with venomous yellow eyes and bared fangs. I bowed in front of the throne as per usual, giving him a hooded glare. He hissed.

"Nirad, behave." Morgoth said indulgently before making me rise. "Sit." He ordered, and I pulled down my hood as I did. Nirad merely seethed across from me.

"Bring it here." Morgoth called lazily to an Orc that stood nearby, and it scurried off. He reached down and stroked my black hair back from my face, exposing my throat. "I told you I would have it made for you, pet. A better gift to replace this one." He chuckled, just as the Orc came back with something in his hands. "After all, you deserve to be dressed up as my pet, hmm?" He asked, and motioned the Orc forwards.

It came forwards just as Morgoth unhooked the lace around my throat, making it slide down to my lap. The Orc reached forwards and fastened something else around my throat instead. It had been wrapped with a cloth, so I couldn't see it because it was only removed after it had been attached to my throat. There was a clicking noise, and something cool and smooth settled comfortably around my throat. The Orc hastily retreated, and my hair fell around my face once more.

Morgoth tilted my head up, and surveyed my neck with a look of satisfaction. "Sauron did well." He said with a pleased smile, and I swallowed bile, feeling the metal around my neck constrict as I did. It wasn't too tight so that it choked me, but it was snug enough that when I swallowed it pressed slightly against the apple of my throat.

"Thank you, master." I whispered, and heard Nirad laugh, low and gravelly. Morgoth merely smirked and let go of my chin.

"A fitting collar." Was his only reply, and I suddenly noticed the iron chain that was attached to the arm of his throne. I breathed, trying not to gag, trying to blink back the tears. A collar. A slave. That's what I was, no matter what he said. I was a slave. Melkor's voice wafted through my mind, a faint moan of weariness and pain. A tear stubbornly coursed down my cheek, and I carefully hid it behind a veil of hair.

I retreated into myself, eyes closed and breathing even, desperately wanting to be dismissed but knowing that it wouldn't happen for another forty minutes. I hadn't brought Esgalnoron, as he was sleeping off a strenuous day in the werewolf pits. He had needed to pass on a message to Braigon, and spent the whole day in the pits trying to defend a spot as his den. It wasn't so much difficult for him as it was stressful, and I had left him to rest. Now I wished he were here.

It was forty minutes of pure torture, and when it was over I bowed and exerted all my willpower not to flee out of the room, instead leaving slowly and smoothly. But once I rounded a corner in the hall, it was to break out into the fastest sprint I could, making it to my room and making straight for the makeshift mirror on the wall. My light came out, and I stared at the collar around my throat.

It was mithril, the pale peach color of the metal standing out blatantly against my white throat. It was decorated with minute, intricate patterns of a single wolf head and other smaller swirls and patterns surrounding it. Hints of my white skin peeped through the delicate frame, and when I reached to the back my fingers met a small projection where a chain could be attached. A collar. A fancy collar. I sank to my knees, tears streaming from my cheeks as my world rocked and my spirit cracked. I could see why so many times slaves had their spirits broken by the use of a chain. I felt so diminished, like I was worth nothing, like I was an animal.

Someone grabbed my shoulders and turned me around, and I looked into the face of a panicked Esgalnoron. "What's-" but he never finished as his eyes landed on my throat. His eyes widened. "Oh Caladiel." A heartbroken look appeared on his face, and I buried my face into his chest, struggling not to burst into sobs. He hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry." He whispered thickly. "I'm so sorry, Caladiel." He pressed a kiss to my cheek, and I sniffled.

"Please Esgalnoron. Will you do something for me?" I asked shakily.

"Anything." He answered immediately, and I wiped my eyes as I pulled back.

"Go to the Sirion, and see if Eärendil has gone yet." I whispered. He gave me a discerning look, and then nodded. "If he has, hide yourself. Don't let yourself be seen, and just come back and tell me. Please." I said, and he kissed my forehead.

"I will. Be well, sister." He murmured, and I nodded as he took one step back before turning and morphing into a wolf and sprinting out the door.

"I see he gave it to you." Sauron's emotionless voice said behind me. I turned and nodded miserably in his direction.

"Yes." I sighed. "Although, I suppose I could say thank you for working so hard on making it beautiful in a way." I said with a sad smile, and he pressed his lips together tightly.

"Beautiful." He snorted, then turned and stalked stiffly back into his quarters. I shook my head and sat at my own stone desk, absently picking up things and setting them back down and periodically wringing my hands as my mind worked feverishly.

What would I do if Eärendil had left? Would I have to evacuate the Faithful? Or would I have to stay behind and do damage from the inside? What course did I have to take? I cried out to Eru, begging for guidance. For a moment my glow brightened, and then dimmed completely until I was once more dark. I looked into the mirror, and saw myself.

"Is that my answer?" I whispered. "Do I stay behind enemy lines and do damage from the inside?"

There was an answering pulse of rightness, and I took a deep breath. Then so be it. I would tell Ada once the armies of the Valar got here. Although, I would have to sneak into their camp and give them a list of friends in Angband. Perhaps I should go to Eönwë, who would be captain...

It was not until the next day that Esgalnoron came back. He burst into the doorway, leaning against it and panting. I rushed over to his side and propped him up, and he nodded as he caught his breath and calmed down.

"Are you alright?" I asked concernedly, and he nodded absently.

"They're already here." He blurted. "All of them- my brethren, the Valar, the Vanyar and other Noldor. They're all at the Sirion, even Finrod and his people and Elwë's warriors." He gasped, and there was a clang as Sauron stood in the doorway, a hammer on the floor.

"They've come to do war against Morgoth." I gasped in disbelief at the rapid assembly. A thought suddenly struck me. Elwë was alive. He wasn't supposed to be alive! Just then, Thurwething burst through, and knew by the looks on our faces that we already heard.

"I was stationed there. I have to report. What do I do?" She asked, wide-eyed.

"Close the door." I hissed, and it slammed shut with the typical clap of stone. "Firstly, we need to decide our own course." I said, and Sauron sat on the table.

"We go there, of course." He said as though it should be obvious.

"That's one thing we could do, but think about it Ada. Think about the damage we could do from the inside, leaking information to them and tampering here. Morgoth would never know where the leak was from, because he has no idea how many Faithful there are." I pointed out hurriedly, and a new look dawned on their faces.

"That's genius. Mairon could even redeem himself in the sight of his other brethren that way. Maybe they would even come to think that he only seemed to defect in the beginning for this very reason." Esgalnoron said. Mairon gave him a startled look that turned into a faint smile.

"You'll even be praised as a hero for your sacrifices, Ada. Of course the Valar will know, but see if they don't welcome you back with open arms." I said with a smile, and he merely nodded wordlessly.

"Thurwething, go report. We won't have to do anything. I'll sneak into the camp and give them our own tally, and then come back and tell the Faithful any decided plans made." I said. They nodded and immediately began to scatter as Esgalnoron made for the werewolf pits, Sauron made for the dragon lair, Thurwething went to report, and I went for the Balrogs.

I was called to the throne room, and ran there to find Morgoth in a fit. He turned to me with eyes that were the color of dried blood in his anger. "You-" I almost panicked, thinking he had found out, but was set to rest by his next words. "Go spy on them! Bring me back a report on their numbers, who is there, anything and everything you can find!" He roared, and I beat a hasty retreat after a perfunctory bow, not wanting to stay at all. Morgoth in this mood was terrifying.

The only comfort I had was the feeling of relief and renewed encouragement that I could feel emanating from Melkor.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

Esgalnoron made it to the Sirion in record time, exhausted and anxious despite my scoldings.

"I'm not taking another step until you shrink and take a nap in my pocket." I demanded, and he sighed.

"How can you ask me to sleep at a time like this!?" He whined, and I shook my head.

"I'm not planning to go in until evening, and then only to Eönwë, Esgalnoron. I can't afford to blurt to the whole camp who and what I am right now. It has to be handled carefully, and Eönwë has to know so he can tell the Valar and discuss with them what we Faithful should do." I answered, and he gave in reluctantly, seeing the sense in my statement.

So I had to wait for many agonizing hours that seemed like days until the sun went down. I watched from the safety of a small copse of trees as elves passed to and fro, trying to discern who belonged to which group. Some were obviously Noldor with their dark hair and grey eyes, while others were just as obviously Vanyar going by their various shades of blonde hair and blue or green eyes.

My unnaturally keen eyes also managed to pick out banners in the gigantic camp, each of them pertaining to a different leader as I presumed. I made a few guesses as to the owner of each standard, but otherwise merely looked for any familiar faces. I saw none.

By the time night had fallen and the camp was as quiet as it would probably get with all of the guards and others that still worked, my body was stiff and achy. Esgalnoron slipped out of my pocket for a stretch as I slipped down from the tree and worked the cramps out of my muscles. I could feel the effects of the abuse my body had been subjected to, and sighed inwardly. If I were human, I would have probably died long before now just from sheer bodily failure.

Esgalnoron slipped back into my pocket as a tiny Phoenix, curling next to Faelon, and began my quiet infiltration of the camp. I wasn't as stupid as to think that I would be undetected by Maiar, but I also guessed that the Valar might have warned them about me and would allow me to go about unmolested. Besides, I was going straight for the side of camp where I had seen the standard of an eagle. Eönwë was the chief Maia of Manwë after all.

I kept peeking into different tents, avoiding Elves that walked about by slipping in and out of shadows. As though sensing my intents, the moon kept sliding behind clouds so that the shadows dappled the ground in connected patches that readily accepted my dark cloak as one of their own.

I finally made it to a very large tent that spilled lamp light from underneath its flap onto the ground. I couldn't hear anything from inside, but there was a faint shadow of someone of unusually large stature projected through the canvas. It felt right. And even if it wasn't, I could always ask for Eönwë. So, with my hood up but my light out, I knocked on the tent post next to the door flap.

The shadow looked towards the door, then stood and walked surprisingly (or not) fluidly for its size and came towards the flap. My heart was in my throat. The flap was pushed aside, and someone tall and large stood in front of me, his shadow swallowing my small form.

"May I help you?" The voice was smooth and rich but not deep, rather a tenor that seemed to vibrate through my very bones and into my soul. It held a tinge of knowledge but was thickly layered with politeness, and I knew without a doubt that I had been right, though I still covered my face with my hood.

"I have come to ask for lord Eönwë, herald of the Elder King of Arda, Manwë Súlimo." I answered quietly and softly. The flap opened wider, and he stepped aside.

"Then you have come to the right place, my lady. Please, come inside." Was the solicitous answer. I stepped inside and stood by the left wall of the tent across from the chair quietly until the door had been closed and he had come in as well.

"I am Eönwë." He said simply, and waited for me to answer.

I pulled back my hood, although I was careful to pin it around my neck so that the collar wouldn't show, and looked into his face. In a way, his face was surprising and yet at the same time faintly what I had expected. It was undoubtedly beautiful, far more than I could ever have imagined, and quite took my breath away for a moment. On the other hand, his face somehow matched his name and the general impression he produced. Well-chiseled and fair, it was strong and yet a kindly look lingered in the deep blue eyes that were like wells of pure night sky twinkling with stars. His hair was a pale color just like mine, almost just as white but a little more off-white than mine.

I caught my breath and clutched the hood around my neck. "I have come on behalf of the Faithful that reside within the enemy's lair, to ask what we may do from the inside to help the Valar's cause in the coming War. I am Caladiel, servant of the One and the Valar, and I come to express our allegiances and offer any information required." I said bravely, though my voice wavered as my eyes fell.

Eönwë seemed to take a deep breath, and then spoke. "Please, sit, Caladiel. I have heard of you from my lord. He requested me to call him and the other Valar should you ever seek me out, as they expected you would." He paused, as though waiting for an answer.

I sank into a chair that he had motioned to. "I am their humble servant. If they wish to see me, then please take me before them." I answered quietly. He nodded and bowed.

"It is a pleasure to have you on our side. I will call them." He said, and then strode out as I sat there to wait, my heart beating so hard I was sure that Esgalnoron and Faelon were being thoroughly shaken in my pocket. Esgalnoron climbed out onto my lap, then onto the floor and morphed into his Elven form, standing behind my chair.

"You're not alone." He murmured, placing a hand on my shoulder just as the flap opened. I gave his hand a quick squeeze before kneeling on the floor as sandals passed in front of me. After a moment the flap closed, and the tent suddenly seemed too small and yet too big at the same time. There was a momentary pause as silence settled, and I struggled for breath as the air seemed to close in around me.

"Rise, Caladiel." A wispy voice laced with unfathomable power spoke, and I rose smoothly, head still angled towards the floor in respect- and perhaps even fear. Fear for what I might see. The sheer power in the room was making my very soul shrink.

"Look up, child. There is no need to be afraid." A familiar and somewhat comforting voice spoke, and I slowly raised my head. The faces that I saw looking at me were unspeakably beautiful, and yet at the same time so utterly terrifying in their beauty. Each of them were easy to identify by their faces and clothes, and I slowly named them in my mind as I glanced over their faces. Each of them smiled at me faintly, though it didn't do very much to encourage me.

Manwë and Varda, with Eönwë between them; Oromë and Vána; Tulkas and Nessa; Irmo and Estë; Námo and Vairë; Nienna; and Yavanna and... Aulë. My knees gave out at the sight of Aulë's face, and I suddenly sank to the floor, shaking in mingled fear and shame. A hand suddenly landed on my shoulder, broad and certainly not Esgalnoron's, and I looked up through tear-filled eyes to see Aulë's sympathetic look.

"Come now, child. Námo is right, there is nothing to be feared from us." Aulë spoke gently and soothingly, his voice a deep bass.

"I am not afraid of you." My voice wavered and cracked. "I am... Too small and too tired." I said, not even sure if that made any sense to them.

"I know, my dear. You have done well. Fear not for your friends and family. They are all loved by us, and will come to no harm but rather be praised for their faithfulness." Aulë answered comfortingly, and I felt strength seep back into my limbs as he helped me sit in the chair.

"Thank you." I whispered, and he nodded before returning to his chair.

"You wished to speak with us." Manwë spoke calmly, and I gathered courage from his nonchalant air. Esgalnoron's hand on my shoulder gave me strength, and I spoke firmly but humbly.

"You know where we stand, my lord. I have never doubted you nor- nor lord Námo." I glanced in said Vala's direction, and saw a small smile on his lips that encouraged me. "I have never doubted you, nor has my trust ever diminished in you or the One. I have tried to serve you as best I could, and now I have come to ask you for guidance. There are five dragons, two Balrogs, one werewolf, one vampire, two Maiar, and one Vala willing to help in any way possible." I said, and saw a surprised look briefly cross Eönwë's face before it smoothed over once more. There was a startled pause that puzzled me, before I suddenly remembered that the Valar had not known about the number of dragons until Morgoth released them.

"You say five dragons?" Tulkas spoke up, his voice shaking the chair underneath me, although somehow I knew that not one person outside the tent had heard it.

"Y-yes. There are quite a few more- twenty total in fact, but five of them are Faithful, including..." I paused, unsure how to phrase it. "Including my- my husband." I managed to choke out before looking down and struggling for breath. There was a grieved moment of silence.

"We respect the sacrifices you have had to make, Caladiel." A gentle, immensely grieved voice said softly, and I looked up through burning eyes to see a Valië with a veil over her face looking in my direction. Soft, small tears fell from underneath the hood, disappearing once they hit the floor, and I inclined my head in respect for the lady of mercy and pity.

"I regret none of them, my lady." I murmured in reply.

"And what mean you by two Maiar, child?" Oromë asked not unkindly.

I took a deep breath, forcing myself to remember that the Valar are not omnipotent. "There is... Mairon- Sauron- or rather, neither-" I petered off, but saw that they nodded in knowledge, and I went on. "And Esgalnoron." I paused.

"I was taken captive by Morgoth during the Wars of the Valar before giving any definite vows to any Vala or Valië, though I served lady Vairë for the short time I did serve one." Esgalnoron said with grave respect. "I have placed my allegiance with Caladiel." He added, and I blushed with embarrassment on his behalf.

"Which we will not ask you to reconsider." Manwë answered smoothly. "You have chosen well and given your own personal vows, which will not be considered null or void. It is good that we may welcome you back with all joy, Esgalnoron." He said, and my brother bowed with relief and gratitude in every line of his figure.

"And you speak of a Vala." Námo finally broached the last topic. I paused, my surprise clearly expressed on my face. I had thought they had known.

"I- I was unaware that it had not been made known to you." I stammered, before gathering myself. "Morgoth and Melkor are one no longer. Melkor is within Morgoth now, fighting even as we speak to remain alive and sentient. He is repentant of his deeds and has begged me to help him accept the gift of Eru's love, but Morgoth continues to try to suppress him. They are two completely different beings now, but in the same body and unable to separate. I have been attempting to find a way to separate them, but I am completely clueless as to how..." I trailed off to see that the Valar were in deep contemplation and not a little surprised.

I remained respectfully quiet as the Valar seemed to converse through ósanwë and with Eru. ~What do you think they'll tell us to do?~ Esgalnoron seemed to be on edge, and I had to admit that I was at the end of my line as well.

~I am not sure, Esgalnoron.~ I admitted the obvious, but I knew it was only to break the tense silence. Finally Manwë stirred.

"It is good news." He said softly, and I could hear the gratification in his tone. Thee other Valar also looked relieved and joyed, and my heart lifted at the sight. "And you? How have you fared?" He asked, drawing attention back to myself, and I started.

"Ah- I have... Been as well as can be expected." I admitted truthfully, and Manwë surveyed me keenly. I lowered my eyes, and Námo spoke.

"Surely it discomforts you." He said neutrally, and I swallowed, the collar seeming to burn a ring around my throat.

"Yes, lord Námo, but I- dare not remove it until it is all finished." I answered uncomfortably. He inclined his head, and then Tulkas spoke up once more.

"Can you tell us anything of numbers and forces?" He asked gently, and I shook my head.

"I do not know exactly how many there are by memory lord Tulkas, but if you will tell what you require I will fetch it for you the next time I come." I answered respectfully.

"Then anything you can safely give us is all we will ask." Oromë said, and I nodded in understanding.

"Of course." I said.

"Eönwë will be willing to give you any information you need to placate him." Manwë said, and Eönwë inclined his head at the subtle command from his lord.

"Thank you, lord Manwë." I murmured. "Please, masters, the faithful wait for your commands. What is it you command us to do?" I said, a bit anxious.

"We have not made plans as of yet, child. We need information first, and then we shall be able to sit and talk with Arafinwë, Findaráto, Ingwion, Túrucano, and Elwë. Only then shall we be able to tell you what you need to do." Tulkas answered, and I nodded.

"I see." I acquiesced. "Then the next time I can I shall bring you the information." I said.

"Before you leave, there is one more thing to be addressed." Yavanna spoke for the first time. The Valar seemed to survey me more intently than ever, and I felt like shrinking into my chair.

"If you wish it, child, we are able to nullify your wedding bond, as it was not made in the name of the One or the rest of us."


	27. Chapter 27

_Next chapter! I'm glad you seem to be enjoying so far, please by all means read on. Thanks for the reviews and follows, as always, and a shoutout to my faithful readers horseyyay and Peregrin Took the Falcon. This chapter is dedicated to horseyyay, for reasons only she and I know~ _

_Translation: _Assëa aranion_\- kingsfoil or athelas. Quenyä._

_So please, Read!_

_Enjoy!_

_Review!_

* * *

Chapter 27

The blood drained from my face. For a moment I swayed in my chair, and was steadied by Esgalnoron. Tears rose to my eyes as I doubled over, a gasp of pain torn from my lips as my stomach clenched viciously. For a moment I wondered if I would go into the dry heaves, but thankfully I showed no signs of it and managed to straighten even though my face still had no color.

My mind whirled. To not be married. To be free. To move over Ancalagon- rubies flashed through my mind, filled with tender love, hope, and passion.

"I cannot." I whispered. I startled myself with my statement, and I could see by the look on Eönwë's face that he was surprised as well. "I will not. I- I can't." I stuttered. "I have... Come to care for him, and I am afraid that..." I bit my lip. "He truly loves me, and I would not break his heart. I cannot be so cruel." I said weakly, and Esgalnoron squeezed my hand.

~That's it, Caladiel.~ He murmured encouragingly.

There was a pause, and then Námo spoke in dark tones. "So be it. It is settled, in the name of the One and Manwë His vice-regent, never to be dissolved now or throughout eternity." He finished, and I bowed my head, resigned to my fate. When I looked back up, surprisingly lighter, it was to see an approving look on the Valar's faces that surprised me.

"We are pleased with you, Caladiel." Varda spoke in soft, resounding tones that reminded me of her stars, clear and bright. A crown of living stars was in her hair, and her beauty smote my heart as I looked down with tears of gratitude.

"That means much to me, my lady." I replied thickly, and Manwë stood, coming over to me and bending to press a kiss of benediction against the top of my head.

"Be comforted in the knowledge that the Allfather is pleased with you, child." He said gravely. "We will await your return." And then Varda stood as he escorted her out. One by one the Valar stood with their respective others but for Nienna of course, and gave me a smile of approval before leaving. Námo and Vairë was last to leave, and I curtseyed before them.

"Never before has one of the Eldar or Edain not shown fear before me." Námo spoke in a wondering sort of voice, and I looked up into his face with a blush.

"I have never been afraid of death, my lord, and I have always held a... Special place in my heart for you even when I did not know you as anything other than a character. I saw that you were a comforter of feär, and that they feared you merely because they were afraid of what you represented and were unable to reconcile between the two. I respect you, my lord, but I cannot fear you in the way that I fear Morgoth." I answered truthfully, and Vairë smiled.

"Then you are truly special indeed." And to my surprise, she winked. I breathed a light laugh as Námo smiled and placed a hand upon my head.

"Whoever has your allegiance would be blessed indeed." He said, and placed a kiss on my temple.

"I thank thee." I said formally, and they nodded before leaving. There was a pause before Eönwë spoke up.

"I believe you impressed lord Námo- sister." He smiled, and I smiled back happily.

"Why thank you- brother." I answered, and Esgalnoron let out a noise of protest.

"What about me? I was your first brother! Don't go charming her now, Eönwë." He complained as I laughed and Eönwë smirked.

"Well pity, you saw through me." He answered with a wink, and I laughed even harder along with the both of them. When we calmed down somewhat, he motioned me over. "What sort of information did you need?"

"Well..."

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

"And while I do not know exact numbers, there were at least several hundred thousand strong if not more, and mortals continue to trickle in during the day. There were many Maiar and all of the Valar except for Ulmo. This is all I could gather, master. I apologize for my lack of information." I bowed, and Morgoth seethed.

"They dare to come against me." He hissed. I waited patiently and expressionlessly as he continued his tantrum- for lack of a better word- until he finally remembered that I was there. "Go, tell Sauron to give me a report of our numbers." He snarled, and I bowed.

"Of course, master." I answered, and then turned to leave.

"And begin to arm them all, to the very last Orc! I intend to show them the error of their ways!" He roared after me, and I fairly sprinted out the door.

I burst into our chambers and slammed the door shut. "Ada, need numbers and arms as soon as possible!" I gasped, running into his chambers to see him going through stacks of papers so quickly that I could barely see his fingers moving. His eyes flashed back and forth across the pages.

"What do you think I've been doing since you left, making bracelets?" He snapped back.

"No plans yet, they need information first. Statistics, forces, anything we can give them, battle plans of any sort, possible tactics, as much as is safe to give." I blurted, ignoring his snarls as I knew that everyone was in a panic and flurry, Morgoth's temper putting everyone under stress.

"I'll give it to you as soon as I've figured it out." He answered tersely, and I nodded before rushing out the door to prepare for war. The War of Wrath had begun. Eru help us all.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

It was a week before I could finally slip away to the camp to both give and gather intelligence. I had suggested to Morgoth acting as an informant from behind the lines, but he had thrown a veritable fit- it really couldn't be called anything else- saying that if I did they would never let me go and he would not stand for it because I was his treasure and no absolutely not. I regretted my suggestion as I was sent away with a gnat buzzing around in my ears.

All of those in Angband who held some sort of high commanding office were worked to the bone and squeezed dry of all our strength and resources. It was a good five days since I had gotten any sleep, and all of us were rather suffering from the lack of energy and grueling tasks we were assigned in arming, making plans, battle tactics, and everything else required for war.

It was absolutely baffling to see the numbers we had counted up of all of our possible troops. The already overtasked slaves were given a double portion of work, but as there was none but easterling tribute slaves in the mines it didn't necessarily concern me. There were supplies to be gathered or created- in some cases bred- not to mention all of the regiments that had to be made and commanders appointed. I had never received a more thorough education on the art of war and battle then I did during that one endless week. By the time I was finally sent to gather more intelligence, I was more than ready for a break.

I didn't even bother to sneak into camp this time, I merely walked up to a guard, hood over my head, and asked to see Eönwë. The guards kept careful tabs on me until Eönwë came, and were subsequently surprised when I was welcomed by the chief Maia readily and led to his tent. Once inside I pinned my hood carefully so that it was high up under my chin and hid my collar, though I left my face visible, my light out.

The male Valar soon entered the tent, and I bowed to them respectfully and waited until they sat before I did as well. Esgalnoron was slumbering wearily and gratefully in my pocket. He was a Maia, true, but he was confined to his forms and therefore was unable to access the natural unending strength that comes from remaining as a formless spirit.

"Caladiel. You have returned." Manwë graciously gave me the floor, and I nodded.

"My apologies for not returning sooner, lord Manwë, but all of us in the high ranks of Morgoth's armies have been tasked to the bone preparing for the war." I said, my voice slightly strained as a testimony to my state of unrest. "But I have been sent to gather information, and I am now able to give you definite information." I said, and Tulkas held up a hand. I stopped, and he nodded to Eönwë, who bowed and left quickly.

"If you will wait a moment, Caladiel, Eönwë will summon the other Elven leaders and we shall be able to discuss plans so that we may by able to give you information in return." Tulkas rumbled, and I nodded.

"Of course." I answered, and Eönwë came in a moment later with a few Elves. There was Findaráto, who looked both startled and pleased to see me; Elwë, who looked at me with recognition and mingled surprise; Túrucano, who seemed unsurprised at my presence, giving me a faint nod; a blonde haired, grey-blue eyed elf that I recognized as Arafinwë Noldoran; and a pale blonde haired, green eyed elf that I decided must be Ingwion. I stood and curtsied before sinking back into my chair with stiff limbs as they nodded to me and bowed to the Valar.

"Caladiel! I am surprised and pleased to see you." Finrod said after they had sat down. I smiled wanly.

"As I am pleased to see you, my lord." I answered quietly, and Arafinwë gave his son a searching look that was either ignored or not noticed.

"Caladiel is our informant." Manwë introduced smoothly, and by the starts I gathered that they had heard of what I had told the Valar a week ago. I gave Manwë a considering look, realizing his deviousness in not mentioning my name before. After all, I was a female, and usually ellith have nothing to do with war.

"Tell us what you have." Oromë nodded, and I took out a sheet of paper from my cloak, handing it to Eönwë.

"I have gathered the numbers of troops from the census taken recently, as well as the number and inventory of arms, the possible enemies, and those who are faithful along with their descriptions. Also both considered and confirmed battle tactics have been listed there, along with any other information Mairon has decided is important." I said evenly, and saw that Finrod suddenly looked stricken momentarily at the name.

Eönwë looked at the paper, and his eyes widened. "Five million?" He asked in a strained tone, and the Elves gasped.

"I am afraid so, Eönwë." I also noticed that Arafinwë, Ingwion, and Elwë looked disapproving of the lack of title. "However, I will mention to you that the odds will be even because many of them are inexperienced and untrained. The orcs are the least of your worries." I informed him, and he nodded slowly, scanning over the rest as the Valar listened neutrally.

"Eight balrogs, sister?" Eönwë raised an eyebrow at me as I hid a smile at the blinks that the familiar addressed caused.

"Two are Faithful, leaving eight to be concerned about. Same with the dragons." I supplied, and he nodded before setting the paper down carefully.

"I will make copies of these." He said, and I nodded wordlessly.

Manwë turned to the Elves. "And what may the Faithful do within the enemies lines?" He asked neutrally, and they looked thoughtful in reply. The rest of the Valar waited patiently as I sat there with an expressionless face.

"What sort of skills do the faithful possess?" Finrod suddenly spoke up, and I gave him a blank look. "I understand that the Balrogs and dragons have strength," Finrod acquiesced, "but what about the others? What are their main strengths?"

I nodded in understanding. "You know better than any Elf what I am capable of, my lord." I began in a monotone. "But you do not know all. I myself do not know what exactly the darkness of Angband has turned me into, and I was hoping that the Valar could tell me." I looked to said beings, who in turn looked at me stoically until Oromë spoke.

"There is none like you in existence, Caladiel, and you must name yourself what you are. I think perhaps Soul Eater would not be far from the truth." He offered, and the Elves looked bewildered.

I sighed. "I see. I do not know what I am, but I suppose that Soul Eater would do for the moment. My skills are being able to see feär, and I am able to reach out and take feär from their bodies. It does not work on anything but souls that are tainted, however, because the light within me only seeks to make them as they should have been." I explained, and the Elves looked shocked and yet nodded in understanding of what I was trying to say.

"Otherwise, I am an assassin and nothing more. My apprentice, Thurwething, is a vampire that has extraordinary strength and speed and is also an assassin. Esgalnoron is a Maia, Mairon I am sure you already know, and a werewolf that can speak and has normal strength..." I petered off, and there were thoughtful nods.

"And pray tell, who is the leader of this group of Faithful?" Arafinwë asked without rancor. I blinked for a moment, caught completely off-guard, before blushing faintly.

"I believe I would be considered their elected leader, although it is not necessarily spoken or officially decided." I answered awkwardly.

"And you would be willing to give the command over to another?" Arafinwë pressed. I blinked.

"Of course, lord Arafinwë. I am certainly not a skilled or capable leader, and we are all subjects of the Elder King and the One." I answered bluntly, and he nodded with a satisfied air.

"Thank you." He said, and I inclined my head, still a bit befuddled.

"Who would you consider our greatest allies?" Túrucano asked in his usual straightforward way.

"Mairon and Ancalagon the Black." I answered without hesitation.

"You do not include yourself." Ingwion ventured for the first time.

I inclined my head to him. "No, lord Ingwion. I will not be of as much help as they will be. Mairon is most certainly the best in battle plans and tactics along with organization-" I glanced at Eönwë's messy desk- "and he is extremely powerful. Ancalagon has the benefit of size and the fear factor, along with his strength and the natural ingrained instinct in all of the dragons to follow him as their leader. I? I am just an assassin, one who is adept at sneaking into tents and stealing, leaving behind bodies as a bloody trail to mark my presence." I shrugged self-deprecatingly.

"You shouldn't diminish your worth." Finrod frowned at me.

"Thank you for your love, my king, but I really am not of much use besides the battle itself and giving information." I said with a faint smile.

"Can you tell us anything about the Orc archers?" Elwë queried, and I thought for a moment. The Valar, half forgotten, listened intently with interest. I swallowed in nervousness under their regard but otherwise used Esgalnoron's steady if sleeping presence to anchor myself.

"They are not as adept as Elven archers." I admitted. "However, they are more than capable of greatly and accurately diminishing archer lines within-" I chewed my lip for a moment. "At least a three hundred meter radius." I decided. Elwë nodded.

"It is good enough." Was his only comment.

"As far as the faithful within are concerned, I would say that it would be best if they try to stay out of battle as much as possible, and when not possible then be as inconspicuous as possible. We will slowly diminish their numbers until we can finally wipe them out in a decisive battle, which is when it would best for the Faithful to defect." Túrucano suggested, and the others nodded slowly.

"Is it best, lord Manwë?" Arafinwë asked. The Valar nodded.

"It is good." Manwë answered calmly.

"Then it is settled." Elwë said, sitting back.

"For the time being, yes." Tulkas finally spoke, and I bowed my head.

"It shall be done." I murmured, and stood. Eönwë handed me a sheet of paper, for which I thanked him and slipped it into my pocket.

"And how are you?" Finrod stood and took my hands into his.

"Weary and wary, my lord, but otherwise doing as well as can be expected." I answered softly. He bent and kissed my forehead gently.

"Are you certain?" He asked.

"No." I replied wryly, and he sighed.

"Maeglin is worried." He said, and it was my turn to sigh.

"Please, give him my greetings." I pleaded.

"Will you not give them yourself?" He asked with a frown.

"I cannot. Not now." My lips were bloodless as I spoke, and I cast an agonized look at the Valar which they returned with nods of understanding. Finrod saw that I was not sanguine about something and frowned, but otherwise said nothing.

"But you will later." He raised an eyebrow at me.

"As you command." I answered, and curtseyed.

"Eärendil has asked of you many times." Túrucano spoke up as I made to leave. I paused and turned to him. "He has been wanting to meet you for many years, not quite remembering much from his youth." He said neutrally, and I bowed.

"I hope that I may meet him sometime soon." I answered vaguely, and he nodded in acknowledgement of my promise to try my best.

"Lords." I bowed and opened the tent flap.

"Farewell, Caladiel." Lord Námo spoke for the first time, and I turned back into the room with a genuine smile on my face as I dropped the judge of the dead a low bow.

"Farewell, lord Námo. Please give my regards to lady Vairë." I said, and he nodded back with a pleased expression.

I slowly made my way to the edges of the camp, drawing my hood safely over my head and looking up into the sky that was now spangled with stars and from where Tilion looked down on me. I closed my eyes and breathed for a moment, long and deep, filling my lungs with pure, untainted air. The whole world seemed to be doing the same, the deep breath before the plunge.

I could only pray that when it did plunge, it wouldn't be an endless drop.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

"Very good, pet." Morgoth smiled unpleasantly as I reported to him of my findings. "Sit." He said, and I immediately sat down in front of the arm of his chair.

There was something gnawing at me that I couldn't quite understand, however; and that was the issue of why Morgoth didn't try to place a tracking spell on my collar. I wanted to ask, but I was afraid to. Esgalnoron was in my pocket though, this time around, so I decided to pluck up my courage.

"Master?" I queried hesitantly. Morgoth looked down at me, his hand stroking my hair absently.

"Hmm?" He replied with a raised eyebrow.

"Why did you not... Tell Sauron to place a spell upon my collar?" I asked, looking into his face so he could see my genuine confusion.

"Ah." He gave me a knowing smile. "A discerning question. But well asked nonetheless, and for that I will answer you." He paused, and I waited patiently. If I showed impatience, he might not tell me for another half an hour just for the sheer psychological torture of it. "It is because when you reveal your light such simple spells will be eradicated." He finally said after a moment or so.

That made sense, I mused to myself. "I see, master. I did not know." I said humbly, and looked down thoughtfully. However, my mind was now wandering to other things.

Sauron strode into the throne room, sending me a brief, uncaring glance before turning with an emotionless face to Morgoth. "Reporting. Troops are ready and armed, and all is completely prepared for a war of long duration if necessary." He said smoothly, and Morgoth nodded.

"Very good, Sauron." And he waved a dismissive hand. Sauron looked to me again, and I gave him an imperceptible nod before he bowed and turned smartly, striding back out.

~When do you think the war will start?~ Esgalnoron queried.

As though to answer him, Morgoth suddenly spoke. "We will allow them to bring the war to us." He said darkly, still stroking my hair.

~Well, I guess I got my answer. Soon.~ He said morosely.

"The sooner the better." I answered them both, although of course they both took it differently. Morgoth smiled down at me in a pleased expression as I reached up and brushed his fingers with my hand. Esgalnoron, on the other hand, laughed in feral glee within my mind. As for Melkor- the battle was fiercer then it ever had been before.

After the typical hour I was let go, of course, and I stood and walked slowly to the door. They shut behind me in an awkward bang, and I just stood there, stock still as the fire of the Balrogs melted my icy joints. With an explosive breath, I turned to the two Balrogs who stood at the door. I had just decided to ask Rushirithir to meet me at my office when the other Balrog suddenly spoke.

"The lieutenant is strong. Phanairushur."

I stood there in shock for a moment, mouth still open, and then saw Rushirithir shift slightly and clear his throat. I snapped out of it and shook my head. "But the master is stronger. Welcome. Wait for further command." I said, and they nodded as I turned and glided quietly towards the doorway. I needed to give the Valar the news.

It was not until evening, however, that I reached the limits of the gigantic camp. By now my cloak was known among the guards, and they nodded to me stiffly before allowing me to pass by. I nodded back before disappearing, wraith-like, into the shadows of the tents and making my way quietly to Eönwë's tent. I slipped in noiselessly, standing in the shadows as Eönwë spoke with several elves that seemed to be commanders of the armies. I stiffened as I noticed one in particular.

~Caladiel?~ Esgalnoron's voice carried a frown.

~Beleg.~ Was my stiff answer.

~Oh.~ Was his sudden, comprehensive reply. He crawled out of my pocket and morphed into Elven form, standing in front of me with arms crossed so that I was hidden behind his bulk. I sidled close to him and clutched the back of his tunic as Eönwë glanced at him and nodded slightly without breaking his speech. Esgalnoron nodded back, and I stood in complete stillness. Finally the Elves left, Beleg leaving last with his bow strapped to his back. For a moment he seemed to pause at the door, but then suddenly shook his head and walked through.

"Nice shielding." Esgalnoron sounded vaguely amused. Eönwë chuckled.

"Yes, well, I could feel the tenseness radiating off of you both from here." He answered, and then nodded as Esgalnoron stepped aside.

"Well met and hail, Eönwë." I sighed, and then walked forwards. "I come to give a few bits of news- all of the troops in Angband are armed and ready for battle, formed into ranks of five hundred strong each. Also, Morgoth has decided to let the Valar bring the battle to him; and there is one more Balrog recruit named Phanairushur." I said, and Eönwë nodded thoughtfully.

"I remember him. He is brother of Ancalequirindë, Maia of Vairë." He said, and Esgalnoron nodded.

"That's right. I remember her from my brief time of service to lady Vairë. She's the one who has the fána with silver hair, yes?" He asked, and Eönwë confirmed it.

"It also makes sense that he's waiting for us- he has the advantage of location that way even if we are hemming them in." Eönwë murmured, looking down at a map, and I bent over it as well.

"Next time I can bring you a map of the areas around Angband and Angband itself, it you think it will help." I offered, and Eönwë gave me a grateful look.

"It would be invaluable if you could. We have no knowledge whatsoever on its layout besides what Lúthien and Beren knew, which was admittedly not so much." He said, shaking his head.

"Of course. I'll bring it next time. After all, I won't be able to guide you." I teased with a smile, and he chuckled. Esgalnoron snorted.

"What, taking up tour guide services?" He ribbed me, and I glared at him.

"Oh shut it, you." I shook my finger at him as Eönwë raised an eyebrow but decided to wisely ignore the strange term.

"As I was about to say, I think that you should meet Olórin. He was actually rather close to Mairon before, and might also want to ask you a few questions, if you have time." He said, and my eyes lit up.

"A chance to meet Olórin before the Third Age? Are you kidding? Valar yes!" I said with a grin in Esgalnoron's direction as he gave me a sour scowl.

"Competition competition. I really ought to do something about it." He growled, cracking his knuckles as I snickered loudly. Eönwë shook his head in bemusement before deciding to call for his fellow Maia of Manwë. In a moment there was a coalescence of light and the smell of herbs filled the air. I breathed it in with a relaxed smile, dreamy and distant.

"Assëa aranion." I murmured before my eyelids fluttered open to see a Maia smiling at me with curiosity in his milky, watery, wise blue eyes that were so familiar and yet foreign. His hair was a shade of lavender that almost looked white, and his eyelashes were the same color. He wore a tabard with the eagle symbol of Manwë on it, and I nodded politely.

"A pleasure to meet you, Olórin." I said, and he nodded back.

"As it is to see you, Caladiel." He answered back with courtesy.

"You have questions for me?" I asked with a faint smile, and his eyes took on a look I knew well- a gleam of excitement at sensing results to his quest for answers.

"Actually yes, I was wondering if you could tell me about..."


	28. Chapter 28

_Wow. I can't believe we're here already... When I started this, I never expected it to come so far. We're almost finished. *sigh* _

_Anyways, please go on and read! Thanks for your reviews, and apologies if I haven't replied but life has got me in a killer grip and it's not letting go anytime soon. So please, read!_

_Enjoy!_

_Review!_

* * *

Chapter 28

Thurwething burst into the throne room. "They're here, at the gates." She panted, bowing low before the throne where I was seated next to Morgoth's feet. Sauron stood on the other side of the throne, waiting commands. Morgoth clapped his hands together.

"So be it. Wait until they make their move before we strike. We will diminish their numbers in waves as they come, until they are few enough to wipe them out in one large frontal assault. Use stealth, anything you can in the meantime. When the end comes, I myself will go out." He snarled the last part, and I felt shivers go up and down my spine. But what about Melkor?

_Caladiel- the light-_

My face remained blank, even though inwardly I was desperately trying to figure out what I was supposed to do with the light. I didn't even know how to control it besides creating things!

"So it begins." I murmured quietly, and Esgalnoron, lying beside me as a wolf, flicked his ears in acknowledgement.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

Years passed. Two, three, five, seven- ten years had passed, and the score seemed to be slightly in favor of the Valar and Elves, although Angband also still had many troops left. I was sent out in almost every major battle, usually coming back battered, bruised, bloody, and exhausted. Of course, it was Orc and occasional traitorous human blood that I spilt, not Elven.

I had caught sight of Maeglin and Beleg several times in the battle, but I had made sure to stay away from them as much as possible, unless Maeglin was in trouble. I just couldn't face him with the collar on my neck, knowing that he would see. Perhaps it was my pride, but it was also fear that he would find me repulsive, seeing the sign of slavery on my neck. I couldn't remove it even in private, as it was sealed with a binding spell that made it impossible to remove by anyone but Morgoth.

During that time, I had been surprised not to see Eärendil, but guessed that he was busy trying to gather sailors to sail Vingilot so that he could join the battle from the air. Perhaps he was also marshaling the Eagles, as far as I knew.

The thing that had worried me most, though, was that all I really knew about the War of Wrath was its causes, beginnings, participants, and ending. I also knew that it lasted for forty years, but otherwise knew absolutely nothing else. There had been nothing that I had studied that said anything else about the war. In all of my meticulous studies of Middle Earth and the First Age, I had learned nothing more. How much had I changed? How much longer was this going to last? I don't know if I can handle the strain of these past ten years for another thirty!

It was during a rare break that I finally began to dimly understand what I would have to ultimately sacrifice for the cause of this War and for the free peoples of Middle Earth. I was quietly standing in the alcove that Ancalagon and I seemed to meet in most often (I had barely seen him because I was so busy, for which I was partially grateful) and thinking about the conundrum of Melkor's freedom when a thought suddenly hit me.

I had said to myself once before that I hadn't done research about the flame of Eru, or something of the sort. But Melkor obviously had. He would know more about it as a Vala then I would, despite that I held it. Perhaps he had somehow kept some of that information from Morgoth in fear, though I couldn't be sure. But as I thought back to all that I had done since coming here hundreds of years ago, I dimly began to realize what measures I would have to take this time.

I had sacrificed so far my life, my happiness, my safety, my future, my freedom, and so many more things just to be a vessel for the secret fire and a servant of Eru's purposes. What if I needed to sacrifice the ultimate thing that kept me alive in order to free Melkor and complete my mission? What if I needed to give up... Everything? Not just my life, but my comfort? My _light_? What if- what if I needed to burn? What if **_I_** needed to be the ultimate sacrifice?

I gritted my teeth and slammed my fist against the wall in a sudden moment of absolute terror mingled with anger. "Is that what You want!?" I yelled at the ceiling. "Is this what I need to do? To give up everything, and leave nothing for myself but emptiness?" I cried out in desperation, sinking down to the ground and burying my face into my arms. Tears trickled down my cheeks, landing on the floor and shattering the deafening silence as the glass broke on the floor.

Exhausted, caught in the crisis of my life, literally seeing the hourglass of my life run out right before my eyes, I leaned my head against the wall, too tired to even cry anymore. Even that was too much effort for me. The words to the song "Titanium" began to run through my mind, slightly comforting me. I had wanted to die so badly before, but now I was crying over it? What had changed?

"Caladiel?"

"You." I whispered, my head lolling to the side so that I could see Ancalagon's blurry, worried face looking at me as he drew me into his arms. "You are what changed." I mumbled. "I don't want to leave because of you..."

"You are feverish." He murmured quietly, his voice driving other thoughts out of my head.

"I am tired, not ill." I answered with a sigh, leaning against his shoulder and feeling somewhat comforted by his presence. He looked into my face and I looked back into the hypnotizing rubies, seeing his silted pupils dilate. I smiled faintly, brushing a hand against his cheek. He gave me a crooked smile in reply, and then cupped the back of my head in his palm.

"When you first showed signs of falling for me on Thangorodrim, do you know why I sent you away?" He asked suddenly, and I blinked, surprised.

"N-no." I stammered, cheeks turning red.

"Because I was so happy that if you hadn't stopped, I surely would have lost my composure." He murmured, bending and pressing a kiss to my lips gently. As though it was instinct to him- which in hindsight it might have been considering that dragons have mates- he continued his gentle ministrations, tugging slightly on my hair, drawing circles on my lower lip, cradling me tenderly. I tugged away slightly, burying my burning face into his shoulders.

"Embarrassed?" He chuckled, and I clutched his tunic, refusing to answer. "Don't be. If kisses were water, I'd give you an ocean." He said, and I blushed even harder if it was even possible. The mithril pendant around his neck bounced softly off of my chest, and I pressed into him.

"Ancalagon..." My voice would have been almost inaudible had it not been that my mouth was close to his ear.

He turned his head and kissed the corner of my mouth. "What is it?" He whispered back, and I closed my eyes.

"I'm so tired." I said weakly, and he stood.

"You should rest, then." He said firmly, and began to take me back to my quarters. I didn't know what happened after that, because I fell asleep into what was almost a healing coma halfway there.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

When I opened my eyes, it was with an ashen face. Esgalnoron bent over to say good morning when he saw my expression and frowned.

"Caladiel? What's wrong?" He queried, and I reached up to clutch his sleeve.

"Home. The flame will lead me home... What if that means-?" Then my eyes closed and I shook my head. "Nothing, Esgalnoron. Just... A thought." I sighed, and sat up. He gave me a faint frown but decided that he wouldn't pry.

"Of course." He sighed reluctantly, and I had to smile at him gratefully for not pressing even though I knew it concerned him greatly. "He's calling for you." He said with a frown, and I leaped up in a hurry to get ready.

"Jeez, you could've told me sooner!" I cried, and he rolled his eyes as he stuck an exhausted Faelon into his pocket. My poor fireball had been used so much during the battles as a means to communicate with headquarters for commands that he was tuckered out. Grabbing a now-Phoenix Esgalnoron and popping him on my shoulder, I swiftly made my way to the throne room.

When I got there, it was to simultaneously breath in crystalline shards of air and flecks of ash as the effects of Morgoth and Sauron clashed. I visibly stumbled in shock as I let out a choke before managing to right myself and swallow painfully as I knelt at the foot of the throne. And choked back some extra bile as well.

"Sit." Morgoth motioned to his side, and I slowly sat down, feeling unaccountably uncomfortable. Why did I feel so uneasy?

"As you know, the war has taken longer than I supposed." Morgoth began, and I tried hard not to stiffen, although Esgalnoron ruffled his feathers and Sauron's lips pressed together until they were white. Oh Eru, don't let him be suspicious...

"I feel that the time is coming soon for the final assault." He went on, and I almost gasped in relief. Sauron's lips loosened slightly. "I did consider allowing them to come in so that we could surround them, but then- I realized how much better it might be if we just went out in open battle." Morgoth went on with a cackle, stroking my hair absently. I suppose he had been in such a habit with Carcaroth that I was his unconscious replacement.

"So, I've decided that tomorrow will be the final wave and in its wake we will go out." He said smoothly. "You two will stay here with me until that time." He ordered, and I glanced at Sauron who shot a look at me. Obviously the same thought was running through our minds. Esgalnoron whacked my ear in confirmation of my thought.

"Do you understand?" Morgoth barked, and Sauron and I bowed.

"Of course, master." We murmured, and he nodded in satisfaction.

"Good. Now go, and make preparations." He said, and I stood, and with a bow trailed after Sauron.

I stopped outside the door and clapped as Sauron continued down the hall. In response, the two Balrogs looked at me. "Get replacements and come to me." I said in an eerily emotionless tone that sounded almost robotic, and Rushirithir nodded as I once more glided away down the hall. Esgalnoron flew off my shoulder after dropping Faelon into my pocket to go to the werewolf den, and I quietly made my way down to the dragon dens. Sauron would draw up our plans.

Within moments, I had made it to the bottom of the long stairway that went to the dragon den and was standing in their midst as though I had materialized out of thin air. There was a sudden silence as they registered my presence and the deadly air that surrounded me as a testament to my mood.

"Ancalagon, Kalarion, Glaurthag, Jura, Elboron, revert to secondary form and follow me, now." I snarled, and immediately headed back up the stairs. I made my way back to our quarters silently, the only sound being that of the quiet footsteps of the others behind me. We made it into the rooms and I noticed that a wolf-Esgalnoron and Braigon along with the three Balrogs Phanairushur, Norgaladir, and Rushirithir, Sauron, and Thurwething were all gathered.

"Here's the plan." Sauron said as soon as the door had closed, "unless Caladiel you have something to add?" He raised an eyebrow at me, and I nodded.

"Actually I do. Eärendil the Mariner will arrive with the Eagles in the middle of the battle. I have foreseen it. He will turn the tide of the battle. As soon as you see him or the Eagles, declare your true allegiance without fear and do not hold back. If the War doesn't end today in complete annihilation of the troops of Angband, we will all be in deep trouble." I said tersely. "Morgoth will come out once he sees what has happened, and Sauron and I will be with him. Stay away from him as far as possible, flee to the far corners of the battle if you must, but do. Not. Get near him, at all costs. After that, Sauron will join you, and then..." I turned away, looking at the wall with closed eyes and pinched lips.

"And you?" Sauron asked harshly.

"As for me... Do not come back for me, no matter what." I answered heavily, and then whipped around. "No, Ancalagon." I snapped, and his mouth snapped shut. "After that, it's my turn to turn the tide of the battle. It doesn't matter what happens to me, all that matters is that we win. Don't do anything foolish, or else you might be risking everything. I cannot afford to have anyone get in the crossfire." I said sternly, looking them all in the eye, and they nodded reluctantly.

"What are you going to do?" Braigon asked solemnly.

"I won't be doing anything but talking." I said with a sad smile. "And there will another taking action. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing." No one knew that I was blindly hoping that. There was a troubled silence, and I could feel the several who knew me best looking at me in concern.

"Do we all understand what needs to be done?" Sauron finally demanded, and there were curt nods all around.

"Give it your all, everyone." I said with a more genuine smile and wink. "After all, you still need to beat my score of thirty from the last battle." I said with a grin. There were light chuckles all around before they dispersed and Sauron, Esgalnoron, and I were left alone. Esgalnoron morphed into Elven form just as Sauron turned to me.

"What exactly did you mean by that?" He demanded roughly, eyes narrowing in displeasure.

"My mission was to end this war." I replied quietly, moving to the mirror and looking into the cracked glass. "And to do that, I was given just what I needed." I said, tracing a finger on my collar. "So- I will have to give it up in order to complete what I was sent here to do." I said with a sad sort of smile, turning back to him.

For a moment he and Esgalnoron looked at me, before they slowly began to realize what I meant. Esgalnoron turned pale, the first time I had ever seen him do that. Sauron's naturally pasty face seemed to go blank, as though he was shutting down from the inside.

"You promised not to leave me." His voice was hollow and flat, with absolutely no emotion.

"And I won't." I answered, wrapping my arms around his torso. "I'll always be here, Ada." I said softly, laying my head on his chest. "I don't know what will happen to me, but I'm sure Eru will make sure that I'll be okay. And you'll be too, I've made sure of it. I'm sure lord Manwë won't deny my request to make sure that you and Esgalnoron will be publicly commended and praised as heroes, along with the other faithful. So you see, you won't need me. Everyone will accept you, even if it takes a while, since you have the Valar's approval." I murmured.

A wooden hand landed on my head. "I don't want that." Sauron's voice was uncertain. "You promised." He seemed to be stunned, speaking mechanically.

"You'll be fine, Ada. My love will always be with you." I answered thickly, tears in my eyes. Esgalnoron was facing the wall, but I could see his hands trembling. I closed my eyes against the sight. Hands clutched my shoulders, convulsing. Hot, scalding, comforting hands, calloused and caring.

"I don't want to be fine without you. What will Ancalagon do?" He asked harshly, clutching my shoulders so tightly that tears streaked down my cheeks from the pain, but I still hung on to him.

"I don't know." I said faintly. "I- don't know." I admitted, and let go slowly, sinking down until I was kneeling at his feet. I sat there, head bowed. "I'm sorry." I whispered as he stood there stiffly, hands clenched at his sides. "But I don't have a choice."

There was a silence, and I clasped my hands at his feet. "Forgive me, Ada, Esgalnoron." I pleaded weakly. "Forgive me. I'm sorry, I don't know what else to do." I said brokenly, my hot, liquid tears falling onto his boots. "Forgive me."

Sauron slowly bent, cupping my cheek in his hands and lifting my tear-streaked face to him. His nail-clamps poked my skin in a familiar manner, and I clutched his hand, not caring about the clamps that drew blood from my fingers and trickled down my palm. His scalding lips pressed against my forehead, while my tears fell like blood down my cheeks and stained his hand, mingling with the blood that streamed down my palm.

"Then I will do all in my power to make sure you stay with me." He said in a flat tone. "This one thing I refuse to give up."

Tears and blood mingled, as Esgalnoron leaned against the wall with two wet tracks making gashes in his cheeks.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

In front of the door to the throne room, I paused and nodded slowly to the two Balrogs. They nodded back and opened the door for a final time, and I walked in calmly as though there was nothing different about this day than any other day that I had done this same thing. As always, I bowed before the throne, and Morgoth bade me sit down.

I sat, ignoring Sauron on the other side of the throne as Esgalnoron curled in my pocket around Faelon, huddling to my side. There was a sudden clanking sound of metal, and my hood was pulled down. I forced myself not to look back as Morgoth brushed my hair back, and something suddenly clicked and my collar became a dead weight that rested heavily on my collarbones.

My hands went up in an almost unconscious gesture as I gasped for air in shock, and I vaguely heard Morgoth chuckle in sadistic glee. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sauron's eyes gleam murderously before becoming emotionless once more, and saw Morgoth's hand holding the chain that he had attached to my collar. I forced myself to calm down. I was going to be fine- I was _chained_\- it was going to be okay- I was **chained**. I forced myself to let go of the collar and regulate my breathing, forcing myself to acclimate. It wouldn't be for too long, I was going to be just fine...

It was a long few hours to wait for news, while Morgoth fingered his hammer Grond. It felt like days before Thurwething burst into the throne room, bowing low and trying to catch her breath. "Master, it is not going well. The Valar are pressing hard." She gasped, and Morgoth flicked a hand.

"Send out the dragons." He growled, and his fingers tapped the armrest impatiently as Thurwething nodded and rushed back out. Another three hours passed before even Morgoth decided that something was wrong. I swallowed faintly as Sauron shifted slightly, and Morgoth stood, hefting his hammer like it was nothing.

"Come. We shall go." He growled, jerking my chain so that I was yanked to my feet. I let out a slight cry of pain as the collar wrenched on my throat, and stumbled to my feet, my cloak falling off of my shoulders and landing in a heap on the floor. I was left with my light out and dressed in a plain white dress. Esgalnoron grabbed Faelon and struggled out of the tangled cloak, following after me with bedraggled Phoenix feathers. I gave him an agonized glance as I staggered after Morgoth who was marching off down the hall with Sauron by his side holding a huge sword that was at least the size of me.

Rushirithir and Phanairushur followed after, and we walked through the halls until we finally made it out into the bright daylight. Judging by the sun, it must be at least noon. For a moment Morgoth stood stock still, looking at the battle field where Eagles and dragons fought together against other dragons, a huge white ship sailing in the air with a blinding light radiating from it that was mirrored by the ones from Morgoth's crown. One Balrog, fighting with a group of Maiar against other Balrogs. A werewolf bearing a Maia eagerly into battle. I could almost see his rage begin to boil over.

And then everyone began to see the newcomers, and slowly a terrified and ominous silence settled over the battle field. Even the dragons and Eagles stopped to look at Morgoth Bauglir and Sauron Gorthaur emerging onto the battle field. Slowly, there was a murmuring as the Valar made their way to the front lines, each of them terrifyingly glorious in their battle wear. The land was trampled and blood-stained, almost unrecognizable. The three mountains of Thangorodrim looked like crumbling towers, brittle and about to collapse.

Just then, Rushirithir and Phanairushur lumbered onto the battle field, making their way to Tulkas and flanking him. Sauron followed soon after, twirling his sword nonchalantly as he stood next to Aulë. Realizing what had happened, Morgoth snarled in rage. "Traitors." He hissed.

"Surrender, Morgoth." Tulkas' deep voice shook the land as the Elven lords came and stood by the Valar. Tulkas was not laughing. No one had really seen me yet, as I was hidden behind Morgoth's bulk.

"If I surrender, your precious little flame goes with me." Morgoth sneered, yanking on my chain so that I was dragged out in front of him. I collapsed to the muddy, bloody ground, clutching my throat and coughing violently from the harsh jerk. I gasped and looked up, panting.

"Caladiel!" Finrod cried, looking distraught. Arafinwë placed a hand on his son's shoulder. I suddenly saw Maeglin standing on the field, his face stricken as he looked at me. Tulkas' face hardened.

"If you think you have a bargaining chip, you are wrong, Morgoth. Surrender." Was the cold reply.

Morgoth barked a laugh. "See now, ye Elves? The Valar care not for one of your own, and would gladly give her up without a thought." He sneered. I gathered my strength, standing up and grasping the chain.

"Wrong." Somehow, my voice seemed to carry through the field. Dead silence. I turned to a seething Morgoth, standing tall. "Wrong, because I am their queen piece on the chessboard!" I cried. "You trust no one but yourself because you are traitor yourself, but you cannot even trust yourself!" I declared, spreading my arms. "If I go, you go with me, because I am the secret flame of Eru, undiluted, pure and untainted. If you destroy me, you shall also be rendered helpless by the power that you will unleash upon yourself." I said triumphantly.

"You would give up your own life, then, my pet?" Morgoth sounded amused. I smiled.

"If by my one life I will have saved many, then is my life not already forfeit?" I asked softly.

Then I stood as tall as I could, speaking in a loud voice. "I hereby address my true master, Melkor, brother of Manwë, Elder King of Arda! For years you have fought against Morgoth, and now is the time when you must break free! I cannot defeat Morgoth, for only you can defeat your own inner demons. But I offer myself to your aid, and I declare victory in the name of Eru, the creator of all things living and nonliving!" With a deep breath, I closed my eyes and then looked boldly into the enraged eyes of Morgoth, spreading my arms wide.

"Take your aim, Morgoth Bauglir, for you have further to fall than I." I challenged, and he raised his hammer. I ran.

Towards him.

And released the dam that held back the light, allowing it to surround me in living, blue flame, just as Morgoth staggered back and emitted a bright rainbow orb of light. The blue flame reached out for the orb, and they met in a clash of blinding light as I felt the flame leave me, tearing a hole in my soul.

Then the light dimmed, and in its place between me and a miasma of pure darkness with red eyes that was now Morgoth, a pure evil, stood a being with pale blonde hair and bright, vibrant blue eyes, dressed in a robe that seemed to be made of the very essence of color.

"So. You have finally escaped me, Melkor."


	29. Chapter 29

_*wails* is this really the last chapter!? Well, not including the epilogue anyways... I'll post the epilogue soon guys, And there'll be an important question for you so please stay tuned to answer it!_

_Thanks for all of my faithful followers and reviewers; you know how much you mean to me. Please, read!_

_Enjoy!_

_Review!_

* * *

Chapter 29

I watched through hazy eyes from where I knelt on the ground, feeling my life slowly leech away like ashes floating away on the wind as Melkor looked sternly at the cloud of darkness that leered at him with fiery red eyes and teeth that were like daggers.

"I walked through the Void alone, thinking of many things, and you- against my will- used my thoughts of the flame to produce feelings within me so that you could take over my body and soul. I was the lord of chaos and you were the part of me that was able to create that chaos even as I balanced it, and yet you in your lust for complete chaos and domination overthrew my will." Melkor said, and I smiled as I heard his audible voice for the first time, beautiful and strong, filled with power.

"I tried to get you to see the benefits of ruling the universe, but you refused to listen. What else could I do but take you over since I had no body of my own?" Morgoth snorted.

"I was not created to bring chaos. I was created to balance it. But you- you have overstepped the boundaries set upon you by the One." Melkor declared frostily.

"You cannot stop me!" Morgoth roared, towering over Melkor. "I am chaos and destruction!"

"And I am charged with the protection of order and peace, in which I have admittedly failed." Melkor admitted calmly. I suddenly realized that someone was holding me gently, helping me sit up to see Melkor, and recognized Esgalnoron's clothes. I squeezed his hand gently, and I felt a tear drop onto my hair.

"This is not over. You think you have defeated me- fool! You have made me stronger. You may have weakened me for a time, but I shall start again; and then there shall not be Melkor to hinder me!" Morgoth began to laugh, the sound of it making my collar seem to constrict. I reached up and clutched the thing, futilely pulling at it for air. Morgoth faded away, the black miasma dissipating in the air along with the laughter.

There was a silence, just as I struggled to sit up and retched miserably, shaking as I clawed at the collar. "Master, please-!" I cried weakly, and in a moment Melkor was kneeling at my side, removing the collar with gentle fingers. I collapsed back into Esgalnoron, feeling pain everywhere. The battle field erupted, everyone resuming the battle as the orcs began to flee and the Elves began to overrun the others.

In a moment I felt several people rush to where I was, just as Melkor lifted me into his arms gently. I smiled faintly up into his face. "Master." I said softly, and he smiled back gently, brushing a hand over my hair.

"Yes, Caladiel. I am here, brave one. Thank you, for giving me back my life and a chance to serve my Atar once more." He said tenderly, rocking gently as though I were his child.

"It was my duty, master. Thank you for allowing me to serve you, if even for a very short time." I answered, then looked up at him. "Please, master. Where is-" I gave in to a spasm of coughing, blood splattering my clothes. I grimaced as I was handed over to someone else.

"Oh dear one. What have you done?" Finrod's voice asked me mournfully, and I looked up at him.

"My duty, my king." I answered with a lopsided smile. "I'm sorry for anything I might have said-"

He placed a hand on my lips gently. "No, child. You have done well, and served me just as faithfully as I would have expected from anyone. Be at peace." He said, kissing my forehead as from liege to vassal. Maeglin bent over my face, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Please don't leave us, Nana." He rasped, shaking his head. "Tye melin, Nana. Don't leave." He begged hoarsely, and I managed to reach up to kiss his cheek.

"Take care of yourself, my little prince. Please, if you can find it in your heart, befriend Eärendil. Tell him all you know of me. I love you too, Maeglin. Please take good care of Faelon for me." I said, and he nodded wordlessly as Finrod hugged his sobbing form gently.

I looked up at the next person, and smiled in relief to see Sauron. "Well, I feel overrated." I attempted to joke weakly.

"Don't jest." Esgalnoron snapped somewhere beside me. "What sort of person goes through the pain you did?" He asked shakily. I shook my head.

"I didn't do anything, Esgalnoron. All I did was offer the Faithful another chance. All I did was give back what I was given in the first place. It was never mine." I said weakly, and then grasped Sauron's hand, struggling to focus on his face.

"Please Ada, I love you." I said, just as drops of liquid landed on my cheeks and splattered. They seemed to burn red spots into my skin.

"You promised." Mairon's voice was flat and broken, like the glass beads that fell off of my own face.

"Some things I have no control over, as hard as that seems to believe." I tried to laugh, only to go into a paroxysm of pain as I coughed up more blood. I clutched his hand tightly, panting. "My body is falling apart from the inside, because the flame was what held me together. Please, before I leave, let me see him." I begged, and he nodded woodenly.

I closed my eyes wearily, and a few moments later heard someone say my name brokenly. I opened my eyes heavily and managed to see Ancalagon through swollen eyes, managing a final, genuine smile. "Please don't let them remove my ring." I requested. "I am proud to have been called the wife of Ancalagon the Black." I whispered, reaching up with the rest of my strength to cup his cheek. "All this time, I searched for a place I could call home. But now I realize: my home was always right there in front of me, and I never saw it. Home is where the heart is. My home was- is- with you." I struggled to stay awake.

"I love you, Caladiel. You are my light." Ancalagon choked. My hand fell away, and I felt lips gently kissing my own.

_I see now, Atar. Through all of my sorrows and suffering, I have now found joy and peace in the end because of all of the friends and people I have come to love and be loved by in return. Through the scars of my experiences, I have grown wiser; and I have passed through the fire to become pure gold- I have become perfected. There is no greater happiness than this._

"Remember us, Caladiel." Melkor's voice whispered in my ear. "This is not the end..."

And everything slowly spiraled into blackness, where the stars wheeled overhead and each day was as a thousand years. You were right, Olórin. You just didn't mention how hideous it is for all its beauty.

**__Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

A steady beeping sound brought me to consciousness, and my mind seemed to spin in circles as I slowly peeled my eyes open.

"Oh thank God, you're awake! Can you hear me? If you can hear me, try to speak, Celine." A concerned, relieved, hopeful voice said. That was an order. It snapped me into action, and I opened my mouth.

"I hear you." I rasped, struggling to adjust my eyes to the sudden light that crashed against my eyes.

"Thank God." The voice said in heavy relief, and someone helped me to sit up carefully. The steady beeping continued, and sounded eerily familiar to my ears. Where in the galaxy was I?

"Where am I?" I whispered, finally managing to open my eyes. The first thing I saw was wires in front of my face, and it shocked me fully awake.

"You are at the hospital, Celine. Your mother will be so happy to hear you're awake. You've been in a coma for four years." Said the nurse, and I felt the blood drain from my face.

"What happened?" My voice must have sounded panicked, because the nurse immediately moved into my vision, her face worried. The beeping, which I now realized as a heart monitor, began speeding up.

"Please, calm down Celine. You were badly injured when a container of radiation flew through the window of your house. You threw yourself in front of your mother, becoming injured by the flying glass and inhaling enough radiation to kill a bull." The nurse said calmly, and my mind whirled, trying to process the information. Radiation? But that meant- radiation causes mutation!

"Can I have a mirror?" I rasped, and the nurse gave me a sharp look.

"I don't think-"

"Please!" My voice must have come out a lot harsher than I realized, because the nurse sighed before nodding.

"Try to stay awake as best you can." She said, and scurried out. I closed my eyes. I was back home. Or rather, I was back to my original world. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I already missed Arda, my _home_. The oxygen mask over my face made hissing noises, and I reached up, pulling it off as I took in a lungful of air. Why radiation?

"Are you able to breathe well?" A masculine voice startled me, and I turned my head to see a man sitting in the corner of the room, a small smile on his face.

"I- yes. Thank you." I answered, somewhat disoriented by his sudden presence.

"You look just as beautiful as I remember, even if you were a bit dirtier the last time." The man remarked, and a frisson of- something- ran down my spine. Not fear...

"Have I- met you before?" I asked, my voice frail.

"Not here. But yes, we have before." He answered, and stood. "I've just stopped by to give you something." He said with a kind smile, and walked over to my bed, pressing something into my thin hand. In fact, I felt thin, as though I had been in very poor health for a long time. I felt like paper.

"You'll get better now, I think." He said with a faint smile, and bent to press a kiss to my forehead. It was such a familiar gesture that felt so right, and I gasped just as the door opened. The nurse came in, but when I blinked, the man was nowhere around. Or was he a man? My hand slid the object in my palm under the sheet, and the nurse- Cassie, by her name tag- came over.

"Here." She said, and handed me a hand mirror, moving the mask from my other hand and putting it away. I weakly propped the mirror up on my lap, and bent my face to look into it. My fingers trembled from the effort.

"Your mother will be here soon." Cassie remarked gently, and I suddenly smiled. Radiation indeed. My eyes that had been brown before were now half brown and half pale blue, and my new hair had grown out completely white. Tears once more sprang to my eyes, and I let the mirror drop as I turned to the sympathetic-looking nurse.

"Thank you." I whispered. "I love my new look." I said with a tremulous smile, and she looked surprised before smiling back widely.

"It's an interesting mutation that you seem to pull off wonderfully." She answered softly, and the door opened. Cassie left as my mother appeared at my bedside.

"Oh Celine!" She cried, and broke down sobbing, kneeling beside my bedside. I closed my eyes, leaning wearily against the pillows as I smiled faintly, placing a bandaged hand poked with needles onto her head.

"I'd do it again if I had to." I croaked, feeling my voice give out. "Besides, aren't you happy for me? I got a new look." My voice petered out, and she looked up at me with a tearful, wobbly smile.

"Oh Celine." She whispered. "You cannot imagine what I went through, knowing that it was because of me you got so badly hurt and I was only mildly injured. It should have been me." She choked, but I shook my head.

"No, Mom. It had to be me." I answered, closing my eyes. "I had a visitor, and he gave me this. Can you please open it?" I requested, reaching out my hand and placing the object into her palm. It turned out to be an iPod, with something dangling from it by a string. My mother unattached the string.

"A ring! Now, who would give you this?" She asked with a puzzled look.

"An old teacher." I answered, and she gave me the ring. I slipped it on my left ring finger tenderly, fingering the mithril band and feeling it seem to grow warm under my fingertips. There were a few clicks as mom opened the phone, and then the sound of a sound track beginning to play. I felt mom watching me carefully, I but I didn't care as I just sat there, tears streaming down my cheeks as I listened to "The Call" by Regina Spektor.

"It somehow seems to fit you." Mom murmured. "I wonder which teacher gave you this."

But my heart had already lightened to the degree where I was absolutely ecstatic. I would see them again. My family. And this time, I wouldn't be alone. Mom would go with me.

"I bought something for you a little while ago, thinking that you might like him. You've wanted one for so long that I finally gave in." My mother sighed, and I opened my eyes to look at her tiredly.

"I'll go bring him, and after that I'll let you rest." She said, and I nodded. She left, and I clutched the iPod in my ringed hand, closing my eyes.

_Yes, master. I'll come back, whenever you call me. Thank you, Eru- God. Just please, comfort those I left behind me... Help them to get along without me, that they might think of me with smiles and not tears. _

The door opened again, and my mother crept back in quietly. "Hospitals usually don't allow this, but I don't care what they say." She whispered, and I turned to see her holding something in her arms. There was a faint yapping sound, and a warm, little, squirming bundle of fur was deposited into my arms.

The face of a little pup looked into mine, and his little head tilted as his amber eyes looked at me with a gaze that was far too intensely intelligent to belong to a dog- no, a wolf, by his pointed, tufted, bushy blue ears that flicked. His paws were a peculiar shade of rust, and the rest of his fur was black, blue, and white.

"His color was so interesting I knew you'd like him." Mom said in a pleased tone, and I saw the pup wink at me. Tears sprang to my eyes as I clutched the wolfling and cuddled it.

"Thank you so much, Mom. I'm sure he'll help me recover faster." I said thickly, and she smiled, kissing my cheek, which I returned.

"Sleep well, honey. I'll be back first thing tomorrow morning, okay?" She whispered, and I nodded slightly. "We'll name him tomorrow, hmm?" She said, and crept back out. I made sure that no one was around before shifting so I was lying back down, while the pup squirmed under the covers, poking his head out and snuggling into my side.

~Nice to see you, new owner.~

"Love you too, big brother- Esgalnoron." I whispered, and fell asleep with a smile that lingered throughout the night.

~Love you, little sister- Caladiel.~


	30. Chapter 30

_Hey! Sorry it took me so long to get this up, but school is taking up the majority of my time plus preparing for Christmas so I've been really busy. Well, I can hardly believe we've finally come to the end of this fic... It's rather incredible. Thank you to all of you who have supported me throughout all of this, including Gwestiel, Peregrin Took the Falcon, and horseyyay, and all of the others who have favorited and followed! Please enjoy this epilogue~_

_I own nothing but Caladiel, Esgalnoron, Faelon, and several dragons, and Nirad and his brood. And anything or anyone else not recognized. And the plot. Kalarion is Gwestiel's, Thurwething is PTTF's, and Jura is DeLacus' possession._

* * *

Epilogue

Life went on. I went into college, was promptly ignored or bullied by some for my looks and befriended by others for my character, and everything was as normal as it was going to get for me. But then, normal was always just a setting on a washing machine. My life was bound to always be interesting. Perhaps far more than I wished.

"Esgalnoron! Don't go too far!" My mother's voice fussed at my pet as I made my way down the stairs to the kitchen. I rounded the corner to see the pup leaping on someone's lap as they sat on the couch.

"Oh! Celine, this is my friend Annatar Fair from work. He sounded interested when he heard about you, so I invited him over to meet you." My mother's voice said cheerfully, but I had frozen at the name. Annatar Fair. _Annatar Fair_-

The figure on the couch turned, and my face went ashen as I stared at the- man- who smiled at me and stood, holding out a hand. "Hello, Celine. I heard so much about you, and I just had to see you for myself. I'm glad to see you've healed in the past year." The familiar, smooth voice said, and I stared.

"You..." My voice came out weakly. His flaming red hair, cut short, and his bright hazel eyes and pale skin. Anyone would probably take him for a Scottish person, but I knew better.

"Celine?" My mother's concerned voice snapped me out of it.

"Oh! I- I'm so terribly sorry for my rudeness. You reminded me of s-someone I knew..." I thrust out my hand shakily, and he shook it politely. There was an amused gleam in his eyes, though, as he held Esgalnoron in one hand.

"That's alright. Although, no one has ever told me that before." He winked with a laugh that was almost self-deprecating. I smiled weakly and sat on the couch as he also sat back down.

"Celine? Are you sure you're alright?" Mom asked, and I nodded woodenly.

"I'm just... Fine." I answered hollowly, and pulled out my iPod. "Weren't you... A substitute teacher in my class, once? My teacher gave me this..." I handed it to him, and he took it with a curious look.

"Hmmm..." He turned the device over in his hand, then opened it as the soundtrack began to play softly. "Nice song. I like it." He remarked. "Oh, that teacher! Yes, he was the one who always liked rainbows, wasn't he? I remember him. Now I know why you sounded familiar to me. I substituted for him that once..." He handed the iPod back to me with a smile that was knowing. I glanced down at the screen and read the message he had typed on it. His phone number. I nodded.

"I remember now. That's why you looked familiar. I'm sorry for my reaction- recently since my accident it's been a little disconcerting to remember things. But I'm getting there." I gave him an apologetic smile, and he nodded.

"That's fine. I understand." He answered. "But it was nice to see you again." He patted Esgalnoron's head as he growled softly and panted.

"That's funny, Esgalnoron usually doesn't like strangers." My mom smiled. "I don't know why Celine insisted naming him such a long name." She sighed, and Annatar laughed.

"Well it certainly would catch attention. Besides, he deserves a big name." He said in amusement, and I smiled wanly. "Well, I'd better get going. I have a meeting soon. Please contact me, Celine. I'd like to hear your story." He said with a deceptive smile, though I could hear the faint note of disapproval in it. I ducked my head.

"Sure, Mr. Annatar." I answered meekly. "I will." I said, pulling my phone out of my pocket. Mom showed him out, and in the time she was out of the room I shot off a text.

_Ada? What-? _

Mom closed the door, and a second later I got a reply.

_Time to come clean, yelde. Ancalagon is eager to see you._

"Celine? What was that about? You turned white! Are you sure you're okay?" Mom bustled into the living room, just as Esgalnoron crawled into my lap and read the text. I slumped back into the chair.

"Mom? I have a confession to make."


	31. Sequel?

_Hey y'all! Kiya here!_

_I'm not sure how many of you are still following this story, but I wanted to use this AN to find out. If you'd like to see a sequel to this, I would love to hear your thoughts so that I can begin. I know I left a lot of lose ends and unhappiness behind me, but I was planning to make a sequel until things came up and I had to go on an unwonted Haitus. However, I now may have the time and effort to write, and I'd like your opinions. Just a simple PM or review will do just fine, to tell me if you think it's worth a sequel or not. Also, I'm more than happy to hear any suggestions you might have as well for the next book if you support it!_

_I am also always welcome to discussions on the story, whether you have ever made fanfictions of my fanfic, or theories about it, or nitpicks that you'd like to inform me about. It'll give me an idea of reader's preferences and hopefully help me with writing in general. :) _

_Thanks as always, everyone, and hoping to hear from you!_

_Kiya~_


	32. SEQUEL!

_To all of my readers:_

_Thank you all so much for your support and enthusiasm! I've gotten way more replies than I ever expected or anticipated, and they're still coming in! So, in accordance with my public's wishes, I present to you the sequel. It is now up on my profile under the name of **Dark Attractions to Light**. Thank you all for your support, and here's a little teaser for the prologue!_

_By the way, if you'd like to see my headcanon of Caladiel, please check this out: __ mariaamanda. deviantart art/White-Fairy-Stock-458584933 Just get rid of the spaces._

_Kiya~_

**Sneak Peek:**

...Esgalnoron was beside me in a flash, in human form. We locked eyes, and the world began to disappear as I was sucked into his endless, bottomless eyes. Endless color in a timeless gaze...

_It is time, child. Come back to us. Come back to Me._

And then every thing faded away into comforting darkness.


End file.
